12 AUGUST
John Constantine got a call from an old girlfriend around midnight saying her little girl was missing.
Tina wasn't really a girlfriend. She was a girl and he had gone out with her a few times but there'd never been anything between them. Never anything solid. They'd known some of the same people when they had been young and proximity had lead to one thing and then another.
He hadn't even known she had a kid and he realized he didn't know when he'd last seen her.
Funny how people moved on.
Tina was hysterical on the phone, crying, sounding drunk and incoherent. It was hard to understand what she'd been ranting about.
"My little girl!" She kept saying, actually stopping to bang the phone on something. "J-John you were always good at this sort of thing. Maybe you could come find her." She said. "Please John I haven't got anyone else to go to."
He wanted to tell her he wasn't a cop. That there were people who handled this sort of thing. "Look love, don't you think you should go to the police on this one?" He asked. "They've got child alerts and detectives. I'm just a guy."
But she screamed angrily, voice tearing at his ear drums. "No you're not!" She yelled. "And fuck 'em! They all think I'm a bad mum. Took my fucking girl away from me twice already! I'm not calling them so they can come back and tell me what a shit mum I am. My little girl is missing, John!"
He raised his hands to placate her and then remembered he was on the phone. "Tina love, what if someone took her? Its not about you being a bad mum."
"I'm not going to them. I hate the way they look at me anyway! They're always judging me. They'll find a way to blame it on me!"
John sighed. "Okay." He said.
"Oh John you're a good one." She sniffed. "I knew I could count on you."
He felt a pit form in his stomach. "Right, Tina. I'll come."
He heard her cry some more and something that sounded like a bottle being put down and he sighed, wondering what he had gotten himself into and weather or not to just go straight to the police.
He didn't and on 13 August found his feet outside of a brutal and dreary minimum rise estate. A relic of "streets in the sky" and the rise of public housing. It was all drab prefab concrete and glass windows. A city state of its own.
It felt like leaving the rest of the city behind when he stepped up it's main street. The estate buildings were clustered around a small park and when he looked he saw children running wild through the swings.
He smiled a little and then remembered why he was there and suddenly unattended children didn't seem so endearing.
He followed the pavement up to Tina's flat on the fourth floor and down the narrow, cement halls. The lifts smelled like piss.
Down the rabbit warren of hallways and concrete, past closed doors and children standing idle and unsupervised.
He found her flat eventually and knocked, waiting nearly five minutes before she opened the door.
She looked older than the last time he'd seen her but that wasn't a surprise. She was older and so was he. It was bound to show.
She smiled, cigarette in hand and threw her arms around him. She reeked and so did the flat once he was inside. The big windows were smeared with dust and grime and didn't allow as much light in as they'd probably been meant to but it was the smell that got him. Stale cigarette smoke and dirty diapers.
"Oh John, I knew I could count on you." She said.
He tried to smile and pulled back to look at het face. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her hair stringy. "I'm here Tina, what's happened?"
She sniffed and let ash fall from the end of her cigarette to the carpet. Somewhere in the flat a baby was crying and he looked around warily as she motioned him in.
The place was a mess. Old newspapers and bottles littered the room and the smell of stale air was almost suffocating. He winced and picked a place clean to sit on the couch.
The baby was still crying.
"Tina?" He asked.
She crossed her arms, uncrossed them and didn't offer him tea. "I went out two nights ago. Nothing unusual. I go out all the time and Cara loves watching the baby but when I got back it was just the baby. I thought Cara had gone over to one of her friends' but then she didn't come back and I. . . well I asked all her friends and none of them had seen her. I don't know what to do."
He glanced around the room again and saw a couple of framed school pictures, all of a smiling blond girl.
She made him think of other little blond girls who'd gone missing and suddenly he wanted no part of this.
"Tina I know you don't want to but I really think you should go to the police." He said. "They've got procedures for this kind of thing."
She gave him a hurt look. "Right?" She asked. "So they can go and say I'm a shit mum and take my kids away again? Not bloody likely. I'm a good mum, I always take care of them. I Gave birth to them, didn't I?"
He nodded, not wanting to argue. "No one's saying you didn't. What'd you go out for anyway?"
She sniffed again and stubbed her cigarette out in a saucer. "Don't judge me John, You woulnd't do that, would you?" She looked up and he fought to keep his eyes from the piles of trash and old liquor bottles around the room.
"Course not." He said.
"Course not." He lied.
She nodded and sniffed yet again. "I just went down for a drink. Didn't leave the estate. We got a pub here, called The Duck. It's not bad for what it is. Got an old feel, you know? Like it's older than it is."
