3:41 A.M. – The Moonflow Tides
How many nights had this happened before?
That was a question that twenty-six year old Nick Kelly often asked himself, especially these days.
Namely, it was freakishly late in the evening, and he was awake for whatever ungodly reason.
It had happened so often recently that he wondered if he'd ever get used to it. There were often times where he wondered if this was the correct path for him. Considering he'd left behind practically everything of his old life (what was left of it, anyway) to pursue this life, it was yet another question Nick asked himself when he thought no one was looking.
"Hey. Can't sleep?"
Nick knew that voice very well. After all...
He decided to turn around and greet his visitor just as she walked up and pulled him into a loving embrace. She always knew just what to do to cheer him up, of course.
"You know the drill by now, Patty," Nick stated to his wife Patty (who was the same age as Nick, give or take a few months). "It's just a 'me' thing."
"Well, it's a 'me' thing, too, so don't feel like you have to hide it from me, 'kay?" Patty replied. "Besides, I know you're a horrible liar."
"Aw, ya got me," Nick teased. "It's just... I ask myself these questions a lot, ever since I came with you on this journey of ours."
"Five years and counting," Patty answered. "We'll find it no matter what we have to do."
"You know pretty well that I don't have much of a life to go back to," Nick proclaimed. "Which is probably why it was so easy to make the decision to join you on your travels."
"Sometimes you wonder what could have been," Patty stated. "I'm like that a lot, too. Considering who my grandfather was and what he did, I always feel that pressure to live up to his legacy and make him proud."
"It feels like we both have concerns that are very similar to each other's," Nick replied.
"That just means we're two peas in a pod, right?" Patty laughed.
"Nothing but the truth there," Nick chuckled as he and Patty leaned in to kiss each other.
When he was with Patty... he knew he'd made the correct choice.
"Okay, now that you know I'm awake this late, what about you?" Nick asked. "You're not normally a night owl, even out here."
Patty adjusted her pirate hat before glancing out towards the wide open seas that compromised the Moonflow Tides.
"I just... feel the winds of change, I guess," Patty answered. "Like, something big is about to happen, and we're gonna get sucked into a massive adventure."
"Probably nothing like our last adventure," Nick laughed.
"Hey, that scallywag fell on my knife!" Patty sputtered. "He really did!"
"Well, he tried to shank you when you looted that stronghold, so I guess he had it coming," Nick quipped.
As Patty laughed, Nick looked out at the Moonflow Tides, especially radiant for this late at night. It turned out that Patty had woken up for the same reason he had.
He felt the winds of change as well.
Was it merely coincidence, or were Patty's intuitions spot on?
(Don't just sit there and waste your precious time. When you want to do something, do it right away. Do it when you can. It's the only way to live a life without regrets.)
Mat49324 and The Blue Time Ranger are proud to present:
Totally Spies the Movie: Rift Apart
Story Rated: T for Teen
Story Created: June 11th, 2021
And Now, It's Totally the Cast! (because it's a movie, I have to)
Jennifer Hale as Sam
Katie Griffin as Alex
Andrea Baker as Clover
Lindsay Ridgeway as Britney
Sam Riegel as Mat
Bryce Papenbrook as Nick
Julie Maddalena as Haruka
Laura Bailey as Bridget
Luci Christian as Nozomi
Eden Riegel as May
Abby Trott as Dawn
Dorothy Elias Fahn as Melissa
Adrian Truss as Jerry Lewis
Brittney Karbowski as RiCO
Sandy Fox as Patty
Story Summary: The fortieth joint project between Mat49324 and The Blue Time Ranger, and the second feature film based on Totally Spies: The New Adventures. One seemingly normal day, during a routine showdown with their rogues' gallery, the spies are suddenly separated and pulled into mysterious portals. When Nick lands on a strange pirate ship helmed by a pirate version of him, he quickly realizes that the spies have all been shunted into alternate dimensions. Luckily for him, his pirate self is able to generate these dimensional portals, also known as Quantum Rifts, with his ship, the Fiertia. This is only the beginning of a grand adventure through multiple different dimensions in hopes of reuniting the team. How many different versions of themselves will the spies meet? What fantastical locations will they discover? And most importantly, can the spies defeat whoever was responsible for separating them in the first place?
Author's Note from The Blue Time Ranger: And here we go! This one's been in the cards for a while, considering I actually wanted to do a "movie" project that was its own standalone thing and not just a remake of an older project. Inspired mostly by both Crash Bandicoot 4: It's About Time and the upcoming Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart, we're gonna be seeing a lot of different versions of the spies you know so well as this multi-dimensional adventure continues. So, get some popcorn or whatever movie snacks you prefer, sit back, and enjoy yourselves, because it's time for the main event to begin! ROLL IT!
Author's Note from Mat49324: Well, we've made it to project #40 overall, and movie project #2. Yes, I did say it's our second because our first was an HD Remix of Beyond the Looking Glass, that we did back in August 2005. As mentioned there, a LOT happened the first time around when we did that original story, which took us TWO YEARS to finish. On the good part, when we did the remix as our first movie project, I first uploaded the story on 11/4/2020, and we finished only 26 days later on 11/30/2020. Big difference, eh? Anyway, if you are wondering why, check the opening note on chapter 1 of Beyond the Looking Glass HD Remix on my page because we gotta get this project started A-S-A-NOW.
