I started this story in early 2019. I've been writing it on and off, sometimes working on other shorter fics in between. I picked it up the last trimester of my pregnancy, and I worked hard to finish it before giving birth to my daughter. But it couldn't be! I had to stop writing when I was 36k+ words into my story. Just one chapter to finish writing + corrections. But Ayumi, my daughter, decided to come before I could finish it.

Finally, after some weeks of barely functioning enough to breastfeed my daughter and change diapers, and despite my limited time and lack of sleep, I finished it!

The plot was an idea that I had in mind for a long time, and it took me longer to write, but here it is! I can't believe I'm finally publishing it! I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did writing it. It's the longest story I've ever written. It wasn't easy, but I'm proud of it.

Please, if you read and enjoy it, leave me a review! I would love to read your comments. Thank you in advance!

Also remember, English is not my native language. I did my best and tried to correct it myself, and I probably failed more than once. I want to thank Fran for helping me since I told her my idea back in 2019 and my beta Mike, who will be helping me with my grammar after recovering from health issues. Get well soon, Mike! And of course, thanks to my patrons for supporting me and cheering me on to finish it. You are the best!

I'll be posting some new and old drawings on my social networks along with my chapters, don't miss them!

This is a Shamy fic. Trust me in there when you start reading *wink*

Enjoy!

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Lazily, Sheldon looked at the wall clock at his university's office.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

It was mocking him. Why wasn't it time to go home?

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

He huffed in exasperation. How did everything change? In another situation, he would have been happy to have more hours to work. The more, the better! As many hours as possible! Now, though, what was the point of working if his mind was elsewhere?

On Amy, to be precise.

He mentally counted for the umpteenth time: 2165 hours 57 minutes 14 seconds had passed since their fifth anniversary. Since the last day she had been with him. Roughly three months since that call where she had said she needed a break. A break from what exactly? From him? She hadn't been precise when she had told him that. Uncertain things made him feel uneasy. Also, did he have to count that moment as their break starting point? Or before that when she had left his apartment on their anniversary night? Or maybe after that, when they were in the Wolowitz home for Leonard's wedding, when she… shouted at him. The different options messed with his head and were driving him crazy. Were they broken up for real? Were they pausing their relationship? She never mentioned canceling the relationship agreement. He didn't either. On purpose, in his case. He just omitted that in his favor. They still had a binding contract between them, even if that didn't seem to be helpful right now. He hadn't seen her and he hadn't been able to talk to her, so what was the point of their contract if he couldn't contact her?

That was another thing that bothered him beyond reason. Why had she left him with no means of communication whatsoever? He had tried to talk to her so many times. He had called her but all the calls ended in voicemail. He had emailed her, texted her, and messaged her on social media. He even did a 'Fun with flags' episode talking about her. She had quickly come to scold him. It wasn't the effect he had sought, but it was something, a reaction. He had felt hopeful that night.

After that, though, nothing.

She kept avoiding him, and he didn't like to be ignored or 'ghosted', a concept that Howard had taught him. Sheldon had never liked ghosts, so he didn't like that idea at all.

He missed talking to her, their incredibly satisfying and high-leveled conversations, her witty responses, her intelligent comments, their self-made games. He missed being with her. Her company had been a constant in these last five years of his life. And that was something he couldn't replace in any way, not that he wanted to.

Amy leaving his life left him with a void he never expected to have. Not even when his Pop-pop died, had he felt like this. It was strange. He knew love hurt but never expected it to hurt this much. He had tried to protect himself from it all this time, from unnecessary love. But it had been inevitable. He had fallen too deeply for her; it was too late to take that back. The only conclusion was love. He had thoroughly thought about their relationship during his sleepless nights. Those nights had happened all too often lately. His lack of sleep was taking a toll on him. He had thought Amy disrupted his life when she came in, but the reality was, his world was upside down since she left him with nothing.

