"And that's a wrap for today!" Walter sighed, as he pressed the button to end recording on the relatively massive production camera perched atop his shoulder.
Kermit made a small "Mmmph." Noise, nodding his head. He had to help Walter put the camera down, as Walter was quite close to collapsing and they didn't have it in the budget for another camera replacement.
The two stood in an awkward silence, reflecting on the events of the previous few days - and the footage recorded by that camera.
"I'm sure the fans will love seeing Lips speak on camera for the first time." Walter laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Kermit nodded, his face tense and stone-like. "I'm surprised he finally decided to start showing up on a consistent basis."
Walter frowned at the clear bitterness of that remark, but not retorting with one of his own. The two shared another awkward moment, before Walter changed the subject.
"Hey, Kermit?" He started, innocently. "By any chance would you like to...hang out tonight?"
Kermit shook his head. "I don't know about that, Walter. Last time we hung out you had me autograph almost your entire collection. That master replica freaked me out…" He shivered slightly.
"No, not like that...I had reservations for Aunt Em's. I booked them months ago and I don't really have anyone to go with." Walter nervously muttered.
"Are they that busy nowadays?" Kermit replied, in disbelief.
"Nope, but I'd feel really bad if I cancelled it at this point." Walter sulked. "Gary planned on coming down but couldn't make it."
"Are you sure? I mean, wouldn't you want to go hang out at Rowlf's with the rest of the guys?" Kermit frowned, a hint of confusion in his face.
"Nope." Walter stated, matter of factly. Letting it hang in the air for a second before finishing with "I uh...Don't really like big social gatherings." He nervously chuckled.
Kermit grimaced, but nodded. "I'll be over after I run a few quick errands."
"Al-right!" Walter cheered to himself. Kermit smiled a little bit.
Walter walked directly to Aunt Em's from the studio. He didn't have a car, nor did he want to spring for an Uber. Kermit had a...relatively short talk about what the network censors found objectionable and suggestions for the next night's episode. Kermit, of course, filtered out all of it.
They both arrived within a few minutes of each other, Walter picking a booth near the entrance. It was almost entirely empty aside from the two muppets and the staff. As such, the waitress was over almost as soon as they sat down to take their order.
Walter ordered sprite, but Kermit kept it relatively healthy with a lemonade.
The two sat for another few moments, as Walter tried his best to make small talk.
"Nice weather we're having." Walter opened with a classic. Kermit nodded.
"Anything new?" Walter tried another, hoping for an actual response.
"Not really, besides Piggy's show." Kermit forced a chuckle.
"Are you still planning on moving back to Mississippi?" Walter countered.
Kermit stared, confused. "Huh?" He simply muttered, before the answer hit him. "Oh, probably not. I'm too intrinsically linked that it'd crumble without me." He laughed.
Walter nodded. "But if the show ever gets cancelled...Well, it has been a long time since I seen mom…" Kermit finished.
"Oh, that reminds me….I've been meaning to ask you a quick question, and I hope it's not too personal, but how have Goggles, Croaker, and Blotch been?" Walter asked.
Kermit tried to dust off the mental cobwebs associated with those names. "I didn't expect even you to remember Swamp Years." He laughed. "They're doing alright. Croaker works as a receptionist for a law office. Although he's looking for another job, he's sick of people making frog puns."
They both laughed at that one.
"Goggles and Blotch, last I checked, moved to Vermont and run a cozy Bed and Breakfast. It's gotten really good reviews on AirBNB, I've been meaning to go see it in person but... who has the time?" Kermit resigned.
Walter decided to change the subject, making a mental note to google it later. "So...How've you been?"
Kermit sipped his lemonade. "Pretty good. Piggy's ratings are up after her mini-feud with Applegate."
Walter half-laughed half-cringed at the recent memory. "Really? That's nice. Oh yeah, thanks for paying for my bail by the way...Since I was technically an accomplice with Piggy."
"Don't mention it." Kermit nodded.
Walter went back to his original question. "But like, how are you... specifically?"
"Fine, I suppose...Why do you ask?" Kermit asked, wondering where Walter was going.
"Whew, alright…" Walter braced himself. "Some of the stuff I've captured…What you did to Piggy...It just doesn't feel right."
Kermit deflated slightly. He tried to come up with a retort, some kind of way to say that he did what he had to do...But Walter was right. And he began to feel slightly sick to his stomach about it.
"And Fozzie, too...I mean, I totally expected you to tell him off the bat it wasn't very good and rewrite it with him, but...you kinda shrunk." Walter wasn't exactly a master wordsmith, but he cut straight to his point.