And Now, the Obligatory Disclaimer: Mat49324 and The Blue Time Ranger do not own anything related to Totally Spies or any of its affiliations. It belongs solely to Marathon Media Group, Image Entertainment Corporation, Vincent Chalvon-Demersay, and David Michel. The only things of this story we DO own are any characters created by us truly for the story (in this case, Nick, Haruka, Bridget, May, Nozomi, Dawn, and Melissa on my side, and Mathew on his side). Any characters or things we don't own, we are just borrowing with no intent of copyright infringement, only for the entertainment of our readers. Besides, if we did own Totally Spies, which we don't, why would we be writing fiction on a fan site?
Act 1: The Dawn of Departure
He stared down the face of his inevitable demise, knowing there was nothing he could do.
He was trapped. Utterly and completely helpless.
How did it come to this? Why him?
Many questions rushed through his brain as his death approached him and the world around him slowed to an agonizing crawl.
He knew that the only option left was to accept his fate with whatever dignity he still had left.
Was this really how it was going to end?
Out of options, with no escape available, he prepared himself for his doom as the heavy object crashed into his face with all the force of a raging train...
...and sent him flying into a nearby sand dune.
10:32 A.M. – Malibu University, Beach Area
"Holy crapbaskets!" May shouted as she and Alex rushed to make sure their boyfriend was okay.
"And again, she hits the ball too hard," Haruka sighed as the volleyball that had whacked Nick in the face rolled by her. "May keeps forgetting that she has amazing upper body strength from wielding that anchor of hers..."
Despite Nick getting floored by a volleyball, the spies were having a wonderful time at the beach, just enjoying the beautiful stretch of weather they'd been having, especially after this recent winter.
"Ah, this is the life, isn't it?" Sam sighed happily.
"No denials there, babe," Mat laughed.
Sam moved her hand into Mat's as they continued to get a tan.
"I was hoping you'd do that," Mat quipped and leaned to kiss Sam on the cheek – much to Sam's surprise.
Sam was happy to return the favor after a few minutes, and that took Mat by surprise, too.
"Um, is Nick gonna be okay?" Bridget asked, unable to resist chuckling at the sight of Nick stuck halfway into a nearby pile of sand.
"He's been through worse, trust me," Haruka giggled as Alex and May grabbed Nick by his waist and pulled him out of the sand.
"Seriously?! How can something be worse than getting hit with a flying volleyball?!" Melissa gasped.
"Try a flying basketball," Haruka responded.
Melissa immediately silenced her next retort.
"...oof. Yeah, that sounds a lot worse," Dawn answered.
"Try a flying basketball that also shattered my glasses in the process," Nick quipped as he, Alex and May re-joined the group. "I'm just lucky that none of the glass got in my eye, because yikes."
"Despite that, Nick's doin' a-okay!" May laughed.
Alex would have commented if she hadn't noticed something strange nearby.
"What's up, Alex?" Nozomi wondered.
"Is someone watching us?" Haruka teased.
"...um, you could say that," Alex replied, pointing to a strange object sticking out of a nearby sand dune.
Before anyone could go investigate, however, the object in question expanded to reveal a large metal tube that near-instantly sucked all of the spies inside.
All thirteen spies eventually collapsed on top of each other in a big pile once they'd reached the main office of W.O.O.H.P. Headquarters.
"I finally got you, Nick," Jerry chuckled.
"One of these days, Jerry," Nick proclaimed as the spies all jumped to their feet and changed into their spy suits. "Well, I guess it's business time. Who do we have to give the business to today, Jerry?"
RiCO materialized in the office and waved her hand to change the viewscreen's current image to a mugshot of who else but Tim Scam.
"Ugh, he just never quits, does he?!" Sam growled, calming down after Mat hugged her. "I'm getting really sick of dealing with him and his harebrained attempts to make me his... ugh, his 'queen'... just thinking about that sickens me to my core..."
"Well, we'll just keep booting his bony keester back to his containment cell as many times as we have to, then," Nick responded. "Isn't that right, everyone?"
"HELL YEAH!" was the unanimous response.
"My work on the new containment facility is almost complete," RiCO proclaimed. "So it won't be much longer before baddies stay in their cells much longer, hopefully permanently."
"Let's get out there and stomp on him already!" May exclaimed.
11:21 A.M. – The Groove
Tim Scam continued to wait for his quarry to appear, knowing she would eventually show if he started indiscriminately attacking civilians. After all, he was very sure that this particular plan wouldn't fail.
"You will be mine, Samantha," Scam laughed. "It doesn't matter how many of my plans you foil. I only have to win once, after all."
"Then keep dreaming, sleaze-face!"
Scam spun around to behold his enemies approaching, right on schedule.
"Welcome back, my little spy friends," Scam cackled. "It feels like it's been too long since the last time we crossed swords, so to speak."
"Hasn't felt like long enough to us, ya scumbag," Mat growled.
"Oh, if it isn't the Hawaiian dish again," Scam proclaimed. "When are you going to learn that she isn't destined to be with you?"
"And when are you gonna learn that I'm not interested in you, asshole?!" Sam shot right back.
"Just forget it, Sammy," Clover quipped. "He's not gonna listen to reason, anyway."
"Yeah, let's just kick his butt so we can get him out of our hair," Bridget replied. "Sonic Mode, online!"
