Today on Quibbler News Network … Veteran Broom and Carpet Flight … Minister Johnstone's hair … And viewers' reports from around the world.
But first, we would like to congratulate the Spanish ministry for their exceptionally powerful muggle-repelling spells on the island of La Palma, venue for this year's Quidditch World Cup. Muggles saw, instead of quidditch, a volcano erupting. The illusion covered an area of several square miles. We do, however, question the morality of supplementing it with boundary wards that cast Fiendfyre and urge the Spanish ministry to compensate their muggle compatriots who accidentally lost their homes.
The London to Brighton Veteran Flight took place on the 7th of November. Run in previous years as the Veteran Broom Run the change of name comes after the use in Britain of flying carpets was legalised earlier this year. Thirty brave souls took to the skies on brooms and carpets, all over 100 years old. Oliver Wood, Puddlemere United's keeping coach, was first to depart, on an 1875 Spudmore Besom-3 borrowed from the Museum of Quidditch. On arrival at the finish line he said that if only it had the endurance for a modern game he'd like to keep it. The first carpet over the line was flown by Ali Bashir, accompanied by his two wives and five of his children.
And now some words from our sponsors. Available now after a forty year hiatus, Bashir and Sons new Diagon Alley showroom stocks all the latest flying carpets. Order with the optional weather-shield charms for delivery this month and get FREE cushions!
Welcome back to Quibbler News Network!
Excitement was mounting in the Ministry this morning as it was thought that Minister Johnstone's hair may be about to fruit. The minister's senior undersecretary, Miss Jennifer Arucci, said that while it has proven acceptable to have the Minister controlled by a magical fungus, the risk to our society if other wizards and witches were to succumb was too great. The minister's office has therefore been secured for the next few days and he will spend the time in seclusion, accompanied only by Miss Arucci, several cases of champagne, and some lubricating potions. Questioned about her own safety Miss Arucci, a former exotic dancer, claimed that her relationship with the minister was strictly professional.
And finally, the muggles have an exciting new technology. Their new "Brexit" devices, carefully sited along the coasts, are intended to let them take our island and leave Europe! We at the Quibbler look forward to a jaunt around the globe, and once our course is known we will devote an entire broadcast to the fascinating creatures that budding magizoologists should look out for.
AN: the Veteran Broom and Carpet Flight is modelled on the Veteran Car Run, a real event for cars built before 1905. It goes past the end of my road. Every year I promise myself that I'll get up early enough to watch it go past, and most years I have "just another five minutes" in bed instead.