Hey! I'm so sorry for being late in updating, the work's been crazy and I finally found a moment to do it. That being said, I wish you all merry Christmas, lots of love, peace and health because the world really needs it. I hate that I don't really have time to write fanfiction these days, but I really don't want to abandon this fic, I have plans where I want it to go. So I hope I will find the time to make them true and I won't disappoint you. So in chapter 19 Ellis Shepherd was born, is it Hunt's boy's turn now or what?

Chapter 20: Seizing with love

Amelia's POV:

The new year is here. The new life should finally be too. Meredith took her baby home yesterday. You don't know whether feel happines for her or just rage that she has a perfect well-behaved daughter (well, at least she is on time) and you are stuck with a lazy son. At least he finally turned head-down. A week passes by or something. You don't follow anymore. You are two weeks past your orignal due date. Or something. You're not sure. Cold wind is blowing today. But the sun is shining and there are no signs of a snow storm. When you find yourself standing in the kitchen above the pool of water on this beautiful day you almost feel too lucky. You put your hands on your aching back to support it. Really, the back's been killing you today. Like more than usual. You should have know it was a sign or whatever.

...

You remember consulting your situation with Addison a few weeks ago. Because she's the best at what she does and she's your friend. You don't want her to sugarcoat anything but you can say being completely honest with you isn't easy. You want raw facts and Addison really did her research.

"There is an increased risk of preterm delivery. You are already past the risk of miscarriage or abortion performed to prevent...you know," your breath hitches. Somepatients had no other choice than abortion. "...you did good so far, Amelia," Addie contines.

From her voice and her face on the screen you can tell she's trying to comfort you. But those are empty words. You want facts. However hearing them you realize some cases are just cruel.

Addison speaks about drugs used to prevent preterm delivery and their risks. She says that according to her findings the majority of women with brain tumors are able to give birth naturally. However many complications can arise and there's no reasearch specific for your type of brain tumor. Some patients had C-sections. Addie talks about the woman in Oregon with acoustic nerve's neurinoma who gave birth at 32 weeks and the baby was born in satisfactory condition with Apgar score 6. After a week the neurosurgeons took out the mother's tumor. There were more studies on patients with tumors and many babies were born okay. Some women had malignant tumors and after giving birth they had to undergo chemotherapy and radiation. A few women had seizures during labor despite the treatment to prevent them. There were women with anaemia, with feto-placental insuffiency and babies who died. They were too small or underdeveloped. You remember Christopher whose brain just did not develop. You know this little boy has a brain. However he also has a mother with a tumor. You make a small sob.

"In the study one baby in British Columbia had...she was delivered with Apgar score 7, but...she had intrauterine pneumonia and...she died right away."

And you cannot take it anymore. "Stop! Addie...stop," you sob and she sighs. You wanted to hear about various cases, you forced Addison to do this, but you didn't realize...

"Amelia. Look at me. We've got this. We've come with a plan with Arizona, you...your little boy has very few risk factors right now. You will be okay too...we'll monitor closely if there's any progress of your neurological symptoms and you'll have surgery to remove the tumor very soon. During he labor you'll take your medicine just like any other day. It will cause no harm to the boy. I don't see why you wouldn't be able to deliver vaginally, but if it comes to it...Arizona will do a C-section. Safe for both of you. And then you'll have your tumor removed and...I'll pray for both of you."

You know she cannot just tell you it will be okay. Addie doesn't pray. But you know she prayed for Derek. She asked God to make sure her ex-husband recovers from a horrible accident and you know she'll also ask for the good outcome of this. You pray too. However you think very little about yourself. It's alway your son mentioned in the prayers. Christopher's little brother. Of course you and Owen talked about his name too. And the choice is almost made.

"Addie, you...you didn't actually deliver any of those babies, right? I...do you have an...I don't know...similar experience? Or something? I realized the facts are...just...can you tell me...something personal?"

Addie takes a deep breath. "You know I haven't delivered any babies of the patients with brain tumors. I told you so."

You sigh.

"But I...if it makes you feel better...no, bad wording. I...I can tell you I delivered a baby last year...the mother had epilepsy," Addie explains.

Finally you hope to get at least some of Addie's personal insight. But you also fear what you'll hear.

"She was 32 years old..." – Oh great. You are almost 40. - ...and it was a vaginal delivery. The baby was a little early if I remember correctly, but...not much. The labor lasted about six hours and the stress triggered tonic clonic seizures," Addie says carefully and you cry again.