"I hope you're ready to fail again, Scam," Nick proclaimed, his psychic aura flaring to life around him. "Because that's all you're destined for!"
"Is that a fact, boy?" Scam retorted, reaching for a very lethal-looking device in his pocket.
Before Nick could attempt to retaliate, a strange noise emanated across The Groove's parking lot.
Not even two seconds later, multiple portals of purple light with sharpened edges burst to life around the immediate area.
"All right, Scam, what's your game now?!" Sam shouted, only to stop when she saw that Scam looked just as surprised as they did right now.
"You're asking me?!" Scam responded. "I had nothing to do with whatever this is!"
Nick was about to call Jerry, only to hear a bunch of shouting and/or screaming. He looked up to see that every one of his fellow spies were being sucked into one of these strange portals, each spy desperately attempting to cling onto something before inevitably disappearing into the portal.
Before Nick could get his bearings, another portal opened up right behind him and started dragging him into it.
"Oh, crapbaskets," was all Nick had time to say before the light of the portal enveloped him and he lost consciousness.
4:15 P.M. – The Moonflow Tides, Southeast Wave
Patty hung from the side of the nearby mast, using her trusty binoculars to observe the ships that were rapidly getting away from her.
"Yeah, you scallywags think you're super clever," Patty giggled. "But you haven't seen me in action yet."
After jumping back down to the surface of the (sorta) wrecked ship she was currently on, Patty double-checked her weapons and gear (consisting of her trusty scimitar, her grandfather's antique pistol, and her hubby's hookshot) before setting out to follow the ships.
Despite the gaps between the planks of wood and other debris floating across the water, Patty was skilled enough to easily traverse them, even using her hookshot as a makeshift grappling rope to swing between masts and other debris.
Patty eventually reached the first of the retreating pirate ships by hookshot-ing her way onto the rear deck.
"All too easy," Patty giggled. "Now's let search for the treasure. Don't wanna keep my hubby waiting, after all."
However, Patty had only taken two steps forward before she had to stop in her tracks as a purple portal opened a few feet ahead of her, spat out a boy that looked remarkably familiar, and then closed just as quickly.
"What the heck?" Patty asked.
"Ugh... what was in that cheeseburger?" Nick groaned as he finally regained his senses, only to immediately jump to his feet when he didn't recognize where he was. "Wait a minute, where the hell am I?!"
To Nick's surprise, Patty suddenly rushed up and hugged him tightly.
"I didn't know you were here, honey!" Patty exclaimed. "I figured you'd be waiting for me back on the ship!"
"Um..." Nick replied. "I have several questions, miss..."
Patty looked up and suddenly, she realized she'd pretty much glomped the wrong person and backed away.
"Eep, I'm sorry! You just look so much like my hubby, I thought..." Patty gasped. "Again, I'm really sorry! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?!"
Nick glanced around his surroundings, silently noting that he definitely wasn't in Beverly Hills anymore, and turned back to Patty. She was a girl about three or four years older than him, with light skin, blue eyes, and blond hair braided into two ponytails tied with purple ribbons. Her pirate outfit (because she was clearly a pirate of sorts) consisted of a blue and yellow-lined pirate hat, a matching coat, and light brown boots, along with a pair of binoculars hanging from a strap around her neck.
"Actually, I think there is," Nick answered. "Can you tell me where the heck I am? Because this is clearly not where I'm from, and I'm willing to bet you saw me fall out of a large purple portal, right?"
"Yeah, you did," Patty replied. "And if that portal was what I think it was, I may know what happened to you. But, first, I have a favor to ask you."
"Sure," Nick replied.
"I'm huntin' for treasure on this ship and the ship just up ahead," Patty answered. "Can you help me swipe it? These bums took some treasure that my hubby rightfully plundered, and I intend to take it back!"
"Gotta love the whole 'MY TREASURE NOT YOURS' shtick, huh?" Nick chuckled. "All right, let's go liberate some riches."
"When we're done here, I'll call my hubby to come and pick us up," Patty stated. "He might know more about how you got here. Oh, by the way, my name's Patty! Nice to meet you!"
"And my name's Nick Kelly," Nick answered as he and Patty shook hands. "Nice to be met."
With that, Nick and Patty began their trek through the enemy pirate ship in search of Patty's treasure.
"Must be some treasure, eh?" Nick wondered.
"No doubt it is," Patty remarked. "Let's just say that this treasure could lead to early retirement or 'not having to look for a job' kind of rich."
"Eat your heart out, Ken Jennings," Nick stated.
"Ken... Jennings?" Patty wondered.
"Oh, my pal, Mat was mentioning about his Jeopardy! run off and on and how 'impossible' it seemed to stop him," Nick explained.
"He sounds pretty smart," Patty admitted.
"To be fair, I don't know if Jeopardy is even a thing in wherever the heck I am," Nick admitted.
With that, Nick and Patty continued on their journey, with Nick wondering on the side why May wasn't with him given the said circumstances. Simultaneously, Nick also tried to prevent himself from getting seasick, too.
How do I get back to reality and stop Scam from taking Sam away from Mat?! Nick wondered.
Deep down, Nick also wondered how the others were holding up.
4:49 P.M. – Desert Dimension
("Counting Stars" by One Republic plays)
Four more of the spies were knocked out and in another dimension of unnatural phenomena. They were May, Melissa, Mat, and Bridget.
