Episode 1

"Hang on, my character doesn't write to his sister for six months!" Leo shrieks.

Femt, the director, nods. "Yes."

"That's horrible!"

"Go with it. It's never brought up again." The blond man adjusts his mask. "And we're paying you."

"Fiiine."

Zapp trips while swinging his fake sword.

"CUT!"

"Sorry, sorry!"

The actor in the Guevara-san suit raises a hand.

"CUT! What?"

"I can't see in this thing."

"All you need to do is say yes, duder. It's not that hard. You don't even need to move. So shut up and deal with it."

"That is one well-trained monkey."

"He cost a lot to hire."

"Was it worth it?"

"Hell yeah."

Zapp plants his foot in Leo's face too hard. Leo's nose starts to bleed.

"CUT! Dammit Zapp!"

"Come on, I didn't hit that hard!"

"Clearly, you did." Chain snarks.

"Shut up she-bitch."

Leo's hand slips and the camera falls into his coffee. "Shit."

"CUT!"

"You gonna drink that?" Vivian jokes.

"Not a fan of being electrocuted, thanks."

"So Hellsalem's Lot is full of crooks?"

"Basically." Femt confirms.

"So not all that different from regular New York." Zapp says.

"Unfortunately." Leo groans.

"That is one fancy-schmancy elevator. Shouldn't a secret society have a more hidden entrance?"

"Don't question it, this is what we have as far as sets go."

Zapp shrugs. "Just sayin'."

The doors open and wind comes out from behind them. The wind is so intense that Leo is blown backwards. "Turn off the fans!" He cries.

The wind stops. "Thank you."

"How come Femt gets to "rule" Hellsalem's lot?"

"Because I'm the one who pays everybody." Femt admits. "Plus I look awesome on screen."

Leo nudges Zapp and the two share a Look.

"Sure, sure." Chain says.

Klaus raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

"Really? "Bisectioning party" sounds lame."

"Shut up." A scriptwriter mutters.

Zapp lifts Leo by the collar. It tears and Leo falls down.

"CUT! Zapp, grab lower, not at the seam!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"So, what's this monster look like?" Michella asks.

"You'll be looking at a green screen."

"So, I have to fake seeing something there?"

"Just follow the script, but yes."

"Dammit why do I have to act like a scumbag in this episode?" Zapp complains.

"Because you are one." Black mutters.

"Shut up, kid!"

"So Michella steps up-"

"Metaphorically." Femt cuts in.

"Alright, metaphorically steps up, and sacrifices herself for Leo?"

"Yeah."

"That's so sweet." Chain coos.

Leo looks at his "sister," one eyebrow raised. "You gonna let her get away with calling you sweet?"

"Wasn't planning on it, "bro.""

"We really are related."

"So Klaus and Zapp get awesome fighting abilities but I just get eyeballs?" Leo wonders.

Femt tuts. "Eyeballs with superpowers."

"Still. Eyeballs."

"I have to shoot the monkey?!" Leo freaks out.

"Read the script. You don't shoot the monkey, kid, relax."

"Good. He's too cute to die." Chain says firmly.

Leo blinks. "I hate these contacts already."

"You don't need to wear them for long, just endure." Zapp points out. "Wimp."

"Shut up, you don't need to wear them!"

Black grins. "Found you."

"And cut and print! Great job, everyone!"

"Wait, we're going to end it on that note? That's so ominous though!"

Black shrugs. "Hey, I get paid, so I don't care."

Leo nods. "It's not like it's real."