Sunday 3 September 1939, 11:15 am.
"Mr Farnon?"
Siegfried barely heard the woman's voice, but since he wasn't too focused on the papers in front of him, he didn't miss it.
"Yes?"
He waited for an answer that didn't come and with a sigh he got up from his chair and left his studio.
"Mrs Hall?"
He found her standing in the middle of the living room, her back to him. The vet didn't even need to see her face to understand that she was worried. Her body was talking to him.
"What's it? What's happening? Why-"
This is London, you will now hear a statement by the Prime Minister.
The radio interrupted him and he felt weak. They had been waiting for that day for months now, but nothing could have prepared him for those words. Three steps and he found himself next to her, but she wasn't looking at him or the radio, her gaze was lost somewhere else. He wanted to say something, reassure her, but the radio – an object he used to love that suddenly turned into his worst enemy - spoke again.
I am speaking to you from the cabinet room at 10 Downing Street.
Chamberlain's words invaded the room, their home and the whole nation. His heart sank into his chest and irrationally he hoped to receive good news. At another time he would call himself a complete bloody idiot.
This morning the British ambassador in Berlin handed the German government a final note stating that unless we heard from them by 11 o'clock that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Poland, a state of war would exist between us.
She moved for the first time since he entered the room, her hands flew to her own face as she turned away from him, trying to hide her reactions. They already shared worrying theories about the situation in Poland, the Nazi invasion was everywhere in the newspapers and they knew enough about foreign policy and war strategy to understand what would happen next.
I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received
Siegfried saw his housekeeper's body shake with a sob and this time he couldn't help himself. He moved towards his friend, grabbed her by the elbow and brought her to him. At the exact moment he gathered Mrs Hall in his arms, Chamberlain spoke again.
and that consequently this country is at war with Germany.
He closed his eyes and tightened his grip around her. She let out a chocked scream and weakly fought him, trying to free herself from his arms, but he knew she wasn't angry with him. She was mad with the whole world.
"Sshh" he whispered in her ear and when he felt her surrender to him, Siegfried allowed himself to cry about what was happening. He couldn't even hear Chamberlain's words anymore, not when she was clutching at him as if she was drowning and he was the only person who could save her. But who would save him? She was his anchor and he needed her as much as she needed him. Maybe more.
"Not again." Audrey murmured.
Yet I cannot believe that there is anything more, or anything different, that I could have done and that would have been more successful.
Sadness turned into anger, only a year before they were toasting the prime minister and the peace he seemed to guarantee. A year back they were celebrating the Herriots engagement and had silly chats about their normal lives. But now, now he was crying in his living room and watching the most important person in his life break into a thousand pieces.
"Not again." She kept murmuring against his shoulder "please God, not again."
He closed his eyes, her words repeated as a pray, while Chamberlain's voice seemed more distant than ever. At that moment, Siegfried envied her faith. She had what he lost years before: something to believe and a God to pray.
Then, suddenly, she broke their embrace and when he dared to look at her something inside him died. She was terrified and reminded him of a particular frightened bunny they had to deal with a few weeks back. The memory didn't really match what they were feeling, but his mind automatically went to that fun afternoon..
"What were you thinking?!"
"Mrs Hall, bunnies are extremely fast. He caught me in a moment of distraction and-"
She huffed and looked under the couch.
"Nothing new then."
"What does that mean?"
Audrey shot him a look.
"Did you check upstairs?"
He opened and closed his mouth.
"No."
"Why?"
"I forgot."
"If that bunny ended up in your bed or mine, I won't clean it." She stated before heading to the stairs.
"Are you implying that I should clean your bed, Mrs Hall?"
She didn't answer his provocation and looked in the bathroom. Thank god it didn't go there.
"We've been looking for that bunny for three hours and it didn't occur to you that, perhaps, he could have gone upstairs? You even looked into the Rover!"
"I don't understand your sarcasm, Mrs Hall. He could have been fond of great cars."
She turned to him, but this time she was smiling.
"Really? A bunny?"
"Now that I think about it, you don't appreciate it either."
She rolled her eyes before opening Tristan bedroom.
"Nothing in here."
"Mrs Hall?"
The housekeeper turned on her heels and saw Siegfried standing in front of his room, a guilty look on his face. She approached him fully aware of what was going on.
"Well..." she said looking over his shoulder "apparently I was right. And I am not cleaning."
As she appeared, she left and Siegfried sighed as he looked at the animal that seemed to enjoy running in his sheets.
"Come here, you've already done enough for today."
The bunny, whose name was George, stop moving and focused on him. Funny creatures, so fast and attentive, smart even. But this one seemed particularly terrified at the prospect of the treatment that the vet had reserved for him.
"I'll take care of you, don't worry."
Audrey kept looking around, as if she was planning to run away, and for the first time he noticed that something changed in her within a few seconds.
She always had a light in her eyes. Even when she was sad. Or angry. Or worried. She always had something vital in her persona. Now it was gone. No spark, no light. And he felt angry again. They had been able to steal that from her and he didn't know what to do.
"I have to call Edward, I have to-" she quickly left the room and he followed her without a second thought. But when he saw her frantically looking for something on her own desk he didn't find the courage to step in the room and invade her privacy again.
"Where is it?" She asked herself.
"Mrs-"
"Where is the bloody-" she took a deep breath and let out a shaky laugh "I always criticise everyone's mess and now I am the one who can't find a damn paper!" She laughed again but the sound of it sent a shiver down his spine.