"Oh geez..." Melissa groaned. "Did someone play 'whack-a-mole' with my noggin?!"
"Ditto..." Bridget chastised.
"More importantly, what's that Scam got up his sleeve this time?" Mat wondered as he helped Melissa up.
"He put us two steps behind, that's what," May remarked as she helped Bridget up.
The four of them looked around to see that none of the other spies were among them.
"Not good," Mat stated as he tried to get a hold of Nick or Sam or the other spies on his DS.
No luck... everyone else tried and they weren't successful.
"Great... now what?!" Bridget chastised.
"I guess we find out what this place is," Melissa remarked.
"It looks like a desert," Mat stated. "And I think I know what desert this is."
"Can you find it on a map?" May wondered.
"No," Mat answered. "I think this is the desert area from a Nintendo game from my childhood – Clash at Demonhead."
"That's a total throwback," Melissa commented.
"But this one's more futuristic," May remarked at the unnatural phenomena that littered the sky.
"I know," Mat replied. "It's the desert where Tom Guycot's lair is."
The four of them journeyed on.
5:19 P.M. – Alternate Dimension (Suburban Beverly Hills)
In another dimension, Sam awoke to find herself in suburban Beverly Hills.
"Strange," Sam commented.
Her thoughts immediately took a turn for the worst when she saw her face on a billboard with Tim Scam... ready to tie the knot.
"I hope you enjoy this, Samantha," Tim Scam replied, coming out of nowhere.
She gagged at all this.
"Read my lips, Scam..." Sam growled. "My future has NO ROOM for the likes of YOU!"
"Oh, but why delay the inevitable?" Scam laughed. "It doesn't matter what timeline, reality, or whatever this is that we end up in. One way or another, it's going to happen."
"All right, then, how about I brick it into your skull?!" Sam shouted as she charged Scam, attempting to sweep him off of his feet, but he caught her foot mid-kick and flipped her backwards.
Ever the graceful one, Sam quickly regained her footing and retaliated by way of a spinning kick to the side of Scam's head that made him stumble.
I hope everyone else is okay, wherever they are, Sam thought as she continued to do battle with Scam. And I hope some reinforcements are coming soon, because I don't know how long I can keep this up on my own...
4:39 P.M. – The Moonflow Tides, Southwest Wave
"Well, that's a pretty long gap," Nick quipped as he and Patty arrived at the mast of the ship they were currently traversing, with the other ship a good ways ahead of them.
"Yeah, to your average, everyday pirate," Patty chuckled. "But watch me blow those lubbers out of the water!"
Patty brought out her hookshot and aimed it for the backside of the other ship, taking a couple seconds to check for wind resistance before firing. The hook flew true and clamped down on the railing ahead, allowing Patty to swing her way over to the other ship.
"Oops," Patty stuttered when she realized she now had no way to get Nick over to the other ship.
Nick, however, quickly rectified that by letting his psychic aura surround his body as he floated his way over to where Patty had jumped to, chuckling at how shocked she looked to see Nick demonstrating his psychic powers.
"Sorry if I freaked you out," Nick quipped.
"Nah, I've seen stranger things on these tides," Patty giggled. "THAT WAS SO COOL!"
"I have been told," Nick laughed. "Now then, how much further do we have to go to find the treasure you're looking for?"
"Ye won't be going any further unless it be down to the ocean's depths, ye scurvy dogs!"
Nick and Patty spun around to see a rather heavy-set pirate captain with orange-colored garb and a massive orange-tinted beard aiming a scimitar towards them.
"Holy jeez, dude, your beard," Nick taunted. "Does shaving as a concept even exist in this place?"
"Arrrr, ye got younger since last I seen ya, boy," the captain responded. "But that don't matter now. You've got some nerve stowing away on my ship, Patty darlin'."
"Hey, nobody calls me 'darling' but my hubby!" Patty shot back, drawing her own scimitar. "And you should know exactly why I'm here, Captain Orangebeard."
"We're only gonna say this once," Nick growled, his aura flaring to life around him. "Hand over whatever you stole from Patty and her hubby, or there's gonna be consequences."
"Do ye honestly think I'd be scared of ye, even if your body can glow now?!" Orangebeard laughed. "Bring it on, ye barnacle-bitten lubber!"
As Patty and Orangebeard began to duel, swinging their scimitars in various flashy ways, Nick began charging psychic energy into his right hand, waiting for just the right moment to strike.
"You've gotten better since our last meeting, Patty," Orangebeard cackled.
"Feels like too long, in my opinion," Patty retorted.
Orangebeard swung horizontally, forcing Patty to go into a roll to avoid the swing, and that was when Nick made his move, raising his right hand towards Orangebeard as he attempted to take advantage of Patty's roll.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," Nick proclaimed. "FINAL SHINE ATTACK!"
Before Orangebeard could curse his own carelessness, a burst of neon-green energy erupted from Nick's palm and slammed into Orangebeard's chest, catapulting him off of the ship and into the water below them.
"Curse ye scurvy kilts, I won't forget this!" Orangebeard shouted as he swam around, trying to find a way back to his own ship.
"Well, that didn't last as long as I expected," Nick quipped as Patty came out of the nearby cabin holding a treasure chest full of assorted, well, treasure. "That what you came here for?"
