January 1st 2017 00:14
Regina.
If you're reading this for the first time, I would like to apologise. Since… Well since everything happened. Since the underworld. Since… Hook… I would say since he died, but I think really since he even came from the Enchanted Forest. I don't know why I dragged you all to save him when he decided he was done with us as soon as we got back. I don't know what happened there. Archie has been trying to help me work through it. Which is why I am writing this to you. I'm not sure I will ever allow you to see this. Maybe I will. Not everything but some things. My point is that I don't know how to handle the things that are changing in my life and so maybe writing them down will help me get to grips with them.
So I'm going to start, if you're still reading.
Today is New Year's Day. I figured it was the right time to start this, a new year's resolution if you will. I just finished work. I know I was supposed to have Henry this evening but there was an emergency over at the Rabbit Hole. Robin was drunk and being an arrogant ass to anyone who was threatening to call you. I don't know what you even see in him. I guess you just have a thing for brunettes who smell like outdoors. Yes, I realise I sound bitter; I'm once again calling in the New Year miserable and alone.
I digress. I am sorry that I disappointed Henry and of course you today. I had planned to take him down to the fireworks at the docks but I was late contacting him about a pickup time and then I saw he was there with his friends anyway. And then I got called to the Rabbit Hole before I could go talk to him. I figured he'd rather spend time with his friends than me anyway, now he's 15. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. It was so long ago that you probably don't even remember it happening. I mean… maybe you do. I imagine you probably never forget any of the times I let you or the kid down... See that's the thing. I never wanted to let either of you down. In fact I try really hard not to. I was looking forward to this evening with him. I was going to bring him home and I was going to bring you the best apple cider you have ever tasted… I know. I'm rambling. 'You really should learn to be more eloquent Miss Swan'. Well I try. It's hard sometimes. Have you met you? You make anyone lose their train of thought.
Anyway. I just want to tell you that I am working on it. I'm going to do better.
Emma
January 1st 2017 18:47
Hey.
So I saw you around today. If you were drinking last night you couldn't tell because you looked great as always. Anyway you were with Robin. You looked happy. Has anyone ever told you how radiant you are when you smile? I promise I'm not being weird. Your smile has just… always done something to me. I think you have that effect on a lot of people in Storybrooke if I'm honest.
Today was a strange day. I wasn't working but I also wasn't hungover so it was just… a normal day. But mentally and emotionally it was like I was hungover. I've been thinking a lot lately and it's making my head hurt. But seriously, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about my life. There are a lot of things I need to tell a lot of people and I figured I could start with you, given that you probably won't see this and so I can practice before I tell my parents some things they need to hear. Things I have wanted to say to them for five years… or thirty if you think about it.
I wish I was able to talk to you about this stuff… I know you'd be able to help me put what I'm feeling into words; even with your history with them, you've always helped me feel… seen. That's one of the things I admired admire most about you. Despite everything that life has thrown at you, you are one of the most erudite, sensible and strong people I know. That is, I believe, why we were so good friends.
And yes, unfortunately, I do mean were. After New York we seemed to just… drift apart. You had Robin and I had Hook. I haven't yet told you why Hook left without me. Maybe one day I will. But I will tell you that it hurt. Even if Hook and I weren't meant to be, we weren't in love… it still hurt. But I just want to tell you that I would experience that hurt all over again if I got to see you smile like that every day.
I just wanted to tell you that.