A/N: Hey guys! SteinMon here with another literary experiment. I have way too many idea roaming around in my head, so I thought I'd ease the burden with some Samples.

This Fic has no relations to the manga by the same name.

I would like to personally thank Fanfic writers "Adamant39" (his/her "White Eyes" sparked the beginning of this idea, especially with the parody), "Fanreader26" (for his/her "Fox in the Leaf" that challenged some new spins on the tale), "adamalton" (and his/her "Critical Moments" series for an equal challenge in the take of the story). There are others, but I'm having a rough time what parts of what stories added fuel to the flame. Without all of them, the synapses in my brain wouldn't have fired in the write order (it's a reused pun, but you know what, I like it!).

The idea for this story came from noting the lack of consistency across Naruto, and a number of personal questions that bugged me. Depending on how well the first few chapters do, we'll see if it continues or not. From what I can tell, its going to be mostly serious, partially parody (You can thank "White Eyes" for that. I couldn't not think in parody after reading through it twice.) and it will follow the main story of Naruto, with (maybe) some of the fillers. If I continue writing this for long enough, it won't deviate much until the Time-Skip. But I suppose it will be vastly different before hand anyway.

Please note, all things I have changed, added, or subtracted are within reason. There won't not be a reason for it, and in my mind, it will generally be a good one. But true to Naruto-canon explaining, most (emphasis on "most") of those changes will be through Flashbacks. Hopefully, they'll be tasteful.

That being read, I welcome your Reviews. If you have criticisms, I welcome those too. Please keep them constructive. I want to grow as an author, and I can't do that if people aren't willing to critique, or only want to tear me down. I'm not here to please everybody, but I am here to learn. There is a method to my madness. 90% of what I write, I don't write baselessly. There is a reason some things are changed, and others are the same.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Those rights belong exclusively to Kishimoto and Shonen Jump

Without further ado. *Que the dimming of the lights*

Prologue: How Did We Get Here?

The Land of Waves…

The last of the unnatural mist was finally clearing over the bridge. What had once acted as concealment was fading.

Kakashi Hatake stood motionless with his ninken summoning scroll in one hand, half-drawn as if he'd just pulled it out of his pouch, his attention inconsequentially pulled away from his opponent. And for the life of him, he couldn't bear to look away as his masked face conveyed his worries solely with his mis-colored eyes, his red eye bleeding from the side. 'Naruto.'

Not more than a few yards away, Zabuza Momochi stared in fascination at the secondary cause of his Hiding in Mist Jutsu's dispelling, his great cleaving blade, Kubikiribōchō, clumped to the stone ground of the bridge. The primary cause was currently entrapped in one of his tool's most powerful techniques.

"Haku. I see you had to use… that Jutsu," Zabuza commented dispassionately, staring without a care in the world over the side of the incomplete bridge.

From his vantage near the incomplete portion of the bridge, Sasuke Uchiha stared with wide Sharingan eyes away from the bridge, his teeth gritting as he tried to keep his body from trembling. Despite being relatively unharmed save for his status as a human pincushion, he couldn't make himself stand. The sheer magnitude of what he'd been unable to see, and even worse, what he'd felt still sent howling echoes into his bones. He unconsciously clutched his teammate's limp body tighter, trying to keep himself from shaking. 'Wha– What was that? That power. Naruto.' He grit his teeth in anger, tears trickling down his cheeks from one tomoe red eyes. Rage, sorrow, confusion; these things consumed him.

Tazuna, the master bridge builder, quivered in fear as he gazed around at the dissipating mist before he looked down at the dark-haired brat that had suddenly appeared near him, only to turn his gaze to the lump in the Genin's arms. It was a shame to see a ninja, a child no-less, laying there so peacefully, and yet so still. And judging from the wail he'd heard not so long ago, it had shattered the remaining kid… just before the air had turned tangibly violent.

A sickening crackle of cool air and sub-zero temperatures echoed, the last of the mists finally revealing a massive misshapen glacier of ice. The massive cone had sent towering frozen spines out from its point of release, only for the ensuing tidal wave caused by its encased denizen to pull some of the ice back the other direction as it froze on contact, creating multiple layers of thickly frozen seawater as some it contorted back around in to create a rough sphere.

And at its point of release, the false hunter-nin stood shakily on the ocean waves, his hands releasing his activation sign before collapsing onto the water, barely keeping himself atop the roiling surface after the massive amount of chakra he'd just expended. Echoes of the wave he'd deflected churned the water around him, barely a glimpse of the impending tsunami he'd faced.

His haori was in tatters, his mask sporting multiple cracks, and he'd lost a sandal at some point. Even now, his body shook from the last-resort technique he'd unleashed, his chakra massively depleted even after consuming a Soldier Pill.

'Hyōton: Great Glacial Imprisonment,' he thought, looking up from his exhaustion to see his handiwork. The ice was a murky white, evidence of the enormous amounts of saltwater used to launch his offensive defense. Even now, the amount of Killing Intent radiating from within it was palpable in the air. And sparking from its darkest center, the crystalline solid shone with a harsh orange glow that dared to refract its malicious light.

'Naruto-kun,' Haku wondered sadly from behind his cracked mask, 'was she… someone precious to you?'

A sound equivocal to a snapping bridge cable echoed as the orange glow visibly took shape underneath the ice; the vague outline of fox's head briefly flashing before its maw soundlessly opened, the image fading as a massive crack fractured through the ice, letting lose the wrath of its only prisoner.

