AU! Hermione is born in the Marauders Era.

THC, Y8, R1

Standard

Slytherin, DADA

Prompts:

(action) running

(dialogue) It's not funny!

WC: 1899

Beta: Aya, Hope, Becca, Dhrish, Bea

"James, your girlfriend is annoying me," Sirius whined, glaring half-heartedly at the brunette witch lounging by the fireplace on the other side of the common room with a book in her hand. A few pieces of parchment and a couple of open books sat next to her. She was joined by Remus and Peter, who were both discussing the homework with her.

"So now she's my girlfriend but not your cousin?" James rolled his eyes and flipped through the Quidditch magazine.

"She refuses to tell me what she turned into," Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms petulantly. "I've bribed her with everything I could think of, but she just refuses to budge."

"She's a smart one, my girl," James said with a proud grin playing on his lips. Sirius picked up the cushion off the couch and smacked James with it. James laughed and batted it away with his magazine. "What? It's the truth and you know it!"

"Well, she is my cousin, after all," Sirius said, smirking at the thought. "Uncle Alphard did always say that Hermione and I were quite alike."

"Your Uncle Alphard lied through his teeth. Regulus is more like her than you are," James said and laughed at the thought of Hermione and Sirius being alike in any way.

It was true. Although Hermione and Sirius both had the signature Black curls and aristocratic noses, the two cousins had little in common. Sirius was tall, Hermione was short; Sirius commanded the attention of the entire room when he walked in, while Hermione preferred to keep to herself. Sirius would rather spend his entire day lounging around in his sleepwear than get up at the crack of dawn to sneak off to the library, while Hermione was more interested in helping people study rather than playing pranks.

Despite their obvious differences, the two Gryffindors got on like a house on fire… until Sirius inevitably annoyed her.

Judging by the way Sirius kept shooting glances at Hermione, James knew another loud argument between them was inevitable.

James sighed and questioned, "What did she do now?"

Sirius looked around and lowered his voice just in case someone was nearby. "She refuses to tell me what she turned into."

James's lips twitched, but he tried to keep his expression neutral. He knew what Sirius was talking about. "Well, maybe she's ashamed of it. Maybe she's a—I don't know—a chihuahua? Or maybe she's an axolotl! Those are funny looking creatures, right?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I don't care what that is. I just want to see her in her Animagus form. Why doesn't she just tell me or show me? I showed her mine the minute I transformed!"

James muffled his laughter behind his magazine. "Yeah, that's because you panicked when Moony came into the room before you could even set up your prank for him. I still remember your high-pitched barks when you tried to change back."

"I can hear you laughing at me," Sirius whined, pinching James's thigh and making him squeal. "Just tell your girlfriend to show me her form."

"I'm sure you'll see… in time," James said, his tone more ominous than he had intended it to be.

Sirius yawned as he traipsed over the Hogwarts grounds, looking for a single strangely named flower Professor Sprout wanted him to find. He didn't mind cleaning cauldrons or reorganising Professor Flitwick's bookshelves during detentions, but Professor Sprout always made him go out in the freezing cold and search for flowers.

Doesn't she have enough in her bloody greenhouses? Why does she always make me look for flowers?

He was still grumbling, complaining under his breath about what he could have been doing instead. He clutched his robes even tighter around himself when a rustling sound broke him out of his daydreams. Sirius whipped out his wand and pivoted on his heels to look for what had made the sound.

There was nothing out of the ordinary that piqued his attention, so Sirius released the breath he was subconsciously holding and made to turn around. Just then, Sirius caught sight of a lone stag standing on the other end of the grounds, its head held high and antlers reflecting the light of the moon.

Sirius decided to abandon his search and go check out the stag instead. He had just taken a few steps towards the animal when all of a sudden, a large lion came slinking out from behind Hagrid's Hut. Sirius's breath hitched, and he stopped dead in his tracks, terror rising in his chest at the sight of the wild beast.

Before he could use his wand to mask his scent enough for him to get away, something miraculous occurred.

The stag lifted its head and met the lion's eyes. And then, to Sirius's absolute disbelief, the stag let out a loud bray that echoed around the empty grounds and charged at the lion. Sirius's jaw dropped even more when, instead of lunging at the stag and ripping it to shreds, the lion tucked tail and ran.

Sirius stumbled back and rubbed his temples, squinting as the stag continued to chase the lion over the grounds and back into the woods.

Did I just see a stag chasing a lion? What just happened? No, I just need some sleep, that's all…

But then, the lion sprinted out of the treeline and darted past Sirius, its tail smacking his head, and Sirius cried out with terror and fell onto his bottom. The stag jumped gracefully over Sirius's fallen body, the sound of its hooves barely audible to his ears, and continued to run after the lion.

