HARRY'S SPACESHIP IN OUTER SPACE

Replaying the closing scene from season 1, Harry detonates the device beyond the moon as we hear narration from Harry.

Meanwhile, Asta looks to the sky outside the military compound as if she is saying goodbye to Harry, but then realizes that Max is nowhere to be found.

HARRY NARRATION

'Everything happened so quickly. I guess that's what life is.'

If that little shit hadn't jumped aboard my ship I wouldn't be going back at all, but now I realize I don't know what home is anymore.

Now that my device has missed the target mission control will know I have failed. Funny, now that I know two worlds I'm not welcome in either. Perhaps home is just going to have to be where Asta is, and besides, I'd hate to have all that pizza go to waste.'

Harry looks back at Max who is still crouched in the corner.

HARRY:

'Stay there. I'll beam you down to your bed soon.'

MAX:

'Kewl... So that's a real thing!? I bet they got that from Star Trek.'

As the ship flies back toward earth to return Max and to possibly stay on Earth, another spaceship appears.

2ND ALIEN SPACESHIP (In a translator/robotic sounding voice with character subtitles)

'I have spotted him. It appears that his spaceship is returning to earth after his mission has failed.'

ALIEN MISSION CONTROL

'You are to aid him in his mission and aid him in his return. His mission was a simple delivery. We will question him upon your return. Try to salvage his ship.'

2ND ALIEN SPACESHIP

'It appears like he is alone, but I will follow him carefully to access the situation.'

The second spaceship tracks Harry's craft back to Earth.

PHONE RINGING IN A COLORADO DETECTIVES OFFICE AT NIGHT

A hand reaches out to get the phone and hears a menacing voice.

MERCK

'This is Merck the merchant. We've got a job for you...

His name is Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle. His debt cannot be repaid. He ended the Hodges paper, but his drug approval went dark. According to his angry wife he's lost his mind and is living in a cabin near Patience Colorado. The 'retinal encrypter' will send you the details. This will be your only contact. Welcome back soldier.'

DETECTIVE:

The detective lips responds impishly. 'Not a problem...so no last requests from the doctor?'

MERCK

'No, but do make it an accident. It must not look like his wife could have done it. And don't mess this up.'

ANDY [Andy Richter is revealed to be the detective/assassin.]

'Not a problem. Not a problem...' said loosely like an used car salesman.

'They don't call me 'Accidental Andy' for nuthin'! Why...I could just bump into him while eating a hot dog and no one would ever know the difference.'

Andy hangs up the phone and reaches to a picture frame that was face down and kisses the photo of a woman dressed as a Colorado State police officer.

ANDY talking to the photo

'I know you doubted me, but it is all happening now. I promise I'll start wearing socks again.

My second chance is finally here. I'll be there soon, but...I gotta 'pharmaceutical hit' to take first.

CABIN BY THE LAKE AT EARLY MORNING

Harry wakes up to see fellow alien XNEDCREEK is in his cabin by his bed in the morning. (Harry and Xnedcreek can communicate via mindmeld, like Harry did with the octopus.)

XNEDCREEK MINDMELD WITH FOREIGN LANGUAGE CAPTIONS

'We have found your mission was in dire straits. I am here for recovery. Your craft crashed into the bottom of the lake?'

Harry in human form is awakened and startled, thinking XNEDCREEK is there to kill him.

HARRY INTERNAL NARRATIVE:

'How are they here so fast? Are they here to kill me for my failed mission?'

HARRY:

'Yes...yes, yes, yes. My repairs to my vehicle were not sufficient, and these evil creatures shot our device back at me during departure. I must warn you they are despicable, heinous animals. Our research was wrong for this set of humans. I had to take their form just to stay safe.'

XNEDCREEK

'Dangerous. Dangerous? We must take precautions.'

HARRY:

'Yes!'

An idea then occurs to Harry.

HARRY:

'You know, maybe you'd be an excellent Dr. Ethan for me! He is always stupid weird anyway.'

Harry has a vision of both of them working together at the clinic like best friends. He pictures them giving each other high-fives, but then thinks about how that will not play well with Asta.

HARRY:

'Maybe not... You must need nourishment. You stay here and I will go get supplies.'

'You will be safe here. Just stay inside the cabin so no one sees you, and don't eat the boxed poison treats. Stay safe!'

'You can observe and learn from their violent music while you wait...'

Harry turns on radio to whimsical, easy listening flute based song. ('Tears of a Clown...when there's no one around...')

ASTA VISITS DARCY AT THE BAR

ASTA:

'The door's locked! Let me in! Let me in!' Asta beats on the door annoyingly...

