An: Okay, here goes the warning: in this story is talked about suicide, depression, panic attacks and probably other sensible topics! Read for your own risk, if I am judging anybody with this, I am sorry I am not a professional and I only can talk about my personal experience. Even though this story is more about recovery...

If this is still something you want to read, then here you go...

"Are you going to do it?" Doctor flemming asked.

Harvey just nodded slowly and thought back, about what was now called his life.

It has been six month's, six months without out her. Six months without anybody that was important to him, he didn't let people in easily, over the years there was Donna, the one women he loved more then anything else. But she left, she left with his best friend. They started a new life, he knew they didn't do it because they didn't want him.

Rachel and Mike had their own firm now, they settled down, married and happy. Donna left, she left after all that happend'. He never apologized.

Its been six months since he broke up with Paula, looking back and knowing that he never came close to loving her like that.

Its been five months since his panic attacks came back, four months since everything went really bad. The contact with Donna wasn't existent, she changed her number, he didn't blame her. But it hurt. Mike began to call less, he was stressed with the firm and began to built a new life. A life without him. And Harvey was alone, he was distanced from the most important people in his life, his only friend left was Louis.

Ironically the person he used to hate was the only one left, they got closer and he was one of the only people Harvey felt he could still depend on. But over time everything got worse, his panick attacks got the best of him, he got sloppy with case work. He didn't even come in most of the time, he skipped work, got drunk and high. He read pot would calm him down, it did, but it took all his energy too.

His life got messier then ever, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't breath. Most of all he missed the one person that always made him feel better, had always faith in him... His days got darker and he found himself in a box that he couldn't lock open, he couldn't escape. He lost fun in sex, he had no motivation to seduce anybody. Louis forced him to go on a sabbatical, but he didn't care anymore, he stopped loving his job. Every time he went to the office he saw what once was called his life, what felt like a good dream, now it was just the wracked remainings.

It was now three month since his attempted suicide, a desperate move to stop the hurt. He wasn't thinking clear as he did it, he wasn't himself and he didn't feel like himself. Harvey regretted it now, but back then it seemed like the only way.

He shot himself in the head, he found his fathers old gun, his hands moved without thinking what he would do. Then everything went black for him, one week basically dead. The neighbors called the police after they heared the shot, he got found and hospitalised. He had luck, the shot went in a angle that didn't damage him permanently. He was unconscious for 8 days, after he woke up, the only person he could find was his brother.

Marcus loved Harvey, he loved his brother and seeing him in basically in a death bed was hard. Seeing his brother now nearly lifeless, it broke his heart, knowing there was nobody else with him.

Nobody else knew, Donna was his emergency contact, but because of her number change the hospital couldn't reach her. Louis didn't think much about his disaperance, he was the one insisting on the sabbatical. Harvey could have reached out, tell them, but he was scared to see their faces. He was scared that they would hate him, about their reaction and he was far from ready to confront it.

Only his family knew, His mother, Bobby, Katie...and the kids found out too, they didn't understand it really. They just knew something bad happend to their Uncle.

Harvey couldn't walk, the shot damaged his balance, he needed to get physical therapy as well as a emotional. For his recovery he got sent to his brother's house, he spent time with the kids, Hayley and Matt. He had spent most of his time reconnecting with his mother, he even learned to be okay with Bobby. Even though, every time he had fun with him, hang out or talked to him, he felt guilty. Then he visited his father's grave, drinking a glass of scotch, thinking about the past. It was the only time he drank alkohol anymore.

He helped out Marcus with the restaurant, assisted with the cooking, waitressed. He learned to cook, he wasn't fond of it, but it was a way calmer job then being a hot shot lawyer.

In Therapy he worked out his feelings, he worked to express them, it still wasn't easy for him to speak about them. But his therapist, doctor Fleming, reassured him he made progress. He talked with his therapist about his Father, the firm, his mother, missing Mike...

But mostly; Harvey talked about Donna, he talked about their past, the D.A's office. He talked about the god-awful dinner party, about Donna helping him reconnecting with his mother. He talked about the memo, about winning her back, loosing her again, getting her back and pushing her away.

But most recently he talked about his brother and Katie, he didn't say it out loud, but it bothered him. They are getting a divorce and he was in the middle of it, he still lived in his brothers house after 3 months now. And he felt like he should move on, finally starting his new life and going back. But going back to what?

Harvey wanted to get back to work, after time he began to miss his job, the firm. Louis had called him every now and then, asked him when he finally would come back. He told him he and Sheila were expecting, he left him every week a voice message. Telling him how the firm was, just talking. But Harvey still didn't feel ready to go back, because that meant talking about it with Louis.

But now, now his niece needed him, she was only six years old and in the middle of the divorce. Katie dissapeared with her brother Matt and Marcus was barely able to go out of his bed. He didn't took the divorce well, he had no idea where is ex-wife and son were.

Marcus asked him to take Hayley with him to the city, take her out from the difficult situation and give her stability. It wasn't Harveys ideal idea of reconnecting with his own life, but he knew Hayley needed him and he learned to love her very much.

"I will" he smiled slightly.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well, she has finished her first year at school, she's now on summer vacation and I've been thinking about asking Mike if we can visit them"

"That's great Harvey!" His therapist exclaimed, he was happy to hear that Harvey was finally ready to reconnect.

"Yeah, I think so too"

"Are you going to tell her how you feel?"

"I don't know, I don't know how her life is right now and I don't even know if she wants to see me" he replied sadly.

"I can't say if she does, but don't close the door before you know if someone wants to come visit"

Harvey just smiled a little, he had nothing to reply.

"Are you going to tell them about your attempted suicide?" The Therapist asked.

"I don't know" Harvey didn't thought about it before, he didn't want to revisit this chapter of his live. Perhaps someday he needed to, but he didn't want to make any of his friends feel guilty. Because they weren't, it was a bad time but somehow Harvey felt like he grew up a little. He had admitted that he was in love with Donna, he had accapted that he probably always will and he learned to take negative emotions and reflect them.

"The time is now over, I suppose I won't see you for a while, so I wish you good luck to whatever will come."

Both men said their goodbyes, but before Harvey left doctor Flemming said "Call me, if you need anything, I am here for you!"

to be continued...

I am not planning on writing every chapter as short as this, I have already written 4 other chapters... But I didn't want to give to much in one chapter, since I know that in this chapter, there is alot of information coming in. I didn't know how to go with this, if I should actually write the life Harvey had in the last 6 Months. But I wanted to make it more interesting, I wanted to have Donna and Harvey action sooner. So I decided to do it like this, you will see flashbacks of that time, but I don't want to do it all in one row.I know with this fanfiction I go into an arya that is incredibly difficult, I have never seen a story similar to that with Harvey. Somehow I thought this would be interesting to write, I don't know if people are also interested in this. I mostly write this for myself to work some things out.

Please review this and give me Feedback, I would appreciate it alot since I want to do this right!