Sheldon stared at his whiteboard, trying to get his mind to work again. But it was impossible. Every time he tried, equations morphed into Amy's face, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders, her eyes looking at him intensely. Numbers morphed into her body, reminding him of all the personal calculations he had done of her, because yes, he had her body all mapped out in his head. And her mind… her beautiful mind was there too.

Amy. Amy. Amy.

He couldn't work like this anymore. He was upset with himself for not being able to focus anymore. Why couldn't he just dismiss his feelings and continue his life? Why?

He knew why. Letting Amy go was not an option. It had never been. But Sheldon felt lost and didn't know what to do. Their friends had not been helpful at all. 'Take your time,' 'Let her be,' 'Don't contact her if she doesn't want to talk,' 'Give her space.' Ridiculous! How was he supposed to get her back without talking to her? The 'give her space' idea was just dumb. What was that supposed to mean? Give her a warehouse? Give her a galaxy? It baffled him.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Sheldon couldn't work like this. He sighed, capped his marker, sat down at his desk, and put his head down. Why was everything so complicated? He scratched his head, trying to throw all thoughts about Amy out of his mind, but it was impossible.

Maybe a distraction would help.

He opened his laptop and tapped his desk with his fingers. Let's see. He had reviewed all his important emails, cleaned his desktop, and organized everything. That felt good! Order calmed him down. But even with setting order around him, he still felt like chaos was sucking him in.

While browsing his social media, he felt guilty. He had never wasted University time on checking Facebook. Also, he wasn't interested in Raj's last movie recommendation or Penny's new shoes.

Boring. Everything was boring.

But his mind was blocked. Feeling unproductive was something he hated. He had complained how having boyfriend duties took time away from his work, but he realized it wasn't as he had believed. Now that he thought about it, Amy always encouraged him to put his best effort into his work. He constantly talked to her about what he was working on, and she listened, and he appreciated her opinions. Sheldon missed that so much. It took some time to get used to it, but he ended up welcoming Amy's help.

Amy's love.

Did she still love him? A shudder traveled through his body. Maybe she didn't love him anymore. It can't be, he thought, shaking his head. She didn't explain why she left him. She would have told him if she didn't love him anymore, right? He felt lost, and that was a feeling he hated too, with all his being. He needed to put order to these thoughts and feelings. Maybe that way, he would understand why Amy left him. But that was scary. Also, what would he accomplish with that? Would he be able to let her go? To be by himself as he had always wanted and cherished before knowing her? Did he still want that? He knew the answer and felt weak. Weak for depending on another human being to be complete again. When did that happen?

Working on unraveling the secrets of the universe sounded easier than trying to understand emotions.

Sheldon sighed. Maybe he would clean his spam folder, which was always relaxing to him. Work and Physics be damned. He would not change the world today or win a Nobel, if any.

He clicked the spam folder and lazily browsed the hundreds of trash messages that were sitting there. It had been only three days since he last cleaned it. How much spam could he receive? He always reviewed it. You never knew if an important email got lost in there. Maybe Amy sent him something? But he had her as a VIP email, so it wasn't possible that it went there. He was dying to receive an answer from her, unless it was the termination of the relationship agreement. That was not allowed to happen.

He started scrolling. Boring, boring, boring, what is that? I don't need enlargements of my privates, trolls, scam, scam, a prince in Africa wants to make me a millionaire? Ridiculous. How do people fall for these scams?

"Uhm? What is that?"

Complete your profile to get your match. One of the messages caught Sheldon's attention.

"Oh no! Did Raj and Howard put me on another dating site?" He said in exasperation. "I already got rid of the other one." He mumbled to himself. This message couldn't be from five years ago, as the email was recent.

Sheldon checked and researched the matching service online. It wasn't the one the guys signed him up five years ago. Maybe they signed him up to different ones? If so, he needed to check and delete his profile immediately, from everywhere. He never intended to have a partner until he met Amy, and surprisingly, Sheldon liked it more than he expected. But because it was Amy! She was his perfect match. She was his unique, once-in-a-lifetime chance to love and be loved.

