*Author's Note - This story is based on a real friendship I had with a good friend who I recently lost. Their last request was that I write a story based on us but using the characters of Sydney and Harry from "Sydney to the Max". I think they recommended this because they knew me well enough to know that writing stories based on tragic memories and people I've lost is my process for coping with it all.

Sydney Reynolds rushed home and ran up to her bedroom. She instantly turned on her laptop and opened her video chat. Within seconds, a live video of Harry sitting in his bedroom appeared. Harry smiled as he said, "Sydney! Hey, good to see you." Then Sydney said, "Hey Harry. Sorry I'm late for our weekly chat. After school activities ran a bit late today, and I know the late afternoon for me is when it gets really late at night for you in England and..." Harry smiled as he said, "It's okay Sydney. It's Friday and I have no school tomorrow. Also, it's not like I'm missing out on anything else tonight." Sydney looking a little curious said, "You didn't hang out with your friends tonight like you usually do before you call me?" Harry then said, "No. I mean I still do stuff with them but... it's just been getting a little awkward lately because they're all dating each other now, and I'm the odd man out that isn't paired with anyone." Then Sydney sighed and said, "I feel ya. We're only halfway through freshmen year of high school and Olive, Emmy, and Sophia are already all paired off too; leaving me as the only amiga not dating anyone." Then Harry trying to look sympathetic said, "Hey Sydney... you don't have to wait for me. We both agreed, you're allowed to see other guys." Then Sydney tilted her face down in shame as she said, "It's... not guys I'm interested in anymore."

Harry looking surprised said, "Wait Sydney. Do you mean you..." Sydney nodded her head as tears came out of her eyes and said, "Yeah. And... I haven't told anyone else because... I feel weird Harry." Harry with a calm and caring face said, "When did it happen?" Sydney continued to have a few tears come from eyes as she said, "Since... I've been noticing the... female form a lot. I mean me and the Amigas will often go to basketball games, and while the other girls talk about how hot the guys look... I've found myself instead checking out... all of the cheerleaders. Plus whenever I dream, I dream about what it be like to kiss another girl and... oh God, I haven't even told my dad yet Harry." Sydney began to cry but then Harry with a loving look said, "Sydney, it's okay. You're not a bad person for having these feelings. You may be different than the people around you are, but you are still one of the kindest and sweetest girls I know." Sydney then wiped away some tears as she said, "Thank you Harry."

*THREE MONTHS LATER

Sydney was sitting in her room looking at her laptop wearing a t-shirt and shorts as she was in the middle of a video chat with Harry. As they were talking, Sydney said, "I thought it was gonna be a lot harder when I came out to my dad and grandma. Instead, they were way more calmer than I was. Dad just smiled and told me it would be okay. Grandma hugged me... and I just fell apart and cried." Harry smiled as he said, "They love you Sydney, and they'll always support you. And maybe now that you're out of the closet, you can maybe find the right girl to start dating and eventually make love to." Sydney then titled her head down a bit as she said, "Harry, I... I don't think I'm going to find a girl who would ever want to make love to me." Harry looking concerned said, "Why do you say that Sydney?"

Sydney then took a deep breath and said, "Because no one would want to be intimate with some whore. You see Harry... the summer before high school, when my I was feeling all sorts of confusing sexual feelings for the first time... I had sex with one of the junior counselors at swimming camp. We did it six times and then... he just dumped me for an older girl, leaving me heart broken and with my virginity gone." Harry then took a deep breath and said, "Sydney, you made a mistake. We all do. And more importantly, you seem sorry about what you did. And if you find the right person one day and apologize to them for not waiting, they will forgive you. You didn't do anything wrong." As tears appeared in her eyes Sydney said, "No Harry. Me and the guy I lost my virginity to... we weren't even dating. I didn't wait for the right moment. I did something horrible." Then Harry said, "No Sydney. I'm the one that did something horrible. Because I lost my virginity too, but I lost it to my cousin."

