AN: Hello readers welcome to a small surprise that I honestly didn't think was going to worked on this early:)
I know that I said that for the poll that one of the poll choices would start to be worked on during the Sisters' Arc, but I had a flair of inspiration and urge to write this up about a week or two ago for something that a lot of people have asked in some form of fashion for a while now since it's still fairly convoluted in its nature due to the closed of nature of the character:
Zierdan Asher's past...
So, I made the random executive decision to provide a small taste of that right now instead of later due to where this chapter in particular takes place. The other poll choice may be given after this story is finished since it shouldn't all that long from being a mini side story (maybe 10-15 chapters but could be longer or shorter if I change my mind).
The next chapters after this one will be placed some time in the past that will be canon to apply to the story of a Certain Scientific GravShift, meaning this will be mostly original since it takes place before the timeline of Season 1 of A Certain Scientific Railgun like CSG is currently at right now (Which small plugin, Chapter 23 is currently set to come out either today or tomorrow depending on when I finish final edits).
If you're new to this and that story, I welcome you and am glad that you're reading this, but I recommend reading the disclaimer to make sure that it's okay for you to read this as it is a small companion series to CSG and will spoil some things if you haven't gotten to a certain point in that story (At least Chapter 7).
And it'll be dark...
Haven't decided how dark but given by the background of this character depending on where you've read, her past is not the most light-hearted in comparison and Saten, Uiharu, and Shirai will sadly not be here to lighten it up to any extent.
I think I've covered all my bases for now (sorry for the long AN but I felt like it was needed to clarify some things)
Anyway I hope you enjoy the first chapter of "Asher"
As always, please leave a review on anything you liked, think I should work on, or just any questions in general! I enjoy reading them and I will answer them at the end of the next chapter:)
Disclaimer: I do not own A Certain Scientific Railgun/Magical Index or any of its characters...the only things I own are:
1. My characters and
2. my ideas
*Also spoiler warning for my A Certain Scientific GravShift.*
I know it's probably a given and it's the main reason why it'll be a minute before more chapters come out to get to a certain point in CSG. But this chapter in particular should be read at least after Chapter 7 as it's a small bridge between that and Chapter 8.
If you haven't, I'd recommended maybe reading at least Chapter 8 as well if you want to see a perspective of a certain event mentioned in Chapter 7 from Misaka's standpoint in Chapter 8 which was technically provided first and will give her side of things.
If you want to see it from Asher's standpoint, though, it shouldn't be an issue as this was written based off the idea that Chapter 1-7 has already been read and is the night before Chapter 8 takes place:)
If you want to get the full perspective of the event in question then start this after reading up to Chapter 13 to have more of a background in comparison and to get the full feel of the mini arc that starts in Chapter 8 for Asher's overall character personally.*
Chapter 1: Regrets From a Broken Past
July 14th, 10:00PM
Asher was sitting at her desk as she blankly stared out the window in front of her, seeing the vague remnants of her reflection as the brightness of the moon peered through it.
It was late to the extent that she would've probably been asleep hours ago from not being around Misaka and Shirai next door. The Electromaster had invited her over for some company since she was all by herself, but she wasn't in the talking mood whatsoever, even more so than she usually was.
Her mind was way too enthralled in her thoughts to be social, finding the route of staying in the silence of her room to be the most logical than accidentally snapping at one of them illogically or just not paying attention to any of what they were saying, with both of these being key signs to them that something was wrong with her.
Misaka didn't seem upset by it or anything when she had turned down her offer, but context could always be lost in a text message so that was also on her shoulders from feeling uneasy that she upset her in any way. She didn't ever want that to happen but just couldn't find it in herself to take the company that she probably knew she needed right now even though she didn't want to vocalize it as Misaka and even Shirai had enough to worry about and she didn't want to put her on the list at this moment.
She had been sitting in the same spot since she had arrived back at her dorm after capturing the Dummy Check esper known as Jufuku Miho who had been behind all of the attacks on the girls of Tokiwadai Middle School.
This wasn't what was souring her mood, however, finding the reasons behind it to be too illogical for her to fully care for even if she still had doubts of how it happened as she still had suspicions that there was something else going on under the surface.