"Yup," Patty giggled. "Specifically, this."
Patty reached into the pile of treasure and pulled out what appeared to be a wedding ring of sorts before slipping it back onto her index finger where it belonged.
"Ah, I'm glad to finally have that back," Patty sighed.
"So he took your wedding ring?" Nick quipped. "Wow, this guy sounds like a rat bastard."
"One of the rattiest to ever sail the Moonflow Tides," Patty answered as she reached into her coat pocket to retrieve a futuristic-looking communicator. "Orangebeard was an honorable pirate once, but his greed got the better of him and now he attacks every pirate on the tides, whether or not they deserved it."
"Sounds like quite a few of the bad guys that my friends and I have to fight," Nick replied.
"Honey, I'm all done!" Patty proclaimed. "I found what I came for!"
"Never expected anything less, dear," the voice on the other end responded, one that sounded oddly familiar to Nick. "I'm on my way to your location now."
Thankfully, Nick didn't have to wait too long to confirm his suspicions, as a very futuristic-looking pirate ship showed up after only four minutes of waiting. The ship itself was very fancy, as it still had the feel of a "pirate ship", but it seemed to be decked out with all sorts of modern technology and digital readouts.
"The world fears the day that Captain Jack Sparrow gains access to the internet," Nick teased as Patty rushed towards the deck so she could hop onto the ship in question. Nick quickly followed, and once they were both on board, the ship turned and quickly sailed away from Orangebeard's ship at speeds that impressed even Nick.
Someone walked out of the captain's cabin of this new ship, and Nick glanced upwards to see a man who appeared to be in his mid-twenties, wearing pirate-themed clothing and a purple pirate's cap.
The kicker? This man looked almost exactly like an older Nick, complete with a small beard stubble and an eyepatch over his right eye. (Nick could tell this other him actually had both of his eyes intact, so the eyepatch was just for show.)
"I got back the ring, hubby!" Patty shouted as she leaped over to hug Pirate Nick.
"That's what you were looking for?" Pirate Nick quipped. "I didn't know Orangebeard was trying to take it."
"He's just jealous of us being super-sweet lovey-dovey and romantic," Patty laughed. "And, well, this person helped me on my raid!"
Pirate Nick looked over at Nick, and it was quite the strange staredown, as if Pirate Nick wasn't sure if this was real at first.
"Hmmm..." Pirate Nick hummed. "Would your name happen to be Nick Kelly, by any chance?"
"U-Um, yeah, it actually is," Nick responded, now suitably on edge. "How exactly did you figure me out?"
"One, you kinda look a lot like a younger me," Pirate Nick replied. "Two? Patty, how exactly did you find him?"
"Honestly, he just fell through a..." Patty started before realizing something important. "Honey, maybe you'd better show him before he gets wrongfully suspicious."
"Yeah, good idea," Pirate Nick proclaimed. "Wouldn't want him to start throwing out baseless accusations and all that."
Pirate Nick walked back up to the upper deck, towards what appeared to be an old-fashioned pirate ship steering wheel hooked up to a futuristic computer console. Pirate Nick typed in a few buttons on the console, turned the steering wheel slightly, and aimed his pirate gun in dramatic fashion.
Just a few feet ahead of the ship, a gigantic portal of purple light with sharpened edges burst to life.
And now Nick was definitely on edge, as that was the exact same kind of portal that had opened during the spies' scuffle with Tim Scam.
"Before you freak out, I had no intention of bringing you here with these," Pirate Nick explained. "If I did, I wouldn't have been surprised to see you."
"...okay, that's a good point, and it helps that I can read your mind," Nick quipped. "Psychic, after all. But... is that a dimensional portal?"
"You catch on quick!" Patty laughed. "This glowy doorway is a Quantum Rift, a doorway between dimensions. My hubby and I figured out how to trivialize interdimensional travel over the years we've been married."
"One of the many reasons I'm super protective of my pirate ship," Pirate Nick proclaimed. "This ship is my personal masterpiece, the Fiertia. After all, every pirate worth their salt needs a ship that can withstand even the scurviest of scurvy dogs out there on the high seas. If anyone out there knew we could jump between dimensions, any number of truly evil pirates out there would come baying for our blood."
Pirate Nick then walked back to ground floor and hugged Patty again. "This bundle of manic energy here is my wife, Patty. We've been hitched for seven straight years, and our relationship's been wilder than the Moonflow Tides on a full moon."
Nick stood there for a few seconds, taking in all the information he'd just been given, before making a decision. "All right, mister pirate me, I have... a proposition for you," Nick proclaimed.
"I'm listening," Pirate Nick replied.
"Can you take me with you two into that portal and help me explore other dimensions?" Nick asked. "I came here via a Quantum Rift that someone else opened, and that can only mean all of my friends are trapped in alternate dimensions."
"On one condition," Patty stated. "If we find any scallywags hoarding treasure... can we take some of it?"
"As long as it's treasure that they don't deserve or somehow snatched wrongly," Nick replied. "After all, that's your whole shtick, right?"
"Then, it's a deal!" Patty laughed, taking hold of the steering wheel and piloting the Fiertia into the Quantum Rift.
One flash of light later, Nick looked up and beheld an incredible sight.