DARCY:

'Gosh, alright already... We don't even open for a few more hours. Why is it my friends are the type of people that require a Sunday morning drink?'

opens the door and they walk in... Asta stops a few feet from the door.

ASTA:

'I've got to tell you something. It's about Harry.'

DARCY:

'I know I know. You like him too. Like THAT hasn't happened before.'

ASTA:

'No! It's about that night I took Harry and left you at the hospital. Harry is an alien.'

DARCY:

'Well, with a name like Vanderspeigle I'm not too surprised. We all gotta come from somewhere.'

ASTA:

'No, I mean like from another planet Darcy! Haven't you noticed something very wrong about him?'

DARCY:

'Oh...wait... He kissed you too!?'

ASTA: (saddens)

'He's gone now anyway. I guess it doesn't matter anyway. I'm sorry Darce.'

DARCY:

'Yeah, you never play jealousy well, and besides men are always men. You up for an egg drink? It's a meal and a reality cushion all in one.'

ASTA: face lightens with an idea

'Nope. Matter of fact...get your keys. Breakfast is on me. Come on.' as she edges toward the door...

DR ETHAN AWAKES AT A SECRET MILITARY COMPOUND

ETHAN

'Where am I? Why am I tied up.'

INTERCOM VOICE

'You are still here, and it's all over now. They have left without you.'

'You must participate with us now.'

Ethan looks bewildered.

'Tell us everything you know! Why are you here? Why Patience CO? How many of them are there?'

ETHAN

'I don't know what you are talking about. I am an American and I have my rights!'

INTERCOM VOICE

'We have all of the time in the world...'

Ethan looks exasperated as they turn out the lights and he shouts "Hello... Let me out of here!"

HARRY SITTING AT THE DINER READING A NEWSPAPER

Jay leaves a menu with Harry and walks away as Dan approaches Harry's table.

DAN:

'Uh-oh... You again.' Dan says with a cautious smile

'How's the mission? I saw you arrive on a bicycle.'

'You know... I didn't trust you from the moment you didn't eat my French fries. Perhaps...we should start over.'

HARRY: still processing with a creepy smile

'How is your mother?'

DAN:

'Good thanks. I haven't seen Asta lately though.'

HARRY:

'You know, there are new treatments for the spine. We should change her regiment.'

Dan smiles while Jay returns and Harry orders and hands the menu back to Jay.

HARRY

I'll have the usual chef's omelet and...' loudly so Dan who is walking away can hear 'two large sides of fries to go.'

OUTSIDE THE CABIN DARCY AND ASTA ARRIVE

ASTA:

'So, Harry said he left us some pizza to eat... Hey, what the hell happened to the door?'

The unhinged door is laying flat with a mangled door knob as if ripped out by a tremendous force

ASTA:

'Do you think we should call the police?'

DARCY:

'Yeah...that didn't end for me well last time!'

Both enter the door and XNEDCREEK hides lying down on the floor behind the bar. Darcy runs to the refrigerator to take out eight pizza boxes...

DARCY:

'Whoever it was they didn't find the pizza! As she turns

'Oh my God! I stubbed my knee!'

As she drops to the floor holding her knee facing XNEDCREEK from across the room but only looking at her leg. Xnedcreek quivers in fear.

'I'll never walk again!'

XNEDCREEK looks puzzled and frightened by the loud person acting somewhat vulnerable

ASTA: while heating up the pizza slices

'Why are you acting like such a baby? Are you going to lay around all day? Save your cry baby show for when someone else is around.' Asta motions her hands around the cabin and in the direction of the bar

'Come on, get up and have some pizza...'

DARCY:

'Damn it! Wrap those pizza slices to go. I forgot something. Deputy Liv needs soup.'

Darcy and Asta walk and hobble out of the cabin with their pizza as Xnedcreek takes a sign of relief that he wasn't seen and eyes the pizza boxes closer.

SHERRIF MIKE'S OFFICE (Mike is talking to his dog affectionately.)

MIKE:

'That's right Cletus. You wouldn't do this to me. You are loyal! Looks like that fancy new coffee machine needs to be at Deputy Liv's house. Phone rings

'Okay, here we go..'. answers the phone as Cletus jumps to the floor

LIV:

'I've got a cold and won't be there today.'

MIKE:

'A cold? Why do you think you have a cold?'

'You can't get a cold from Cletus if that's what you are going to say, and Cletus was much sicker. He couldn't make it to work the whole day. He was in his little doggie bed all day long.'

LIV:

'You know, I am going to stay home all day too.'