Sydney suddenly looked shocked as she said, "Wait. Harry... you... you had sex with..." Harry looking ashamed then said, "You know my cousin Michelle who is the same age as me? Well the summer I turned twelve, I was visiting her and we spent a lot of time together. We held hands a lot, and really enjoyed each other's company. And so one night when we stumbled upon some porn online together, we both got very curious and... we both had sex. We only did it twice, and then we acted like it never happened. However I've felt ashamed of it ever since. I mean... if I had gotten my cousin pregnant, it would've destroyed our family. I mean it's already destroyed me. Michelle wants to act like it never happened, and even started dating another guy she knew right after it happened. I've felt a pain inside me ever since it happened, and I haven't told anyone else about what I did, because if anyone learns you committed incest in our modern day and age, they look at you like some monster that deserves to be burned at the stake and..." Sydney then put a hand on her laptop screen, and with a look of compassion she said, "Harry, you're not a monster. You're my best friend and always will be. You made a mistake, and only people that are good feel regret when they make a mistake." Harry then looked at Sydney and made a little smile as he said, "Thank you Sydney. Thank you so much."

SIX MONTHS LATER:

Sydney was sitting in her bedroom wearing just a towel tied around her body as she was curling her hair while looking at her laptop and having a video chat with Harry. As she continued to curl her hair Sydney said, "So it looks like everything is as ready as it'll ever be for the school dance." Harry then said, "Sounds awesome. So... you gonna have a date for the dance?" Sydney sighed and said, "No. Still very single. But enough about my lack of a love life. Lets talk about yours. How are you and Gemma doing?" Harry sighed and said, "We... broke up." Sydney looking sympathetic said, "Oh no. I'm so sorry Harry. I knew you loved her a lot. What happened?" Harry sighed and said, "We had problems sharing the same space sometimes, and we had issues communicating. Honestly... I think the real issue is we moved too fast. We were attracted to one another, but began our relationship without truling communicating with one another. Still... I did have good memories with her I'll never forget. One day when my parents were out, me and Gemma spent a whole day together naked all day; not just having sex, but also just dancing and sitting together, and just feeling completely free and open with our bodies. Thanks to her, I feel more secure with my body... just less secure with trying to maintain a romantic relationship."

Sydney then said, "Don't worry Harry. Unlike me, you've now actually had a real girlfriend. You'll find another. Besides, you'll figure out the communication thing eventually. You're really good at communicating with me." Harry smiled and said, "Thanks Sydney. But don't count yourself out yet. You'll find somebody too." Sydney sighed and said, "I don't know. I'm just a hot mess whenever my thoughts even trail towards romance. I know I'm still young, but I feel like I'm gonna remain single forever." Harry then said, "I promise you that won't happen. You're a real catch. I mean look at yourself. Even with just a towel on, you're the hottest girl I know." Sydney giggled a bit and said, "Thanks Harry. You're good looking too." Then Harry said, "You know, how about this? If both of us are still single single at thirty, how about we get married then? Then you'll definitely not remain single forever." Sydney then said, "Harry, I like girls. It wouldn't be fair to you for us to get married and pretend I have a sexual preference I don't have." Then Harry said, "Hmm. Okay. Well about this? Which female celebrity are you most attracted to?" Then Sydney said, "Well... I mean there's Sabrina Carpenter obviously." Then Harry said, "Well okay. How about I marry both you and Sabrina Carpenter, and then we can share her every other night. Sound good?" Sydney chuckled and giggled a bit, and then with a smile on her face said, "Sure."

*ONE YEAR LATER:

Sydney laid in bed with a cast on her leg as she looked at her laptop while having a video chat with Harry. As Harry looked at Sydney he said, "So any progress today?" Then Sydney said, "Well I can finally feel my toes again, so that's something." Then Harry said, "Well that's good. But I really meant, any progress with your mental health? You still having nightmares about the accident?" Sydney looked down as she said, "Every night. I still see that car coming right at me, and still having that thought I had which was... is my family cursed? Am I destined to die in a car accident just like my mother did, and her father before her?" Harry then said, "Sydney, you survived. That means something." Tears appeared in Sydney's eyes as she said, "Harry, I'm still too afraid to get into my dad's car. I won't even let most of my friends come over because I keep telling them I'd be angry at them if they got hurt in a car ride coming over to see me. I just feel so alone." Then Harry said, "Well what about that girl you liked Molly? I thought she lived just a block away from you?" Sydney sighed and said, "Molly won't talk to me. Ugh. I really thought she was going to really be my first girlfriend. How was I supposed to know asking a girl out would cause her to suddenly remember repressed memories of being sexually abused as a child, and that she would out of nowhere associate those feelings with me and never want to speak to me again!?"