"Amelia. Amy," she speaks in a gentle voice. Only Derek calls you Amy. But right now you allow Addie to adress you that way. "However it was a rare case, less than five percent of epileptic patients have these kinds of seizures."

Yeah, you're sure less than one percent babies are born without the brain.

Addie continues: "We were scared about the oxygen supply, but the baby turned out okay. The mother was also fine. And yeah, we gave her the normal antiepileptic drugs during labor. It helped and the girl and mom are healthy."

Finally something positive.

...

And of course you have to go against all the statistics because with your condition women usually go into the early labor and your son is two weeks late. Now you are trying to breathe through another contraction and Owen is rubbing your back. "Great, Amelia. You're almost there," he says encouragingly.

Arizona looks up from between your legs where she's doing a pelvic exam. "I hate to tell you this, but...you're not. You're at five centimeters," she says with a shrug. You feel like you've been in labor for hours and you are only halfway there?! How's that even possible?

"Okay, is something wrong with me 'cos I feel it's epically slow," you groan. And then you realize: "Sorry, bad question."

Of course, nothing is wrong with you in the terms of labor lenght, but everything is wrong with you otherwise. Physically, mentally...you have a brain tumor. You're a drug addict. You already killed one baby who had no brain. Your amazing loving husband gets on your nerves all too often. You are no person to bring a child into this world, the world with so much violence, destroyed nature and everything. It all gets to you and you cannot help it. „I...can't do this," you cry.

You've done this before. You hate to think about the heartbreaking moments when you gave birth to Christopher, but it all comes back.

.

"It hurts too much. I shouldn't have to do this with the unicorn baby. I want this to be over. I can't do this."

"Yes, you can," Addison said. Addison whom you had sent away before.

„I don't want her here," you hissed.

But Jake knew better: "Yes, you do."

"I don't want you here," you cried out to the person whom you still think of as a sister.

"Yes, you do Amelia," Addison plainly replied. You really did.

"Addie...my baby is gonna die," you let out a desperate sob.

"I know. I am so...so sorry."

The finality of her words almost killed you.

(Private Practice 5x22)

.

"Yes, you can," Owen says just like Addie did once. You burst into sobs, but the contraction is over. Owen tried to coach you through it, holding your hand and exagerrating his even breathing. You look at him and there's another outburst. This time you break into laughs and cannot stop. "You should see yourself!" you chuckle barely understandable. Owen winks. He's glad he made you smile. There's a quiet moment, but a sense of dread washes over you. You hear an ambulance. And then another. And another. On labor & delivery floor only a few pagers beep. Owen's is one of them. Okay, you don't really use pagers anymore, those are more phone notifications or something, but thinking about them as pagers is easier.

"Seriously?!" He groans and looks and the phone screen.

"Oh," he breathes out. "Big trauma incoming. Kids on school trip and the roof fell off the cabin in the woods."

"What?" both you and Arizona say simultaneously in shocked voices. Arizona is a fetal surgeon and an OB, but also a peds surgeon and this really gets to her. And your labor isn't even progressing much, you cannot push yet. So they would use Arizona better by the incoming trauma. However you know you are about to lose Owen too. He kisses you and is about to leave when the door opens and Miranda Bailey bursts into the room. "Hunt, we need you!"

Another contraction hits. It is long and painful and you are clutching Owen's hand. "I know, I' m going," he says to the chief reluctanly. "Amelia, I love you. I love you very much and you will be amazing. You give birth to our son and I'll be back as soon as I can."

Bailey ushers him out of the room and you groan angrily. "Bailey! Come here!" you stretch out your hand.

She looks at you apologetically. "Shepherd...sorry, do you..do you need anything? We really need your husband to manage this situation."

"Come here!" you repeat. So ok...Owen is managing, you'll take Bailey as your moral support.

"I can't..." she says not very convincingly.

"Bailey, you stole...father of my baby while I'm in active labor!" you demand her to sit next to you and hold your hand. You almost crush it a the next contraction and Arizona announces you are finally at eight centimeters.

You feel weird tingling in your legs and your sight goes hazy. You somehow remember and you say weekly: "My meds...please..."

Bailey hands you your anti-seizure meds, tears are streaming down your face and before you can recover, another contraction hits. It may be the most painful one so far. You decide labor pains are the worst.

"Why do we do this?" you cry out.