MIKE:

'So that's the way it is... Well fine, but you come in when you think you can walk...and I better not catch you around town getting your hair done or nothing.'

Hangs up, looks at the dog as if to speak, but then his eyes light up when the phone rings right back like Liv decided to call right back.

MIKE: answers the phone expecting Liv

'See, I know all! You can't lie to me.'

different person's voice [slender effeminate man in a lab testing facility]

SEM:

'Excuse me? Have I called the Patience CO police department?'

MIKE:

'Without a doubt...and what do you want?'

SEM:

'I am calling back for a 'Deputy Liv'. I need to confirm my results have been recorded with your department.'

MIKE:

'Botulinum toxin! Got the murderer in jail as...we...speak! Will that be all?'

SEM:

'Listen, okay, Saturday mornings are hella hard.'

'I...I do not have the patience for 'Patience drama' right now. Are you sure I got the right number?'

MIKE:

'I am Sheriff Dan all day long, but most people call me "Big Black". Okay. what are you calling about?'

SEM:

'Um...remember that beautiful dead human foot Deputy Liv sent us? I'm guessing you forgot that detail, but Harold Pyle Vanderspeigle is a match.'

MIKE:

'I heard that one already. What, I gotta teach the world all day every day?! It is called 'cross contamination'! Test it again.

SEM:

'No, we ran the requested second test and it is a non-epidermal match. What does the doctor look like? Is he...fine?'

sounding somewhat sexual and puzzling at the same time

MIKE:

'Is he 'fine'? Is he fine!?

Well he isn't lollygagging around town drunk on a wooden peg like a pirate if that's what you mean...and I'm more of a tits and ass kinda guy.'

SEM:

'Interesting... The blood type is also rare.. It's virtually impossible.

Hey, can you send me a picture or perhaps something recent on social media?'

MIKE:

'You don't take a hint well fella. Not for me... Why don't you go swipe yourself right in one of those dating apps like everyone else?'

SEM:

'Can you send me a picture of Harold Vanderspeigle?'

MIKE:

'Listen, I don't know what services the police do in the big city, but you can now consider your results as recorded.

Harry moves around like a spring chicken at feeding time. Now I don't want another call from you until you find another foot. Do you hear me?!' and hangs up the phone

Cletus walks through the dog door carrying a dirty white plastic bag

MIKE:

'Now Cletus what did I say about you fetching leftovers from the landfill. You'll spoil your dinner!'

Cletus drops the bag to the ground and another male human foot is sticking out of the bag. Mike looks surprised and then with a trace of concern.

HIGHWAY ROADSIDE

Max and Sahar are riding bicycles on the shoulder until Darcy and Asta stop to talk to Max.

ASTA:

Hey Max, are you supposed to be riding on the highway like this? When I lost you last night I called your mother to make certain you got home.

MAX:

You called my MOM!? upset and annoyed

ASTA:

'No...it's not like that. I didn't tell on you... I told her I thought I maybe saw you outside at night so she checked. You got home and in bed so fast!'

DARCY:

'Gosh kid, you are way too young to be so good at tricking your parents. I'm gonna be keeping my eye on you when puberty hits.'

SAHAR:

'We are tracking down Bigfoot. We have a map and everything.'

Not expecting Darcy to be so attentive, she is exasperated and final says the proven key phrase.

'It's a fossil project for school...'

DARCY:

'Well, don't let us stop you. Just be safe.' as they drive away and Max and Sahar resume pedaling forward.

SAHAR:

'That was really close...'

INSIDE A DARK WOODSHED

With spy music playing, Andy opens a box with an electrical chainsaw.

In the montage, Andy charges the battery, tampers with the electrical governor and confirms that the next user will be electrocuted. After testing, Andy laughs demonically.

GETTING OFF THEIR BIKES AT THE CABIN EXTERIOR

SAHAR:

'Hey, what happened to the door?'

As they look at the cabin in the distance. They get off their bikes and approach the door, Xnedcreek fearfully runs from the pizza he was afraid to touch and drops to the floor behind the bar again.

INSIDE THE CABIN:

MAX: Looking around at the inside of the cabin from the entryway...

'Harry, are you here?

I'm returning your piece of the spaceship. It was stolen but Sahar I got it back from her purse.'

'I know you're here. Only you would open a door that way.'

Xnedcreek nervously shuffles lower into the ground as he sees his tiny visitors enter.

MAX:

'I can smell your pizza breakfast. Max takes a slice

Who orders eight pizzas anyway? Max walks directly behind the bar to where Xnedcreek is face down on the floor.

