Author's note: Hi guys. So…Twilight Abridged. Yeah, this is happening. Honestly, I've been wanting to do this for almost as long as I've been doing Harry Potter Abridged (by the way, won't be long until I start Order of the Phoenix. Hopefully before the end of the year, very early next year at the latest). Anyway, I have reasons for why I wanted to do this, and why it took so long to start it, but those will (hopefully) become obvious as I get further into the story (though if you've been paying attention, you might figure it out earlier). Let's get into this shall we?
Bella: I'd never given much thought to how I would die. Why the hell would I? I'm seventeen years old. Dying is for, like, old people and shit. And if I am going to die, it should be in some really cool way. Like getting way too drunk at a party and choking on my own vomit, so people remember as a party animal. Either that or an overdose, that would result in the same thing. Ooh, or in a high-speed car crash. That sounds awesome. Just have the car go up in a fucking fireball, like BOOM! And people from miles around are like "what the fuck was that?" But no, I couldn't have a cool death like that. I had to have a really lame death. Honestly, what's wrong with dying to a steamroller driven by the Incredible Hulk high on cocaine and crystal meth while going through a…
Edward: Bella?
Bella: Yeah?
Edward: This is an abridged series, and that speech is longer than the actual book's preface.
Bella: Oops…