Several Weeks Earlier…

"Who let you in?!" Kiba shouted from the open classroom door, pointing a shaking finger.

The blonde Uzumaki smirked as he pointed a thumb to his forehead protector. "You see this, Kiba? You see this? It's a regulation headband. This means I'm a ninja now, so can it!"

"Arrf!" Akamaru retorted from his partners head.

"You too ya mutt!"

"What a drag," Shikamaru muttered from his middling seat, leaning back as he lazily glanced at the class clown. "So, how'd you get it? Ya steal it or something?"

The stuffed-faced Akimichi next to him nodded in approval of the question, listening intently despite his smacking and crunching of potato chips.

"Like hell I did! I mastered a super hard Jutsu, and used it to kick Mizuki-asshole in the dick, Repeatedly! After seeing how awesome I am, Iruka-sensei had no choice but to make me an official ninja. Believe it!" His grin widened as he readjusted his headband.

'Mizuki…-asshole?' everyone wondered. The air was strangely absent of noise as everyone gave him droll looks that quickly converted into face-drops. Probably just some made-up story he was using to boost his ego. It was unbelievable that the worst in their class could have "mastered" a "super hard" jutsu, much less taken on one of their Chūnin-sensei's and won.

Only a few of them entertained the possibility.

'As if that dobe could do anything except eat ramen. He's talentless, and clanless,' Sasuke Uchiha pondered silently from his front-row seat, not even remotely affected by the blonde's outburst. However, he was intrigued by one thing. 'A super hard Jutsu, huh?' While unlikely, he made note of it. It would be unwise not to gauge any of his classmates potential strength, even if that classmate was the weakest of the bunch. At the very least, the information was on the back burner. The very back burner.

'Is it favoritism?' Shino wondered analytically. 'No. Iruka-sensei was fully prepared to fail Naruto. It is a most unusual circumstance. I wonder what jutsu Naruto mastered to make an exception. While it is unusual, it is not unwelcome.'

'Hard to believe, but he wouldn't be here otherwise,' Shikamaru thought, not taking Naruto's word at face value, but lacking sufficient evidence to point to the contrary either. 'Troublesome. I guess we'll find out in a moment.'

'C-congratulations, Naruto-kun,' Hinata Hyuga commended, her cheeks flush as she poked her fingers nervously together from her back-row seat. Despite that, she felt a little confused. 'Why would you need to defeat Mizuki-sensei?'

Unfortunately for the shell-shocked Inuzuka, he was run over at the arrival of two kunoichi-in-training racing in the door. "Move it Dog-Breath!" Sakura shouted, pushing him into Ino's path, and thus, pulling ahead by the few centimeters necessary to win. "Ha! Eat that Ino-Pig! I get to sit next to Sasuke-kun!"

"You cheater!" Ino shot back, kicking Kiba out of the way before her forehead smacked into Sakura's. Both sides refused to back down as Ino tried to glare down her rival. "You pushed him in my way, Forehead!"

"All's fair in love and war!" Sakura declared, pushing back with said "forehead", lightning passing between both girls' eyes.

Akamaru just nudged his poor trampled human's head as the pup whimpered. To borrow from the Nara heir's favorite phrase, the ninken saw human females as "troublesome". Especially these two. But what did he know? He was just a pup.

"Eh?" Naruto looked up, noticing the two kunoichi fighting, before looking below. Sasuke wasn't even paying attention, even though the fight was about him. He sat back in his seat and folded his arms bitterly. 'Gah! Girls are stupid! I mean, what do they even see in that teme? Sure he's got good looks, is strong, and is the last of his clan. But I'm gonna be Hokage!' It was probably for the best. Last thing he needed was another person in his life that communicated more with their fists than with their mouth. Speaking of which, his noggin was still sore from last night.

"Alright. Settle down."

Naruto perked at the familiar voice, immediately forgetting about his classmates' and their disbelief in his passing. He only needed to prove it to one person right now. "Oh, hey Iruka-sensei," he waved, his grin growing wider still when he pointed happily to his headband.

His teacher smiled slightly at him before a tick mark formed on his temple at the girl's persistent insistence that one of them would sit next to Sasuke. "Girls. Girls. Girls!" He took a deep breath, making several quick signs before slamming a hand on his desk, an encirclement of symbols firing in every direction. "Ninja Art: Trembling Silence Barrier." He breathed out in relief when the girls suddenly went quiet to everyone but themselves. A technique to replace the Big-Head no Jutsu when he didn't feel like yelling at the top of his lungs… or when he had a massive headache from the yelling. No need to make it bigger. Besides, he was still recovering from last night if the freshly healed sore on his back was any indication. Thank Kami for med-nin and the few millimeters it would have taken to end his ninja career.

"Way to go Iruka-sensei," Naruto smirked. "You used the Shut-The-Fuck-Up no Jutsu. It's almost like you can't even hear them." He giggled at his own cleverness, earning a few more snickers from around the room. Some however were noting the lack of shock on Iruka's face that Naruto was present.

'So he really did pass,' Shikamaru noted, forgoing his usual "such a drag" speech with actual surprise. 'Greaaat. He just exempted himself from Extra to Secondary Character. At least he won't be pointless Red-Shirt fodder.'