And Bailey is right next to you, gently stroking your hair and offering comforting words: „You do this because you're so in love with another person that you can't contain it all so you make another person out of that love." Owen's face and his eyes full of love appear in your mind. Bailey is absolutely right. But then...you imagine her and Ben. You see her stroking the little swell on her belly a few moths ago and then her lying in the hospital bed because she lost the baby. The baby that came as a complete surprise to her and Ben, but you know they were crushed when Bailey suffered a miscarriage.

"Are you okay, son?" captain Herrera asked.

"No. But Miranda comes first," Ben replied and it was heartbreaking.

You put a hand on the her arm and hurriedly say: "Bailey, I am so sorry. I'm awful, I was not thinking about...you can go. I deserve to have this baby on my own."

But Bailey' s eyes and voice are kind and comforting. "No. That would go against the rules of pregnancy club," she says with a little smile and strokes your hand.

After what feels like an eternity Arizona finally tells you to push. And despite you being utterly exhausted this is only the beginning.

Owen as the head of trauma is doing his best to save the group of kids crushed by the cabin roof. Meanwhile you are crushing the chief's hand and doing your best to bring Owen's son to the world. You feel lightheaded.

"I can't push...more."

"You can," Bailey replies encourangingly, but it doesn't help anymore.

"No, I can't..can't, 'm done, 'm dying," you cry.

"No you're not, think of all the women you were talking about that do this everyday," you really talked about women giving birth naturally for centuries, but you feel stupid and weak now.

"No, I hate those women. They have...drugs and masturbation and C sections and I don't even...have Owen," you wail and fall agains the bed feeling utterly exhausted.

"Okay, sit up," Bailey speaks and then...she just climbs behind you to support you as much as she can.

.

George O'Malley speaks: "You're doctor Bailey, you don't hide from a fight. You don't give up. You strive for greatness, you're...doctor Bailey you are a doer," he says resolutely and ecouragingly, trying to support his mentor in this utterly horrible situation when she's in labor and her husband is lying on Derek's operating table.

"I know your husband's not here and I know there are lot of things we have no control of... but this we can do. Okay?" George climbs behind Bailey and lets her lean into him. "Let's have this baby."

(2x17)

.

Bailey is behind your back now and you lean into her "Okay, let's have a baby," she says trying to give you as much encouragement as she can. You feel exhausted and lightheaded again, but you try to gather every bit of strenght you can.

You push. You hear Owen's voice as he comes back and than the baby crying. They give you medication again, but you feel spaced out. You are not very aware of what's happening. Your arms and legs are tingling and twitching and your stomach feels unsetttled. Somebody asks you something or congratulates you and you are not table to say anything. "She's having a seizure!" Bailey says and Owen lets Arizona handle your little boy, running back to you with a terrified gaze. This is not the first time you had a seizure, but they could usually be ocntrolled with medication. Owen is familiar with the symptoms, but the timing is really bad. "Give her an IV with more medication!" he cries and you still aren't aware of everything, but you try to reach for his fingers.

...

You lose consciousness for a few minutes, but when you open your eyes, there's strange sense of clarity inside you. It is probably the effect of whatever meds they are giving you. It has to be something stronger since the normal meds didn't work. You put your hands on your belly and look around you. You are going through the afterbirth, the resident and two nurses standing at your legs. Arizona is holding a baby in blue blanket and and you see Owen. He's back. Both your boys are here.

Owen notices you opened you eyes and he starts kissing your hands. "Amelia! Thank God, are you...are you okay?"

"'m o-hay," you reply slowly, watching Arizona coming closer with the little whimpering boy. Post seizure you always sound a little like Derek. "Eve-ry-fin ohay."

She hands him to Owen and his eyes shine. "You're so small," your husband says to his new son with so much awe and love.

"Don't say...to a person who...just...pushed him out," you say, your speaking slowly coming back to normal. But it was all worth it.

He has brown hair and Owen's fair skin. You believe he'll have his freckles too. He doesn't resemble Christopher at all. The whole situation is amazing and heartbreaking all at once.

"The champ weighs 8 pounds, 4 ounces. The check-up suggests he's completely healthy, Apgar 9," you hear Alex's voice. You don't know when he appeared, but you don't care. He just gave you the most perfect news. And 8 pounds, 4 ounces definitely isn't small. You eye Owen once again.

.

"I, Owen, take you, Amelia, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death."

You think those may be the most beautiful words you'll even hear. Along with the ones you wish so badly Owen will say in a few months: "We have a healthy baby boy."