"I don't know Walter…it's just..a lot harder to say no nowadays…" Kermit let his statement linger, as he turned to the window. Looking at the city streets, pitch black, except where illuminated by a dim street lamp.
"I mean, back in the day you called Cookie Monster the stupidest monster you'd ever seen!" Walter nudged, trying to cheer his idol up. Kermit chuckled a little bit at the memory.
"I want...good morale among the crew…" Kermit spluttered, clinging to anything he could think of. But Walter could tell what Kermit really meant. That he was deeply scared of driving any of his friends away.
Walter, once again, slightly changed the topic. "What about Piggy? She seems a lot different too recently."
Kermit nodded. "Piggy just...hasn't been the same since...Well, you know." Referring to the still-open wound that was their breakup.
"Like, you ever noticed it feels like she doesn't really...respect the crew anymore. Like she can't even remember our names. I even saw her fail to recognize Andy and Randy..Her own nephews." Walter shook his head.
Kermit leaned in closer to Walter. "Walter, let me tell you something." He stared, looking to his left side. "The breakup hit her really hard. I think she's still grieving too. And that's just her way of masking it."
Walter thought about it for a moment. It didn't seem to click at first, but as he thought of it, the more sense it made.
"A lot's riding on the show, too" Kermit sighed. "We're still not totally clear of the 90's dry spell and it was a battle even getting Piggy on the air...I have a bad feeling we aren't going to make it to next season's hiatus…"
The two sat in another awkward silence. Kermit decided to flip the script and change the subject. "Walter, I've been meaning to ask you something. You've been with the Muppets for a couple years now, how does it feel?"
"What do you mean?" Walter raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, you know...You said it was your dream to be in the Muppets, and I was wondering if you thought it's all it's cracked up to be?" Kermit asked.
Walter took a deep breath. "I don't know, Kermit...Like, it's great! But also kinda stinks…"
Kermit scrunched his face in concern. "What do you mean?"
"It's great, like...I've accomplished my biggest goal in life. Kicked everything off the bucket list in one fell swoop! Back when I was a kid...There was really only one person around who was like me.." Walter grimaced.
"Who was it?" Kermit inquired.
"My Uncle Sam." Walter replied.
"Sam? You're related to Sam the Eagle?" Kermit replied, slightly shocked.
"No, not that Sam. But he was the only person who really looked like…me." Walter tried to refer to his...puppet-ness?
"Sam, Sam, Sam…" Kermit rolled the name around in his head.
"I never got to see him too much, usually only once a year or two at family reunions.. You know, it's funny, I swear he once mentioned that he knew you back in the day!" Walter just introduced further speculation.
"Wait a minute, Did he have really big ears? Red flannel shirt? Pac-man eyes?" Kermit rubbed his chin.
"Yea, exactly!" Walter was slightly amazed.
"Yeah, I knew him way back...At the start of my career. When I was still doing local stuff on WRT-TV…How's he been?" Kermit was slightly shocked at the revelation, but it did make quite a bit of sense.
"I don't know, I had to miss the last few reunions because of work...But I'll call my parents in the morning and see if I can get his number." Walter shrugged.
Kermit nodded. "Yea, let me know. It'd be nice to see him again."
"Where was I…" Walter muttered to himself, trying to get his train of thought back o track. "Hey, Kermit...Let me show you something." Walter said, pulling out his wallet. The object he grabbed from his wallet was a small lenticular card of a Muppets design. A bunch of Muppets populated the card, but Walter sat just above Kermit and below Pepe.
"What's this?" Kermit asked, confused, as he played with the lenticular effect for a moment.
"It's a card I got at the premiere. But, Look. I'm on it! I'm on it right next to you! In the same image as other stone-cold greats like Fozzie, Gonzo, and Rowlf." Walter put the card back into his wallet.
Kermit smiled at the genuine optimism, before his face turned sour as Walter's did the same.
"But it also kinda...Stinks. I've never been someone who was too good at friendship, and it feels like I don't really...gel with the other Muppets. Like, for example, they haven't even invited me to any of their night outs...I literally only found out that they have them is because I had to film a few. I know they don't do it on purpose but stuff like that kinda adds up…" Walter cringed. Kermit frowned.
"Hey, hey, look..I know it's hard to fit in but you have a valuable place in the cast. Even if it doesn't go...actively appreciated, the cameraman is the backbone of the show!" Kermit tried his best to cheer Walter up.
"Yea, yea...Thanks, Kermit." Walter's frown lessened, as he committed Kermit's words to heart.
Kermit nodded.
"You know, I think we've been talking for the past 20 minutes and the waitress hasn't even asked for our order!" Kermit turned around in his chair