No…
What was bothering was more engrained in her soul than that or anything ever could be no matter how much she tried to distance herself from it:
Her past…
A time still sort of lost to her even after the past 2 years she had been regaining it again with the help of someone who annoyed her to no end at times that Shirai's pervasive attempts on Misaka would pale in comparison.
Ever since her call with her Doctor that day, she couldn't keep her thoughts from falling back into a place that she always consciously kept herself away from, knowing that if she stayed there too long, she would dwell in those dark thoughts and feelings that she kept locked and hidden from those around her to see.
Today, for some reason, her subconscious wasn't giving her that luxury to just move past the life that she wanted to ignore…
Wanted to forget in order to live a life that wasn't overshadowed by it for once…enough so that some part of her honestly just wanted it erased out of her mind completely.
The Doctor's last question to her from several hours ago was still ringing through her head enough that it almost felt like she was hearing it through her ears or as if he was right in front of her…
["Are you able to remember anything concerning the last day of Silas's attempt of finishing Project WaveInflux?"]
It seemed like her world would always circle back to the event that had left her with trauma that some days she could never see her fully healing from, knowing that it was true in the way physically due to the damage done to her brain. All she can do now is suppress the damage to an extent with the medicine she takes each morning along with wearing her Anti-Amps for when her hearing sensitivity flairs.
She would always have to do these things for the rest of her life now, or at least until by chance Academy City develops the necessary technology required to fix it without making it worse, even though nothing would probably be able to fix the damage already done to her both mentally and emotionally.
But even with that, she had answered that question to the best of her abilities as she still even to this day could only remember bits and pieces of what happened.
All she really knew was that she had lost control of herself, which considering she was a Level 5 was not the greatest for the survival of this city. She had become both a danger to herself and the people around her, prompting Misaka to use all of her power to stop her.
Her mind would always go back to one scene whenever she would think about it where the Electromaster stood there with a determined look on her face with electricity buzzing all around her. The picture had different rates of clarity, though, which proved to make it a little difficult to see what was truly happening due to the haziness and darkness that danced at the edges of her vision.
And then she knew that her stepfather, Silas Wright, was the reason why it happened which sadly didn't surprise her in the slightest even though her memories of him were far and fleeting at best around that time as well.
Just his name was always enough to send a chill down her spine or cause her heart to race, along with getting her to feel an eternities worth of regret and guilt by allowing him to do what he did to her that nearly led to the death of someone that meant the entire world to her.
I still can't understand or wrap my head around why this happened to me…Why I allowed myself to fall so far off the edge that I believed that destroying this city was the right thing for me to do, she thought as she let out a sigh, closing her eyes as she raised a hand to rub the side of her face.
That I would do anything to reach the goal that would lead to the deaths of everyone within this city. To even fight Mikoto for this goal with all of my power that I could have and would have killed her in a heartbeat if I had the chance to from the broken mindset I was in at the time….
I don't think I could've lived with myself with that regret, because that would have devastated me completely to the extent or maybe even more to the loss I suffered when I lost my mother.
Such a loss in fact that it's a portion of my memory that's still mostly intact even though it was among the stress and mental strain of the project itself…
But still if I had woken up and found out that Mikoto gave her life to save me and I was the one who took that life away from her…w-with my own two hands…
I would have probably completely shut down with no means of breaking out of that state because she would have been the only person to be able to do something like that…
To motivate me to continue on in my life and not fall into the depressed state as I had been until I'd say around a month ago.
The farthest thing that I can clearly remember at this moment is when I got promoted to the Level 5 position when I was 10 years old.
After that, there's barely anything as if there's a mental block to stop me from knowing what happened or…
A block that I subconsciously made to not allow myself to know about the event itself…
Either way, I just…can't bring myself to use my energy to break it…
Because I honestly don't deserve to know what happened that day…
Deserve back those memories when people nearly lost their lives because of me.
Deserve to become whole again after what I almost did to them and to the person that means everything to me as she was the first person other than my mother at one time that I was motivated to do anything for and show my true self completely when I'm alone with her…
One of the only feelings or emotions that I understand in a life where those are lost to me at times from my logic not being able to explain them all that well.
After sitting there with her eyes closed for a few moments longer, she cracked them back open as she brought one of her hands to open the drawer of her desk next to her. She hesitated for a few moments before she moved everything off of the object that she had hidden within it from others and herself from seeing it, gazing down at a black electronic device that she could upload photos to. It was similar to the one Misaka has, though not purposefully since she had gotten it before she had even met the Electromaster.
