Confessions of a Domestic Failure

STUPID WITH LOVE

"The food's nothing to write home about but at least it's hot," Erika said as she and Swain made their way through the commissary. "At my Academy everything was ice cold."

"Same here." Truth be told Swain wasn't really hungry. She had a nagging stomachache and even thinking about food made her head swim with nausea. She'd only grabbed a tray because Kallus would kill her if he found out she hadn't eaten. "I think they make it that way on purpose."

"Are you okay?" Erika asked.

"Yeah. Remind me to throw away our milk when I get home. I think it went bad."

"Really? I had some and I'm fine."

Swain changed the subject. "Thanks for inviting me to sit with you. Kallus isn't exactly the lunch buddy type."

"Oh, of course." Erika said. "Munitions isn't as flashy as ISB but we're fun to hang around and there's always room for one more. Just whatever you do, don't let Cogon steal your fries."

"Who's Cogon?"

"Our bottomless pit of a munitions officer. He'll mow down his entire tray and yours if you let him." They approached the munitions department's table and Swain took a seat next to Erika. "Everybody, meet my roommate Hannah. I said she could sit here instead of with Agent Kallus. Hannah, this is -."

"Brent Cogon, from munitions!"

Swain turned in her seat and the abdominal pain disappeared as her stomach did a flip-flop.

The cutest boy she'd ever seen in her life stood behind her holding a single jogan fruit in both hands. His officer's cap had come off-center, revealing a head of blond hair a little too grown-out for regulation that she could only describe as swoopy, and shining brown eyes dimpled from a nervous smile.

He transferred the jogan to one hand and extended the other to shake. "Is, uh, is this seat taken?"

Seat? He couldn't mean the one next to her, could he?

Swain shook his hand. "It's free."

"Great." Cogon sat down, seemingly forgetting to let go of her hand not that she minded. It was only after he was seated that he released it with a trembling laugh. "So, um…"

"Hannah. Hannah Swain."

"Hannah." His gorgeous eyes lit up as he said her name. "How'd you end up rooming with Erika?"

Erika butted in. "Where's the rest of your food?"

"What do you mean?"

She gestured to Cogon's lack of tray. "Since when do you only eat jogans for lunch? It's like you ran out of line at the fruit bowl."

He seemed to notice the fruit for the first time and frowned for a split second. "I wasn't hungry today."

A chuckle rose up from the entire table. "Yeah right! Since when are you not hungry?"

Cogon shot his coworkers a look that, if possible, was even sweeter than his resting facial expression, but she couldn't let them keep on with this. Not when there was such an easy solution. "Here." She took the gelatin cup and beverage off her tray and pushed it toward Cogon. "You can have mine."

Erika's eyebrows hit the brim of her cap but Swain pretended not to notice.

"Thanks," Cogon pushed the tray back in her direction. "But I can't take your food."

"You'd be doing me a favor. I just wanted the gelatin."

Not only because it was a clear liquid and she was only certain she could keep that down, oh no. The abdominal pain was starting to creep back with stabbing urgency but Swain forced herself to ignore it. She wouldn't let a stupid cramp wreck this moment of sitting a foot away from this cute boy.

"Well if it's a favor…" Cogon took her tray and carefully separated the food into halves. "I insist we split it."

…

Not only was Cogon absolutely gorgeous, he was a joy to talk to. He could make the entire table laugh until their sides split with his stories or engross them in friendly debate. Swain walked on sunshine all the way back to Kallus' office, even when the old elevator jolted on every stop making her wince.

It was on one such stop that Minister Tua spoke to her: "Officer Swain?"

"Yes Minister?"

"Do you need the medcenter? I can call Agent Kallus to take you."

"Oh no Minister, that's not necessary. Thank you for the offer though."

"Is it …" Tua lowered her voice. "Women's issues?"

It wouldn't do to tell Tua that it was the mother of all premenstrual cramps. Swain just nodded.

Tua shook her head sympathetically. "Hang in there."

"Thank you Minister." The elevator came to her stop and she stumbled off. As soon as she was back in Kallus' office Swain took three painkiller tablets and tried to focus on her work and not on the pain or Cogon's swoopy hair.

It wasn't until she and Kallus were sparring in the gym that afternoon that she saw him again. Cogon walked through the door with one of the other munitions guys and then she saw stars.

No, literally. Kallus took advantage of her distraction to check her in the gut and her vision went white with pain while she hit the floor with an oof.

"I told you to keep your -." Kallus got a good look at her and the reprimand melted off his face. "Somebody call the medics!"

