Pappy Explains About Being a Big Brother

Jarrod Barkley noticed how often his 7-year-old looked in the cradle when Victoria Elise was sleeping. He never did look at her when she was crying – he never went anywhere near her when she was crying – but he was full of curiosity when she was sleeping. J.T. was going to be 8 years old in only a month and this was the first sibling of his to come along, but he had cousins he had known as babies and he had never reacted like this. He had always played with them even when they were tiny, even when they cried.

J.T. was afraid of Victoria Elise, Jarrod and his wife Elise both realized. Unlike his cousins, whom he either saw at their own homes or who came and went from here, this baby was staying, all the time. This baby was crying at all hours of the day and night. This was something entirely different.

Jarrod walked over to J.T. at the cradle, stooped down beside his son, and asked, "Whatcha doing?"

"Looking," J.T. said, staring at the baby.

"She's just sleeping," Jarrod said.

"She sleeps a lot and when she's not asleep, she cries," J.T. said.

"Well, she's only four weeks old," Jarrod said. "This world is brand new to her. The only way she knows how to get what she needs is to cry, and crying is pretty exhausting, so then she sleeps."

"When is she leaving?"

Jarrod chuckled, not surprised at the question. "She's not leaving. She lives here with us. She's your sister, and you are her big brother."

J.T. just kept staring at the baby, who just kept sleeping. After a bit, J.T. finally asked, "What am I supposed to do with her?"

Jarrod put his arm around his son. "Now you're talking about something I know a whole lot about. Come on over here with me."

Jarrod stood up, keeping his hand behind J.T.'s shoulder. J.T. went with him over to a chair they had in the nursery. J.T. was too big by now to take into his lap so Jarrod just kept an arm around him while he sat down.

"When I was your age," Jarrod said, "Your uncle Nick was the only sibling I had."

"What's a sibling?" J.T. asked.

"A person's brothers and sisters are their siblings, but Nick was the only one I had at the time because your aunt and your other uncles weren't born yet. I was 4 years old when your Uncle Nick was born, half of what you are now, and I didn't have the slightest idea what to do with him either. He cried, or he slept, and sometimes he just yelled."

"Like he does now?"

"Yes, but a lot more often. Anyway, what my father said to me was that I was the one who was closest in age to Nick, so I was gonna have to show him the ropes."

J.T. screwed up his face in confusion again. "What rope?"

"Not a real rope," Jarrod said. "It's just an expression. My father was telling me I was going to have to teach Nick how to do up his pants and tie a knot and hold a spoon and all sorts of things he was going to have to know how to do, because I was closest in age to him and I was the one he was going to be watching. When she's able, you're going to be the one Victoria Elise will be watching. When she wants to know how to hold a spoon, she'll watch how you do it. When she wants to know how to hold a pencil or even sing a song, she's gonna watch how you do it. That's because you're gonna be her big brother."

J.T. made the face he made when he was thinking beyond what his father was actually saying to him. It was a face that screwed up a little, with eyes that shifted a little. It was a face Jarrod loved to see. He recognized that J.T. got it from him. "But she's a girl. I don't know how to teach her about girl things."

"No, your mother will do that," Jarrod said, "but things like holding a spoon or a pencil or singing a song – those are things both boys and girls do, and she'll learn them from you. She'll probably even learn how to walk by watching you."

"She's gonna watch me a lot."

"All the time. It's a big job, being a big brother."

"Were you the big brother to Uncle Heath and Uncle Eugene and Aunt Audra too?"

Jarrod couldn't figure out how to put Heath into that mix so he just said, "Yes, and I still am. Once you're the big brother, you're always the big brother. Victoria Elise is always gonna want to know what you think about things. She's always gonna look to you to protect her from the kids who might tease her too much. When you're older, she's gonna look to you to help her choose her boyfriends."

"That's scary," J.T. admitted.

"No, it'll come naturally," Jarrod said. "You'll do it just by doing the things you already learned how to do. She'll watch you and she'll learn without you having to do a whole lot."

Now the expected question came out. "Who's gonna teach me?"

"I will," Jarrod said, "just like I've been doing. It's the father's job to help the big brother make his decisions and decide what to think and how to act, and I will always do those things with you. And do you know what? Being the big brother helps you get ready to be the father."

"Someday I'll be a father?"

"I hope so," Jarrod said. "In the meantime, you get to practice by being Victoria Elise's big brother, and the big brother to any other brothers and sisters you might have. It's very good practice. I got my practice with your aunt and your uncles so I could be a father to you. See?"

"I guess," J.T. said.

Jarrod gave him a squeeze. "Don't you worry. You'll get the hang of this big brother thing before you know it, and I'll help you along when you need it. Remember, that's part of my job as your father, and someday it will be part of your job to teach your son how to be the big brother."

J.T. sighed. "I sure do have a lot to do."

Jarrod laughed. "It's not so bad. In fact, it's a lot of fun. Victoria Elise is very small, but she'll grow up fast, just like you have. You get to teach her how to play, too. See?"

J.T. smiled. "Yeah."

"In fact," Jarrod said, getting up, holding J.T.'s hand, "let's have a look right now."

They went back to the cradle. Victoria Elise was still sleeping. Jarrod took J.T.'s hand and put it on the edge of the cradle, leaving his own hand atop his son's.

"Now, rock very gently," Jarrod said and began to help J.T. rock the cradle.

Victoria Elise stirred a little, and smiled a little in her sleep.

J.T. beamed. "She smiled!"

Jarrod knew it was probably just a reflex to being rocked, but he elaborated anyway. "That's because she feels you rocking her, and she knows you're here and that you'll take care of her," Jarrod said. "She feels safe and she already feels like you will protect her."

"I will," J.T. said and rocked a little more.

Jarrod took his hand from J.T.'s and watched while J.T. gently rocked the cradle on his own. This was the first time he saw his son and his daughter both smiling at the same time. He remembered it, every time they smiled together as the years went by.

"Being a big brother has always been great, J.T.," he said, and he thought being a father is even better.

The End