"Language, Naruto," Iruka chastised in good spirits before turning to the rest of the class. "Well, as of today you are all ninja," he said, pride shining clearly in his eyes. "After all your hard work, I'm glad to see proud shinobi-in-training. However, your road to becoming ninja will only get harder from here.

"There will be trials and hardship, but like all ninja, you must endure."

'Is it just me, or does Iruka-sensei look kinda sad?' Naruto wondered to himself, cocking his head, his whisker marks making it seem like an animalistic gesture. From his slightly skewed vantage point, he noticed something odd on the ceiling. He narrowed his eyes as he glared at it, trying to figure out what was suddenly irking him. Before he could contemplate much further, Iruka continued.

"You are all now Genin, and each of you will be placed in a three-man squad of your peers, lead by a Jōnin."

Each of the potential Genin had their own private thoughts about being in three-man squads.

Choji and Shikamaru naturally looked at each other before looking glumly back at a still arguing Sakura and Ino, both unaware they were silent to the class, much less that class had already started. 'Girls,' they thought dejectedly. Ino-Shika-Cho was a family tradition spanning fifteen generations before them, probably back before the Warring Era, and there was nothing saying that it was changing now. It wasn't a matter of 'who' they were with, but rather 'what team' they would be on together. This would mark the sixteenth generation as such.

'Troublesome.'

Munch-munch-munch-munch.

"Hell yeah," Kiba exclaimed having escaped the rampant hell above at some point, pounding a fist into his palm, with Akamaru barking in affirmation in lap.

Shino nodded subtly, contemplating who his fellow Genin and Jōnin-sensei might be. 'Perhaps this will be the best opportunity to make some friends.' Bzzzz! 'More friends,' he corrected.

Hinata less-than-subtly glanced at the back of Naruto's head. 'I wonder if I'll be on a squad with Naruto.' The though made her face flush, which she quickly tried to hide behind her hands.

Sasuke continued brooding. 'They better not slow me down.'

Naruto looked up at the ceiling as he thought about the squad he might be on. 'Well, any team is better without the Teme. Hell, they could put me with anyone. As long as it's not Sasuke.' His thoughts were interrupted by a slight brush along his neck that made him nervous. He glanced over at that spot on the ceiling again, still finding something wrong with it. His eyebrow was going crazy with irritation, he just couldn't figure out what was causing it. And there were too many people and too much noise to find out. Stupid nose! And stupid ears!

"Alright," Iruka interrupted, pulling out a sheet of paper, "time to name your squads."

…

In the Hokage's Office…

"So… what are your thoughts," Hiruzen Sarutobi, Third (and technically Acting-Fifth) Hokage of Konohagakure, asked, tapping the mouth of his pipe in thought. In front of his desk stood the Jōnin that would be testing the potential Genin. All were gathered around a glass ball that was projecting a view of the classroom, gazing at the near-future of their village.

Asuma Sarutobi rubbed the back of his neck as he shimmied his unlit cigarette across his lips. "I'm seeing a lot of potential… and a lot of work."

Kurenai Yūhi nodded in agreement before looking up at the Third Hokage almost accusingly. "With all due respect, Sandaime, I'm curious as to why you decided to alter the teams at the last minute. I understand that Naruto Uzumaki was granted leeway given his assistance in apprehending Mizuki, but why change around the teams in the first place?"

At the mention of Uzumaki, many of the other Jōnin's faces turned sour, as though his name were a bitter pill they were forced to swallow. A few of the more controlled Jōnin were able to suppress such dispositions, but even those were noticeable, flinching as though his mere name were a curse. One however, looked absolutely proud, grinning unabashedly.

"Mmm," Hiruzen nodded, taking a slow and methodical inhale of his pipe, before blowing it out gently. "I did not let Naruto pass based off solely off his assistance. As you all well know, the incident last night led to the theft of the Scroll of Seals."

There were nods all around, some of them wishing the Nine-Tails brat had been killed in the exchange, or at least severely punished. It didn't matter that he was tricked; he had stolen one of the village's most sacred treasures after all; never mind that he had somehow done it under the nose of the ANBU and the present Hokage. Instead, the brat was rewarded, and allowed to become a ninja. The Hokage noticed this, knowing that the majority of them would have taken preferred leniency for the traitor Mizuki than to share arms and homage to Konoha with the "demon-brat", as stupid and foolish as that sounded to any sane person. Luckily, there were some level-headed people among the Shinobi, thank Kami. Hiruzen had dealt with too much stupidity for too long. Ever wonder where his wrinkles came from? Well there's your answer. They'd doubled in the past decade alone.

"Well, it just so happens, Naruto managed to master a Jutsu from the Scroll." The number of rigid spines in the room silently pleased Hiruzen, even if it was at Naruto's expense. It also didn't help that he let a trickle of pride enter his voice.

"Don't keep 'em in suspense, dad," Asuma scolded as he aimlessly put his cigarette behind his ear, but couldn't keep the humor off his face, "just tell them which technique he learned."

"Very well." He turned deathly serious. "Naruto Uzumaki was able to learn and master the Shadow Clone Jutsu." This was not received well by most, especially since there were cries of outrage. "What's more, he was able to take it a step further with his chakra reserves to utilize Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu. I believe the three witnesses at the sight noted something well over a couple hundred Shadow Clones." That got some heads turning, and not necessarily in the thinking way either.