She let out a small sigh from seeing a sight she could never bring herself to look at within the last two years, grabbing it with her right hand as her blue eyes fell and absentmindedly rubbed her thumb on the powered down display.
Her mother had given it to her on her 6th birthday in order to document her life in a way during their years within Academy City after her father's death a year prior. To her knowledge, though, it had been one of the last gifts given to her before she had gotten to know Misaka as that had been the very year Silas became more ingrained into their lives and started to force a rift to develop between her and her mother.
Something she had wished she had noticed quicker before her untimely death as she had been manipulated the same way as herself or at least that's the conclusion she logically came to…
With the question of that actually being the case still hanging in the air even after the last 2 years of not having her around.
She stared down at the device in her hand for a long while as her thumb went to hover over the power button for an extended period of time. She knew there weren't many pictures on it as she had never seen the value of keeping anything of the sort mostly since she had not held herself that highly to the extent of doing so during that time.
After a minute or two of staring at it, she pressed the button as the glow of the display lit up her face within the darkness of the room she was in. Her expression remained mostly stoic as the blues of her eyes shined an emotion borderlining anxiousness and underlying sadness from seeing the image on the screen.
Including her, there was only three people in the picture: her mother and the person she knew to be her biological father, Ryo Asher. He was a fairly tall man as he was even taller than that of Silas himself who always seemed to tower over those around him. His warm smile matched the same warmness within the blues of his eyes, popping out within his features with the darkness of his black buzz cut hair.
Her mother, known at the time as just Himari Asher before she married Silas, seemed to contrast with the features of her father, though were all the features that she seemed to inherit in comparison. Other than the blue streaks within her own hair, Asher was always seen as a spinning image of her mother right down to the color of their light blonde hair that they both share.
They also seemed to share the small smile that Asher put on from time to time even though her mother was comparatively more expressive than she was but still held an innately quiet nature that she also had.
The only difference she could say they had would be the color of her eyes, though most would probably not notice it all that well since it was just a shade off from hers to be closely reminiscent of her father from what she could tell.
Out of the knowledge that she had herself and from what she saw in books or online, they both had been renowned researchers within Academy City. They shared a high level of intelligence that was enough for them to graduate early from both high school and university in which streamlined them right into the research field due to their high marks and quick advancement.
She honestly didn't know at what point they had met Silas within that time as she wasn't able to think back all that far before her father had died as that day was tragically lost to her by the same thing that struck him down.
It had been sculpted as an "accident" but still pitted the blame towards Asher in that regard as it had happened during the early trials of when her ability had just started out being tested. She had come out as a Level 4 right out of the gate, making her a prime candidate to excel into a Level 5 spot at some point in relation to her advancement.
It was one of the starts to her overall reputation of someone not to approach or cross as it spread rumors of the dangers posed from getting close to her that only progressed to something more from her personality making it seem like she didn't care or have the capability to express any emotion in which labeled her as emotionless in the eyes of most people.
It was from this event that made her self conscious in using her ability that extensively, always finding herself holding back to only using enough energy to complete a task.
From what I've heard since it seems that memory has been lost to me all this time, my father crossed Silas in some way that made him see him as a threat in his plans to excel in his position as a researcher in the eyes of everyone throughout Academy City and perhaps for everyone throughout the entire world…
They had come at a crossroads of testing my ability out since I guess 5 year old me at the time didn't have as much stamina and patience that I've grown to have over the years as well as a high tolerance for pain.
So, instead of just listening to him and logically thinking that he might be right, that psychopath killed him and hadn't realized that I witnessed it.
I couldn't keep myself stable emotionally as my ability had been active at that time and pushed my redshift to a bar it had never reached before enough that if I had did it again, I might have been promoted to a Level 5 right then and there.
From the interrogation that Miss Yomikawa and Anti-SKill did after he had been arrested at the end of what happened during the end of Project WaveInflux, he used his ability to phase his hand into my head to sort of trigger both a lapse in my concentration and memory which rendered me unconscious from its abruptness of that experience and put a break in my memory that even Mental Out herself can't tap into.
