A/N: This story was commissioned by Jak for a re-do of SDB's "Secret Meetings". This story will start as Zutara but end with Kataang. I'm not sure how long it will go but will not be more than 10 chapters. The story starts with Aang nearing the age of 18, almost five years after defeating Ozai. This rated T but will be M later. I changed quite a bit of SDB's story, but I'm still grateful for the inspiration and I hope this take is worthy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender

"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul." - Pablo Neruda

Between the Shadow and the Soul

He felt a penetrating tightness in his stiff muscles that extended from his head to his feet. Tensing as his limbs refused to move. Panic started to take over at the idea that he may be paralyzed. He tried to scream but his mouth remained closed, almost like he had no control of his body anymore. Slowly, he started to feel the warmth of the sun against his skin, but searing coldness as well. The sound of an ax breaking through the ice allowed for the open air to fill his senses. His body was surrounded by ice which was quickly melting around him. After struggling to move for what felt like an eternity, the boy managed to open his eyes. He was surprised to find big, blue eyes staring at him in concern.

The blue eyes belonged to an older boy with brown skin and hair shaved at it's sides with a ponytail. "Hey, buddy, are you alright?," the blue-eye teen asked. Finally finding his voice, the younger boy replied, "I think so..where am I?" The teen stared at him curiously before answering, "The South Pole. What's your name?" The younger boy managed to raise himself up on his elbows, trying to keep from falling over, "I'm Aang!" The Water Tribe boy was taken aback by this kid's enthusiasm after just being thawed out from an iceberg. "Uh, I'm Sokka. Nice to meet you." The two boys smiled and Sokka pulled Aang to his feet. Aang didn't know where he was or how he got there, but he liked Sokka and hoped this could be the start of a great friendship.

Aang frantically bolted up straight in his bed, sweating profusely. He was panting wildly, feeling the cool, wetness on his sheets from his distressing dream. Even though he has been having this dream often for the past four years, it never got easier to remember how his friend, now deceased, brought him back to the world. "If he never found me, he would still be alive," the airbender thought to himself. The image of seeing Sokka being killed by a Fire Nation soldier during Aang's battle with Ozai burned in his brain. "It's all my fault, I should've gotten to him in time. I could've saved him." He frowned, clenching his jaw so he could stop himself from feeling anything. In a way, Aang was thankful for these dreams because they reminded him to not get close to anyone. After Sokka's death, Aang decided to live alone at the Southern Air Temple. He had servants who volunteered to preserve the culture of Air Nomads, yes, but for him it was a secluded home away from the rest of the world.. No one distrubed him and he did not disturb anyone else. It was better this way. He was an island unto to himself.

The irritation in Aang's voice was apparent at the timid knocking on his door. "What now!" he shouted as he put pants on to answer the door. A petite girl no older than Aang, wearing orange and yellow flowy clothes, bowed with a tremor in her voice, "My apologies, Avatar Aang, you have an urgent letter from Fire Lord Zuko. He requests a response." Aang remained annoyed at the Air Acolyte for coming here, but he sighed and acquiesced by taking the letter.

Dear Aang,

I hope you're doing well! I am having a party to celebrate my engagement to Katara next week. I want you and her to get to know each other more. I hope you can attend.

Sincerely,

Fire Lord Zuko

Aang's face scrunched as he read the phrase "engagement to Katara". He met Sokka's sister once, when they returned to the Northern Water Tribe where she was training to become a waterbending master. Katara had stayed at the Northern Water Tribe during the war at Sokka's request to keep her safe. Aang winced remembering that the first time he met Katara was to say that her brother had died helping him. Shame washed over Aang and let it consume him. He decided he would go to this party since Sokka could not. It was the least Aang could do. He tersely gave his response to the acolyte and promptly slammed the door.

The airbender plopped on his bed, lying on his back. He thought about the look on Katara's face when he, Zuko, and Toph had broken the news to her. The anguish on her face as she collapsed haunted him to this day. His failures flooded his mind. He allowed the genocide of his people, the death of thousands of people in the time he was frozen, and now the death of his friend. In this memory, after Katara had calmed down, Aang bowed and left on Appa without saying a word to anyone else. Zuko and Toph had been the only people he has seen since that day, but only meeting once or twice a year at council meetings. Luckily for Aang, Toph stayed in the Earth Kingdom teaching metalbending and Zuko was super busy being the Fire Lord, so he could be alone unencumbered. He was slightly surprised that Zuko did not continue to date Mai but told himself that people change, especially after war. It had certainly changed him.