"But why would you let that beast live with such a powerful technique at his disposal?" one of the Jōnin exclaimed.

"Says the guy with a stick so far up his ass, he's gagging on it," a sadistically cheery voice said in the back. "Quite the technique at your disposal." Que the snickers.

The Third sighed, releasing a stream of smoke with it. "Besides his chakra reserves, his chakra is relatively dense as well, making it impossible for him to form simple clones. It would be like forcing firehose pressure and capacity through a sink faucet, causing the Jutsu to self-destruct and deflate. With Shadow Clones, his chakra is able to properly displace itself with the technique. So technically speaking, it's not his concept of the Clone Jutsu that failed, but rather, his chakra needed a higher-level technique to prevent its own instability. To put simply, it needed substance. So in that regard, he passed his exam.

"As for why he's still alive: he is an up-and-coming Shinobi of the Leaf Village. He may be young and brash, but he has proven his merit thus far, and I would continue to see it progress. It was unfair that something as simple as 'too much chakra' would hold him back in the academy, when this is something we want in potential shinobi. Admittedly however, his chakra control is horrendous, so I can only imagine what his potential will be when he learns to properly utilize his chakra. That is, if only he'd been given proper instruction in the first place. Be thankful that he had some training."

A less-than-sly snicker in the back only confirmed his words.

There was plenty implied under his tone. While one of a shinobi's greatest strength was in deception, but purposefully sabotaging a potentially powerful ally within their own ranks based off a misguided and short-sighted prejudice was despicable, especially towards a child. Hiruzen was far more impressed that Naruto managed to succeed despite these… massive setbacks. Might as well rub it in a little. 'If only I had been able to directly intervene,' he thought, thanking Kami that he'd been able to outmaneuver some of his more… vocal oppositions in this matter. 'Fucking civs.'

"And besides, since when can any Jōnin in our ranks spam such a high-level jutsu, much less master it in under an hour?" he asked rhetorically. "Who knows. With proper tutelage, he might very well be one of our strongest ninja yet."

"But he's the Nine-Tails F–" A level of acutely directed Killing Intent from the Sandiame smashed into the nameless Jōnin, crumpling him, and only him, to his knees. Such was the Hokage's mastery of the KI.

"You know the law. You do not speak of the Fox under any circumstances," Hiruzen stated passively, looking around at the rest of those present. "Anyone else?" No one answered, though plenty of them looked uneasy. "You'll do well to remember there is a difference between the container and the containee. The jailor, and the prisoner. If you cannot distinguish something so elementary, then I cannot even begin to describe my displeasure that you would let civilian fears rule a shinobi mind."

He let up, watching as the Jōnin gasped in relief, unable to stop from shaking. A little more pressure and he probably would have emptied his bowels and bladder. Then the smell would linger for a week or two. No thanks. Hiruzen had enough to worry about on his plate without smelling the discharge of that pissant.

He kindly turned back to Kurenai, "Too further answer your question, Naruto's presence among this years rookies changes many things. One must consider not only the benefits and balances of a team with what their Jōnin-sensei can teach, but how they'll build off of each other as a whole."

"And Naruto's presence disrupts the original plan?" Kurenai asked, not completely convinced.

Hiruzen shrugged, as though the "original" plan had been a last-minute afterthought. Truthfully, Hiruzen had been forced to look at more than just simply Academy traditions when forming the teams, seeing as how putting the top academy shinobi and kunoichi with the dead last hadn't been the most effective idea since the moment of its conception. Virtually none of those teams had worked out before, and the chances of it working out now were slim to none. 'Doing something over and over again, expecting a different result, is the textbook definition of insanity.' Today, he was going to have to undermine the civilian "authority" (cough, cough 'bullshit') when it came to his Shinobi Academy.

He had to consider not just their individual skill sets, but their personalities, home demographics, and overall potential synergy. It had cost him a few hours of sleep. And reading time. "Everyone needs people in their life that they can impact, and who can have an impact on them. I simply paired the most compatible Genin that would benefit most from the Jōnin they were assigned to."

…

Back at the Academy…

"…Team Seven," Iruka continued. "Naruto Uzumaki…."

Naruto perked up as his name was called. 'Who is it? Who is it? C'mon! Don't leave me in suspense Iruka-sensei! Just rip it off like a band-aid, as long as it isn't Sasuke!'

"…Sasuke Uchiha…."

Sasuke sighed in frustration, already hating where this would be going. 'I suppose I can make do with the dobe as long as he doesn't get in my way.' He was instantly bombarded with cheers and shrieks of lustful adoration from his remaining female classmates, causing his spine to stiffen on instinct. 'This might be less bearable than I anticipated if one of those… things joins the team though.' A spark of Uchiha "brilliance" shot through him in that instant. 'Maybe I can use the dobe to keep them at bay.' Perfect! The Dobe wasn't completely useless after all! Sweet Kami, his existence was a boon after all!

Meanwhile, with Naruto, his head laid against the desk, his face white as a sheet as his spirit hung a few inches above his body from his mouth. 'Kami-sama, you hate me… don't you. You're gonna put me on a team with Sasuke and one of those fangirls. Just take me now. I'll come quietly.'

"…and Hinata Hyuga…."