Again, some of the details could have been lost or the events twisted in someway, but it's still logically sound from being backed by the evidence gathered years ago and came right out of his mouth in saying that's what happened.
Sometimes I wonder if that had never occurred or if I had never become an esper in the first place…
Would my life had turned out to be one that I would want to think about and not ignore day in and day out?
The only memories that I seem to want to find myself stuck in are the once I made with Mikoto, but it still doesn't encompass the other 8 years of my life before I met her...
A life that sometimes I wish I hadn't gone through due to this constant feeling of guilt, regret, and loneliness I feel whenever I think about certain parts of it…
Even from my own lack of understanding them, these feelings I'm always well accustomed to having since they seem to always be a part of me in some form or fashion…
Them always go away whenever I'm with the others since those times with them seem to be able to distract me from it as well as give me an easier time to keep those sorts of emotions inside to prevent them from worrying over it.
But…
It gets really difficult to do that whenever I allow myself to think about it even in the short time that I have today.
Very…
Very difficult.
After that thought she took in a shaky breath that broke off more into a wince to restrain it, feeling tears trailing down the side of her face as she shut them in an effort to stop them, not realizing that until now that it had been coming down since she had been gazing upon the only picture of her family that she had.
It was at this moment that she heard a knock at the door, causing her to stiffen immediately from knowing who was standing there.
She let out a small sigh at the gesture as she used her arm to wipe away the evidence of her tears and put the electronic photo gallery away to be out of view of the esper who would see or actively sense it in a heartbeat.
She also steeled her face enough to not reveal the emotion that was behind it, even though there was still a chance that wouldn't even be enough to.
She's such a worry wart and one of the most perceptive people I've ever met.
I've always been able to hide how I actually was from others around me since they were never looking for something to be wrong…
All they saw was how blank or emotionless my stoic face seemed to be and the deadness of my eyes whenever I had no interest in being provoked…
But somehow…
She can and has always been able to.
It still shocks me at times that she can do it as easily as she can…to read someone who has basically mastered the art of doing it by having done it nearly her entire life.
Something that I in some cases didn't do purposefully since it stems from the defect within my personality that makes it hard for me to connect with others emotionally as well as connect to my on in the same sense.
She hesitated to turn the knob when she had arrived to it, letting out a small sigh and twisting it to reveal the smiling face of the Electromaster on the other side as she was unable to hold her own back from seeing the Gekota pajamas that she was wearing.
"Hey Mikoto, is there something you need from me?" Asher asked, seeing the smile on her friend's face grow a little larger in response.
"Hey, I was just coming over to check on you before I went to sleep considering to my surprise that you're still keeping yourself awake this late in the day where it's actually proper for you to go to bed." She said before some concern fell on her face from seeing the redness and puffiness of her eyes. "But, Z Is there something wrong that you want to talk to me about?"
"No, not really, why?"
"Well," Misaka said as her face fell even more. "I might be wrong, but it looks like you've been crying for a long while. Which isn't like you to do all that much since it's not a huge favorite or yours to even think of. And I can tell that you just seem down for some reason or another."
Asher's eyes softened just a bit from hearing that as a small chuckle genuinely escaped her lips, leaning her back on the door frame beside her.
"Or you're just reinforcing the fact that you worry too much about me." Asher remarked as she allowed some amusement to trickle in her tone. "I'm alright Mikoto. Just…having a hard time falling asleep is all."
"You know I can tell that there's something more to that. Especially from the fact of how withdrawn you've gotten from both me and Kuroko these last couple of hours." Misaka replied as she crossed her arms.
"I know. Probably more than you even know." Asher stated before her face fell slightly. "I'm just in one of those moods where I honestly want to alone for right now. There's nothing else of concern you should pry for. At least…not right now anyway."
They sat there in silence for a while as Asher waited for her relentless attempts in getting her to talk and find out the information she desired to obtain from her in order to get her out of the mood she seemed to just be stuck in.
However, she was blindsided by the esper entirely when she did the complete opposite of the norm, feeling two soft hands fall on her face as they tipped her head forward to meet up perfectly with Misaka's. The heat that normally flushes her face in response to this sort of contact seemed to be restrained, honestly not finding it all that surprising as she welcomed the embrace and leaned into it as she closed her eyes.