Medics? Swain winced and tried to get her bearings. At first all she could see was the ceiling, which was quickly replaced by Kallus' concerned face as he knelt over her. "What is it? Tell me what hurts."

"It's my stomach. I must have eaten something -." Kallus pushed on the right side of her abdomen and she almost blacked out when he released the pressure. "OW!"

The look Kallus gave her was one of supreme disappointment. "That's not something you ate; that's your appendix. How long has this been going on?"

She knew better than to lie to her training officer but that didn't mean she couldn't sugarcoat. "I guess it started this morning."

"This morning?" He repeated. "Why didn't you tell me? You should be in the medcenter, not in the sparring ring. If you take a blow your appendix could burst and …" Horror swamped his features as he realized what he'd done and he looked over his shoulder. "Where are the medics?"

"They're on their way sir," said a concerned-sounding and familiar voice that made Swain freeze. No…

"Thank you, Officer…?"

"Cogon, sir. Is Officer Swain okay?"

No no no no no!

"I'm fine." She protested and tried her best not to look like her appendix was about to rupture. "We don't need to waste their time. I can walk to the medcenter."

"Hannah Rowan Swain," Kallus said. "That's ridiculous."

"No really." She gathered all her strength and pushed herself into a sitting position. "See, I'm sitting up."

Wrong move because once she was upright with her knees bent to guard her belly Kallus realized that he didn't need to wait around for the medics. He threw one arm around her shoulders, the other under her knees and scooped her up.

"Have it your way," He sighed. "We'll get to the medcenter faster like this."

"I'll get the door for you," Cogon volunteered.

Noooooooo!

Swain squeezed her eyes shut and pretended she was literally anywhere else as her training officer carried her out of the gym while her crush held the door.

"Hope you feel better." Cogon called after them.

She tried to think of a reply but Kallus rounded the corner before she could come up with anything. Instead she rested her head on his chest plate and focused on not puking on him.

…

"You were right, she needs her appendix out. We're just waiting for an operating room to be ready and then we'll go." The ER nurse led Kallus down the corridor to Swain's room.

He nodded approval. "How is she?"

"I gave her some pain medication and it seems to be working." She pulled back the curtain and let him in before she disappeared into the medical chaos.

Swain grinned cartoonishly from the gurney. "Hi!"

"Yes, you are." Kallus took a seat in the visitor's chair and pulled out his comm to field calls from the office. "It shouldn't be too long until they have an operating room for you. Get some rest."

"You're staying? That's so nice of you."

"I won't leave you to have surgery by yourself. Besides, made it clear you're my responsibility."

Swain was distracted. "Your hair is nice."

"I see we need to schedule drug resistance training for you." He shook his head. "I'm just glad the meds work right now."

"Cogon has nice hair too."

"The munitions officer?" Kallus didn't look up from his holocomm. "I suppose he looks alright."

"He doesn't use product like you do, so he can push it around. I think it's cute when he pushes it."

Kallus stopped texting and put his comm away.

"Really," he said, ignoring the warning siren screaming in the back of his mind. "Tell me more about him."

She looked at him suspiciously. "I didn't think you'd want to know."

"Oh, I do. How old is this 'cute' munitions boy?"

Swain didn't hesitate. "Eighteen, just like me!"

"Eighteen," he repeated. "And you know him through your roommate?"

"We met at lunch today. He forgot his tray so I gave him mine and ..." she trailed off.

Kallus did not. "You gave him your food?"

"I didn't want it any -."

"There you are!" Erika and Cogon pushed back the privacy curtain and let themselves into the treatment bay. "You look better."

"I feel better." Swain looked at Cogon and her cheeks turned red. "A lot better."

Cogon blushed, seemingly unaware of the death glare Kallus was levelling his direction. "Here," he said and held out a piece of flimsi. "We made you a get-well-soon card."

It was a piece of munitions department stationery folded in half with a cartoonish drawing of a sun on the front and Cogon's and Erika's signatures inside, but to Swain it was art worthy of the galactic museum. "Thank you," she gushed. "You're so sweet."

"Aw, thanks." Cogon rubbed the back of his neck, face still flushed red. "I just thought you got a raw deal, with the appendix and everything. You seemed really nice."

Swain's mouth fell open. "You...you think I'm nice?"

"We should probably get going." Erika grabbed Cogon around the shoulders and steered him out the door, flashing Swain a I got you, girl expression as she did. "Let me know if you need anything Hann!"

She waited a whole three seconds after they left before she turned to Kallus, grinning like a schoolgirl.

"Kallus, he made me a card!" She stage whispered. "He made it!"

