The dreams begin after the first major surgery. During that time, Chishiya blames it on the pain medication and the fact that he nearly died multiple times in the process, since suffering such severe internal damage can indeed cause traumata or similar effects.
While asleep, Chishiya can clearly see her: the face, the color of her eyes, her smile and the sound she makes when laughing. He knows her name and so much more, but as soon as he wakes up, everything's gone. Except the shadow of a memory, the hint of a face that he couldn't describe no matter how hard he tried. All he knows is that it is the same woman night after night, talking to him, reaching out her hands to touch him. And every morning, she disappears, leaving only fragments of those dreams, turning around like dozens of little shards, like a kaleidoscope.
It must be the injury. Fever, antibiotics, painkillers. He's barely responsive for two whole weeks, always slipping in and out of a restless, exhausting sleep while his body tries to recover from the comet's aftermath. Chishiya doesn't even question the sudden appearance of that woman. She will leave his mind as soon as he recovers, and it's nothing but a figment. A reflection of his mother, maybe, that a pathetic and childish part deep inside of him longs to see, just like back in those days where he had been sick as a child. She didn't come back then, and she won't come now.
The best thing will be to make her disappear, to chase her out of his thoughts while he's conscious, hoping that she will leave the deeper parts of his mind as well. Not being able to see her face or to recall her name… it hurts, for some reason. This pain is different than the physical ache caused by his injuries. It goes deeper, and it can't be cured with medication.
More reason to make it leave.
Time passes by, and with every day of recovery, the mysterious woman fades more. As Chishiya's condition becomes more stable, the nurses move him from the critical care unit to a normal room, away from this annoying Niragi. He has also been severely injured during the comet incident, with most parts of his body heavily burnt and internal damage as well, but he has not been the most pleasant to talk to. Annoying even, with all his coughing and complaining.
Chishiya has quickly gotten the impression that they both are quite similar; lost souls in a world they don't fit in, but it is like glimpsing into a mirror. He doesn't like it.
As soon as he is able to get out of bed and wear something else than just the plain and uncomfortable hospital gowns, Chishiya finds a note, hidden in the hoodie he had been wearing when the ambulance brought him into the hospital. Just a tiny piece of paper with a name on it, one that Chishiya has never heard before in his life. He would remember if it was a former classmate or coworker, but he has not the slightest explanation of who it could be. All he knows is that this is undoubtedly his handwriting, although it's peculiar that he apparently added a tiny heart to the end of the name.
He even considers if this name might belong to the woman of his dreams, however there's no moment of recognition or anything. Just more pieces gathering in the kaleidoscope, twisting and turning so fast it's impossible to see the clear image of it all.
However, he doesn't feel able to throw it away just now. Something about it feels too important to let go, although he can't grasp what it is. So the note disappears in a dark corner, where it eventually slips out of Chishiya's mind, just like the stranger face eventually stays away from his dreams. Once in a while, he hears her voice or glimpses her face in a night, but as soon as morning comes, nothing of it remains, allowing him to move on with his life from a ghost he wasn't ready to haunt in the first place.
No one comes for a visit during his long stay in the hospital. The only person he really talks to turns out to be Niragi, who is a pest with no doubt but at least intelligent enough to keep a good conversation running, although it's clear to both of them that they will never become friends. It is more a means to an end to overcome tiring weeks and months of rehabilitation.
Chishiya's father visits once, but not to show that he'd care. All he makes clear is that he's disappointed in his son for taking so long to get better, and that Chishiya should have long returned to university, already finishing his medical degree and working as a doctor. Which is not that easy when one's lungs still don't function properly and kidney failure still threatens to endanger one's life, but old Mr. Chishiya doesn't want to see that. He leaves without any well wishes or words of comfort, just a look of disappointment. Nothing new.
It takes a bit more than four months for Chishiya to recover properly and finally be able to leave the hospital for good. Four months until he can finally focus on his studies again and the practical experience in the hospital he used to work in, but it feels like so much more time has passed. A single day has been enough to change it all, and everything doesn't seem to be the same any longer. As if a part in the bigger picture is missing, only that Chishiya can't grasp what it should be.