"Alright I'll take your word for it this one time and leave it alone." Misaka remarked, laughing a little under her breath when she heard Asher let out small sigh of relief. "But that doesn't mean you can get away with deflecting and going around the truth in the way you're doing right now tomorrow. I won't make it easy for you, so you should be ready if you attempt something like that again."
"Still think that's just the worry wart in you speaking." Asher replied as she brought her hands to softly grab onto the Electromaster's arms. "But it would take too much energy to tell you otherwise, so I guess I'll keep what you said in mind."
After silently enjoying each other's company for a little while longer inside of her room, Misaka released her grip as did Asher the same, walking over to her door as she prepared to leave.
"Well Night, Zierdan. I guess I'll see you sometime in the morning or afternoon depending on when you wake up." Misaka said with a wave as Asher sighed at the fact of what she had on her to-do list already for tomorrow.
"More like a small compromise of both, considering I have to make it to the hospital on time." She groaned before opening her eyes with a small smile on her lips. "But anyway, goodnight Mikoto."
As Misaka locked and shut the door behind her, Asher went over and leaned her back against it as she brought both of her hands to rub the back of her neck. It was a miracle for how long as she had held it off, knowing if she had even let on an inkling of wanting to do it that Misaka would have probably been more suspicious and wouldn't have let it go as easily as she just did.
"I wonder sometimes if she can somehow read minds with that ability of hers." She said softly under her breath. "It would make it more logically sound of how she can pick me a part so easily."
After getting dressed into her sleepwear, she slowly walked over and faceplanted herself into her bed until she rolled over onto her back to stoically stare up at the ceiling, lazily draping one of her arms over her eyes.
Sometimes I forget ever having a time of her not being with me when she had cemented herself as my first friend as she did 6 years ago…
As unmotivated and anti-social as I am and how driven and social she can be, some people might see our relationship as illogical from how polar opposites we seem to be.
Some at school vocalize it from time to time, but it never really comes as a detriment to our relationship in our eyes.
We always seem to make up for what the other doesn't have, with my patience enough to calm her nerves when their broken completely from that short temper of hers, and her somehow keeping my logic grounded enough to start to get some semblance of understanding other people including myself.
I always wish that I had that earlier in my life…
A constant light to fill the darkness I was surrounded in when I was alone all that time in the 2 years in grade school I had hardly even attempted to communicate with her or anyone for that matter…
Wished someone or something wanted to understand me as she did and fought as hard as she did to show me that she was trustworthy for me to believe that Silas was wrong…
To motivate me to be a better person who was motivated to want to be around other people without feeling uneasy or scared…
I guess I can truly say that I care about others in that way… I really do, but…
Back then I didn't know that's what I was feeling all that along with complex ones…
Mostly because…
Everyone around me for a time would never take the time or energy to explain it to me…
Only making it logical for me to do the same in my eyes during that time back then.
Word Count of Chapter: 4332 |Page Count: 8 pages |Reviews: 0 | Followers: 0 |Favorites: 0
AN: Well I hope you enjoyed this small ticket into Asher's past as it'll be dived into after this chapter that serves as a prologue of sorts to get into it. I'm sorry though that the next chapter won't arrive for a while as they're all going to come in small pieces or bursts until the end of the Level Upper arc of CSG (at least for chapter 2) but most likely, until around the Sisters' Arc begins as some other characters will also be focused within this that have not been really seen all that much at the current point of the story.
I would have probably waited until that point to grant Chapter 1, but due to where it takes place, I didnt want to move too far away from the date associated with this chapter.
To those who have read up to Chapter 22 (where I've currently written up to as of this release) just remember that this Asher is not the same as that Asher. I probably don't have to say that, but just take into account that this takes place the night of Chapter 7, meaning she hasn't gone through the things that she has up to that chapter.
Hopefully brings into focus of how much she has developed more so, but will also grant you with some more understanding of her character since this chapter delves deeper into her thoughts which are usually hidden from you as the reader and her friends since she tends not to think about this stuff.
*Whew*
Didn't think I would have another mildly long AN, but again I think it's necessary (I do also go on small tangents at times so it could be that as well:)
Anyway, again I hope you liked this small gift that I've had sitting in my documents for a few weeks. Can't wait to show you more of her background during the next chapter whenever it comes out:)