"I see that." Kallus frowned at the card as if he could make it combust into flames by glare alone. "His craftsmanship leaves much to be desired but I suppose it's the thought that counts."

Swain hugged it to her chest. "Do you think he likes me?"

Kallus strongly considered his reply before he scooched the visitor's chair a little closer.

"I'm only saying this because I know you won't remember any of it in the morning," he said. "But you're one of the brightest prospects I've ever seen andI care for you very much. I'd hate for you to be hurt or for your career to suffer because of some boy. So I think you should put all that out of your mind, and focus on your career."

Swain smiled blankly up at him and said "Okay."

"Okay? Cogon gets gushes and I just get okay?" Kallus muttered and grabbed the remote control. "You know what, nevermind. There has to be something that we can watch."

"Hopefully nothing too good!" A duo of surgical nurses appeared in the doorway. "We're here to take you to surgery darling. Hugs and kisses."

Hugs and -? Kallus snapped to attention, and gave Swain a curt nod. "I'll see you in the recovery room."

"Oooookay." She repeated and smiled down at her card.

"Here," Kallus grasped it with his thumb and forefinger like a pair of forceps. "Let me take care of that for you."

"Noooooo!"

He sighed. "Swain -."

"Don't throw away my card!"

"I am not going to throw away your card."

"That's a lie!" She pointed at him with the hand that wasn't clutching the card for dear life. "Your face did the thing it does when you lie!"

Kallus rolled his eyes. He thought about trying again, but that would just get the same result and they didn't have time for this. She still had active appendicitis; she needed to have this surgery sooner rather than later.

So he sighed, held out his hand and said "I'll be very careful with it."

Swain looked at him skeptically, but her appendix must have flared up at that moment because she winced and handed the card over.

"Thank you," He watched while the nurses prepared to take her away. "I'll see you in the recovery room."

Once they were gone Kallus actually examined the card, lip curling in distaste. And then, secure in his knowledge that Swain wouldn't remember any of this, he very carefully placed the piece of flimsi into a shredder bin.

…

Kallus had signed the discharge papers at the medcenter and listened to the recovery nurse's spiel. For a supposedly simple procedure there was a lot to know - what Swain could eat, when to take her pain pills and her antibiotics, and when she could resume normal activities. According to the nurse she would sleep most of tonight but because of the drugs she shouldn't be alone for the next twenty-four hours.

He assured them it wouldn't be a problem since Swain had a roommate. But as he loaded her into the speeder, Kallus was struck by how much he did not feel comfortable turning her over to Erika.

For one he didn't want to repeat the nurse's spiel. Stars, he wasn't sure if he could manage to regurgitate all that information correctly. But for another he had serious doubts about leaving Swain in the care of an eighteen-year-old munitions tech. Would Erika know if something was wrong and they needed to seek medical attention? Would she even check? Considering she hung out with Brent Cogon, Kallus doubted she had the capacity to.

No, it was better if Swain stayed with him tonight. He had a spare bedroom and he'd received the discharge instructions so it only made sense. She was just going to sleep off the drugs and when she woke up in the morning she'd be back to her old self and could take it easy doing her schoolwork.

He pulled into his driveway and Swain woke up from her residual anesthesia doze when she felt the vehicle stop. "This isn't my apartment."

"No, it's mine." He helped her out of the speeder and in the front door, making sure she didn't trip on the steps.

Swain looked at him blearily. "Why am I at your place?"

"You're not allowed to be alone for twenty-four hours and your roommate is … unavailable." He locked the door behind them and armed the security system. The last thing he needed were some hoodlums breaking in while she was in his care. Satisfied, he led her down the hallway and to the spare bedroom. "This is yours for the night. The refresher is across the hall and if you need anything I'm right down the hallway."

"Understood." She crawled into the bed without another word.

"Get some rest." He shut the door and made his way back to his room to do just that himself. Honestly, maybe he could have left her with Erika. This was going to be easy.

He'd almost drifted off when his comlink rang. Colonel Yularen. He answered without a second thought. "Hello?"

"What's this about one of my agents being carried out of the Complex?" Yularen didn't waste time with pleasantries. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. It was Officer Swain, who decided to ignore her appendix until it nearly burst in the sparring ring." Kallus sighed. Honestly, Swain. "She's alright now that it's been removed."

"Your little trainee?" Yularen shook his head. "I suppose we were all young once. Did you help her home?"

"No need. She's staying with me."

"You brought her home with you?" a broad grin spread across Yularen's face. "How wonderful. I wish other training officers would follow your example."