Most things are the same, except the city recovering from the huge damage as well. No one dear to Chishiya has died through the comet, simply because he has no one dear to him. His medical degree is only delayed, not cancelled, and the hospital still offers him a well-paid job as medical assistant with splendid prospects of a reputable position in surgery.
Everything should be the same. Then what is it that makes him feel so empty?
Hollowness is something that should not be new to Chishiya, but this feels different than before. It's annoying because he can't get a hold it what it is, although he will get used to this as well. Just like he got used to being alone for the entire span of his life. Every time the sound of a distant laughter catches his attention, every time the shape of a figure passing by makes him turn, he quickly shakes it off. Nothing but fragments, pieces of the kaleidoscope, never forming a clear image no matter how many times one tries to change it.
Getting back to work is exactly what Chishiya needs. All the time rehabilitating has been both boring and exhausting, and he wants nothing more than returning to his old life. Where everything was clear and no ghosts haunted his mind at nights. And half a year after the catastrophe, Chishiya finally seems to have found back into the routine. His university and the attached hospital have been spared from most of the damage, and whenever he sits in classes, watches and assists in surgeries or attends the doctor's medical rounds, it feels like his world has never been put upside down. Neither by a comet nor by a cardiac arrest and two more near-death experiences. The only proof of that time is given away by fading scars on his body, two from bullet wounds and some more from the operations. Well, and the fact that he's missing a kidney now, although that will never be visible to anyone else but him.
Half a year… what a funny thing the concept of time is, after all. It has begun to snow again outside, the white flakes trying to cover the mess that has been made of this city, and the media is full of video footage of the actual impact. Chisyhia has no need to see it; being part of it has been more than enough.
He rummages through his wardrobe in search for clothes warm enough to suit the weather, and his hands dig one of the white hoodies out of the depths. It is the one he had been wearing when it all happened, and even though it has been cleansed, the fabric is still torn from the two spots where bullets sunk deep into his flesh. The areas around the wholes are discolored, since blood is hard to wash out of light cloth, making the piece more than useless. For a heartbeat, he doesn't recall why he kept it at all, but then his hand moves inside the pocket and takes out the tiny note, carrying the stranger's name.
Half a year ago, he hadn't been able to discard it without being able to explain it himself. At least the hoodie can disappear, since Chishiya has plenty of others and no need for a tattered one. While the piece of clothing disappears in the bin, he tucks the note into his trouser pocket. It'd be about time to get rid of this as well, even though this ghost has not haunted him for a while now.
He keeps the note and takes it out now and then on his way to work, twirling it around in his fingers. Shortly after the comet, he had felt an unexplainable hint of sadness whenever he tried to figure out who the name belonged to, but now he doesn't feel anything other than relief that it's finally time to let go. As he hurries through the white hallways, the tiny piece of paper is carelessly thrown into the nearest bin. Chishiya doesn't even give it a second look.
"You heard the news already?" a coworker greets him the moment he walks into the staffroom and changes into the white robe, and Chishiya simply answers with a raised eyebrow, causing the other woman to roll her eyes.
She's one of the more bearable ones, usually talking about the important things only, and not asking too many questions. Just like today. "That CEO is back. You know, the one who decided to leave without finishing his treatment last month. Guess what… doesn't look good."
Hilarious, but so predictable. Rich men, thinking they're unbeatable with their billions worth of money, and yet their whole fortune is not able to defeat cancer. Said CEO would have had good chances of recovery if he had stayed and endured his chemo until the very end, but he wanted to look after his business, too afraid not to make a billion more. He will most likely die now, and that extra billion can't help him the slightest.
"I'll make sure not to miss the check-up", Chishiya smirks before he heads to today's plan pinned onto the wall. It promises to be a boring day mostly, with no other interesting patients other than the cancer-infected CEO, mostly routine stuff and all that. But experience has shown that there is never a single day inside the hospital without an emergency, and it is always fun to guess what kind of emergency there will be today. Since it's still winter with snowy and icy roads, Chishiya highly suspects there will be one car accident if not more, because humans never learn to be more careful under such circumstances, no matter how many winters they have lived already. People simply never change.
