Disclaimer: I own nothing and am not making any money. Everything belongs to their respective owners.
Mom and Dad,
It feels like it's been more than a year since I started to keep this journal. I saw you just a couple of days ago, but you—of course—didn't recognize me. I know that I don't always write as often as I probably should, but according to Black Canary—I know right?! I actually talked to her and everything! —I'm at least making some effort to offload anxiety and stress in a healthy manner like a normal person unlike some people. Those last words are her own; I would never have the guts to say that about the Waynes, even if behind their backs. They would find out somehow, someway. And I know she meant the Waynes with the way she glared at Oracle's comm system.
I'm living in the Wayne Manor now. I always feel the need to capitalize "manor" whenever I use it to reference Wayne Manor. And I just now realized that it would be correct grammar to do so as well because it's a proper noun. Wow, do I feel dumb. Anyways…You always hear on the news about how large and grand and a million other words it is, but that's nothing to how it feels to be inside the Manor itself. The first week I managed to get lost every day multiple times, but Alfred Pennyworth, the butler, always seemed to just know when I had gotten lost and would show up to point me in the right direction. I finally asked him if there was a tracker on me. All he did was raise an eyebrow. It was a bit disconcerting. Sometimes I think he is the scariest member of the Batfamily.
Not that any of them aren't scary. Bruce Wayne is a mountain of pure muscle with a stoic expression and exacting presence. Dick Grayson may be the most personable of the family, but I still remember what happened with the We Are Robin group. He can be manipulative when he wants to be. Jason Todd will pick a fight with anyone and anything and makes jokes about his own death. Tim Drake is unassuming but then I remember he is one of the most influential people in the world; his connections can ruin my life. Cassandra Cain is able to fight Batman to a stalemate, enough said. Stephanie Brown has the tenacity to make my life miserable through any blackmail she can find if I piss her off. Barbara Gordan…I don't even want to think about it. Damian Wayne regularly tries to injure or kill his siblings. I'm not sure how they've managed to live and work together for any length of time if I'm being honest.
Being trained to fight crime by these people means my head is literally about to explode from being taught to memorize gang members, villains and their methods, forensics, police procedure, laws, and whatever else the Bats decide is relevant to being a vigilante. And that doesn't even touch the physical training. You would think, like myself, it would be mostly learning martial arts and weight training to build muscle. I was so wrong. I'm having to run five kilometers every morning for endurance, hold my breath underwater to increase the time my mind can go without oxygen before shutting down, refresh and refine my pick-pocketing skills, work on flexibility, and so much more. The crash course I got with the Robin crew is nothing compared to this. I usually fall into bed exhausted and with my muscles screaming at me just to wake up and do it all over again.
Some people think the Bats aren't human. Those people are right, but it isn't until you have to train with them or see them in action that you really realize how inhuman they are. Does Dick Grayson even have bones? Like, the shapes he twists himself into, how?! I don't think I've ever seen Tim Drake asleep or more than ten feet away from a device that can connect to the internet. I can't even manage one hit on Cassandra Cain when we spar. They are not human. They are androids copying human behavior like that one theory I read on the internet. The actual aliens I've met are more likely to be human than the Waynes.
I've got to go to sleep now. I can barely keep my eyes open and think straight. I know my handwriting is sure to be atrocious because of how tired and sore I am. For all I've complained, though, I'm happy here and to be able to make a difference. I want to be a man you would be proud to call your son and I hope my actions in the future will live up to that.
I love you and I miss you,
Duke
P.S. Maybe Black Canary is right, I do feel better after writing all that.
A/N: If you feel like you've seen this before, you're right. This is also posted on AO3, but I wanted to post it here also. This is completed, but I will be posting it over the course of a few weeks because I'm going to be away from my computer for a while.
Anyways, let me know your thoughts. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.
Edited as of 18 September 2019