The Fiertia was flying, actually flying, through a starry purple sky filled with multi-colored nebulas and long trails of purple light connecting what appeared to be multiple large Quantum Rifts.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Patty proclaimed. "This place is what I like to call the Dimensional Map, our gateway to all kinds of different dimensions! We typically just have to use the Fiertia's console to open a rift and fly into it, and boom!"
Nick looked ahead towards the Quantum Rift that they were approaching, which seemed to display the image of a desert world of sorts.
Here's hoping I can find everyone quickly and without too much hassle, Nick thought as the Fiertia entered the Quantum Rift just ahead. Though, considering my line of work, "not much hassle" may be too much to ask.
5:41 P.M. – Desert Dimension
"Lo, we have arrived!" Patty exclaimed as the Fiertia parked on top of a nearby dune so she, Nick, and Pirate Nick could explore the dimension they'd arrived in.
"...why does this look like something straight out of The Clash at Demonhead?" Nick quipped as he looked around, eventually spotting some people not too far away. And thanks to Nick's psychic senses, he realized that they were some of his friends.
"Friends of yours, I presume?" Pirate Nick stated.
"A few of them, at least," Nick responded. "Let's go pay them a visit, shall we?"
Mat, Melissa, Bridget, and May were trying to evade all the unnatural phenomena that were surrounding them.
"This is surprisingly easy," Melissa observed.
"No doubt," Mat remarked. "Except in the game, there's a bomb to diffuse at the end."
"Makes me wonder if Lady Dragon might be behind this as well," Bridget remarked.
"Except we can't call Jerry to find out," May chastised.
"I can provide some!" Nick called out, getting everyone's attention.
"Wait... was that Nick?" Melissa wondered.
The spies looked to see some psychic energy and the pirate ship skyward bound.
"That's an unnatural phenomenon that takes the cake," May commented.
Everybody did indeed see Nick's figure on board as he waved to them.
"Holy geez, I'm seeing double again," Bridget replied when the ship landed and Pirate Nick was seen with Patty.
"Now why didn't I get that dimension he got?!" May chastised under her breath.
Then again, her role as one of the Jellyfish Pirates was considerably different from a real pirate.
"There's a considerable difference between me and pirate me," Nick pointed out to the others.
In the meantime, Nick quickly went through intros, but May immediately asked Nick how he ended up on a pirate ship of all things.
"Just the dimension Tim Scam apparently threw me in," Nick answered.
"Tim... Scam?" Patty wondered.
"That's one of our biggest foes back in our Beverly Hills," Mat explained. "Apparently, he's separated us in different dimensions to take my girlfriend away from me..."
"If there's one thing pirates like us won't stand, it's someone like this 'Tim Scam' getting between true love," Pirate Nick proclaimed.
"Glad to hear it," Melissa grinned.
"And we also need to find my main girlfriend, Alex, too," Nick added in.
"Well, we can get you to wherever it is they are," Patty proclaimed.
"So, this isn't one ordinary pirate ship, is it?" May wondered.
"Geez, like Peter Pan – more mature, though," Mat commented.
"We get that a lot," Pirate Nick laughed.
"You'd be surprised at how we get around besides on the water," Patty remarked and invited the four spies aboard the ship.
"So, how can we locate them?" May asked.
"We'd probably need a signal of some sort if we wanted to open a rift specifically to wherever the rest of your friends ended up," Pirate Nick replied.
"That's gonna be the problem, though," Bridget quipped. "Can our X-Powders reach across different dimensions? Because we tried that when we went to that dimension with the evil Nick, and it didn't work there..."
"But maybe we can combine that with the technological marvel that is the Fiertia, and we might get something!" Patty proclaimed. "It's worth a shot, right?"
Nick opened his X-Powder and switched the call to Alex's signal, despite getting nothing but static, and handed it off to Patty, who rushed back onto the Fiertia to hook it up to the main console and attempt to isolate the signal.
It took a few minutes, but eventually, Patty's smile brightened.
"Got something!" Patty exclaimed, spinning the console's main wheel and pressing a button on the console to open a large Quantum Rift in front of the Fiertia. Naturally, the others were surprised.
"Wait, you can open those portals yourselves?" May gasped.
"I know what you're all thinking, and let me put your fears to rest right here," Nick stated. "Pirate me wasn't the one who ripped us all from our own dimension. I read his mind the instant Patty and I stepped foot on the Fiertia, and he was just as surprised to see me as I was to see him."
"It was probably Scam, then," Melissa proclaimed.
"I'm not too sure about that," May quipped. "Scam looked just as shocked as we all did when those portals opened, remember?"
"But that can only mean that there's someone else out there in the multiverse who can open Quantum Rifts," Nick stated. "And I'm willing to bet whoever that could be is the one who's in the need of a stomping."
"All aboard the Fiertia, everybody!" Patty proclaimed as Mat, Bridget, Melissa and May all boarded the Fiertia so Pirate Nick could pilot the ship into the Quantum Rift.
May couldn't help but marvel at how beautiful the starry sky of the Dimensional Map looked to her.
"This place is amazing," May gasped.
"I see you like it, too," Patty giggled. "Speaking of cool stuff, new dimension dead ahead!"
Another Quantum Rift had popped up on the Dimensional Map, leading to what appeared to be a world filled with lush jungles and rainforests.
"Shall we?" Patty laughed as Pirate Nick piloted the Fiertia into the Quantum Rift.