Turns out there's two of them during the day. One just a minor accident involving two cars and a broken arm being the most severe injury, although the other is much more interesting. A barely grown up man, completely drunk on top of that, ignored a red traffic light and crashed into a family's car, killing one of the children instantly and heavily damaging the other passengers. The father is still in critical condition and the other child in artificial coma, however it will most likely make it without too much long-term damage.
Blame the drunken driver, his coworkers mutter all the time, killed innocent people because he couldn't control himself! It's always the innocent ones! They don't take into consideration that the child climbed into the trunk when it happened to retrieve some sweets, which killed it eventually. And they ignore the fact that the family, too, has been driving way too fast. It is never just one side being guilty.
But then again… Humans never learn.
Barely shaking his head, Chishiya walks down the floor as he heads to the CEO's room. As expected did he not take the news about his health well, and like all rich and powerful people, he blames everyone except him. The doctors treated him wrong the first time, the medication wasn't right, this, that… Not one word is spoken about him ending the treatment before it had been time.
It will always stay the same. Everyone's to blame for one's misery except oneself, because it is so much easier to shove it to others.
Pathetic.
As he nears the coffee machine after retrieving a new dose of medication for his favorite patient, Chishiya spots a female figure next to it, bend over the dustbin as if searching for something. She's mostly covered in winter clothes and holds a coffee in one hand while the other has disappeared inside the garbage, and one more thing Chishiya will never understand is how people can actually drink the stuff coming out of that machine. It can't even be called coffee, it's simply hot water with dirt scratched off the streets. At least that's how it smells.
Whatever the woman has been searching for, she now seems to have found it, because she straightens her back again and stares intensely now at whatever has made its way to her hand. If she's one of those junkies searching for drugs or needles, this is definitely the wrong bin to search for. Then again, she doesn't look like a junkie or a homeless person, which makes it even more peculiar that she's rummaging through other people's waste. Inside a hospital, which means the waste carries more bacteria than public toilets.
She turns around the moment Chishiya wants to walk past since this is the only way leading to the grumpy rich man waiting for him, and still focused on her new-found treasure, she straight forward runs into him. Chishiya can hear her hissing voice as she spills some of the hot liquid over herself, immediately trying to wipe her hand clean on her own clothes. At least she didn't spill any of the so-called coffee over his own attire.
"Hot, hot, hot! Ouch!"
Shouldn't be too surprising, hm?
"Can I help you?" It's a standard phrase as an ongoing doctor, even though he doesn't expect her to be in need of any help. Other than searching through garbage and spilling coffee maybe, but that is definitely something Chishiya won't help with.
"No, thank you", the woman mutters with as much embarrassment in her voice as appropriate, "I'm fine. I-"
And that's when their eyes meet. Her face should be pretty average, with no outstanding beauty nor flaws, and yet… there's something he can't name. Something that immediately draws his attention to her, to the specks of different colors in her eyes, the way her eyes grow huge in the same moment. Chishiya knows that he has never seen her before, and still she feels more than familiar. This is no face he has seen on television or advertisements, so what is it that keeps his eyes glued to it?
With this surprised look, she almost resembles a little puppy, both yet scared of the world and still too curious for its own good. For the hint of a second, another images flashes in front of his eyes; the face that appeared to haunt his dreams after the comet. Could it be...?
Impossible.
"Have… have we met before?" the woman asks hesitantly, and her voice is much more pleasant than he expected it to be.
Maybe he has seen her before without realizing. Chishiya doesn't really pay attention to every single patient and visitor lingering around in these halls, so she might just as well be someone his sub-consciousness recognizes from a different day. "This is a hospital. I see hundreds of patients every day."
"Well, I…" she clears her throat, clinging to her coffee so hard that the cup has to break any moment now, "I have never been here except today."