Harry then said, "I'm sorry Sydney. It's not your fault though. Molly will get better with time though, and so will you. I'm just sorry I have to be away from you for so long this summer." Sydney then said, "I'll be fine Harry. But is there really gonna be no wi-fi or internet at your grandparents' place out in the country?" Harry then said, "They live simpler lives, and there's no cell service in the town they live either. But I do have plenty of friends my age that live in that town that I see every summer. My grandparents do have dial up internet still, so I might be able to get an e-mail out to you every now and then but... I still feel awful about leaving you in your time of need Sydney." Sydney then said, "It's okay Harry. I have help, and you need to get away for awhile anyway. I know it's been rough for you flunking out of private school. You need to relax a bit this summer, and rediscover who you are." Harry nodded and said, "I know you're right. But... I'm gonna miss you." Sydney nodded her head and said, "I'll miss you too. Look, we'll talk the night before you leave, okay." Harry nodded his head and said, "Okay."

JUNE 30TH E-MAIL FROM HARRY:

Hey Sydney. Just letting you know I made to my grandparents' place just fine. The air is so fresh out here, and the night sky looks amazing. Wish you were with me though. Let me know how you're doing.

JULY 1ST E-MAIL FROM SYDNEY:

Hey Harry. Glad to hear you made it to your grandparents' safely. My summer is going to be spent mostly just sitting around. At the very least, I found plenty of good lesbian porn to masturbate to every night. It makes me feel better for awhile... until I'm reminded how I'm probably never going to find a woman to make love to myself one day. But oh well. Enjoy your vacation for the both of us.

JULY 6TH E-MAIL FROM HARRY:

Hey Sydney. I've been enjoying my vacation so far. Went to an interesting art museum with my grandparents the other day. Mostly I hang out at the pool where all the teenagers in town like to hang out a. I've seen plenty of of girls in hot bikinis every day. Every night I masturbate in my room for a bit (which is difficult without the internet and proper porn). However it does result in some very nice dreams. Anyway, keep being strong Sydney. Things will get better for you."

JULY 8TH E-MAIL FROM SYDNEY:

Hey Harry. Well the good news is I've slowly regained my ability to walk. The bad news is being more mobile again... has sent me into having a series of panic attacks. They never last long, but they've been rough. But anyway, keep telling me about your vacation. I always like hearing from you. Also, tell me about these "nice dreams" you've been having. Stay safe my friend."

JULY 14TH E-MAIL FROM HARRY:

Hey Sydney. Sorry you've been having panic attacks. Hope they go away soon. Well, since you asked... my dreams usually involve you being with me on vacation. In my most recent dream, you came to visit me here. After I introduced you to my grandparents, I would show you where we were going to sleep and you would say that the bed had many possibilities by winking at me and then I would introduce you to some of my friends and we would go to the pool where we'd all chat. Eventually we would return home where we would take turns showering, that's when I would kiss you and... well then I would have sex with you in bed. Eventually I would stop to say I loved you and you'd say that you loved me too. In the end of the dream, before I woke up, we talked about the fact that if we had a daughter we would call her Alicia right before I'd start drilling my hard member into your butt. I've actually had a variation of the dream almost every night for two weeks now. Sorry, if it sounds weird, but I had to share it with you."

JULY 15TH E-MAIL FROM SYDNEY:

Hey Harry. Thank you for feeling open enough to share your dream with me. It's okay to have fantasies of people you care about. I wish we could both have something like that each with a nice respective girl one day. In the end, I just want to spend my day with someone I care about, and am willing to be open with. I'm worried I never will have that, but it's always nice to have fun fantasies like you described.