6:21 P.M. – Jungle Dimension
Meanwhile, Alex, Clover, Blaine, and Haruka were just coming to and had now realized they were in a jungle dimension courtesy of the dreaded Tim Scam.
"Jungle again?" Clover stated.
"Feels like our early spy days," Alex commented.
"Or the first mission with Geraldine in my case," Blaine added.
"Right," Clover remarked, knowing she had to rescue him.
Haruka was trying to contact Nick and the others, but wasn't having any luck.
"No luck, Haruka?" Alex wondered.
"Not even a reading," Haruka stated. "I even just tried Jerry and that didn't work!"
"Now what?" Blaine wondered.
The answer to that came in the form of a loud roar from somewhere nearby.
"...that wasn't any of you, was it?" Alex asked.
"Definitely not me," Clover quipped.
Suddenly, the trees nearby began to shake.
"...I think we're in trouble," Haruka stated, and no sooner had she said that then a gigantic tyrannosaurus rex shoved its way through the trees and eyed the four spies with obvious intent. "And this is one of those times that I hate to be right."
"I think the only thing we can do now is RUN FOR YOUR FREAKIN' LIVES!" Blaine shouted as the spies dashed away from the T-Rex even as it began to chase them down.
Alex and Clover both fired their Wind Tunnel 9000s at the T-Rex, but it didn't do much to slow it down.
"This is crazy!" Clover shouted. "I am not gonna end up as dinosaur chow!"
Thankfully, that fate would be quickly averted, as when the T-Rex bent its head down to take a bite of the spies, a burst of neon-green light streaked through the air and blasted the T-Rex in the face, forcing it to stop pursuing the spies and face its new target.
"Yeah, Rex, you want some more?!" Nick challenged as he floated there in the air. The T-Rex roared again and charged to attack him, only to get blasted backwards by a psychic pulse.
After regaining its footing, the T-Rex simply shook its head, as if deciding this new prey wasn't worth the trouble, and meandered back into the jungle.
"Seems like someone opened Jurassic Park in this dimension," Nick teased as he landed on the ground just in time for Alex to tackle him with a flying hug.
"You'd think after three movies where they tried that stunt, they'd learn their lesson, but noooooooooooo," May quipped. "What, is it gonna take another three movies of this exact plan backfiring on them before these crazy scientists finally get it?!"
"On to the most important matter, how the heck did you find us, Nick?!" Haruka exclaimed. "I thought other dimensions were outside of W.O.O.H.P.'s coverage zone?"
"Ahoy there!" Patty proclaimed from the deck of the Fiertia.
"That's why," Nick answered as he beckoned Alex, Clover, Haruka and Blaine to follow him onto the Fiertia. "Long story short, when we got sucked into those portals, or Quantum Rifts as they're apparently called, I ended up in a world of pirates, and there I met a pirate version of me and his wife Patty, who can generate Quantum Rifts with their ship, but aren't the ones who pulled us apart. I kinda convinced them to let me tag along on an interdimensional adventure."
Patty walked up to Alex and looked her up and down for a couple seconds before nodding in approval. "I see why younger hubby loves you so much!" Patty laughed.
"Um... thanks?" Alex replied, still slightly confused until Nick walked up and hugged her, which made her smile.
"Let's head into another rift, then," Nick proclaimed. "We still have some friends to find."
"Roger that," Pirate Nick proclaimed as the Fiertia began to lift off. "Our adventure continues!"
6:49 P.M. – Somewhere in Space
"SOMEONE GET ME OFF OF THIS CRAZY THING!" Dawn wailed as she continued to bounce off of the multiple different small asteroids thanks to the non-existent gravity all around them. Britney and Nozomi were currently trying their best to swim through space and catch Dawn before they got bombarded by anything else up here.
"We're coming!" Nozomi shouted. "...I hope."
"I'm wondering why we're not suffocating," Britney quipped. "I mean, we are in space..."
"Maybe it's a different thing in... wherever we are," Nozomi answered. "I can see space colonies and other futuristic stuff around here, so..."
"Um, you two? I'm still floating helplessly like the burger that caused Mystery Food X, so if you could please HELP ME OUT HERE?!" Dawn shouted.
"Sorry, sorry, we're coming!" Britney sputtered.
"Um, one problem with that," Nozomi replied. "GIANT METEOR INCOMING!"
Sure enough, a rather large meteor was approaching the three spies rather quickly.
"Oh, I already hate this place," Dawn groaned.
To their relief, though, that fate was once again averted by way of a seemingly-random Final Shine Attack that shattered the meteor into small enough fragments that harmlessly passed them by.
"Was that who I think it was?" Nozomi laughed as the Fiertia approached their location.
"And are they on a flying pirate ship?!" Britney quipped. "Just when you think you've seen everything..."
"All aboard!" Nick proclaimed. "Dimensional stop three, for alien blobs, space colonies, and other futuristic stuff!"
Nick raised his hands to envelop Britney, Nozomi, and Dawn in his psychic hold so he could bring them all aboard the Fiertia.
"Nice ride, huh, Nick?" Dawn giggled.
"I'll explain everything once we've rescued Sam," Nick responded. "Right now, she's the only one we have left to find, and she's most likely all alone with Scam, and that's not anything good."
"I've locked on to her signal," Pirate Nick stated as the Fiertia turned around and opened another Quantum Rift.
