A Very Nice Day
By Kasmi Kassim
Rating: Mature for mention of adult activities.
Summary: Cloud cannot deal with teenagers and their obsession with adult things.
Author's Note: I scribbled this while brushing my teeth one night because I needed a break from the dark stuff I'm currently working on. Yes I'm alive and I'm still writing, if anyone is still reading my things.
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"Tifa is hot," Yuffie said.
Cloud looked up from his book. "She is?"
It was a sunny day, but it wasn't exactly hot. Tifa looked as fresh as she…always did, actually. She was laughing while Denzel tried to emulate her moves. Denzel was sweating, but he was taking this training thing very seriously, unlike Marlene, who was using the opportunity to roll around in the dirt for the heck of it.
Cloud wouldn't have minded teaching Denzel himself when the boy voiced his desire to learn the basics – military combat was ingrained in his moves after all – but Tifa was the one that knew the root of the forms, the beauty and the discipline in one. She'd have far more valuable things to teach than his military mish mash of whatever could most efficiently kill or maim.
So he was content to be cheerleader for the day, perched on their little yard fence with Yuffie, who was visiting for inexplicable reasons.
"No, not like hot, dummy," Yuffie said, blowing her bubble gum. "She's like, sexy. Gorgeous."
Oh. "She is," he agreed.
Yuffie eyed him.
He went back to his book.
"So," Yuffie turned to him. "I'm a virgin."
He looked up from his book. "…okay?"
She looked at him expectantly. He blinked at her.
"I wanna change that," she said with a roll of her eyes, as if he were the stupidest person left since Meteor. "Duh."
"…have fun?"
Yuffie loudly chewed her gum. "I'd prefer someone I trust. You know. People I know." She eyed him slyly. "Preferably hot."
He stared at Yuffie.
Yuffie stared back.
Then he looked at Tifa. "Oh."
"Right." Yuffie swung her legs. "What do you think?"
He articulated very slowly. "I think you should ask her."
Yuffie gawked at him. "You have no opinion?"
He went back to his book. "I do, but she has the say."
Yuffie made a thoughtful noise.
Cloud eyed her. He should have known she was up to something when she visited claiming that she always had during summers (she hadn't), saying that summer was too hot in Wutai (it wasn't).
"If you're jealous," she said, "I don't mind if you join."
He put down his book. "What."
"You know. A threesome?"
"No."
"You don't want a threesome?!"
Tifa looked toward them mid-instruction. Denzel blinked. Marlene was oblivious in her mud castle.
Cloud rubbed his temple. "Yuffie, I've known you since you were sixteen. I never want to have this conversation with you again."
She pouted.
He ignored her.
Silence.
Yuffie broke. "Cloooooud," she whined. "You don't think I'm pretty?"
He looked at her flatly.
"Say it." Yuffie leaned toward him. "Am I pretty or not?"
"You are."
Yuffie's eyes brightened.
"No."
She looked betrayed.
"I also think Vincent is pretty," Cloud said, going back to his book, "but you don't see me propositioning him."
"Oh, so you want-?"
"No."
She shook her leg.
Then her eyes lit up. "Well, if you're gonna be that way," her voice turned sly, "I guess I could ask him instead. He's hot too."
"Yuffie, he's three times your age."
"I'm of age! It's fine!"
"It's not."
Yuffie scowled.
They sat in silence as the cicadas sang. Tifa was correcting Denzel's hook as the boy sweated.
"Maybe you'll warm up to it if I..?" Yuffie's eyes turned pointedly at Cloud's chest, and slowly moved downward. Cloud's gaze followed.
With lightning reflexes, he parried her dive with his book. Yuffie looked up with a fake-guilty smile, and he narrowed his eyes.
"I WILL use my sword."
"Kinky."
He pushed her away with his book.
"What's going on over here?" Tifa approached, leaving Denzel to practice a parry motion. "What are you two talking about?"
"Nothing?" Yuffie grinned, all teeth, and hopped off the fence. "I guess I'll go find someone else to bother."
Tifa watched her wander away. "Cloud?"
"I cannot deal with teenagers." Cloud rubbed his face, and saw Tifa watching him with a strange smile. "What?"
"Your bag is empty."
He clutched the bag at his side. It was empty.
Cloud slumped on the fence. "Should have known."
"Oh?" Tifa raised a brow. "Distracted, were we?"
Cloud raised his brows to match hers. "Who, me?" He reached out to grasp her hands, and pulled her against him, their breathes mingling. "Never."
"Tifa, I'm done with ten repetitions!" Denzel called.
Tifa smiled and pulled away. "Duty calls."
He waved a little at Denzel, who looked shy, then made a heart gesture back at Marlene who was shooting heart beams at him with her arms from her mud castle.
All things considered, he decided that losing the materia was preferable to the alternative possibility of Yuffie having been serious. He relaxed into his book again amid the call of the cicadas. It was a nice day.
"You want me to what?!" Barrett's voice boomed in the distance. "What in #)($# $$*$& hell, pipsqueak?!"
It was definitely a nice day.
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The End