All right to the Lyrics and song belong to Jennifer O. Nettles and the Country Duo Sugarland, I checked and find I don't have the rights to any of the amazing characters of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise except this story. Since I don't want to be prosecuted or have the money for someone to represent me. This is my story!

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Xander looked at the clock on the wall before turning his attentions to his bed partner who was sleeping soundly next to him, the young man was dreading the phone was going to ring at any moment and the illusion of being the only one soon shattered when yet again when Spike's cell phone rang and knew it was Buffy demanding to know where he was as they had patrol. Xander knew that there was something more than patrol between his lover and best friend, but he didn't want to believe it as the vampire had seduced him from Anya breaking the ex-vengeance demon's heart.

Yet again another call and Spike got out of the bed and got dressed, there was no sweet kiss or any flirtatious smirk that send Xander's heart racing and as soon as Spike was closed the door behind him and left the Apartment Xander turned his back from the door and began crying. Many times the dark-haired man pleaded for Spike to stay and not to leave, but would still go back to Buffy telling Xander he would be back and wanting to believe with all his heart would stay at home waiting for him to come back home seemed like years instead of hours as his heartfelt like shattered glass cutting him deep that was close to dying from the inside. No matter what the younger man said or did wasn't enough for the vampire, didn't Spike see how much Xander loved him and would do anything for him close to begging on his knees for a scrap of affection from Spike only for the vampire to give his all to someone who wanted nothing to do with him.

Xander Harris wanted his friends to know about their relationship, there were many red flags that Xander ignored such as Spike showing affection towards him when no one was around and pushed him away if anyone saw them together, there was one time where Spike was flirting with Buffy and when Xander made a comment Spike would be downright cruel calling him as useful as a wet paper bag. Each time Spike would hurt Xander the vampire would get him gifts, the last gift was two collectable plates of Kira Nerys and Jadzia Dax to soften him up.

Yet again Xander and Spike were in the apartment making out and things were getting heated real quick, Spike tried to change the subject of Xander wanting to tell his close friends that they were together. Once more Buffy called for Spike and as always Spike got up ready to leave, this time Xander grabbed Spike's wrist telling him close to tears that he loved him and that the Slayer could never love him as much as he did. "I love you Spike, d...don't I give you what you need. Please I won't mention anything about us to our friends, we don't have to live this way." Spike swallowed a lump in the back of his throat as he told his now crying lover that repeating that this would be the last time as he was going to tell Buffy to stop calling and would come back to his arms.

Xander didn't believe a word that Spike said now as he was now tired of waiting for someone who was using him, Spike tells him what he wants to hear using him for sex then leaving him alone days at a time which was too much to bear for loving someone he had to share with his best friend. Over an hour had passed and Xander couldn't take any more of the waiting as he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door in search of his boyfriend, looking through his old haunts such as Willy's Place and the Bronze but there was no sign of Spike at the Bar or playing Pool to hustle cash from drunks. That left one place as he headed to Spike's Crypt.

Entering inside Xander saw Spike's coat in his chair, but that wasn't what caught Xander's attention. On the floor were Spike's red silk shirt and his black tee-shirt alongside women's clothes that were familiar to him, taking a deep breath Xander stepped down the ladder and what he saw utterly destroyed him. Handcuffed to the bed was Spike naked and on top of him taking her pleasure was Buffy, Xander couldn't take another moment of his heart being ripped out of his chest as he quickly turned only to knock over a table with glass bottles. Hearing the loud clatter of glass hitting the ground, both turned to see Xander quickly climbing up the ladder and was out the door before Spike could break free from the handcuffs shouting for his Pet. While Buffy was getting back into her clothes, Spike quickly put on his jeans without buttoning and leapt to the top and ran through the open door but couldn't see Xander anywhere as he shouted out his lover's name.

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For the last few weeks Xander was a shell of a man as he went through his daily routine and didn't go to the Magic Shop knowing that Spike would be there, Willow's sweet-hearted girlfriend Tara was concerned when Xander didn't show and Dawn was missing Xander as he could make her laugh and always knew what to say to make things better. Anya knew what was going on and hated the Slayer and the vampire that destroyed the man they claimed to care about, Giles knowing what was going on since his girlfriend couldn't stay quiet about Xander's ill-fated relationship with Spike.