JULY 20TH E-MAIL FROM HARRY:

Hey Sydney. Hope you're having your own fun fantasies at home. As for me, summer is beginning to wind down a bit. All of the other teenagers I've met out here are going to back to school in about two weeks. I'm starting to feel a bit attracted to two girls I've met out here, but I'm not gonna start anything with either of them that won't last. Hope you're feeling better Syd.

JULY 22ND E-MAIL FROM SYDNEY:

Hey Harry. Well I've regained most mobility in my legs now, but the panic attacks keep coming back at random times I don't expect. It's difficult but I'm surviving. Enjoy the end of your vacation Harry. Safe travels back.

FOUR WEEKS LATER:

Sydney stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her body. She then looked at a clock near her and said, "Oh shoot." Then Sydney rushed out of the bathroom and over to her laptop in her room. Sydney started the video chat, and then Harry appeared. Harry smiled and said, "Hey Syd." Sydney then said, "Harry. Hey! Sorry it's been so long to get our schedules to sync since you got back home from vacation. I've just been busy with summer school and getting back into activities, and I barely had to time to shower and..." Harry smiled and said, "It's okay. Take some time to get changed if you want." Sydney then stepped away and took off her towel as she said, "So did you have safe travels back home?" Harry nodded and said, "Yeah. Just started at my new school too. It really hasn't been that bad. I'm already meeting with some really nice tutors that are really helping me get on track."

Sydney then put on her panties and began to put on her bra as she said, "That's great. So, how was the end of your vacation? Have any fun final memories?" Then Harry said, "Well... I had sex with someone the day before I left." Sydney then bolted right in front of the camera with just her underwear on as she said, "What!? How!? Who!? Why!?" Harry remaining calm then said, "Well on my last evening in my grandparents' town, I said goodbye to my friends, and when I was going home one of the single girls named Celia offered to accompany me since her house was on the way to my grandparents'. As we said what I thought was our final goodbye, we hugged each other and stayed like that for longer than normal and she kissed me on the mouth and told me that she didn't want a relationship or anything, but that she wanted to have sex with me. I accepted, despite what I always said about not being intimate in a relationship that won't last. In that moment... I wanted to sleep with her. And God Sydney, how I enjoyed it. She had small breasts but a big ass and when she got naked I hugged her and played with her a bit and I almost climaxed just by squeezing her buttocks after so long without touching a real woman. There is nothing like sex, feeling a real vagina around my penis, despite the condom, and hearing her moan my name and tell me how well I did."

Sydney looked a bit lost for words as she said, "Whoa. Harry... whoa. So... you feeling okay about it all? I mean... what happened after the sex was over? You two planning on hooking up again?" Harry then said, "What we shared was only one night. Maybe I'll see her again at Christmas or next year at the earliest. But as for how I feel... it was wonderful Sydney. I mean I felt like I loved her as I experienced my orgasm in her; but in reality I think it was something more like that I loved her as a really special friend... kind of like the way I love you Sydney. Maybe I just had sex with Celia because she was a friend to me this summer, and... I wanted to finally live out my dream of having sex with a friend, and... maybe that's a dream I can have again but... with a much closer friend." Sydney titled her head down and said, "Harry, you are my best friend. I love you but... I'm attracted to girls. I'm not attracted to guys. Trust me, I've tried to switch back, but... I can't." Then Harry said, "I know but... can I tell you about one more dream I've had recently Syd?" Sydney reluctantly nodded her head and said, "Yes."

Harry then took a deep breath and said, "The dream was more or less like this: we both lived together and spent an afternoon together watching TV. I hugged you with your back close to my torso and you told me how you couldn't sleep lately and I told you that I would always protect you and I stroked your hair and I even smelled it telling you that some reason you were such a perfect girl that your hair always smelled good. You would turn around and tell me that I was a pervert for smelling girls' hair. Although you laughed and hugged me supporting your little head on my chest and I caressed your hair and back and asked you what was wrong with you and when you told me about your fears and nerves I assured you that although the next day we might sleep with other people, that night we were two friends sleeping together and protecting each other and well. So to distract you and fall asleep I began to tell you the myths on which some of the zodiac signs are based and you fell asleep almost immediately. Then I remember looking at you and thinking about how it would be to have sex with you as I had sex with Celia. Reality mixed with the dream at that point, and in fact I received a message from Celia with a photo of her naked and I thought that I would like to do it with you, but you were so adorable asleep next to me, and I was glad that we were just friends taking care of each other and making each other happy without the need for sex. Then the dream ended." Sydney looked a bit stunned as she said, "Wow. I... you mean it Harry?" Harry nodded and said, "Yes Sydney, I love you, and... I wish you felt the feelings for me that I do for you. But knowing how you feel, I would settle just being your close personal friend for the rest of my life... if you'd let me." Sydney then smiled as she said, "You can be that for as long as you want Harry."