Then it's just a coincidence. A familiarity to someone else he has seen before, probably, or maybe it has something to do with his physical state. Lack of sleep, not enough food? He shrugs, not willing to continue this blabber since it leads them nowhere and a grumpy CEO is waiting for him. "Whatever." His eyes drop to the other hand clinging to the piece of waste, whatever it is. "You better not dig through waste, especially not inside a hospital. I should not have to explain to you why."
She seems to have realized it too, because she blushes immediately and tries to hide it behind the coffee, but the terrible taste only causes her face to distort even more. This woman really shouldn't have expected to get good-tasting drinks from a coffee vending machine inside a hospital.
"Of course not. It's just…" her whole body shakes from the impact of the hot liquid, and the other hand opens around a small piece of paper. "I saw my name written on that note. Which probably sounds even more stupid, but… ah, never mind."
Chishiya wouldn't mind and walk on in every other situation, but there has been a sudden change, making this conversation much more interesting again. Her delicate fingers reveal the exact note he has thrown away earlier that day, the one he couldn't dispose for such a long time.
"Your name. Is that so." If there's one thing Chishiya hates more than anything else, then it's things he can't explain. First the face that seems too familiar to him even though he never met her before, and now the note… Her name. How low is the probability for all of this to happen? That he throws the note away on the exact day the woman carrying the same name finds it?
It doesn't have to be her. Sure, her name might not be the most common, but she could still be just someone else carrying the same name. As who, though? Who does this note belong to? Usually, Chishiya would be annoyed by people like her. She's the exact type of person to ask unnecessary and stupid questions and be in the way all the time, someone who thinks they're much smarter than they actually are, but looking at her doesn't give him such feelings. Interesting.
"Hey, uhm…" she scratches her ear with the end of the note sticking out of her fingers, "would you like to meet for a coffee, maybe tomorrow?"
His eyebrow rises immediately. What, did she just come here to pick someone up? And what coffee is she planning to drink – the same dishwater she's holding here?
It obviously makes her insecure that Chishiya doesn't give her an immediate answer, and he can see the specks of courage vanish slowly. "Forget about that." Averting her eyes, she turns towards the garbage and intends to throw the note back in, but Chishiya is quicker and catches it before it can disappear again. If this is really her name, then he can't just leave now. He needs to know more about this… why this all feels so familiar.
"I don't drink coffee", he smirks with a nod towards the plastic cup in her hands. But there are quite some nice places around the corner offering a wide variety of hot drinks, and sweets no matter if coffee or tea or something else, and this has made him curious. "But the teahouse down the road offers a great choice of cheesecakes."
Usually, Chishiya would never to that. This has not been the first attempt of someone trying to flirt with him, and he has never been interested. This, however, doesn't feel like a flirt. There is more behind it, a mystery that needs to me solved, and maybe this is the chance for the pieces of the kaleidoscope to finally turn into a complete image.
"So… teahouse down the road, tomorrow at three?" even though she has been the one asking, she seems more than surprised that he agreed to this. It surprises Chishiya as well, even more since he's actually looking forward this. And he has early shift tomorrow, allowing him to spend the afternoon with something else.
He nods, aware of how much time has passed since their conversation has started and that the CEO is still waiting in his room for further instructions. He won't be happy to wait that long – one reason more for Chishiya to talk to this woman for a moment longer. "Tomorrow at three."
With a wave, he turns around and heads to his overly rich and dying patient. The note disappears back in his pocket where it has been for such a long time, and where it will remain for a bit longer still. Something tells him that she will be there tomorrow, and that they're both searching for answers even though they don't know the questions yet.
Her eyes burn into Chishiya's back all the way to the patient's room, and he stops one last time before he faces the grumpy old man. The woman is in fact still looking at him, and she hasn't moved an inch. When she notices he's looking back, her mouth turns into a smile as well, and Chishiya doesn't even dare to question where the warmth in his chest emerges from.
Oh, those stupid hearts of human beings. They never follow any sense of logic, and they can hardly be predicted. They're annoying, pathetic, only standing in one's way.
But maybe… it is about time to learn more about his own.
[THE END]