Through the Hurts
Astrid has seen Hiccup in the most perilous of situations more times than she could count. And no matter how many times he fell, no matter how many times he'd been close to death, he always pulled through. Astrid didn't know how he did it.
To one, this would be very reassuring. Astrid was never completely worried for Hiccup unless she knew that whatever danger he ran into had a low chance of him surviving. Like when he went under water to free the Submaripper back when they were living at the Edge. Hiccup had almost drowned. He wasn't breathing when she and Fishlegs brought him up, but then, he got back up again. Astrid had never been so terrified, and she was sure that Hiccup was dead, but he wasn't.
Astrid sighed and set her axe that she had finished sharpening aside. She stared down at her hands, deep in thought. Just a few weeks ago, Drago had taken control of all of the dragons on Berk. Hiccup went out to save Toothless while the Hofferson and her friends distracted the Alpha. It had taken some time, but Hiccup managed to free Toothless from the Alpha's control, and together, they knocked Drago off of the Bewilderbeast, separating them temporarily.
Unfortunately, Drago still was able to control the Alpha, and before Hiccup had a chance to run, the giant Bewilderbeast blasted ice at the young viking and Toothless dived toward Hiccup, wrapping himself around the boy before the ice enclosed around the two entirely.
Astrid ran up with the other vikings, complete shock on her face. On the outside, she did look upset, but on the inside, she was completely horrified. Astrid wasn't one to cry, and she definitely didn't want to cry in front of everyone. She watched as Hiccup's mother, Valka, ran up to the ice spikes and pounded her fists against the cold surface, tears streaming down her eyes. Astrid squeezed her eyes shut. First Stoick was gone by Drago's hand, and now Hiccup. Astrid could feel her throat close up. She wanted to break down into sobs and mourn for her Dragon Boy. Astrid was about to allow one tear to slip down her eye when suddenly, a bright blue light radiated from inside of the ice. A loud crack sounded, and then the ice exploded, revealing Toothless and Hiccup, completely unharmed!
Astrid's face had broken into a grin. Hiccup was okay! Astrid watched along with everyone else as Hiccup and Toothless faced the Alpha together, and Astrid remembered how happy she felt. Happy that Hiccup was okay and safe. Happy that he was alive.
But there was still that great feeling of fear that she tried to ignore whenever she remembered the thought of Hiccup actually dying. Astrid had watched Hiccup fall into the ocean, fall into fire, crash land on Toothless, get struck by lightning, and was even by his side when he got his leg amputated. His pain filled screams haunted her for weeks, even after Hiccup woke up.
Hiccup had been near death multiple times...and Astrid was scared for him.
Astrid looked up when she heard the door to the Great Hall open. It was late at night and Astrid found that she couldn't sleep, so she headed to the Great Hall and lit up a single candle. She had no idea how long she had been sitting at her empty table, and she wasn't expecting anyone to be awake at that hour. She saw a dark figure walk in, and Astrid's hand hovered to grab her axe handle, but she dropped it when she saw it was just Hiccup.
"Oh, it's just you," said Astrid.
Hiccup scoffed. "And I'm not special? I am the chief now, remember?"
Astrid smirked. "Oh, yeah. That's right. I must have forgotten that little detail."
"Little?!" exclaimed Hiccup. That made Astrid laugh.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding Chief Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third," said Astrid in a fancy accent. She waved her hand around as she spoke. "And to what do I owe the pleasure to this visit from the chief?"
Hiccup sat down next to her. "Well, I was wondering where you were headed when I saw you leave your house."
"You were watching my house? That's really creepy, Hiccup. Even for you," said Astrid.
Hiccup laughed. "Well, I am the chief. I'm supposed to monitor village activity."
"More like stalk the villagers…" mumbled Astrid, but loud enough for Hiccup to hear.
"I'm not stalking! I'm making sure the people I care about are safe and sound," he said. Then he moved his head side to side. "Although, when you put it that way, it does kinda sound like I'm stalking."
Astrid punched his shoulder lightly. "Yep. Chief Hiccup is a stalker."
Hiccup smiled, and he scooched closer to Astrid. "So, what are you doing up so late, milady?"
Astrid shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."
Hiccup nodded understandingly. "Me neither. I was supposed to patrol the island last week, but I forgot. Toothless and I decided to do it tonight before we get called out for missing patrol."
Astrid nodded. The two sat in silence for a while, and Hiccup could tell by the way Astrid was staring into the flickering light of the candle, that something was on her mind.
"What's up?" asked Hiccup.
"Nothing much," Astrid replied.
"No, I meant what's up with you. Is something wrong?" Hiccup asked.
"I'm fine, Hiccup. You worry too much," said Astrid.
"I only worry if there's something wrong, and something definitely is up with you," said Hiccup.
Astrid crossed her arms. "And how do you know something's wrong with me?"
"Well, you're staring into the candle's fire, you walked here in the middle of the night, and you're gripping your axe with all your might," said Hiccup. Astrid looked down and saw that he was right. The Hofferson girl hadn't even noticed. She let go of her axe and her once white knuckles returned to their normal skin color.
"Astrid, what's wrong?" Hiccup asked again.
Astrid breathed out and laid her hands on the table in front of her. "I just don't understand…"
"Understand what?" asked Hiccup.
Astrid bit her lip. "How...how after everything we've been through, after every injury and every crash that you've taken for us, how are you still...still okay?"
Hiccup blinked. "I don't—"
"Hiccup, I'm scared," interrupted Astrid. Everything that had been weighing on her chest came out in a rush. "I'm scared for you. You nearly died just a few weeks ago, and suddenly I remember all of those times I've seen you fall, get kicked, get injured, or even nearly killed! I don't understand how after all of that, you're not locked up in a closet somewhere, fearful. I just...I don't…" Astrid sighed and she turned her sky-blue eyes to face Hiccup. "I don't wanna lose you…I don't know what I'd do without you…"
Hiccup didn't know how much Astrid worried about him. He knew that he had scared her several times before, but after getting back up, Astrid always seemed happy that he was okay. Hiccup didn't know that she still worried for him, so much so that she became terrified of losing him.
Astrid was still looking at him, and Hiccup thought he saw the glistening of tears in her eyes. He decided to think that it was just his imagination, and he laid his hands on Astrid's shoulders.
"Astrid...I...I can't lose you either," Hiccup said. "And you have no idea how hard it is to get back up after being beaten up so many times. And nearly dying as much as I have...it is scary. And now that I'm chief and all, I'm expected to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves, be brave for those who can't, and stand up for those who can't stand. It is hard, Astrid, but through the hurts, it's all worth it."
"Worth it? How?" asked Astrid.
Hiccup smiled. "I did save all of Berk along with Toothless from a madman, didn't I?"
Astrid shook her head, a light smile coming onto her lips. "Yep. That's something that not a lot of twenty-year-olds do. But I'm still scared...what if I do lose you?"
"You won't," said Hiccup. "Not now or anytime soon."
"You sure?" asked Astrid.
"Positive. Remember? I have a habit of not dying when I'm supposed to," Hiccup said.
Astrid laughed and Hiccup pulled her into a comforting hug. Astrid hung onto Hiccup and she had no idea how long they stayed like that. Astrid pulled away and brushed her hair behind her ear.
"Thanks, Hiccup," she said. "I'm not really that scared anymore."
Hiccup stood up and bowed. "Anything for you, milady." He extended his hand. "Now, shall I escort you home now?"
Astrid stood up and flipped her braid dramatically. She took Hiccup's hand and laid her head on his shoulder.
"You shall," she said with a smile. And the two exited the Great Hall.