ONE YEAR LATER:

Sydney was sitting in her bath tub having a bubble bath, and she had her laptop sitting on the toilet seat near her while having a video chat with Harry. As Sydney held up her arm she said, "So even though this arm won't need a cast, I do have go easy on it for the next month." Harry then said, "Sorry to hear that Syd." Sydney then said, "It's just... as I was falling, all the fear and anxiety I thought I had gotten past since the car accident returned. I've been having multiple panic attacks every day, and the only place left I feel safe is in my bathroom here." Then Harry said, "Well look Sydney. Anxiety can't kill you. It convinces you that it is, but it is a lie. An anxiety attack does not last forever. It always happens, as the body gets tired of producing adrenaline all the time. When you are having an attack, try to focus on your physical sensations as much as you can: the sensation of the breeze on your body, of the clothes on your skin, of your feet on the ground ... it is difficult but try it, as it helps distract you from catastrophic thoughts." Sydney smiled as she said, "Thanks Harry. So anyway, how are things with you? You message Celia recently?" Harry then said, "No. I mean she said she really likes me as a friend, and that our night we had sex was unbelievable, but she was really just trying to see if any guy would have her. That's why she waited till the last night of my vacation to have sex with me, in case I rejected her. But since I didn't, she said that really boosted her self-confidence." Then Sydney said, "Well that sounds nice I guess. But are there any other hot girls you know that you've got your eye on?" Then Harry said, "The only hot girl I've got my eye on is a good friend of me having a sexy soak in the tub right now." Sydney blushed a bit as she said, "Oh Harry."

ONE YEAR LATER:

Sydney was putting on her underwear in her bedroom as she heard a beeping sound on her laptop. Sydney turned her video chat on and saw Harry. As Sydney sat down she said, "Oh, hey Harry." Harry looked a bit out of breath as he said, "Sorry I forgot to message you yesterday Sydney, and almost forgot today. It's just I was out with my friends and..." Sydney cut Harry off and said, "Harry, it's okay to hang out with your friends. We've talked almost every night for the last year now. It's okay to take one day off. So how are your friends?" Then Harry said, "They're fine. They um... introduced me to the nice new girl at our school and... we spent a lot of time talking with each other today and yesterday. I don't want to rush anything but.. I really like her." Then Sydney said, "Well that's great Harry." Harry then said, "It's just... she's only free most days during the exact same time we usually talk and... Sydney, I feel conflicted here." Sydney sighed and said, "Harry. I will always be your best friend no matter what you do. So... do whatever you feels best to give yourself the best future possible." Harry then took a deep breath and said, "Okay."

*TWO MONTHS LATER:

Sydney got home from school and went over to her laptop as she said, "Okay. Time to have my weekly video chat with Harry and... huh? His account has been blocked? Hmm. Let me try texting and... huh? His number is blocked too from receiving messages from me. Wait. I did get a video message from him in my e-mail. Lets see what it is." Sydney then opened a video link on her laptop, and a video of Harry appeared on the screen. In the video, Harry sat alone in his room looking nervous as he said, "Sydney... this message is my farewell to you. It's hard for me to say this. My friend from school helped me practice and prepare for this moment, but even so I don't know very well where to start and I promise you that I am hurting so much inside, but I must say goodbye to you. It is not because you've done anything wrong, just so that is clear. You are a splendid person who does not deserve anyone to do this to you, but it is something that I think I should do. Even though you love me like a friend Sydney, I've always loved you more than that, and that is never going to change no matter how much time passes. However as much as I love you, I cannot keep you in my life. If I keep you as a friend, and keep my new girlfriend in my life at the same time, my thoughts will always trail back to you. I thought I could be content just being your friend Sydney, but the truth is we both want more than friendship in our lives. We both need to find new girlfriends that can complete us, and finding those special someone's can be scary. However I don't think either of us has been brave enough to find one in these last two years because our friendship has been like a security blanket. It's warm and nice, but eventually we both have to get out of bed and find someone to live all our dreams with. This isn't a new thought by the way. I've been considering doing this for awhile. The only time I felt free to even explore a relationship with another girl was when I was on vacation and had a hard time contacting you and... as much as it pains me to admit this, I want to feel that kind of freedom again. I love you Sydney, but the only way we can grow is that I have to move on. I have asked my friend to delete all my online accounts so I won't be able to log back in and be tempted to contact you. I've also destroyed my phone. I am also going to start going to therapy now too, so I can have new consistent voice to guide me. I feel like I'm taking a giant step, but know that I really love you. You have been with me in some very difficult times and it is something that I will always keep inside me; your memory and your affection, even if I have a new girlfriend or spend more time with friends, I will always remember you and wish you are well. With you I have shared secrets, jokes, intimate moments and stories from day to day in a beautiful friendship. You are a strong girl Sydney. You have come up and you will move on, but you must find your inner strength and start fighting for what you want. Try to meet people and don't let idiots make your life bitter and write. Write songs about what you want. You are very talented. If you want, tell a story about us to complain and insult me for hurting you if that helps you, but keep writing. That always makes you feel better. Just know, you have not caused me to do this. I am selfish. I know it but I am. Do not take me as an example of the world. You have helped me a lot, you are a great person, and that is why now I do this. I move on better thanks to knowing you. An eternal hug and kiss. Love, Harry."

Tears appeared in Sydney's eyes as she immediately began to record a video on her laptop and said, "Okay. I don't know if you'll ever see this message Harry, but... I wish you gave me advance notice that you were going to do this. I wish you gave me a week or a few days to say goodbye. It feels like you just flipped a switch and turned our friendship off. We could've kept communicating a different way. A different platform, or just less often so you wouldn't feel so... 'tempted' and confused by me. I... I understand why you're doing what you're doing, but we could've changed how we talked if my presence here was tempting you in some bad way. I... if I could've done something different to have prevented you from doing what you did, I would've. Your friendship has meant so much to me and... not having it... you've shattered my whole world. But... maybe that was the point. By making my 'world' more broken, maybe you were hoping I would rebuild it by finding someone new to rebuild it with... maybe someone I could start dating and even marry one day. I... I still wish you had given me advance notice though, been more gentle, and less abrupt. But... I care about you Harry, and I always will. I wish you good luck with the rest of your life. Love... Sydney." Then Sydney attempted to send the video file, but then saw a message on her laptop that said, "Video unable to be sent to recipient." Sydney sighed and said, "Yeah. I figured..."

FIVE YEARS LATER:

Sydney was holding hands with a blonde woman her age as they were walking past a large church. As Sydney looked around she said, "Wow Cami. I am so glad we decided to have our honeymoon traveling around Europe. The architecture here is so beautiful." Then Sydney's wife Cami said, "I know. Ooo, look over there. A wedding is going on. Looks like another happy couple just tied the knot too." Sydney smiled as she turned her head to look at the nearby wedding that had just been mentioned. Then Sydney saw stepping out of the nearby church was a brunette woman in a white wedding dress holding hands... with Harry. Sydney froze as she saw Harry, and then Harry turned his head and froze when he saw Sydney. For a split second, the two just starred at one another. Then Harry noticed a wedding ring on Sydney's finger and that she was holding hands with a smiling blonde woman. Harry made a small smile and nodded at Sydney, while Sydney made a small smile and nodded back at Harry. Then Sydney and Harry turned their heads away from each other and walked in different directions moving on with their lives.

THE END

"Maybe you could write a story based on us about you being Sydney and I Harry... and have an ending together or a friendship where we end up meeting and fixing our lives and attending each other's wedding." - My Friends' Final Request