"So I'm to be your cohort, prancing about the timelines tidying up the mess while you take all the credit?" Loki swiped imaginary dust off of his brand new regulation windbreaker. "I give you points for dreaming ambitiously, but no. Not on your life."
"You'll get credit," Mobius said. "Eventually. If you prove yourself. Lots of offenders get work releases, commutations, that sort of thing. Anything's possible."
The god arched an elegant brow. Mobius didn't like how much he liked that, already.
"Commutation? And how, pray tell, is that done?"
Mobius sipped his coffee, unaware of what his words would unleash.
"Oh, it's easy. Just do the work. Impress the Time Keepers."
Loki's chin rose and his eyes narrowed, a look Mobius came to know well.
To those in the loop it was an announcement silently screamed. Attention unsuspecting peons, the great Loki of Asgard is about to do something pants-shittingly amazing. Please leave the vicinity and move far away.
Mobius did not yet know this. He soon learned. Everyone who happened to be assigned to their unit did.
When Loki looked at you like that, you ran.
And then you got your binoculars, because whatever happened next was going to be fun.
One
The first time Loki impressed him was actually that same day they met.
After Mobius got him a uniform and a badge they stopped off at the cafeteria. Poor dude hadn't eaten the whole time he'd been invading, and though he hadn't asked for food Mobius knew.
He hadn't known though.
In all his research and observation he'd never paid attention to that. It hadn't been important until...
Until it was right smack dab in front of him.
Three decimated lunch trays were piled in a stack, the fourth nearly empty in front of Loki.
A fifth was en route courtesy of a very frightened Casey (who for some reason flinched when the buffet workers offered him the trout?).
Loki put a large fluffy roll between his teeth and tore it in half like a feral wolf. He chewed and swallowed with gusto, then moved on to draining his soda can in one pull.
Belching unabashedly, he crushed it flat and threw the can corpse on the ground.
"That was excellent. Casey, another! Chop, chop."
The clerk shivered, and sprinted to the vending machine with sweat running down his forehead.
The fourth tray joined the first three, and Loki devoured the fifth with no sign of slowing down.
"Wow," Mobius said, and inched backward in his seat.
Two
The second time came not long after the first. The next day in fact.
It was a standard raid, but they were chasing the Loki variant so of course it went tits up.
How they got into the chains Mobius didn't remember—the mystery gas saw to that—but the result was the two of them back to back in magic dampening cuffs, their wrists bound to their ankles.
Six rough looking characters entered the dark warehouse, and Mobius was ready to cut a deal right then. No case was worth dying for.
Turned out it wasn't necessary, because Loki somehow got his hands out of the cuffs and proceeded to beat all six of them bloody.
Mobius watched, incredulous, as one thug got thrown into two of the others. All three flew crashing into a forklift.
Criminal number four broke his own fist on Loki's chest, gripping it and screaming in shock at the density of a five hundred pound Jotnar body.
Number five got Loki with a surprise Judo throw while he was laughing at number four's stupidity. That put the god on the deck, but the only reward for Five was having Loki's chained ankles wrapped around his throat.
Six tried to take Loki while he was waiting for Five to pass out, but that ended with Six in a headlock.
Loki cackled while the two men cried like babies.
"Where's she gone, brigands? Who among you will squeal like the disloyal swine you are?"
All six yelled a date and location, and this time there was real dust for Loki to wipe off.
"Wooow."
"Lunch?" Loki asked.
"Totally," he nodded, and grinned crookedly as Loki bunny hopped to where his female counterpart hung the handcuff keys.
Three
The next one took some time.
A few weeks passed, during which they turned up false lead after false lead. Loki complained endlessly about the tracking anklet Renslayer made him wear.
It was heavy and affected his fighting—even though he had no trouble wearing his ridiculous helmet that weighed twice as much.
It was ugly and the blinking light kept him awake at night—but didn't stop him snoring like a foghorn and waking Mobius in the next room.
It chafed his tender, sensitive god skin—which was…actually true, but Mobius got him lotion for it and it wasn't that bad really.
Mobius knew the guy was frustrated, but the death glares and barbed comments were starting to grate.
Pressure built as weeks passed with no hints of success. The god became increasingly rude to the clerks and support staff. Finally Mobius had enough. He confronted him, maybe a little too gruffly in retrospect.
Loki unhinged his jaw and screamed.
