Part I,
Devi was walking towards the kitchen island when she said enthusiastically:
« Morning Ben, what is smelling so good. »
Ben raised an eyebrow. He looked at her and asked her what she wanted.
She asked him why he was so grumpy. It was not even 7 am yet.
They have been living together for a bit more than six months but some mornings Devi still could not understand how Ben could be so cranky. Even when they were dating he could be that irritable on the morning.
Ben turned back to his pancakes and eggs and answered sharply :
« Precisely because it is not ven 7am yet and because I have an important exam in two hours, and because I am waiting for the snow to finally arrive here and because I am afraid of what you are going to ask me, I don't like that face. »
She took a step back and asked him what face he was talking about. Was she really that predictable? Did Ben know her that well?
« The one you make when you want something yet you know that asking for it is a bad idea. » grumbled Ben who was wondering what Devi could possibly ask him this time. He was not going to interchange his room with hers again, no way.
They had already done that three times since they had moved in the apartment that his dad had rented for them in Oxford. After their internship at Spodek Law Group P.C in NYC over the summer, they had flown to London together and decided to move in together. The fact that they were a couple back then had probably influenced their decision.
He sighed, put some eggs and two pancakes on his plate, sat on his chair and finally told Devi:
« Shoot »
Whatever she wanted, it was better to get it over with as soon as possible. He really had to focus on his exams and as Devi could be very distracting, it was better to have her spilling out the tea while he could still handle it.
« Paxton is flying to London in a couple of weeks and I was genuinely wondering if he could stay here, with us. » she asked in one go
« Paxton as in Paxton Hall-Yoshida, as in the guy you can't quite since forever? » Ben could not believe it, was Devi seriously asking him that, on a Monday morning at 6.50am?
She had some nerves, he had always known it but that a was line he had not thought she would cross so soon after their break up.
They, well Devi had broken up with him about ten days before the christmas holiday. She had told him that she was not in love with him. After that, she had jumped in the first plane to LA, without telling him, and called Paxton to pick her up at the airport.
After that she had spent her holidays hanging out with Paxton and flown back to London as if everything was normal. She had been treating him as if they were best pals again and Ben was not really ok with all this.
He was over her, sort of, yet he was not ready to slip into the best friend slippers again specially if that involved listening to Devi babbling about Paxton. He had been there already, too many times in High School.
Perhaps, he should not have let her moved back in. She could have found a room in one of the campus' residences.
…
« Eh eh, Lorelai get out of that body. Geez Ben, it is too early for a Gilmore Girls reference besides Logan is so wrong for Rory, team Jess all the way. »
« What? » asked Ben confusedly
« Never mind. So can Paxton stay here? »
« Are you two dating again, you've spent a crazy amount of time with him during the christmas break. » Ben asked as nonchalantly as he could.
He had been wanting to ask that question ever since she had been back to the UK even though he knew that the answer could hurt him, big time.
« We aren't dating. I had not seen him in months, I mean before the holidays. We are good friends and friends do hang out whenever they can. » replied Devi who had the feeling to have gone back in time.
There she was, at almost 22, justifying her choices again. Would that bizarre love triangle ever end?
« Friends don't hook up on a regular basis or perhaps I have been doing it all wrong for years. » snapped Ben who could not stand seeing Devi acting all innocent.
« What? Where does that come from? Paxton and I haven't slept together since his Prom, which was almost 5 years ago, right before you and I flew to Washington for the summer. I guess you can remember that » she replied without snapping at him, she was too shocked for that.
Surprised of seeing her not jumping at his throat, Ben calmly said :
« That and the text that you sent him about not being pregnant, yes I do recall that. » yeah, he had not lost his habit of twisting the knife in the wound.
It had been so awkward, one of the most awkward moment of his life. He would never forget the moment that she had hugged him and told him that she had got her period and that she had to text what was already her ex boyfriend about it.
That summer spent in Washington had been a bit weird but it did seal an amazing and real friendship between him and Devi for their Senior Year and beyond.
…
« So you have seriously not been with him since then? » he insisted.
He had always assumed that Devi and Paxton had been hooking up every time they were seeing each other. Apparently he had been wrong, what a relief. He did not entirely believe her though. He had more questions, there were incoherences between what he knew and what she was telling him.
Devi yelled a firm no and followed with:
« Why is that so hard to believe? Paxton has been dating several girls in the last few years. Natalia, Emily, Samantha, Natalia again. Apparently he has a thing for names that end up with the letter A, I guess, oh and one last girl Alison while I have been steadily dating that old Pal Princeton for the last three years and now Oxford, with Ethan and you somewhere along the road. » she explained half annoyed, half confused.
« It is still hard to believe that nothing has happened in the last four years and a half. » replied Ben who was determined to get the truth out of Devi.
« No, it is not. We have been miles apart and seeing each other only on a very few occasions, we haven't even been in the same city during the summer break since we were still together in high school. » sighed Devi as if she was complaining
« Never heard of long distance relationship? »
« Never been the topic for us, me and Paxton not you and I. » she clarified as those conversations could become confusing.