He took that in, thinking of the picture of the little blond girl with the crooked teeth and blue eyes sitting on top the television. What was she, seven? Eight?
"I couldn't have been down there more than twenty minutes and like I said, she watches the baby all the time."
He had almost forgotten the crying baby in the back of the flat.
"She's right good with him too. Know's how to hold him and make up a bottle. She's my world, Cara. It's not easy being a single mum. I don't know what I'd do without her."
He felt his skin crawl. "How old is she?" He found himself asking, eyes on the girl in the picture.
The tv was playing below her on mute.
"Nearly eight."
"What about her dad? Does he know?"
Tina shut down. "He's not in the picture." She said sharply. "She doesn't know him and he doesn't want to know her."
He nodded, trying to keep her calm. "Right, sorry."
She shrugged and tucked her legs up on the couch next to him. She'd been prettier the last time he'd seen her. "She's my little girl John, I can't lose her."
"Course you can't." He said. "Do you mind if I hold onto that photo?" He asked, pointing at the one on the tv.
She went and got it, handing it to him, eyes shining again. "Had that taken last school picture." She said. "She's so grown up looking in it."
Crooked adult teeth in a child's mouth, messy hair and jumper. She was smiling as though she was hoping Hollywood came next.
"She's pretty." He said, thinking of Astra and feeling his stomach clench and twist inside of him.
And she smiled happily. "Doesn't she look like me?" She asked.
He nodded, thinking the girl probably looked like her dad too. "I'll go ask around the estate." He said.
She shrugged then, smile fading. "I tried that. No one's seen her."
He nodded. "And you're sure you don't wanna go to the police?" He asked.
She shook her head emphatically. "No, they don't help people." She said.
He kept his peace. Someone had to look for the poor kid and he didn't want to make Tina angry and have her send him off now that he was starting to care.
The baby had stopped crying and he wished she'd go to it.
Tina light another cigarette. "You're a good one, John. You're good to me."
He forced a smile and got to his feet. "Alright then, I'll go and look around."
She nodded, eyes strange and hard and then she leaped to her feet and grabbed his arm.
He needed out of the flat. "Don't believe what they say about me, John. You knew me before any of them. You know the real me. They all think I'm a bad mum."
He did too. "I'll take it with a grain of salt." He said.
She smiled again, sad and angry and small. "Thank you, John. Cara is a good girl. I just want my girl back." She began to cry again and he put an arm around her and despite the filth and grime he hugged her.
"You're too good to me." She said into his coat.
Yeah, but he wasn't going to do this for her. Someone had to know the kid was missing.
He kissed her forehead and stepped back down the hallway, looking for people and skin burning where she'd touched him.
He found a woman leaning over the railing a few doors down. She was watching the kids below and smoking.
"You got a second?" He asked.
She turned. She was around Tina's age. "What for?" She asked.
He fished out the picture from his coat. "Do you know this girl?"
She looked at it without expression. "That's Tina's girl. Cara Atkinson."
He nodded. "Right, you heard she's missing?"
The woman shurged and took a puff of her cigarette. "Didn't everyone? Tina went running through the whole place screaming yesterday. Thought she were still drunk. Cara not turn back up yet?"
He winced. "No, not yet."
The woman nodded. "Look, I know Tina's a bit of a mess but she does love that girl and the baby. Loves them just like any mum only it's hard for her. No dad and the services people down her throat all the time."
"She said Cara'd been taken away a few times already." He said quietly.
The woman nodded again. "Stupid stuff. They brought them back though. Had to I reckon. No reason to have taken them in the first place."
He nodded and tucked the picture away. "Thanks." He said.
The woman hesitated, cigarette almost out. "You her boyfriend?" She asked.
He shook his head. "Nah, just an old friend."
She nodded again. "Tina could do with a good man."
He didn't doubt that but he wasn't here for that. "Maybe she'll find one one day." He said.
She nodded once again and watched him go, cigarette out, ash on the ground.
Social Services had already been involved.
He made his way down to The Duck on the ground level of the estate and found the barman.
"You having a drink?" The man asked.
He nodded and ordered a pint, sitting down carefully. The place was mostly empty at this time of day but the few day drunks hanging around promised it got a whole lot worse after work let out. That and the grime in the air.
"You know this girl?" He asked, flashing the picture to the barman.
The man glanced at it from behind thick glasses. "Isn't that Tina's girl?" He asked. "I've seen her sitting around outside sometimes. Mum makes her wait with the baby when she stops in."
"Yeah, Cara Atkinson."