Sheldon looked away from his laptop and took a moment to replay his memories. Since they met in the coffee shop, he knew. There was something in her that caught his attention. Amy was so brilliant, probably the only person who could reach his level of intelligence. She was also so modest and so womanly. He liked her. Of course, he never told her or the guys about it. Nor how he enjoyed their conversations and her company. The way she cared for him was comforting. He cared for her as well. Those comfortable feelings became stronger and deeper with time, more complex and confusing, scary even. Sheldon didn't understand his feelings back then, not the way he understood them now.

In any case, he didn't want to be part of a database that served for nothing, nor wanted to deal with any possible match. He wasn't interested at all. He was determined to delete his profile once for all.

He opened the website in his browser and tried to log in. The password, of course, was easy to figure out. The guys were so predictable. On the third try, he got in without any problem. He studied the website and the information presented. The website showed very little information in the public section, and he was glad that it didn't display his name and occupation. Personal information seemed private and only used for the algorithms to provide a match. Only a username was public.

"Cowboy blue?"

Sheldon scoffed, seeing the pseudonym his friends chose for him. That was preposterous. What were they thinking? Maybe they chose that nickname because of 'Cowboy Bebop,' the anime, or was it because of his Texan origin? Did they think that would work?! Attract anyone with his origin state? Like he had to like someone for being from Oregon or Arkansas. That was simply stupid! He reviewed the private personal information displayed in front of him. Not for anything in particular, but he was just curious about what his so-called friends used this time, and in case he wanted to scold them later. "They will hear from me...I swear." He muttered. Surprisingly, It was pretty accurate, a very high profile in studies, no wonder that there weren't any matches. But if last time he matched with Amy, then maybe Howard and Raj didn't do too bad, and those algorithms weren't as bad as he initially thought.

"Delete profile button… delete profile button…." Sheldon mumbled while browsing the site. "This user interface is so bad..." He continued saying out loud to no one in particular. He appreciated a good user experience in a website, and that was nothing near a good experience for him.

Sheldon was startled by a pop-up window that appeared in the middle of the screen.

"What the..."

'Please complete your profile: "Are you in search of true love?" Yes / No'

Sheldon blinked twice, processing that question.

What a stupid question, Sheldon thought. He believed all the stupid individuals that signed up in pages like this had the mirage of seeking something that didn't exist. True love didn't exist. Once, he almost thought it did, maybe, some months ago. But it was a mirage, a lie, a constructed narrative of a society sick on their eternal search for happiness. He was glad he had science with him and not all this hokum in his head like an alien parasite. Or at least he was trying to get rid of it.

No close button? Or cancel button? Just yes or no?

"What a bad design!" He exclaimed, frustrated. "I'll write to the developers and make a report about this awful user experience!" They will hear from him too, first Wolowitz and Koothrappali for signing him up on a dating site without his consent, and then these website developers for bad design. "Deleting this garbage should be easier, and omnipresent pop-ups with no more options to answer should be forbidden!"

He had to answer, against his will. There wasn't another way out. He just wanted to delete his profile from that stupid page.

The answer was easy, though.

"No." He clicked.

Ping

'Congrats! You have a match!' Another pop-up appeared in front of him.

The dating site launched a chat pop up with the name 'Emerald' and a message that said:

"Hi."

Oh no! Sheldon panicked. A woman is talking to me thinking I'm interested in her? No, no, no, no!

What he didn't know was that this was an automatic message. He thought that the woman on the other side was greeting him, he could have ignored that, but his mother had not raised him that way. Not to answer seemed rude, so he typed back.

"Hi."

Sheldon waited a few seconds, and the status of 'Emerald' changed to three dots. Someone was typing.

"Hi."

Dear Lord! This situation reminded him of when Leonard met Penny. How many times can a woman say 'Hi'?! He needed to set this straight and finally be able to delete his profile, once for all.