Giles wanted to kill Spike for hurting the boy he thought of as his only son as Anya was keeping Halfrek and other Vengence Demons away from the case, she would love to make a wish and end Xander's suffering but it would end up hurting Xander more if something did happen to Spike. Anya made sure she called every night or Giles checked in on Xander and found he was still hurting but was getting better, right now Xander didn't want Willow to know as she would sympathise but in the same breath make some excuse for why Buffy did what she did.

Buffy felt guilty now that she knew that her best friend and Spike were lovers, after being dragged out of heaven all she ever felt was numb and was expected to pick up the pieces and be the happy go lucky Buffy they once knew. How could anyone of them understand what she was feeling at that moment finding herself in the dark desperate to get air as she dug herself out of her own coffin, the only one who understood was Spike who that time made her feel something other than disgust with herself with the way she treated the vampire. Now all she felt was pain and disgust with herself when she saw the pure anguish and pain on Xander's face when he caught them having sex, she was in a daze as she got back in her clothes as Spike frantically pulled on his jeans to run after his now ex. Buffy called Xander days later trying to apologise for her actions, but Xander didn't answer her calls and after a few times trying she gave up-the the only person she ever told her secret to was Tara but it looks like Anya and Giles knew and she was getting the stink eye from the ex-vengeance demon.

Spike was pacing the room looking over at the shop door hoping to see Xander walkthrough since Xander discovered the cheating Spike tried calling him but each call was ignored and left to voicemail. The vampire even knocked on his lover's door pleading for him to answer it as they needed to talk, but each time Xander told him to leave him alone and go back to Buffy since he finally got her in his bed.

While Spike was falling apart, Xander was picking up the pieces and focused on work and time for himself, he just wanted to crawl into the bottle and never come out of it but hated the idea of being like his own father and all Harris men could handle the drink it is putting the bottle down that was the problem. By the end of the week the guys from work would always invite him out for a few beers and bowling, Xander would make an excuse with a lovestruck face saying he had planned as the guys at work teased him patting him on the back.

The construction crew figured out that their pal was Bisexual and was dating a man, there were some of the team that gave Xander a hard time but soon changed their tune when Xander risked his life to save them on the Site. The others however knew that Xander broke up with his boyfriend and figured it out when one of his friends named Buffy called, usually when Buffy called Harris would drop everything and quickly leave to be by her side- this time he took one look at the caller ID and deleted it before carrying on with his work.

After working hard at the Construction Site Xander had a few drinks with the guys and got the number of the Waiter who was flirting with him, not knowing he was being watched from the other side of the Bar.

Spike had followed Xander who was happily laughing and joking with the guys and even got the number of the waiter who was working there, after Xander broke up with him Spike was missing him and wanted him back. Xander had given Spike everything he had and the vampire never appreciates any of it and took him for granted while he gave his all to someone like Buffy who was using him so she could feel something other than the emptiness she now felt. Once Spike was caught cheating by Xander that was when he cut all ties with Buffy trying many times to win him back, while the vampire was miserable Xander was moving on with his life that didn't revolve around the two girls he called his friends who didn't realise were ridiculing and patronising or the man that Xander thought of as a father figure treated the boy like he hasn't got a brain in his head.

It was during one afternoon when Willow asked where Xander was since he usually here as she was craving a Bear Crawl and some coffee with hazelnut syrup, Anya looked pissed and was ready to speak her mind when her boyfriend stopped her from saying anything.

"Willow, your intellect is extraordinarily but somehow don't have the concept of getting your own coffee." Screamed Dawn who looked like she wanted to slap Willow, Willow tried to talk down to the fifteen-year-old like she was a child of five that Xander always got the doughnuts and she hadn't seen him for the last few days.