Then he noticed that her gaze had shifted to the postcards hanging right over the desk, memories of better times he thought. He looked at the one they received from the Herriots a few months back.
"Aren't they sweet?" Audrey asked him with a smile. He reciprocated it and look at the postcard."Ah newlyweds, there is no better time than those days.""Before real life starts crushing you, that's what you mean?"He looked at her in shock, he knew she was a down-to-earth woman, but she always saw the good in everything. Patron Saint of Lost Causes he used to call her."Mrs Hall, something happened?''"I am sorry" she touched his forearm to reassure him as he stared at her hand "I guess it's because a war is coming." She sighed but her eyes softed when she looked at the postcard again."Right..."
He waited, hoping that she would reveal to him what was making her smile like that. Surely a detail he must have missed. But she didn't say anything else so a few hours later, while she was busy with their dinner, he looked again at the postcard that she left in the living room, examining it with curiosity. Then he noticed it.
"And please Audrey, Siegfried, take care. You both need each other in these difficult times." Helen wrote in a small, side note he had missed before. His heart warmed.
Siegfried put the postcard back before heading to the kitchen whistling.
"Mrs Hall, it smells delicious! Can I -"
"Go on. I can make an exception this time.''
And he smiled.
"Can I help you?" He asked softly and only then she turned to him, acknowledging his presence for the first time since the announcement. The smile on her face quickly disappeared as her eyes started filling with tears
"Oh, Mr Farnon."
He left the doorstep then and she reached him, her right hand on his arm, the left grabbed his jacket.
"Edward's number I-" she was asking his help now and in her eyes he could only see a question why? Why was that happening again?
''Come here.''
A sob escaped her and before he knew it, he was holding her in his arms again.
Siegfried was only half aware of what was happening. The shock of the news and the pain of seeing her act that way confused him and for the first time since Evelyn's death he lost the sense of reality.
"My dear, we will find it. I promise. I am sure it's there somewhere. " he started caressing her head as if he could protect her from what was happening. As if he had that power.
"Now take a deep breath for me, would you?"
But she wasn't able to stop crying and then he found himself on the floor, Siegfried wouldn't be able to tell if it was because his knees suddenly weakened or because she actually brought him down with her.
She curled up to his side, his arms around her body and his face against her forehead.
"I need to call him." and she wasn't sobbing anymore, but her voice was so fragile that he tightened his grip.
"Yes, do it. And we'll go to Scarborough next week."
She sighed and he felt her nodding against his chest.
They stayed quiet for a few seconds, Darrowby never seemed so silent and the only thing they could hear was the clock in the hallway. Siegfried found it funny, a gentle reminder of what he almost lost. She never told him what really happened with Mr Hammond, but suddenly he stopped visiting and they never talked about it again..
"I can't accept." Audrey said with a sigh. "I care about you, but I can't accept."
"I can wait, if you need time."
She smiled sadly. Gerald was a good man and she knew he would eventually ask more from their relationship. They weren't getting any younger and the threat of a war did the rest.
"I wish I could give you a different answer." She murmured, trying to use her sweetest voice.
He looked hurt but something in his eyes told her that he already knew her answer even before asking her.
"Why? If I may ask?"
"I can't leave them." And it was the truth, she couldn't leave Skeldale House. "They are my family. And they need me."
He nodded slowly, he understood.
"I am sorry. "
She reached for his hand and squeezed it with affection.
"I am sorry too."
"Mrs Hall? Sorry I am late I'm-" Siegfried's voice echoed in the hallway announcing his entry into the living room. When he saw the pair he froze, his eyes went straight to their joined hands. "I am sorry I didn't want to interrupt, I'll be-"
Audrey quickly got up, leaving Gerald's side.
"No, it's fine. Sit down, I'll be back with some tea." She said before leaving the two men alone.
"Take care of her for me, would you?"
Gerald's voice interrupted the vet's thoughts. They had never exchanged a word, Mr Hammond seemed already aware of their particular dynamic and when Siegfried met him in their house – he considered that house his own as much as Audrey's - for the first time they just shook hands. Nothing more.
"I will."
He didn't ask what happened but Siegfried wasn't stupid or blind, so that night, while they were playing Scrabble and she was taking her time to choose her words, he allowed himself to look at her. A sense of relief warmed his soul. She decided to stay.
"I am scared." The vet admitted for the first time since hell began. The previous months he pretended to be fine, optimistic even, they both did. And now they were sitting on their kitchen floor trying to deal with the end of the world.
"Me too." She whispered, her warm breath against his neck and the softness of her body were the only things that kept him sane.
"I promise you I'll try my best to keep you and our family safe."
Audrey raised her head to take a proper look at him and he smiled softly. Her hair was a disaster, her cheeks wet with tears, but the vital spark was there again. Apparently she was able to fight away the death from her eyes and now they were greener than ever. She was one of the strongest person he had ever met.
"Thank you, Siegfried."
He raised his eyebrows, surprised by her boldness, but did it matter? After all his arm was still around her waist, holding her against him.
His hand found her left cheek while his mouth rested on the right side of her face, leaving a kiss on her skin.
"You're not alone Audrey, you'll never be." He said without interrupting the contact.
The housekeeper raised her arms, bringing them around his neck, and held him for the first time in five minutes. For a brief moment nothing else existed and they both closed their eyes. His arms were her safe haven, hers his home.
In the background they could hear the church bells, the prime minister ended his speech. A new world began.