"Thank you sir." Kallus let the praise wash over him.

"Well I won't keep you from her any longer. We can go over the rest of this in the morning."

"That won't be necessary. I showed Swain to her room and I'm getting ready to turn in myself."

Yularen paused. "Has the anesthesia worn off completely?"

"I told her to find me if she needs anything."

"Alexsandr, do you remember the night after you had your wisdom teeth removed?"

Kallus cringed. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't block out the humiliating memories: telling Colonel Yularen that he wanted to quit the ISB and become an exotic dancer, dribbling a spoonful of ice cream down his shirt when it missed his mouth, and most mortifying of all, sitting on the Yularens' couch while Col. and Mrs. Yularen changed his gauze because he was too loopy to do it himself and "trust me, you don't want dry socket."

"I put the door alarm on so she can't walk into traffic," he said. Somehow he had the feeling that wouldn't be enough.

"It's still easy to get disoriented." Yularen explained. "Remember how I found you in the kitchen after you -." Kallus winced at the memory and his mentor's mustache twitched with a smile. "I see I don't have to explain that."

He would have gone further into it if he hadn't been distracted by something else: "Swain's up."

"Do you hear her?"

"No."

"Yet you know she's up." Why was Yularen smiling?

"Excuse me Colonel, I should take care of this."

"Of course." Colonel Yularen looked to be holding back laughter. "Hold onto your hat, Agent Kallus. If she's anything like you this is going to be a long night."

…

Colonel Yularen was once again, right on the money. It was a very long night marked by pain pill runs, worried checks to make sure she was still breathing (Swain was so small, and the medcenter had given her so many drugs), and a narcotic-induced nightmare which Kallus hoped to hell would never happen again. The sunrise over Captial City, and with it the return of Swain's usual self, was such a sweet relief he could have cried.

Instead he just poured a cup of the extra-strong caf he'd brewed last night, sat across from Swain at the breakfast table, and channeled Yularen.

"Young lady," he said. "Do you have any idea how badly this could have gone?"

"I didn't think it was that serious." Swain protested.

"Not that serious? Your appendix nearly burst in the sparring ring!" He allowed a modicum of the blinding panic he'd felt when he saw her hit the ground to creep into his voice. "You had to have emergency surgery. And this was the best case scenario; what if it ruptured? What if this happened in the field, or while you were home alone? You could have died!"

"I was trying to tough it out," she said. "I didn't want to bother anyone, or -." She trailed off in transparent hope that he wouldn't make her tell him the rest.

He raised an eyebrow, refusing to let her off the hook.

"Or disappoint you."

Of course. Kallus suppressed a sigh. The Empire, for all its virtues, had never encouraged asking for help.

"Knowing your limitations wouldn't have disappointed me," he said. "As your training officer it's my job to teach you, and you can't learn if you're physically impaired. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

He nodded approval. "I would discuss this matter further, but I believe the embarrassment from last night has been a lesson in itself."

Swain cringed. "Did I seriously tell you your hair was nice?"

"Have you ever known me to joke?"

"Oh my gods." She buried her face in her hands. "I am so sorry. I can't believe I said that."

"You weren't in your right mind," he said. "This is why all agents are assigned drug resistance training."

"Which I'm scheduling myself for as soon as I get back."

"A prudent idea, though not one you'll get to act on for a couple of weeks. I don't expect you to do much of anything today, and once your roommate's shift is over I'll drive you home."

"Thank you." She looked up from her hands. "Um, Kallus?"

He lowered his caf mug to give her his full attention.

"I didn't say anything embarrassing in front of Officer Cogon, did I?"

A strange emotion that was definitely not jealousy bubbled in the back of his mind and for an insane split second, Kallus considered lying. But he nixed it. After all, Swain had been under the influence of drugs when she gushed like a lovesick schoolgirl. Surely now that clearer heads prevailed she could assure him it was all a misunderstanding.

"No, you didn't. You were quite composed." Relief flooded her features, which did nothing for his mystery emotion. "Why the sudden interest in what was said in front of the munitions officer?"

"No reason." She blushed.

"Really. Then would you care to explain why you're blushing?"

"Must be the pain pills."

"You mean the pain pills in the bottle next to your plate, that you haven't taken in four hours?"

Swain deftly snapped the lid off the bottle, fished out a pill, and swallowed it without batting an eye.

"Pain pills," she repeated and went back to her food.

Kallus stared, trying to think of something to say.

Instead he drank his entire mug of caf in one long gulp and silently filled it up again. There would be ample time to crush this crush later, when she couldn't use pain pills as an excuse.