« That's a lie. » he replied, he was upset. Why was she lying to him?
« It is not » she replied ready to fight this time.
« Yes, it is. At Eleanor and Trent's wedding, he was all in for a long distance relationship. »
« What does that come from? » she asked flabbergasted
« From Paxton's mouth, duh. »
Devi opened her mouth but no word came out of it. Ben sighed, he had just realised that he might have said something that she did not know, oops!
« I heard him talking with Trent. They were in a serious conversation which is weird considering we are talking about Trent and Paxton. I was looking for them, Eleanor had sent me, and yes, I was intentionally eavesdropping after I heard Paxton saying loud and clear that he was still in love with you and wanted to ask you to try long distance. He was explaining to Trent that after seeing his friend from Stanford, Peter doing it with his girlfriend for more than two years, he wanted to give it a try with you. Did he never ask you to try long distance?»
« Well now that you are mentioning it, I think I blew it off before he could ask. At the wedding, we were dancing and I remember him talking about Peter and his girlfriend Lara Jean who was studying in NYC, he was babling about how committed they were to truly make their relationship work blabla but I basically told Paxton that it was very brave of them to try before to add that it would be too hard for me and a few more things that definitely stopped him from asking, I guess. » she was confused and disappointed now because of Ben and Paxton.
She knew that whatever would come from this conversation it would be stuck in her head until Paxton's arrival and it was not precisely a good thing.
« So you would have said no? » asked Ben who needed to understand, before to welcoming Paxton with open arms, basically without a sword in his hands, where Devi and Paxton were standing.
Why had Devi and Paxton never tried to give a second chance to the, if he was being honest, amazing relationship they had in high school? Everyone had been surprised and many had bet that this sort of rom com story, the jock with the nerd would not last but it did. When Devi broke up with Paxton, they all had been surprised as it was clear that they were still very much in love with each other's. Ben had been drown in his jealousy but even he could reckon it.
He raised his gaze to find Devi's. Her eyes would not lie. He pushed for an verbal answer too.
« I don't know, I guess. I can't really go back on time to see what I would have answered. I know that I was really impressed by his friends but I was being honest when I said that it would have been too hard for me. » confessed Devi
She bite her lips and looked at Ben as she was weighting pros and cons. Should she continue this conversation or run to her room?
Perhaps Ben was not the most suited person to talk about it but it was good to finally discuss it with someone.
« At this point in my life, I don't think I was ready for a long distance relationship. I've always trusted Paxton, the girls around him not so much. Deep down, I knew that my insecurities would have ruined our relationship besides I asked him first, after his prom and he turned me down for basically the same reasons I turned him down, without knowing that he wanted to try again, a year later. I guess it was not meant to be » she said shrugging
She had come to that conclusion a long time ago already and she was fine with it. Paxton was a really good friend and she was happy to still have him in her life.
Did she still have butterflies when he was around? Hell yes but she had convinced herself that it did not mean anything. Paxton was very attractive, she was sure that even her grandmother had butterflies in her stomach when Paxton was around.
Ben said that he understood her point of view even though he did not entirely agree with it.
He was glad, obviously, that it had not worked between Devi and Paxton because if they had, he would never have had his chance with Devi but considering how his relationship with her had ended, he was not so sure anymore.
When Devi had told him that she was not in love with him, it had hurt so much, still to that moment. He had asked her why and if they could work on it. Her answer had been cristal clear, no.
He shook his head, he was 22 years old, none of them has probably met their forever yet except Trent and Eleanor, obviously.
So with an encouraging smile he said that it all made sense and added that he believed her. Devi interrupted him so he would drop the topic for good and said:
« And now that we've drifting years apart from the real topic of the day, can we get back to my original question without you questioning all my choices of the last five years? »
« Yes, he can stay here. » agreed Ben.
Did he want to have Paxton Hall Yoshida around? No. Did he want to see Paxton and Devi hanging out under his nostrils? No Did he want to fight with Devi? No and this was the reason one he had agreed, with a smile as a bonus.
« Thanks Ben, you really are the best, when you want. »
« I know. So do you want some eggs? I can make more pancakes too. »
« No thanks, I do have to study as well so I am just gonna grab a yogurt with granola and go back to my room. Good luck with your exam Pal. »
« You too Pal »
They laughed as Devi was making her way to the fridge to grab a yogurt.
Ben finished his plate and let one last question escape from his mouth:
« Oh Devi, can I ask you one last question? »
« You mean another one? Yes » she replied unsure of what to expect
« Where you still in love with him? You said you turned him down without knowing but you did ask him to try long distance before. I know you were disappointed when we were in Washington. I know you and I could tell that you were waiting for him to jump in a plane or cross the country with his jeep to spend a few days with you. I can still see your face when you saw a red jeep parking next to our residence on the fourth of July. I gues, I've always wondered when you stopped loving him. If you've ever stopped loving him would be more correct actually. »
…
sorry for the gilmore girls references but Ben and Devi do, somehow, remind me of Rory and Paris.