(chapter 14)

.

"We have a healthy baby boy," Owen says completely amazed and your heart almost bursts with love.

"Yeah, we have," you cry happily, taking your son from Arizona's arms and Alex pats Owen on the back. „Congratulations. I'll come check on him in an hour. If he is hungry in the meantime Amelia, you may try to feed him. Or if he doesn't look like he wants to, we can feed him breastmilk later in other ways..." Alex says. You would love to breastfeed. You hope you will have enough milk and the boy will want to drink from you.

"So, what about his name? What should I write down?"

.

"You know, I went through some Scottish names. I would love our babies name to be Scottish," you wink and take out the paper. You wrote the names down so you manage to remember everything you liked. With the head full of tumor you can never be certain.

Owen looks at you lovingly. „If you are sure. But Amelia, we don't have to."

"I want to."

He chuckles: "You know my name for example...Owen is more Welsh or Irish."

"Ok...I...you know about Christopher and...it was my dad's name. I...I just wanted to ask...what was your dad's name?"

"My dad? ...Graham," he replies sadly. "It really is typical Scottish. But I'm not sure..." Owen's eyes are a little watery. You know his dad died when Owen was just a little boy too, but you really didn't want the conversation to go like this.

"We don't 've give his name...our son," you say quickly.

"I...I kinda want him to be his own person...or something," you sense it has more to do with Owen's grief for his dad and not wanting to be reminded of it everyday, but you nod. „Yeah. Can I tell some...Scottish names I liked? And you tell me...you like them too?" with your tumor-related speech problems you really deemed the small words like whether, if , that, any, to and so on unnecassary.

"Yeah."

"Okay...I like Kevin."

"Seriously?" Owen laughs.

"What?" you chuckle too. Finally the atmosphere feels good. "Okay, I get...is like Home Alone," you chuckle again remembering the movie you've seen a thousand times. It came out when you were in your early teenage years and it was on TV every Christmas at least twice. "I have three more."

You look to the paper and tell Owen:"„I also liked...Callum, Logan and Duncan."

Owen smiles lovingly once again. Callum Hunt. Logan Hunt. Duncan Hunt. Yeah, you will definitely choose from these three.

.

Your son nuzzles into your chest and you try to help him find the nipple. You really hope you will have enough milk and he won't have problems sucking it. You look at Alex: "His name is..."

...

Meredith's POV:

You are sitting in the living room with your beautiful little girl in your arms. Actually, she was quite big for being born at 37 weeks and such crazy circumstances that lasted throughout the whole pregnancy from the moment she was conceived right to the very end. But she's really great and you came home less than a week after her birth. Derek says she looks just like you, but you see him in her. Now you've been here with your husband and all three amazing kids for two weeks and it is absolutely perfect. The placental abruption and the C-section were a lot for your body and you expected to have trouble breastfeeding right away. But you already did this once so you knew what to anticipate and you weren't nervous. Ellis, whose body, senses and everything are all perfectly developed, took right to sucking your nipple. Amelia's son was finally born too and she decribed the feeling as her heart may burst with love. You feel the same way. Actually, your boobs feel they may burst with milk too. They are so heavy.

"Mer, please tell me we have something else than pumped milk in the fridge," Derek calls from the kitchen with a chuckle and you feel like snapping at him, but then you see his cute smile and you just shrug, chuckling too: "We do. But you have to search long." You put your hand on Derek's chest and your lips on his in a soft kiss. Sleeping Ellis is squeezed between you two for a moment and then Derek pulls away and gently pats her little head in an orange hat. He squeezes your boob gently too. "Still sore?"

"A little," you reply.

"I like the size," Derek winks and you burst out laughing, though willing yourself to be quiet and let Ellis sleep. "I'll give them a massage tonight," your husband says lustfully. As you hear loud kid's voices from the other room, Derek leaves to play with Zola and Bailey, preferably outside so they don't wake Ellis up. But so far she's been sleeping like a truck anyway. You hear the softest snore from her and you laugh. She's really her mothers daughter. You're sure Derek will have a blast about it.

What do you think? I focused on Amelia's story in this chapter, because it is important too, but don't worry, I still have lots of MerDer ideas too...please write a review. And by the way...I kinda have a preference, but I liked all three suggested names for Omelia's boy. I created a poll on my profile, please vote and help me decide on the name. Or tell me in reviews. Merry Christmas again!