Summary: They say every little girl has their own idea of what the Dream Wedding should be like. And Caitlin always told herself she was no exception.

Funny thing is, her dream wedding was always the reception - a big party with her friends and dancing in a pretty dress and good food with even better cake. The actual ceremony or even the concept of an ideal spouse... well, Caitlin never really thought about that part.

And maybe the truth at the heart of it all is that Caitlin doesn't have any idea what her dream wedding would look like after all... because she doesn't want to get married.

Notes: Aromantic Caitlin Snow

The Dream Wedding

Caitlin Snow should be happy.

Instead, standing in front of the mirror with the first of several wedding dresses she plans to try on, she feels... apathetic. How is this her life, trying on... is this a taffeta dress? What even is taffeta? It's such a weird word, it almost doesn't feel real. And, to be honest, neither does this moment. The whole moment feels surreal and disconnected, like it's happening to someone else. Or it should be happening to someone else. Anyone else as long as it's not her.

Getting married should be the happiest day of her life. It should a moment she's looking forward to with all the joyful anticipation she can muster. But as she stands in the middle of this bridal store surrounded by wedding gowns and tiaras and bridesmaid dresses, Caitlin realizes she's not happy about the wedding. She's miserable about it.

Which is when she starts crying.

"Caitlin?" Cisco hurried over from his seat where he'd been acting as her second opinion on the dresses. He was her best friend and her found family and had agreed to be the one to walk her down the aisle.

And now he was wrapping his arms around her as she stood in a wedding dress store in a dress that was debatably made of taffeta and sobbed.

"Caitlin, what's wrong?"

What was wrong was that affirming Cisco as her best friend and brother was a far more exciting prospect than the idea of actually getting married. What was wrong was that the more the realization that being engaged meant walking down the aisle in a dress like this made her feel smothered. What was wrong was that the more the idea of being someone's wife - even her fiancé's wife - sank in, the more she felt trapped by expectations she didn't want to fulfill.

A young woman in her twenties was supposed to want marriage and a nice home and two point five kids and a dog. And if Caitlin didn't find some way out now, she'd wind up with all those things and hate every second of it.

And yet she couldn't find the words even to tell Cisco. Caitlin felt like there was a vise on her chest. What would people think? What would Ronnie think? She did care for him. She loved him. Or... she thought she loved him. But standing there clothed in everyone else's expectations and desires, Caitlin just... couldn't be sure.

She cried harder instead and Cisco just held her until the tears finally dried up enough that Caitlin could change back into her clothes and leave the store with him.

How was it that Caitlin Snow could be making what society had told her since childhood were all the right choices and yet every second felt more wrong than the one that preceded it? What was wrong with her?

Caitlin doesn't know how to explain why she wants to call off the engagement. But she does call it off.

And then Ronnie breaks up with her, though she's sure he saw it as her breaking up with him. Either way, it's over.

It shouldn't be a relief and yet it is.

She has a new apartment now and she felt like she could breathe easier than she has since... since moving in with Ronnie. It's her first night in the new place, after crashing on Cisco's couch for a week and, at the moment, Cisco is in her new kitchen. He'd insisted on coming over to make her dinner to celebrate the new place - though he's clearly been thoroughly confused by Caitlin's choices since she broke down crying at the bridal shop, he's supported her every step of the way.

Someone else in Caitlin's place might think back on the failed relationship with regret and the new apartment with trepidation, but Caitlin just keeps feeling these waves of relief. The whole space was hers and just hers. She didn't have to share or compromise. She could sleep alone instead of constantly being overheated by the body sharing her bed. Agreeing to move in with Ronnie had been a mistake.

It's a startling revelation and yet, at the same time, it seems so obvious. She'd been dating Ronnie for months when he asked her to move it. That was the next step serious relationships were supposed to take and Caitlin liked Ronnie - she liked sex with Ronnie and spending time with him and... it seemed like what she was supposed to do. So she said yes. And though Ronnie did nothing wrong, Caitlin had felt weighted down and pressured to be something she wasn't from the moment they moved in together. Or maybe it had started before that when she'd ignored the little voice in the back of her head that said that the romantic gestures Ronnie made only served to make her anxious. But she was supposed to want those gestures. She was supposed to encourage those gestures. Ronnie was a nice man and any woman would be lucky to have him. Caitlin was lucky to...

That was why she'd said yes when he proposed. Smiled even though none of it felt real. Caitlin had been living someone else's life.

And now her life was hers again, but for all that she'd managed this much... Caitlin still didn't understand what it was she really wanted.

"Dinner's ready. Come and get it," Cisco sang out.

Laughing, Caitlin got up and did just that. "Thanks for cooking for me," she told Cisco as she plated some food for herself.

He grinned. "No problem. Best way to look out for a friend is to give food, in my experience."

"Well you've been looking out for me a lot lately. And I really appreciate it."

They headed over to the table to eat and chatted about inconsequential things. The drive to work would be shorter for Caitlin at her new place. Cisco's flirting with the cute girl he met when doing his weekend biking trail had resulted in a date for the upcoming week. There was a movie coming out that they both wanted to see together...

"I don't want to push, but... I haven't actually said it yet so I just wanted to make sure you know that if you ever want to talk about what happened with Ronnie, I'd be glad to listen," Cisco offered.

"I know. And I... nothing happened with Ronnie. And that was the problem." Caitlin sighed, knowing she was probably saying it wrong. "I just. We had the storybook relationship. Like checking items off a list. But I wasn't in love with him. I wanted to be because that's what's supposed to happen. You meet a good person who makes you happy, fall in love, move in together, get married... and I realized I was smothering myself trying to be the person I thought I was supposed to be instead of the person I am. And I just knew if I went through with getting married then I'd be miserable and eventually I'd start to resent Ronnie for it because, he'd be happy and I wouldn't be. I don't want to be married and I don't... I don't actually like living with another person. And I don't think I even really like being in a romantic relationship at all.

"But I don't... I just don't know for sure because I feel like I don't know who I am anymore."

"There were times," Cisco said hesitantly, "when I'd be with you and Ronnie and, for a moment, you'd look... sad. Or maybe a little lost. And I guess I just always put it down to you having a bad day or a stray thought or something, because you always seemed to bounce back immediately but... now I wish I'd said something. Even if it hadn't helped, I just..." He shrugged a bit helplessly. "You seem lighter than you did before. And, well... there are still parts of Caitlin Snow I'm getting to know. But she is a delightful and wonderful person. My best friend and my sister. I think when you get to know her, you'll like her a lot."

Caitlin let out a startled laugh and then beamed at Cisco. "Thanks. I think I will too."