"Eh?" Naruto's soul sucked back into his body like the slurpiest of ramen noodles as he lifted his head, color returning in full to his features. "Who now?" He turned to look up the rows, noticing the resident shy girl in the back. She barely looked his direction before she was covering her face. 'Well, she's not a 'Stupid Teme' fangirl from what I can tell. Plus… I don't think she's ever called me names, and she always polite. And she's never hit me! But she's super weird; always getting red when I talk to her. I guess we can try to get along.' He'd met her a couple times before, and she was easily on his 'Top Five Nicest People' of his age group, even if she always fainted when he was around. He mentally clapped his hands twice, just happy he wasn't stuck with a fan-girl. As far as he was concerned, Hinata was possibly the least of all female evils. 'Thank you, Kami-sama!'

Sasuke's eyes narrowed in at the prospect, carefully considering this addition as he turned around to look at his new teammate. 'The Hyuga. Another prominent clan with a dōjustu, like me. However, she's quiet, reserved…' he glanced toward his other male teammate, '…and the dobe's only fan.' He was suddenly disappointed as he returned his gaze forward. 'If she's a fan of his, then she can only be weak. But it might be best to reserve judgement.' She wasn't one of his fan-girls, which meant that even when she wasn't following the dobe (because it was obvious to an Uchiha like him), she was at least putting some effort into training. Sasuke started in realization. 'Shit! The dobe has a higher-quality fan-girl than me!'

Hinata's face was beet red behind the sleeves of her jacket, the heat threatening to make her faint. 'I'm on the same team as Naruto-kun.' She thought it like she didn't quite believe it. 'An-And he… l-looked at m-me.' Her sleeves parted slightly, giving her a skewed view of the boy in question. 'Naruto-kun, is this… a dream?' It had to be. It was the only logical explanation, and yet her face felt so hot. When she pinched her arm, she felt the dull pain; it was real. She had to breath slowly and very carefully collect her composure before she let her arms drop, but she still managed a small smile.

Because… she was happy.

Every remaining female student slumped, their faces grim as their last chance to be with Sasuke was ripped out from under them. Some got over their disappointment and began glaring daggers at Naruto, prompting the blonde to shiver at the sub-par level of Killing Intent sent his way. Hinata wasn't spared either as she "Eep!"ed, some girls taking the smile on her face as a rub-in that she was with Sasuke and none of them were.

Smirking inwardly to himself, Iruka took careful notice of the new team. 'This might be interesting, Hokage-sama. What are you up to?' "…Your team will be assigned to Kakashi Hatake.

"Team Eight: Kiba Inuzuka…."

"Alright!" Kiba cheered.

"…Shino Aburame…."

Shino turned to a stunned Kiba. "It look forward to completing missions with you."

'No! Not the weirdo! Well, the other weirdo.' Kiba exclaimed as Akamaru cocked his head with interest at his partner's sudden change in demeanor. He'd been so excited before. What changed? The bug-human smelled alright to him.

"…and Sakura Haruno…."

A few others snickered as Iruka sighed, gently dispelling his silencing technique. She and Ino were still fighting.

"SAKURA HARUNO!" he shouted, using the Big Head no Jutsu to project. And there was that massive headache he was afraid of.

"What?" she exclaimed normally at hearing her name. Ino was likewise shocked into the present.

"You are placed on Team Eight with Kiba Inuzuka and Shino Aburame," he clarified with a glare.

Even Inner Sakura was shell-shocked that she was being teamed up with Dog-Breath and Bug-Boy, and seemingly out of the blue. She visibly slumped in her spot, the life seeming to drain out of her.

Akamaru spoke for a stunned Kiba by pulling his ears over his eyes with his paws and kept them there. The bug-human was one thing, but one of the shrieking females that hurt his ears? If he couldn't see, he couldn't be seen. Ninja style.

'This… is more complicated than I anticipated,' Shino admitted, otherwise stoic behind his glasses, but his insects could feel his aggravation.

"…Your team will be assigned to Kurenai Yūhi," Iruka continued, completely and willingly oblivious.

…

Back in the Hokage's Office…

"I would have preferred to have Hyuga on my team," Kurenai admitted. "With the Aburame's nin-chū and the Inuzuka's nin-ken, the addition of a Byakugan would have made for a fine tracking team."

The Hokage nodded in acknowledgement. "Indeed. However, there is a dynamic to the other groups that worries me. I feel putting Sakura on a team where she's more likely to dote on Sasuke than focus on her training, as has been a common occurrence in the Academy. Her attitude toward Naruto is also worrisome as it borders on stout repulsion. While his is an acquired personality, I feel such a team is less likely to succeed regularly in the long run. Additionally, Kakashi has… a cohesive preference in how his teams work."

Somewhere in the back, the same cheery Jōnin muttered, "Kami damnit." This earned a few snickers from those who knew about their… "situation".

The Hokage cleared his throat, returning attention front-and-center. "Sakura is shown to have incredible chakra control for a Genin, and a natural affinity for Genjutsu if properly applied. She is incredibly book-smart, and I am hoping that putting her with you as her Jōnin-sensei will demonstrate the best nature of a mature kunoichi. And hopefully this arrangement will allow her to form her own opinions of what it means to be a Shinobi of the Leaf, rather than becoming a ninja for… sentimental reasons."

Kurenai nodded. She could work with that. Even if she had to beat it into her. Far be it from her to choose brutality, but sometimes that's the only way people learned. "And Hinata?"

