..."And a bond like that...that never goes away"...
The realization slowly dawns on Dominick Carisi as he speaks the words...words he was up all night rewriting. He wrote this entire speech about Amanda. The only person he'd ever loved like that before. Amanda Rollins. As much as he wanted to make it good for Finn and Phoebe, when he thought about love, and what to write, the woman standing next to him is who he based everything on.
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He sees her turn around out of the corner of his eye, to face the water. He looks over as the light catches a glint of tears in her eyes.
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"Wait a second" he asks, and she giggles, trying to hide the tears". "Are you cryin"? He gently touches her arm with the back of his hand.
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"No, I don't cry at weddings...and if I did, it's just cuz I know how they end", and she wipes at her tears.
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"Uh huh" Dominick Carisi smiles, reaching into his pocket. He always has a pocket square at the ready, "you never cry huh" and pulls it out to dab her tears away. Amanda looks up at him, holding his gaze. He holds her cheek with his hand. "That's betta" he says, holding her cheek and then eye contact longer than he should.
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"I'll spare you the rest", he folds the his speech along with the hanky and puts them in the inside jacket pocket. "It's kinda hokey anyway". Wistfully looking off into the distance. He may have written that all about Amanda, but he wasn't with Amanda.
Hokey wasn't exactly Nicole's style, he thought. The woman he is currently dating (he thinks anyway) doesn't believe in marriage. She didn't even want to come to this wedding to support him. He doubted Nicole would appreciate the speech he'd written.
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"It's uh"...he trails off.
Amanda's tears had nothing to do with the way most marriages end. She'd come to a conclusion when she listened to Carisi's speech. She's been a fool. They both have really. She has feelings for him, and she thinks he does for her. Why has she wasted all this time convincing herself he's too good for her. She has to tell him. Before it's too late.
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"Carisi".
"What"? He turns toward her.
She places a hand on his chest, opening her mouth to tell him. But what to say? How to say it?She moves her hand to his tie, still unsure.
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How do you tell someone that 7 years of friendship has slowly turned into something more? It's not easy. She looks into his eyes, the burst of courage moves her hand to his cheek, caressing it with her thumb. She lifts herself onto her tiptoes and brings her lips to his. She never takes her eyes off him as she takes his bottom lip between hers, kissing him. When he doesn't kiss her back, she pulls away a little. She can see in his eyes she's shocked him but that quickly gives way to something else.
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They look at each other for just another few seconds before he dips his head, his eyes moving to her lips. She feels his hand curl around her waist. The second time their lips meet, he's kissing her back and she begins to relax into him.
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He brings his hand up to her face, cupping her cheek, the other around to the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. She gets goosebumps as his tongue gently traces her lip, silently seeking access to deepen the kiss. Amanda parts her lips and as her tongue touches his, passion ignites and they're completely lost in each other. Seven years of buried feelings explode with a powerful desire neither of them have felt before.
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He turns them, Amanda's back against the railing. She reaches her arms around him inside his jacket. Their tongues exploring each other, forgetting everything else. When both his hands move to the small of her back, daring to go even lower, bringing her body flush with his, she whimpers into his mouth. She's dizzy with desire and brings her hands up the front of his shirt, cupping his jaw, to pull him even closer to her. The citrus amber smoky smell of his aftershave is all at once sexy and comforting, that combination foreign and intoxicating to her.
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Both his hands around her, exploring, he can't get enough. It was almost too much for him to take. She was so soft and warm. He felt her open to him, her body molding against his, neither of them holding anything back.
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When she shifts her hips in a slight but deliberate manner, moving her center to his growing arousal, this time he's the one groaning into the kiss. His hands brazenly move to hold her hips in place. He expects her to pull back, instead she moves against him. The heat between them is building toward something they've both been aching for. The bliss makes them forget where they are for a moment.
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Then a shadow falls over him. He remembers he isn't free to be with her and breaks the kiss, she gasps in protest.
"Wait, wait wait".
He says the words, but he's still holding onto her tightly. They're both panting for air. He gently holds his forehead to hers. Eyes closed they stay there a moment, and then he loosens his grip, slowly trying to separate his body from hers. Even though it's torture. His hands run down her sides, one hand taking hers.
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"We uh, we can't". Carisi looks crushed as he's telling her this.
"I'm sorry", she starts, thinking she just made a huge mistake, maybe he didn't have the same feelings she did...her body was still buzzing from his touch though, that wasn't her imagination. "I just thought...but I never should've"...
He cuts her off.
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"No, it's me. Amanda..." Dominick is still holding her. "I've been...I started seeing someone. She couldn't make it today...and we've been...I mean, we're not...I should've told you, I just...I didn't know how, and then things got complicated and we"...
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"That's what you've been trying to tell me". She interrupted him, her heart is in her throat. At least the broken pieces are stuck there. Panic starts setting in. She wants to flee. This is so much worse than him not kissing her back. Now she knows what it could be like to be with her best friend. And it isn't going to happen.
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"I'm too late aren't I"? Tears spring to her eyes again, she tries desperately to suppress them. She starts to back away from him, but he's still holding onto her hand.
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Carisi shakes his head no, and opens his mouth to answer her, but she grabs her purse and wrap off the railing and pulls away from him.
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"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...I have to go". He won't let go of her hand at first. She turns back to him, and just says one word "Please". She can't say more. Her world is coming crashing down around her. Her eyes pleading with him to let her go.
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"Wait, Manda, let me finish. I can...". If he could just explain. He is seeing someone but it's really already over, just not official yet.
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Before he has a chance to say anything else, she pulls away completely, and with a flurry, she's running away from him, in the opposite direction of the crowd, towards the exit. Leaving him alone again at the railing just watching her go.