MAX:

'Didn't you ever play hide and seek as a kid? You are terrible at this...'

With one finger Max repeatedly taps Xnedcreek on the back of his head. Xnedcreek can't understand a word and looks up in terror at him and Sahar...

MAX:

'...and look at what I got! Pizza!'

Xnedcreek is startled by the pizza weapon being waved at him.

'What's the matter? I guess you need time to heal up, huh? That was a lot of bullets you took!'

Max comes closer with the pizza slice as if he is offering it to him. Xnedcreek slowly reaches his hand out and slightly pushes Max's knee cap to test his tiny frame.

MAX:

'Okay, Okay, I'll leave you alone so you can heal, but you should know I can see the craft at the bottom of the lake from like a mile away.

I'm sure it will be even easier to see at night. No wonder they took your spaceship from you last time.'

MAX:

'And fix that door! You don't want people just walking in all the time. You also need to report your truck stolen.'

Xnedcreek grimaces and seems relieved as they walk away without hurting him.

As Max and Sahar leave and return to their bikes, Max notices the look of shock on Sahar's face.

SAHAR:

'Now I know what he looks like. I could see him. I could really see him.'

MAX:

'Yeah. He hasn't changed back and put on clothes yet. I think everyone can see him when he's like that. Kinda like a giant cricket version of a terminator robot, right?'

SAHAR:

'Yeah!' in amazement

OUTSIDE THE HARDWARE STORE narration as Harry leaves the city

In deep thought, Harry is carrying supplies to fix the door to an old bicycle he found at the cabin.

HARRY:

'What do I now? How do I get rid of this new pest? What can I say to make him leave?

'...and how do I tell Asta I am back? Does she really care about me or was she just being kind? If I tell her I am back will she be happy, or will I just make her life more difficult?

OUTSIDE THE CABIN

Sheriff Mike closes the door to his truck as he approaches the property

MIKE:

"Dr. Vanderspeigle. Wakey-wakey.' Cletus barks at the front of the cabin. Mike leaves Cletus in the truck.

Xnedcreek who was examining the kitchen cabinets for food hears them and runs hurriedly to the bar to drop to the ground again.

MIKE:

'Come-on Doc... hop on out here! I know about your feet. You have got to find a new hobby.'

Mike notices the unhinged front door and notices the door knob has been crushed with tremedous force.

MIKE: suddenly in alert mode

'Doctor, are you okay?' shouting out as he pulls out his gun and slowly enters the cabin.

'Come out. I know you are here.' as Mike's puzzled face notices the eight boxes of pizza while scanning the cabin with his gun drawn.

'You have to come out and tell me what you've done with Dr. Vanderspeigle!'

Mike looks closer at the metal piece of spaceship in the kitchen island and slowly walks up to the bar. We see Mike's foot step in front of Xnedcreek's head. Mike begins to look down as the camera fades to commercial break.

MIKE:

'I said last night I would find you and I won't quit.' Mike begins to look down at Xnedcreek when interrupted

HARRY:

'What do you need Sheriff?'

Harry is standing in the doorway with a paper hardware bag. Harry notices XNEDCREEK hiding behind the bar as Mike turns and lowers his gun, looking at Harry's feet.

MIKE:

'A couple broke into the mayor's house last night and they seem to have gotten away to take some of your pizza. Why do you have eight pizzas?'

HARRY:

'I thought I would fill my freezer, and no one broke into my house. I did this to my door knob.'

MIKE:

'What happened to your door knob?'

HARRY:

'I was clumsy. I opened it too hard...with the pliers.'

MIKE:

'Right? ...and what's all of this pizza?'

HARRY:

'I... like... pizza.' with a creepy smile

Harry begins replacing the door knob.

MIKE:

That looks like it used to be a new door knob.

HARRY:

'I am very bad with door knobs.'

'Buying them all of the time. I am somewhat of a door knob expert.'

MIKE: puzzled

'You aren't missing a boot are you?' Harry looks down at his feet and smiles even bigger.

MIKE:

'Right...' as Mike walks away

'Well, we still have two burglars on the loose, so keep an eye out and finish fixing that door.'

Mike gets in his police vehicle and leaves.

MILITARY COMPOUND

Ethan is still being detained as a sandwich is thrown into his detention cell.

ETHAN:

You had better let me out! I am a doctor from 'Doctors without borders'. You cannot detain me!

NEIGHBORING CELL:

'You had better drop the act. They think that I've been working with you since I found your spaceship.'

ETHAN:

'Spaceship?

INTERCOM VOICE:

'You will live in darkness until you are honest with us!'