"Merlin, I'm going crazy. A stag can't possibly be chasing after a lion!" Sirius muttered to himself and then rubbed his eyes, wondering what drugs someone might have slipped to him at dinner.

Just then, the stag shoved the lion onto the ground with its mighty antlers, and they began to wrestle for dominance. The stag seemed to be in control as it rolled the lion onto its back and pressed its antlers against the lion's vulnerable belly. Sirius's eyes widened and he scrambled to his feet in a hurry to see what the stag would do next.

Would it tear the lion to shreds with its antlers? Or would the lion try to fight back and claw the stag to pieces?

Sirius waited with bated breath.

The stag pressed its antlers against the lion's belly a bit more forcefully, and then… it began tickling the lion. The lion's paws flailed around as it roared with what Sirius assumed was laughter.

He had no idea what was going on, but Sirius knew no one on earth would ever believe him if he were to tell them he'd seen a stag tickling a lion. Sirius himself didn't believe his eyes yet, and the animals were right in front of him!

Sirius was still contemplating what in Merlin's name he should do when the lion suddenly raised its head, opened its mouth wide, and clamped its jaw around the stag's face.

Sirius let out a glass-shattering scream that would have made his mother proud, and he shot to his feet. His heart pounded against his ribs as he fumbled with his wand and pointed it at the animals. He didn't know what spell to use; his mind was blank at the horrifying scene, but he hoped the sight of his wand would scare off the lion.

"Shoo! Shoo! Get away from him!" Sirius cried, his wand-hand slightly trembling. "Let go of him, you—you—beast!"

The lion met Sirius's eyes, and Sirius readied himself to either cast the first spell that he could think of—how would a Lumos even help him, though?—or run away and hope the lion didn't try to make him its dessert as the stag was obviously its dinner.

As if the lion had heard his thoughts, it unclamped its jaw from around the stag's face and sat back on its rear paws. And then, it tilted its head and licked the stag's nose.

The stag's body shifted and shimmered before transforming into—

"James!" Sirius cried out, rushing forward to hug his best friend, his heart still thundering against his ribcage. "Get away from it!"

The lion growled, crouched, and lunged at James, and Sirius shrieked when the two fell onto the ground with a soft thump. Now that Sirius knew that the stag was his best friend, he was determined to help him.

With that thought firmly in mind, Sirius let out a loud "hi-yah," and threw himself at the lion's back, not caring for his own safety.

The lion roared and rolled onto its back, pinning Sirius down with its weight. Sirius clutched onto the lion's shoulders and tried to roll them over. He thought that James would help him defeat the beast, but to his surprise, James only burst into peals of laughter and fell onto the ground.

"James, help me! What are you—"

"Oh, Merlin, you—you should've s-seen your—your face!" James cackled, tears of mirth streaming down his face. He clutched onto his belly and fell onto his side, immediately rolling into a ball. "You—You were so—so scared you almost—you almost pissed yourself!"

"Help me, damn it! Why are you laughing? I'm going to get eaten by a lion— it's not funny!" Sirius yelled, but James couldn't move; he was laughing too hard.

And then, Sirius received his answer. The lion's form shimmered for a second before transforming into—

"Hermione?" Sirius squawked, staring up at her with wide eyes. His mind raced as he began to understand what had just happened. He shoved Hermione off him and stood up, dusting his robes off. "You bloody gits! You pranked me!"

Hermione smirked and pointed at James, who was still sprawled on the ground, his face wet and his chest heaving as he gasped for breath. "He managed to persuade me into helping him. If you want to blame anyone, blame him."

James's face was red, but he still sat up and choked out a weak, "You were in on it, too!"

Sirius harrumphed and grumbled, "I could have died! I thought you were going to die! I could have—"

"What? Pissed yourself?" James taunted, still breathless. He crawled over to Hermione and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, leaning against her to steady himself. "Merlin, I wish I had a camera! The look on your face when Hermione bit my head off—I would pay millions to show it to the others!"

"You could always show them your memories with a Pensieve," Hermione said pointedly, and Sirius groaned at the way James's face lit up at the idea.

"Hermione, no!" Sirius whined and dropped his head into his palms.

"Hermione, yes!" James whooped with delight and pulled her down for a quick kiss. "You're brilliant!"

"Only because you're too dumb to think for yourself," Sirius grumbled and winced at the resounding thwack Hermione gave him.

"Actually, this plan was mine, and I did scare you silly, so you can't call me dumb," James announced, his lips turned upwards in a proud smirk.

"I'll get you back for this, you two. You've just messed with the wrong man," Sirius said solemnly. "If it's a prank war you two want, it's a prank war you'll get."

Sirius slinked away with a huff, already planning his revenge.