"I feel Hinata is a little more complicated than that." Hiruzen shook his head glumly, before he remembered one of the reasons why he reassigned these teams. "She needs positive reinforcement from peers who will drive her, expect the best from her, and build her up. She could attain this in both teams, but I believe the individual differences will be the mold-breaker, with Kakashi's personal teaching style will be of great benefit to her confidence, as well as her presence spurring him to take a vested interest in their development. I have faith with this lineup, and should they pass your individual test to become Genin, I am asking the for the same faith from you all as well."

"Cut the fancy talk old man," the same former-speaking Jōnin hissed out a laugh, "you're just hoping that the gaki pours a lot of sunshine in her life to make her feel all better."

'Anko,' Hiruzen groaned internally at the snake mistress. Though she wasn't taking a team, she was sure as hell willing to spectate everyone else as they did. "If that is how you prefer to put it, then yes," he replied with a smile as his ideal played out in his head.

"Don't let Gai hear you say that pops," Asuma humored, much to the shivers down everyone else's spines. No one wanted to think about waves or rocky beaches or setting suns or failed Genjustu Releases. Shinobi of all calibers had been mentally scarred by that Kami-less Jutsu. Even Ibiki Morino of I&T was rumored to have been catatonic for a week after being subjected to its more powerful Stage Two. Truly, there was no greater torture. Then there were the rumors of Stage Three. Nope. No! Nonononono!

"Yoouuuuth," Anko whispered loudly, causing everyone to seize pleasantly to her sadistic amusement.

"Speaking of Gai and his overbearing personality," Kurenai wondered aloud, "has anyone seen his 'Eternal Rival in Youth'?"

They looked around, seeing neither height nor spiky silver hair of the former ANBU Captain.

Asuma chuckled a little, pulling his cigarette back to his mouth. "He's probably scoping out his potential team right now. Early I might add, for once. If that's the case, Kami have mercy on their souls. Team Seven will fall before it's even formed."

They all glanced at the orb again, some of them openly pitying the "Friend-Killer's" potential new team. Others were silently praying the team would fail, so the Kyuubi brat wouldn't become a ninja. Others were praying the opposite, so the Uchiha could become a ninja. Others still didn't bother, knowing that it wasn't so simple, especially when they could sense the almost unperceivable gleam of mischief in the Hokage's hat-brimmed eyes. Kami help them, that was a dangerous thing.

"Well now, the teams are sorted," Hiruzen nodded, his fingers intertwining in front of his face. "I think it's about time for you all to go and make preparations for your tests," he dismissed, earning a silent round of salutes, nods, and bows.

They filed out on foot, until only Kurenai and Asuma remained.

"Is there something else?" the old man asked, not looking forward to it, but needing to get back to finishing his paperwork. Naruto's recent affinity with the Shadow Clone Jutsu had given him a spark of inspiration on how to complete his work faster. Kami! Why hadn't he thought of it before? He could have spent sooo much time reading!

Kurenai wished to voice her displeasure again, but ultimately sighed and let it go. She knew Sarutobi men were extra thick-headed and saw no winning this battle. "No Hokage-sama. Thank you for explaining your decision." With a bow, she soon followed her fellow Jōnin.

Hiruzen looked up at his son. "I assume you have something to get off your chest. Although, given yours and Kurenai's… developing friendship, I think we both know why you are here."

Asuma didn't answer immediately, a finger resting on the tip of his cigarette as it was quietly lit by his chakra now that the room was empty. He inhaled softly before breathing out a steady stream of smoke to match his fathers. "Actually, I want to expand her question a little further, as I'm authentically curious."

Hiruzen nodded for him to continue. "Despite your claim for switching Hyuga and Haruno, I'm more curious as to why Naruto's involvement changes things. I get that boundless optimism of his will be good for Hinata and maybe for Sasuke and Kakashi, but what does he benefit from it?"

The Hokage smiled slightly in approval. "As you know, Naruto is incredibly cheerful, especially for one in his… situation." Asuma nodded, understanding the full-weight of everything left unspoken. "But how long can he maintain that Will by himself. I've seen first-hand just how he affects people who get to know him. His optimism is startling sometimes, but he wants nothing more than to prove himself worthy of respect.

"My hopes are simple: I would like to see that optimism shine in his squad; to begin healing it from the inside out, and to see it returned to him in earnest. I am reluctant to say, but it is a shame to see just how dark even our village can be, especially toward someone who has done nothing to earn it. And yet, his Will only grows stronger and brighter in spite of it. This is my attempt to give him a little bit of the good still left in this Village."

"Sounds like you put a lot of faith in him," Asuma stated, his gaze never wavering.

Hiruzen nodded before looking solemn. "To answer your original question though, I cannot say all of it due to conflict with the wishes of the Yondaime. However, Sasuke Uchiha is seen as something of a rival to Naruto, a peer he sees as strong. I believe this will spur him to get stronger, and if this arrangement should work, he will become something similar to Uchiha, and that rivalry will feed of itself, propelling them to new heights because of it. And because they are on the same squad, hopefully that rivalry will stem the beginnings of comradery. Given Sasuke's capability as an Uchiha, and Naruto's surprisingly quick mastery of a Jōnin-level technique, I believe we're looking at two very powerful shinobi in the making."

"And Hinata?" Asuma asked, releasing another stream of smoke.

Hiruzen's smile grew softer, almost sad. "I'm afraid that is as much as I can reveal. But let's just say that it is something that will be understood in time."