INSIDE THE CABIN

Harry looking at Xnedcreek lying behind the bar.

HARRY:

'I have brought you French fries! It is the finest delicacy on Earth! You will love them!' Sliding the cold bag across the floor to him.

Harry notices the pizza boxes on the counter and the piece of spaceship on the counter, and then begins to work on repairing the door hinges and knob.

'I see you didn't do a good job at not attracting attention. It is very fortunate you are still alive!'

XNEDCREEK: while eating a fry

'The tiny ones with their 'pizza weapons' that are certainly the most menacing!'

begins spitting out the fries

'These are terrible!'

HARRY:

No way! You will get used to them. Keep eating. They are very good for you. It's really too bad that the pizza will kill any non-human upon digestion...except for the Reptilians. I hope you didn't touch those.'

XNEDCREEK:

'I have another device to complete your mission.'

HARRY:

'You need to rest up and I need to know that I can trust you. You've heard about the Reptilians, haven't you?'

Harry finishes repairing the door and shuts it.

XNEDCREEK:

grunts and looks puzzled...

HARRY:

'Twist the handle and gently push or pull.'

'Let the explain everything... They Reptilians..'

'Yes, the Reptilians are taking all of the human planets. Every - body is saying it. It is the only climate their skin can accept.

We are suckers, doing all of their work for them when we kill these vile human creatures. Who gave you these orders? The establishment cannot be trusted, when it's the Reptilians...they are all laughing at us.

It is best that we lie low and report back when they come. I can better study these creatures in the meantime. Perhaps you can return to tell them that.'

'It is clearly far too dangerous for you to exist here.'

XNEDCREEK:

'The ones with the long hair did not seem too dangerous...'

HARRY:

'Asta! Asta was here? Of course...she came for the pizza...weapons.'

'You stay here and eat your fries. Learn from their twisted music. I must leave again.'

'Tonight when you are rested and feed you can leave when I move my ship!'

XNEDCREEK:

grunts and looks down dissatisfied at the large pile of fries on the counter

SECLUDED MOUNTAIN VIEW

Asta takes off her shoes to stand in the snow and looks out at the distant mountains as she once did with Harry. Parts of their conversations come back to her about being different, and why people lie.

A tear wells up in her eye, followed by her eyes watering.

HARRY:

'I thought I might find you here.'

ASTA: surprised, excited and happy she wraps her arms around Harry

'How are you here? What are you doing here? Why are you back?'

HARRY:

'I couldn't... I decided I couldn't leave you. I never want to try that again. The pizza is so good.'

Asta smiles and chuckles with delight and Harry and Asta kiss

ASTA:

'Harry Vanderspeigle. You're my kind of weirdo.'

HARRY:

'I am not a weird - oh. We are just weird together. So you are...happy that I am back?'

The two hug as we fade to a long shot of the mountain side.

OUTSIDE THE CABIN

Andy's singing the beginning of "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen with all of his heart as he uncomfortably drives his tiny rental car up to Harry's cabin and get's out of the car. He pulls the electric chainsaw from the trunk. With a smile he looks out at the lake to see if anyone is around.

ANDY: calling out in a smarmy way, like a inspirational speaker, as he approaches the door and knocks.

'Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle! I have a big prize for Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle?'

XNEDCREEK, who is diligently eating his fries like a punishment drops to the floor behind the bar again.

ANDY:

'Hello. Anybody in there? I hear your radio.' Andy pounds on the door again even louder and Xnedcreek quivers

'My name is 'Gary...Albert', and as THE head of the town welcoming committee I'm pleased to announce that we voted you Best New Resident of the Year!'

'We used to give out a flower arrangement made of fruit, but this year we got you this cordless electric chainsaw! Could anything be more perfect?'

Andy peeks in the window to see if he can see anyone, sets down the chainsaw wrapped in a red bow in front of the door and walks back to his car, until he hears someone move inside.

ANDY:

'Harry? Harry? I can hear you in there. You really oughta come out and see your prize. It's perfect for you living out in the woods like this. You really gotta see this!'

Andy picks up the chainsaw awkwardly and it shocks him to death. His head slams on the front porch next to the chainsaw. The camera freezes on Andy laying lifeless in front of the door, as Xnedcreek slowly peeks out the door and pulls Andy's body inside the cabin while "All By Myself' ends playing on the cabin radio.

.

"On the next fake episode of Resident Alien"

Harry is questioned about his motives by Sheriff Mike.

Harry discovers Xnedcreek has taken out Accidental Andy.

Dr. Ethan barters to escape captivity.