A sigh of relief escaped my mouth as I stepped off the bus.
"Almost home…" I thought, and after walking through the same roadways for the past few years my worn-out workboots instinctively plodded along the sidewalk through the hazy January snow. The past few years had been a blur: go to work, go to school, eat, and then sleep (not always in that order). The same routine, the same mundane sidewalk, the same… empty apartment.
"Finally..." I thought as I fished my worn out keyring, and jammed the right one into the lock. "I'm home." I said aloud to no one in particular, and heaved a sigh into the cold air of my apartment. I was by no means rich, quite the opposite actually as my apartment showed it. It was no more than a bare bones living room with a single table and a cramped kitchen with a bedroom in the back. To make ends meet, I usually bounce around from odd job to odd job; a waiter gig here, a construction job there (anything that pays, really). I had hoped getting a degree would help, that maybe I wouldn't have to live off of cheap discount meals from fast-food joints for the rest of my life, that maybe I could make a name for myself and make my parents proud… if they were still here.
"Sorry I'm late again…" I said as I took my shoes off and walked up to a family portrait, kneeling down in front of it. "Waiting tables is as exhausting as you've always said…" I said as I took a packet of freshly bought incense out of a grocery bag I'd been carrying throughout the bus ride home.
"I know, I know: The same one again?" I said mimicking a sarcastic tone. "Can't you get something else next time?" I popped open the packet, and reached into a nearby drawer for a lighter.
"Well… if you wanted something different, you should've told me your other favorites. Maybe I wouldn't be stuck buying these expensive DAMN things for…" I stopped in my tracks. The lighter was out of fluid… again. "Ah… sorry, I forgot to buy more lighter fluid… but I've got an idea... I'll be right back!" I ran over to my old stovetop and turned the knob, praying to my electricity bill that it would light. To my surprise, the stovetop flickered to life with a subtle orange flame barely alight, but serviceable. I held the incense over the stove top, and waited as the subtle smell of lavender filled the room. Instantly, the smell brought back fond memories: of times playing in bright lavender fields from a day that seemed so far away from now, but the nostalgia faded quickly as I ran the now-lit incense back to the family portrait, and placed it into a bowl directly in front of the painting, now overflowing from the ashes of previous incense burnings.
"Sorry about earlier, I guess I'm just a lot more screwed up than usual… but I got it." I said to the makeshift ceremonial altar in front of me. It wasn't much: just a standard plywood table with 2 drawers underneath. One was almost empty, save for the now fluidless lighter. The other was filled with letters and keepsakes that were almost indecipherable. In the middle, the portrait acted as the set piece for the poor altar. "I know I keep promising that I would make this place better, and I will. It's just… tips don't exactly pay a six-figure salary." I said, jokingly complaining for the ump-teenth time this day. "I wish I could take time out of my day and the money out of my pay to make this better, it's just… between work and studying to get a degree, I can't afford to. I'm sorry I'm such a prick…"
You're damn right, prick! I imagined the portrait saying. I wouldn't use this table even if it were the last one on Earth!
"Yeah, yeah… insult me all you want," I said to myself, "but one day things will all get better, I promise. No more discount furniture and empty lighters… someday, I'll upgrade to an actual house, with stuff I'll program myself!"
You? Program what? The only thing you seem to be doing lately is 'Programming' that kid's game of yours. Don't make a promise if you know you can't keep it! I imagine the portrait retorting.
"It's called Minecraft, and it is not a kid's game!" I retorted reflexively in response. "It...helps me relax, okay? Makes me forget about the world for a minute."
If you like it so much, why don't you just live in it?
"Hah… maybe. At least in there I could build you a better altar." I said, delivering the final punchline to an imaginary conversation. God I need to get out more.
I made one last silent prayer, and made my way over to the bedroom, falling face first into my bed with a soft *thud*. Somehow, the imaginary conversation from before (with myself) kept ringing in my head.
If you like it so much, why don't you just live in it?
"Hah… I wish I could live in a world like Minecraft." I sighed as I lazily looked to the side of my bed where I left my laptop. I opened it with one hand, typed in the password, and stared at the still open Twitch launcher. I probably forgot to turn it off… whatever. I pressed the play button on "All The Mods 3," and nuzzled my head farther into the sheets. Maybe I can get a quick nap in while this thing loads? I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but the conversation drilled itself back into my brain like a bad fanfic. Slowly, the words kept creeping back.
If you like it so much, why don't you just live in it?
"Because I can't, now leave me alone."
If you like it so much, why don't you just live in it?
"Because technology doesn't work like that, now leave me alone"
If you like it so much, why don't you just live in it?
"I would if I could, now let me sleep dammit."
"What if you could?"
"I swear, sometimes when you want to sleep the most, you just… wait, what?"
I jerked my head up off the bed, and scanned my room to find the drab bedroom all around me empty. I swear just now that last line wasn't in my head… maybe I'm just hearing things? I look over to my laptop to see ATM3 still loading up. It was about halfway through, so maybe it was just a dream? Well whatever, back to sleep.