"And what of Kakashi? I don't suppose you'd leave him out of it, given your in-depth forethought."

"Kakashi was a student of Minato's, and Naruto sees the Fourth as his foremost ambition. I think learning about his idol from someone who trained under him will give him more realistic expectations of his goals to be Hokage." He said all of that with a smile, something Asuma wasn't buying completely. There was more the old man wasn't saying, but he knew that in Naruto's case, there was a lot SSS-rank bureaucratic red tape put in place by the Fourth that his father wasn't allowed to divulge on pain of death. Being the jailor of a demon came with that, but he was sensing something more to the story. He'd just have to make do with what he could learn. But he had an inkling or two that could lead to theories if he bothered to look into it, but it would be more trouble than it was worth.

"I guess that's as much as I can expect about the matter," Asuma relinquished, scratching the back of his head before turning to walk away.

"Asuma." He stopped to look his father in the eye, wondering if he was going to put a Hokage's stamp of silence on the conversation. Instead he was given a warm smile he rarely saw in most occassions. "You could do worse than Shinku Yūhi's daughter. While I know the relationship has been on and off, I truly hope she makes you happy."

He slumped slightly at his old man's teasing, scratching the back of his neck as his cigarette hung limply in his mouth. With a smile just as soft as his father's, he stood a little straighter. "Yeah. She does."

With that, the Hokage was left alone in his office save for the ANBU hidden from sight. He felt a weight fall on him in the silence, turning to look at a photo of his late-successor and thinking of the family that would never be. 'I pray I'm doing right by you, Minato. Kushina. I only hope that I've not caused more harm than good in my attempts to be both Hokage, and Jiji.' The thought of his surrogate grandson's nickname for him brought a small smile to his face.

He would admit, this team-up was a gamble. Kakashi wouldn't hesitate to fail any of them if they didn't live up to his standards. If he failed Sasuke, the civilian council would be in outrage that their Uchiha didn't make ninja. If he failed Hinata, Hiruzen only saw her home life growing bleaker than it already was. And Naruto… well, Naruto's dreams would be pulled out from under him.

But what if they succeeded?

Sasuke would have the opportunity to learn from the Copy Ninja himself in the event he awoke his Sharingan, but Kakashi would also be the man that could properly knock that inflated ego that had spawned within the boy down. Hinata would have a positive older male role model that could begin to counteract years of terrible parenting. While Hiruzen respected Hiashi, he didn't agree with his parenting style; even if the pot was calling the kettle black.

Placing Naruto with Kakashi was a no-brainer, especially since Hiruzen knew how close Kakashi was with the Fourth and his family. The Copy Ninja would ensure Naruto's safety as the Jinchūriki of the Kyuubi, but mainly as the son to his late mentor. If nothing else, Hiruzen wanted Kakashi to view this as a chance for redemption, considering the heavy weight of blame he'd been shouldering onto himself for over a decade.

Because the host of the Nine-Tails was unique in many aspects, and the prerequisite catalyst to repelling and maintaining the Beast's murderous chakra was unique as well. While Hiruzen had faith in the Fourth's initial sealing, it was a shame to see that loneliness slowly eroded at the boy, creating a void where the Kyuubi could insert its influence with time. While he had seen improvements over the past few years, Hiruzen could only hope that this new team would allow that void to begin fully filling in. Only time would tell if he'd made the right choice or not.

Hiruzen Sarutobi shook his head with a chuckle. 'Ah, I must be getting too old for this job.' The old monkey was starting to hope again in an occupation that so rarely allowed it.

"Getting old?" Anko. Of course she was still there, her presence almost completely erased.

"Older than I'd like to admit, yet here I am," he answered with a chuckle.

"I have a report," she offered, explaining her hanging back instead of leaving with the others. "From last night's capture and interrogation of that bastard, Mizuki."

"Thank you, Anko," the Hokage said with a heavier sigh. He took the scroll, but made no move to open it. "You were the only other person last night that witnessed the event, besides Mizuki."

"Yes, Iruka Umino and I both," she confirmed, a sour look crossing her features before she shivered slightly. "I don't think the Gaki remembers most of it."

"And why the relief?"

"Like you weren't watching in that crystal ball of yours," she stated, earning a nod from her village leader.

"Leave us," he stated. Immediately, five of his ANBU hidden in the room dispersed, leaving the Hokage with the Snake Mistress. Hiruzen lifted his pipe to take another puff before exhaling another stream of smoke. "The seal loosened for a brief moment." He contemplated his next words, knowing full-well that Anko was already aware of the finer details of situation. She had to be. "When Jinchūriki experience strong distress or anger, the seal that binds their Bijuu is temporarily weakened as a defense mechanism, allowing their Bijuu's chakra to filter into them. Naruto's seal is special in the regard that a trickle of that chakra is always mixing with his. But I understand that a much larger quantity of the Fox's chakra leaked out."

"Some?" Anko said incredulously. "He released visible red chakra before pounding Mizuki in."

"Under any other circumstance, I believe he would have been fine," Sarutobi stated, staring straight at the special Jōnin indifferently. "But his precious Onee-chan was potentially in danger. Of course more of the Fox's chakra leaked out."

She didn't like how nonchalant the Hokage was acting, but she understood his faith. It was terrifying in the moment, but hindsight was funnier looking back on it as she relived that moment.