"Let's go save Mat's hubby from the clutches of evil!" Patty proclaimed.
5:25 P.M. – Alternate Dimension (Suburban Beverly Hills)
"Just flake off, Scam!" Sam shouted as she continued to do battle with Scam in the plaza of this strange version of Beverly Hills. "I told you, I will never be yours!"
"But what does that billboard say?" Scam cackled as he juked to the right to dodge Sam's punch, then pounce on her and pin her to the ground. "It looks like it's going to happen whether you want it to or not."
"Not today, sleaze-face!"
Scam was quickly blasted off of Sam courtesy of Nick, then swiftly imprisoned in a psychic bubble as the rest of the spies approached, and Mat naturally went for a hug the instant Sam was close enough.
"I hope we didn't leave you hanging for too long, Sammy," Mat wondered.
"I'd say you came along just in time," Sam giggled as she and Mat kissed. "...and it looks like you've picked up some extra passengers and... a pirate ship?"
"And true love prevails again!" Patty exclaimed.
"That it does, my dear," Pirate Nick laughed.
Patty walked up to the bubbled Tim Scam and gave him a once-over. "Mat was right about this guy," Patty quipped. "He looks like the dirtiest, nastiest, and rotten-est of scallywags this side of the Hollow Current. And he talks like one, too!"
"All right, Scam, you'd better start explaining yourself," Sam proclaimed. "What did you think you were going to accomplish by opening those portals and sending us into other dimensions?!"
"This may surprise you, my dear Samantha, but these accursed rifts were not part of my recent plan," Scam admitted. "My trump card is stuck back in your Beverly Hills."
"Wait, so Scam didn't separate us?" Alex gasped.
"That just proves my theory that there's someone else out there in the multiverse that can open Quantum Rifts," Nick proclaimed. "And whoever they are, they're the one responsible for doing this to us."
Before the spies could discuss what to do about Scam, something swooped by the group and attacked the bubble holding Scam, actually shattering it in the process.
The strange apparition then swooped back and snatched up Scam before a Quantum Rift opened in front of it, allowing the spies to get a good look at the assailant in question. It appeared to be a large, skeletal creature with bone armor and a large, skeletal face on its chest, and its right side was covered by a dark red cape. Clutched in its left hand was a long steel sword with anchor blades on the end of it.
"Unhand me this instant, you barbaric Halloween reject!" Scam shouted.
"W-what the hell is that?!" Bridget shouted, clearly getting a ghostly vibe from this thing.
Patty, on the other hand, was already charging towards the creature, but before she could slash at it with her pirate's knife, the creature took Scam and entered the Quantum Rift, which closed before anyone could chase it.
"I have several questions..." May quipped.
"The Cursed Wanderer," Pirate Nick proclaimed. "It's some kind of ghostly monster that's been hounding me and Patty for the last year now, ever since we started looking for clues about Patty's grandfather."
"You see, in my dimension, I'm the granddaughter of the legendary pirate captain Aifread, the greatest pirate ever to sail the nine seas," Patty explained. "He was shrewd and ruthless, yet humble and endearing. Everyone in my world respects Aifread, but... he was killed when I was just a baby."
"You all saw that anchor-sword it was carrying, right?" Pirate Nick asked. "That was Aifread's signature weapon, and when Patty and I first encountered the Cursed Wanderer and we saw it was wielding that weapon, we knew we'd found the one responsible for Aifread's murder."
"Ever since then, my hubby and I have been chasing it around my world and even through dimensions," Patty stated. "I swore that I would never stop chasing it until I put a bullet into its head for what it did to my grandpa."
"The Cursed Wanderer went into a Quantum Rift, though, right?" Melissa wondered. "Is there any way we can follow it?"
"Lucky for us, I was able to slip a tracker on Scam before that thing attacked," Haruka quipped. "So, if the Cursed Wanderer still has Scam in its bony clutches, we can find it thanks to the Fiertia."
"Let's all get back onto the ship and head after that thing!" Patty exclaimed. "Looks like our adventure's continuing!"
All of the spies boarded the Fiertia so Patty could use the console to open up a Quantum Rift and pilot the ship into it, ready to pursue the Cursed Wanderer.
We may all be back together again, but, like Patty said, I'm pretty damn sure this adventure's only just beginning, Nick thought as they entered the Dimensional Map.
To be continued...
Next time...
Nozomi: Okay, so now we're in the future? Didn't we just do that?
Alex: I don't know, Nozomi, this future looks very different from Klee's time.
Nick: Yeah, this future looks kinda... dystopian. And that's already bringing back some bad memories.
Sam: What would the Cursed Wanderer be doing here of all places?
Patty: Um, I think we've been spotted.
Bridget: So they brought out the death robots, huh? How original.
Robot: BY ORDER OF OUR ALL-SEEING EMPRESS, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST.
Alex: Oh, you can go tell your "empress" to stuff it!
?: Well, well, look what finally dragged their way out of the sewers.
May: Oh, no freakin' way.
Nick: Well, we've got trouble like we always do, readers, so I hope you tune in, because our interdimensional adventure's just getting started, next time on Totally Spies the Movie: Rift Apart, "The Cold Morning Star Passes By"!
Haruka: I guess we have to put a rift between these OH FOR THE LOVE OF
May: ...they never learn, do they?