"I'm not interested in any relationship right now, and I was trying to delete my profile on this website."

"I wasn't interested anyway." The woman typed back.

Sheldon's pride kicked him in the gut. How could this woman say that she wasn't interested in him? He was one of the most brilliant people in the world, good-looking, and a physics Nobel winner in the near future.

"I am in a relationship right now." The woman added.

Me as well, Sheldon thought. He was about to type that, but he couldn't lie, even to a stranger. For him, he was still with Amy, but Amy was being stubborn and had broken up with him. His heart ached thinking about Amy again.

Trying to decide what to type, curiosity got him first.

"Why do you have an active profile on a dating site if you are in a relationship?" Sheldon asked instead. Maybe she was stupid, and if the algorithm matched him with her, it proved it was hokum.

"I was on different dating sites before. I forgot to delete this one. Like you, I guess."

"Not like me, let me be precise. I never signed up on any site."

"Then how are you here?"

"My friends signed me up."

"Were they helping you?"

More like pranking me, Sheldon thought.

"They did it without my consent. My so-called friends are not truthful. Like these algorithms. They are all hokum."

The woman didn't reply for some minutes. Sheldon was about to close the chat. Why was he losing time chatting with a stranger now?

"You sound like someone I know." She finally answered.

"A smart someone, I have to say."

"I would agree with you about the hokum algorithms, but I met my boyfriend through one of these sites."

Curiosity got on him again, as it wasn't easy to match with him, so that woman probably was a high profile. Did she get into a relationship thanks to a dating site? Like he did with Amy?

"Well, I have to say I also met my girlfriend that way."

"So, are you in a relationship?"

"Yes."

Sheldon closed his eyes and couldn't help himself. He didn't need to give personal information to anyone and leave her thinking he was in a perfect relationship right now. He couldn't lie.

"But in reality, no." He added quickly.

"Interesting. Shrödinger?"

Sheldon made a slight nod to himself. He liked that answer. Maybe this woman was smarter than he first thought. Of course, she had to be if she was a match to him.

"She left me." There was no need to go into details. "But it's temporary. I'm going to get her back."

"Good luck then." She typed.

"I don't believe in luck." Sheldon quickly replied. He never relied on luck to achieve his goals.

The woman didn't reply for a minute.

"Neither do I, but it's a common way to wish that the other achieve their goal."

A stupid social convention. Sheldon was about to type that on the chat when the stranger typed first.

"Do you love her?"

Sheldon blinked twice. He didn't expect that direct question from an anonymous woman. He typed fast and clicked enter before even realizing what he had written.

"I do. She is the only one I love, and that I'll ever love."

Sheldon leaned back in his chair, surprised, reading his own reply on the screen. Where did that come from? He was talking like Leonard. He wasn't ashamed of his feelings, but to say it out loud (or virtually say it, at least) to a stranger was a new feeling. At least he felt he could speak freely without the fear of being judged. That woman didn't know him or his problems.

"Then I'm sure you will get her back." She typed after what Sheldon felt was an eternity.

For a moment, after a very long time, Sheldon felt a spike of hope in his chest. He was going to get her back. He could do it. He would work on it.

"I will."

If only he knew where to start. He excused himself and closed his laptop. He needed to go home and think about this thoroughly. He needed to make a plan to talk to Amy, to make her see her mistake. He would delete the dating site profile in another moment. He stood up with a new resolution. Getting Amy back was his number one priority, and he needed to start working on it immediately.

On the other side of Caltech, Amy was still looking at her phone, dazed.

"That was an odd conversation." She muttered while putting her phone in her bag before leaving her lab for the day. "Very odd indeed."

To be continued...

I told you, trust me in here *wink wink*

I use "Emerald" in reference to Hazelra7 "The Emerald Vixen". Go read all her fics! They are incredibly amazing!

Thanks for your reviews!