Flashback: Last Night…

"Iruka! Move!" Anko shouted, moving as fast as she could to intercept the Fūma Shuriken that Mizuki had thrown. She'd just barely found him in time. While Iruka was undoubtedly better at tracking the village's number one prankster, she knew how the little shit operated when he wanted to hide. It hadn't been hard to find him after that, and she was a mere minute or two behind the Academy Instructor. But she was too late to save him from the initial and literal stab in the back.

"Ninja Technique: Fūma Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Mizuki shouted holding the Ram sign, three more of the windmill shuriken forming even as they flew, each relaunching with a unique trajectory meant to overwhelm his opponents. The Snake Mistress was arguably the strongest of the two, with Iruka basically constituting as a meat-slab for all he was worth at the moment, leaning against a tree.

Two of the cloned massive shuriken were on a collision course with Anko even as she tried to stop the original. The original was heading straight for Iruka, while the remaining cloned tool was positioned just to the side to prevent any attempt of his to dodge the original. It was a perfect setup, especially from a guy that could have made Jōnin if it wasn't for his shit psychological profile.

She didn't have time to use the Summoning Technique, and she'd still need to make a hand sign for the Hidden Shadow Snake Hands, which would prevent her grabbing the shuriken heading for Iruka. 'Fuck!'

The whizz of smaller shuriken flew through the air, colliding hard enough with the larger Fūma shuriken with a loud clang! that sent them off course and slicing through several branches before hitting the trunks of separate trees with resounding thunks!

Mizuki didn't get chance to even question the circumstances when a knee met his nose with a sickening crunch!, sending him flying backwards before he slid along the ground.

"I swear to Kami, if you ever lay so much as a pin prick on my sensei or my Onee-chan…"

Mizuki clutched his bleeding nose as he looked up to see the blue eyes of the villages number one unpredictable, hyperactive ninja. Unlike before, there was a wrath-filled scowl across the blonde's face, his pupils were slit, and a steady wisp of blood red chakra was violently emitting all around his body. And yet, he still looked reasonably in control–

"…I'll murder you so hard, you'll shit yourself for a month!" Or not.

"Ha! It's just like I said! He is the Nine-Tailed Fox!"

Anko froze at that, landed slightly awkwardly on her feet in shock, looking back to see a distraught Iruka looking down at the ground. 'So, it's out in the open. He knows about it now.' This wasn't the way she would have wanted to break it the kid. She should have been there to reassure him. She… just should have been there.

"Bitch, I'm Naruto "Fuck-Mothering" Uzumaki," Naruto growled, his fingers crossing in a familiar sign that had Anko and Iruka's eyes widening comically. "And you done goofed the moment you tried to kill the people I care about! Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

And then there were one… two… three… hundred? Anko lost count really quickly. Each of them glaring daggers with their blue slit eyes, none of the red chakra remained as it dispersed evenly among the lot of them.

"Alright ya bastards, group up, pin him down, and castrate him with blunt-force trauma!" the original Naruto shouted, as if he hadn't just cast the Jutsu for the first time.

"HAI!" the congregation of Naruto's exclaimed.

They then proceeded to pin down Mizuki, bent him over, lined up, and proceeded to kick him repeatedly in the dick one by one.

Repeatedly.

Mizuki's howls filled the night sky, until they were reduced to whimpers after the first twenty kicks. Too bad there was still two-hundred eighty more clones (plus?) to go.

End of Flashback

Back to the Present…

"It was sadistic is what it was. And totally worth it. It gave a whole new definition to "blue balls"." Anko didn't know she was smirking until the Hokage cleared his throat. She quickly wiped it off her face, her cheek muscles threatening to return to a smile.

"I wonder where he got that from," Hiruzen commented half-sarcastically, barely concealing his humor. Still, just thinking about it had him shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "But you have nothing to worry about Anko. The seal is still in place, and it would take something of similar or greater magnitude to even trigger such a reaction.

"Hopefully by the time his team is ready for larger scale missions, he'll have a better grasp of what the Shinobi life entails. Including ways to productively deal with potential danger to his comrades."

Anko nodded before bowing. "Then by your leave." She was turning to leave when she frowned and looked back.

"You put him on Kakashi's team on purpose, didn't you?"

"What-ever could you mean, Anko?" the Hokage asked with a questioning falsetto, that sly gleam crossing his eye again in a way that sent shivers up the Snake Mistress's spine. "But if you must know, Kakashi has had, and I quote, "dibs" on him for years. It's not my fault if something has happened since then."

She openly glared at the village lead before turning to leave, her eyes slitting for a moment just like her nickname sake. "I hope you don't go around implying anything Old Man." She walked out with a wave over her shoulder. "Laters!"

The Hokage just chuckled to himself. 'Things will be very interesting indeed.' He looked up at the clock, then down at his paperwork stacks. "Hmm. I have about five minutes." And with that the Hokage reached down into his desk drawer, pulling out a particular orange-backed book, and flipped it open to where his bookmark rested. "Oh! Mitasha-chan! You naughty girl," he giggled pervertedly.

Author's Note:

Heads-up: I'm not sure how often I'll be posting these yet, or if it will continue. This is mostly to relieve the pressure on my brain. Because it's a Sample Story, if I get serious about writing this, it will be subject to changes. So not everything here will be gospel if I come back to it.

I have the next couple chapters laid out, so... we'll see.