"YOUEXPECTMETOBECALMINTHISINTOLERABLENIGHTMARE?YOUEXPECTMETONODANDSMILEANDSAYTHANKYOUVERYMUCHTOTHEINBECILESWHOTHINKTHEMSELVESABOVEME?MEALITERALALLPOWERFULGOD?HEWHOWASWRONGLYCONVICTEDOFACRIMEWHICHISONLYACRIMEBECAUSEYOURGLORIOUSLEADERSTHINKTHEMSELVESTHELORDSOFALLTIME?ISTHATWHATYOUEXPECTYOUHORRIBLEARSENOSEDSIMPLETON?!"
Mobius squinted, waiting for the god to finish.
" ? ?SHALLWESTANDHEREANDSEEWHICHOCCURSFIRST?MYREGRETORYOURINEVITABLEPOINTLESSDEATH?SHALLWEWAITANDSEEWHOLAUGHSLASTYOUHORRIBLEWASTEOFORGANICMATTER?"
"Wooooow." Mobius wiped the spittle off his face with his tie. "You done?"
Loki panted, his face red and eyes bloodshot. He glanced at their surroundings.
A dozen or so clerks and secretaries stood frozen, some of them midway through handing over case files or putting down their coffee mugs.
The god pursed his lips, and swept a hand through his hair to neaten it.
"Y-Yes, I do believe I am."
Mobius put a hand to his shoulder and squeezed, one side of his mouth lifting in a sympathetic grin.
"Feel better now?"
Loki jutted out his chin, and averted his gaze mulishly. "... yes."
"Okay. Good. Lunch?"
His ears turned slightly pink as the stares of their coworkers lingered.
"...verily."
They put away seven trays between them, and Mobius slipped an extra juice box in his coat pocket.
Grape was Loki's favorite, and the guy clearly needed whatever small treats he could get.
Four
They got a hit on the variant later that week, and it went about as well as expected. A promising start followed by a clever trick, and then they were falling through a rift in time-space.
It was very cold, and the magic around them glowed a miasma of pretty colors. Mint and indigo and teal and aqua.
Just when Mobius thought they'd be falling forever, the ground appeared suddenly and unsympathetically under his ass.
Loki's made a six inch dent in... whatever they landed on. Junk, mostly.
Sitting up, Mobius rubbed his lower back and took in the scene.
A large chamber, about the size of a sports stadium but with tile and gilded walls instead of plastic seats.
Mountains of mismatched objects made a skyline across the landscape, the piles teetering precariously and powdered with dust.
Cobwebs covered the mass of objects, some of which Mobius recognized from his training as tools of the arcane.
Loki sat and groaned, gazing around with less interest. He got up and executed a barely controlled fall down the slope.
"What's up? You know where this is?" Mobius said.
Loki rubbed his ass with a sour look on his face. His hair stuck up in the back, and a steadily unwinding scroll was stuck to the bottom of his shoe.
"Naturally." He kicked and wriggled until the scroll came loose.
"Can you get us out?"
The floor was completely obscured by detritus and Loki stumbled through it, occasionally teleporting when the path became too treacherous.
"Touch nothing!" Loki said.
Mobius paused in the process of lifting something that looked suspiciously like a gravity amplifier.
"...why?"
"I have an exceedingly complex organization system that you couldn't possibly understand."
Frowning, Mobius gave the room a second scan. Piles of shit...arcane objects...green and gold tapestries on the walls.
"No way."
"Hush," Loki snapped.
"This isn't-"
"I said hush!"
Mobius climbed to his feet, taking in the absolutely unfathomable mess and overflowing capacity of Loki's pocket dimension.
"And by the Norns if you mention this to anyone I will charm your belts to be slightly too tight no matter which hole you use."
"Wow," Mobius shook his head in wonder. "Just... wooooooooooow."
Five
The day they finally, actually caught Lady Loki Mobius had long since given up.
Months and months of being this close had taken a toll on his optimism. Loki had reached a certain zen about the situation, though maybe that was just pride at his other self's accomplishments.
Either way, Mobius was in a funk. He decided to rectify it like he always did—with a detailed review of the case file and a finger of scotch.
Loki was unwinding in his own way, locked in their shared bathroom doing whatever he did in there that left the tub stained purple and the towels glittery.
After an hour or so, something caught Mobius' eye. A detail he'd missed. All at once it clicked.
He threw the bathroom door open without thinking, overeager to spell out his discovery to his partner in time.