Now Willow was concerned as she asked if her friend was ok, Spike wanted to drain this daft bint before ripping her bloody head off. Feeling the flashes of pain from his chip Spike stormed into the back for a smoke as Dawn and Anya told the redhead some home truths, that was where Buffy was hiding wanting to be alone at the moment. Not in the mood to listen to the Slayer complaining Spike was about to turn around when he heard Buffy speak. "I tried talking to Xander but he won't talk to me, he's always forgiven me before even when I ran away from my duty as the Slayer after the whole Angelus saga."

Is this bitch joking, if it's not the witch then it's the Slayer in their own little worlds? Buffy was expecting Xander to forget everything and be happy go lucky Xander that gets them doughnuts and coffee and fix things that are broken, if he was Xander's position he would have left a long time ago.

Buffy kept blaming Spike for how he was beneath her and disgusted with herself for letting him touch her. Instead of shouting at Buffy as she was expecting Spike calmly lit one of his cigarettes and took a long drag before answering the Slayer. "You may think of me like dirt, but for some reason you too bloody well like to roll in it. And while you're at it I'll ask for your money back from Charm School since it didn't work for yer." In a fit of fury, Buffy beat on Spike and left him bleeding on the floor, getting up Spike licked the blood off his bottom lip wiping away the access blood with the sleeve of his shirt. Instead of stalking outside Xander's apartment Spike headed to the nearest and that was where he saw Xander laughing and flirting with the gorgeous dark-haired man with intense grey eyes, each moment was torture for Spike as he realised this was what his Xan-Pet felt each time he left and he hated it.

Later on in the evening Xander waved his goodbyes and stole a few kisses on Derek's break, during that time they had arranged for a date for tomorrow evening to grab a coffee or something to eat. As Xander was thinking about Derek he didn't notice Spike with his back leaning against his apartment door who looked badly injured and knew that the vampire had yet again angered Buffy. Xander opened the door and let Spike in to get him cleaned and patched up, the young man knew it was a bad idea to let Spike into his home but his heart overruled his head when it came to the vampire.

Once patched up Xander started cleaning up the used gauze and went into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate, Spike followed leaning against the doorframe and watching Xander as he moved to collect things he needed. Damn his boy was still a nummy treat and he wanted a taste of him, Spike came in close and wrapped his arms around Xander's waist and rested his head on his ex's muscled clothed back breathing in his scent. Xander looked at his and Spike's interlocked fingers as a part of him wanted nothing more to turn around and hold Spike, but the stronger part of him could still see his ex having sex with his former best friend. Xander couldn't waste another minute after he has given his best to Spike and got nothing in return, making his decision Xander moved away from Spike's arms telling him to leave. "At one time I would have begged for you to stay, but I'm tired of being lonely and you don't give me what I need anymore. You wanted to be in Buffy's bed, so go back and stay in it."

Spike looked like he was close to tears as he pleaded with Xander that he loved him and wanted him back, but Xander stepped out of Spike's arms and walked towards the door silently telling him to leave. Grabbing his coat Spike reluctantly left the apartment and as soon as the door was closed shut behind him Spike fell to his knees breaking into sobs.

End of Part 1

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call It's just another call from home And you'll get it and be gone And I'll be crying And I'll be begging you, baby Beg you not to leave But I'll be left here waiting With my heart on my sleeve Oh, for the next time we'll be here Seems like a million years And I think I'm dying What do I have to do to make you see She can't love you like me? Why don't you stay I'm down on my knees I'm so tired of being lonely Don't I give you what you need? When she calls you to go There is one thing you should know We don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay? You keep telling me, baby There will come a time When you will leave her arms And forever be in mine But I don't think that's the truth And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting It's too much pain to have to bear To love a man you have to share Why don't you stay I'm down on my knees I'm so tired of being lonely Don't I give you what you need? When she calls you to go There is one thing you should know We don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay? I can't take it any longer But my will is getting stronger And I think I know just what I have to do I can't waste another minute After all that I've put in it I've given you my best Why does she get the best of you? So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine Why don't you stay I'm up off my knees I'm so tired of being lonely You can't give me what I need When she begs you not to go There is one thing you should know I don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay? Yeah Oh, oh, oh

Song written by Jennifer O. Nettles