After a few days of sulking and meditating, Aang loaded up Appa for The Fire Nation Palace. He was used to the murmurs and the whispers of the Air Acolytes commenting on his coldness in social situations. They didn't understand he was doing this for their protection. He could only protect people by keeping his distance. As he airbended up onto Appa's head, they took off into the sky. Aang felt a modicum of relief, being alone amongst the clouds with Appa. Freedom and solitude again, as he was accustomed to. The trip took two days but Aang didn't mind because of the isolating freedom the skies held for him. He gripped Appa's reigns tight in apprehension as he saw people gathering near where he was descending. The smiles on everyone in the crowd dropped when they saw the flat expression on Aang's face as he landed and jumped down from Appa. He gruffily said "hello" but quietly took his small load and began to walk to the palace doors. The once stormy, grey eyes had become dull. Like the light had gone out.

After Aang was brought to where he would be staying for the next few days, his unpacking was interrupted by a loud knocking on his door. Aang groaned and responded in an irritable tone, "Coming!" Aang flew open the door to see Zuko standing in the doorway. "Aang, so glad you made it, buddy! It's been so long," the Fire Lord said with a smile as he hugged his friend. Aang remained stiff and silent in his arms, not responding to Zuko's warmth.

Zuko noticed this coldness and felt a pang of sadness, but pulled away to keep the conversation going. He cleared his throat, "Well, you just got in, maybe you'll be more energetic at dinner," Zuko became alarmed at a sudden realization, "Oh, yes, Aang! Where are my manners, this is my fiancé. You remember Katara?" He snaked an arm around Katara's waist. Zuko beamed eagerly waiting for his best friend and his fiancé to interact.

"Yes, I remember," Aang responded curtly as his eyes remained expressionless. Katara and Zuko frowned, feeling uncomfortable at this moment. Aang looked at Katara for a split second and was taken aback by her beauty. He didn't recall her being so pretty the first time they met, but to his credit, it was a hectic blur when he arrived at the Northern Water Tribe and didn't talk to her at all before fleeing. He ignored the speeding up in his heart as he looked back at Zuko. "I guess I'll see you at dinner," he snarled as he slammed the door in their faces.

Zuko and Katara stood with mouths agape for a few moments after the awkward exchange. Katara pulled Zuko's arm as they walked away from Aang's room. She yelled through clenched teeth, "THIS is your best friend? That guy is a jerk, Zuko. I hope you don't expect me to want him at our wedding, let alone our engagement party tomorrow! How can you let him talk to you like that?" Zuko frowned, "I'm sorry, Katara, I really thought after a few years he would be in better spirits. I thought a happy occasion might change his outlook, but I see now that was stupid of me." Katara sighed and kissed Zuko on the cheek, "It's not your fault. You tried to help him but he clearly doesn't want it. Try to not let him ruin our happiness. I know I won't." Zuko felt relieved but still worried about his friend, while Katara was fuming on the inside.

After a somber dinner, Katara made plans to straighten Aang out by herself. She waited until Zuko had retired to bed before grabbing a candle and sneaking out to find Aang's room. She knocked on the door with fury in her veins. The sound of an annoyed grunt made her even more angry. She continued to knock furiously until a scowling airbender opened the door. "What do YOU want?" Katara held her ground, "I need to talk to you, may I come in?" Aang laughed bitterly, "No! Are you kidding? Just tell me what you want." Katara pushed the door open, silently getting satisfaction that it hit him in the nose, and closed the door quietly.

Aang glared and pointed to the door, "You need to leave, I didn't ask you to come in." Katara huffed, "Well, I didn't ask to have my fiancé's friend be a disrespectful asshole to us while we graciously host you in our home. He has a blind spot for you for some reason, but I see right through you," she walked closer to him, staring into his eyes, "You're still a scared little boy that never grew up. Whatever demons you have, keep them to yourself. We don't want your black cloud ruining our happiness, got it?" Aang scoffed, "Are you serious? I'm not doing anything to anyone. Zuko wanted me here and I'm here. He didn't say I needed to do anything else. So leave. Now." Aang grabbed her wrist to pull her towards the door but jumped away at the electric shock sent through his body. At this moment, Katara was having a confusing moment herself. When Aang grabbed her wrist, she saw a storm in his eyes for the very first time. His intense stare as he went to touch her made her feel like he was looking through her. She didn't know what it was, but she felt a little disappointment when he let go.

Without a second to discuss the interaction, Katara ran out of the room and closed the door. She had time to think on her walk back to her bedroom. She had been aware that Aang was handsome but his rude personality had ruined any attraction in her mind. Her mind kept replaying Aang grabbing her wrist and her heart stuttered every time she thought about it. This sensation was odd, for she had never experienced it with anyone else, not even Zuko. Katara knew that these thoughts had to end now. "Enough," she whispered to herself as she entered her bedroom, falling into a restless sleep next to her fiancé.