Loki, for his part, wasn't bothered by the intrusion. Asgardians generally weren't fussed by nudity, and Loki in particular had a tendency to walk around the apartment naked just to make him uncomfortable.
The tub was full to Loki's chest, lurid magenta bubbles swirling on the surface and sending up an overwhelming scent of lilac.
Without preamble, Mobius launched into an energetic rundown of the facts, the connections, the one glaring conclusion. A lead to the location of the variant's lair, where they could take advantage of her arrogance and catch her off guard.
Once he finished he trailed off, a bit put out by Loki's lack of reaction.
"Well? What are you waiting for? Let's get going. We could finish this right here and get your sentence cleared. Come on!"
Sighing, Loki stood, the water cascading down his toned body. Trails of pink rolled over his pecs and drew lines down his abs, and without meaning to Mobius's eyes fell on his very large and erect—
"W-"
"Don't say it!"
"-ooooooooooooooooow."
Loki growled, stepping over the side of the tub and (in Mobius' estimation) making a much bigger mess than strictly necessary out of spite.
"It had to be right then, didn't it? Right as I was—honestly, I have one, one, place I can be alone and you just barged right in and-"
"OK, OK, OK, I'm sorry! It won't happen again, I was just excited-"
"So was I," Loki huffed, snatching a towel from the rack and wrapping himself in it with sharp movements. "But not to worry, you've well and truly dispelled that emotion."
His wet feet slapped loudly as he stomped to his room, trailing fuscia puddles and emerald star-shaped glitter the whole way.
"Um-"
"Five minutes, oaf. Give me five minutes, since I can't even magic on my clothes in this ghastly place."
The door slammed behind him. Only then did Mobius laugh.
Plus One
Loki perhaps exaggerated his upset over the tub too much. He worried his keeper might have caught on.
He'd worked out his other self's plot almost as soon as they'd begun, but one conversation and he'd known he could not betray her.
This place was awful, oppressive, boring. The worst thing a place could be. He could never sentence her to the same treatment. Like him she only wanted purpose, a sense of meaning.
Without Odin or Asgard or a brother to chase, what was she? A rebel, it seemed.
A respectable enough answer. One he'd long since decided to emulate.
He dragged his feet for months out of fear he would fail. He wanted to join her, not doom them both. The escape had to be clean, and victimless, because maybe the damned agent had gotten under his skin in some ways.
Nerves rose in him as they prepared to raid his variant's secret place, the details of his plan running through his mind as the Hunters got into lines.
They stepped through time, and then it was a matter of dizzying pace. Running, tussling, betraying the overly faithful agent right to his face.
To his surprise Mobius smiled as Loki stood beside himself. His double activated a temporal charge, and placed it on the ground.
"Time's up, gents. It's been fun, but I got what I came for." She put her fingers to her helm in a mocking salute. "Adieu."
"Sir, it's-"
"I know," Mobius sheathed his weapon. "No time to fight. Retreat."
Loki hadn't expected that, had anticipated an uncomfortable brawl.
The man had been good to him, however difficult it was to admit. In a world full of cruelty, he'd been kind.
"You would admit failure to Renslayer?" he asked, amazed. "You risk deletion for me."
The charge on the ground beeped. Ten seconds, nine—
Reaching into his pocket, Mobius took out the remote to Loki's anklet. He pressed a button and the device beeped.
"Sir, the timeline is red lining, we have to-"
"I'm coming, I'm coming," the agent said carelessly, like he always did when someone rushed him.
He stepped backward into the temporal doorway, his hand lifted in an open palmed wave. "Good luck, you two! Here's hoping I don't see you."
Just like that he was gone.
The charge's countdown got louder, the final warning before the timeline reset. His other self touched his shoulder, and then everything turned black and green.
They landed in a place of no consequence. He stumbled to a rickety park bench and sat.
The unblinking light of his anklet stared back at him, dead.
The lady quirked her mouth and set a hand to her hip.
"Yeah, he does that sometimes. He's compromised. You get used to it."
Summoning a dagger—and how good did that feel? Calling to Yggdrasil and feeling his seiðr flow? Sublime—he cut the strap and massaged the long imprisoned flesh.
Mobius let him go, had let both of them go. He risked his life to do it.
"Wow," he mumbled, sitting back and looking up at the night sky.
He took his first deep breath of free air, and smiled.