"That's her." The man said.
"You hear she's missing?" He asked.
A pause. "Yeah, I heard."
"I heard Tina was in here the night it happened."
"She were."
John set the photo down carefully. "She come here a lot?" He asked.
Another shrug. "Suppose that depends on what you mean by a lot."
So no answers here.
The barman made a face like he was going to start whistling. "Look mate, I dunno how close you are with our Tina but trust me when I say she's just running you in circles. That kid runs off all the time and she always turns back up."
John let this sink in.
"I wouldn't worry. Tina just probably feels guilty it happened while she was down at the pub. She was down here all night."
"Yeah." He said, downing his pint. "Thanks, mate."
"Ta."
John headed back to Tina's flat, feeling like he had gotten a whole lot more out of a couple of neighbors than he had from her.
She looked bewildered when he opened the door.
"You're back?" She asked.
He came in and sat carefully this time. "Tina, how come you didn't tell me she's run away before?"
Her face fell. "Didn't think it was important and you know how they are about runaways. They don't look for them."
He nodded. "Where's she go?" He asked.
She shrugged almost angrily. "She's tried getting to her nan's before but it's too far away. Honestly I think about leaving her there sometimes. She likes my mum better anyway."
He glanced at her. "She stay with her often?" He asked.
She shrugged. "Often enough. Girl should know her grandmother, right? Anyway sometimes I can't handle her. She can be a right little bitch when she wants. She get's like that; I go and leave her with her nan. Let her deal with the little beast."
And John was angry. "Tina she's only seven." He said.
She gave him an incredulous look. "Honestly John, it's hard being a mum. No one ever helps you, they just say you're doing it wrong and Cara can be awful. I know it was her rang Child Line on me last time. They wouldn't tell me but I knew it was her. Got it out of her. Little witch told them I was in the pub all the time and I spent the grocery money on cigarettes. Do you know how much trouble she got me in? People in our flat, telling me I'm a bad mum. Pointing out every little thing I do wrong, like they're perfect! They don't care how hard it is being a single mum. No one helps me, John!"
He felt repulsed by her. "She's just a little girl, Tina." He said. "Come on."
But she was crying again. "Its so hard. Everyone's always criticizing me and telling me off but no one helps and I'm stuck with two kids in this shitty place. I hate it here."
And he did feel for her because she was a human being and because it wasn't easy to be a single mother and because people didn't help.
"Look Tina, I'm not here to judge you. I just wanna help find Cara, you know?"
She sniffed hard and nodded. "Yeah." She said. "Because you're one of the good one's."
He didn't think so but what would pressing the point have accomplished? "Is there anything else you can tell me? Anything that might help?"
She shrugged miserably and he stared down at the stained carpet. "Tina I don't know what you want me to do. I'm not a cop." He said. "And I don't know how I can help. You know I. . ." he hesitated. "You know the stuff I deal with isn't usually like this. . . its usually different."
She stared at him through unwashed hair and he regretted his words. "Are you saying you can't help me?" She asked, tone changing. She sounded angry.
He shook his head. "I'm not saying that but don't you think it might be better if there was an alert out?"
In a flash she had thrown a ceramic dolphin at him. It missed and shattered against the wall.
She crumpled on the couch. "Just get out John!" She sobbed.
He made to try and touch her back and she screamed at him.
"Get out of my house!" She roared, tears hitting the ugly couch. "Get out, get out, get out! You're just like everyone else!"
He sighed and left before she could throw something else at him. It was all bad.
Outside he light another cigarette and looked down at the park below. The kids were heading inside for supper but there were still a few stragglers on the swings. Kids that didn't get called in.
He turned and headed back down, loathing the lifts and their stench, the dry, prefab walls and the rebar starting to show through them.
When he reached the ground level he stopped again and wondered what he was trying to do. Tina wasn't any help and he felt bad for the kid.
He shook his head and headed towards the exit, thinking about ugly couches and smashed dolphins.
A boy stopped swinging in the park and ran across to him suddenly, blocking his exit. He looked up expectantly.
"Need something?" John asked.
The boy glanced around and then shrugged. "You the one looking for Cara?" He asked.
He nodded and the boy licked his lips.
"I know Cara." The kid whispered. "Are you one of her mum's boyfriends?"
Another implication there. "No." He said.
The boy nodded. "Her mum's got a lot of 'em." He said. "Cara hates it."
"That can be rough." John said. "Have you seen her recently?"
The boy blinked and shook his head. "Not since she disappeared. She hates her mum. Mum's always yelling at her." He hesitated. "Is that why she ran away again?"
John shrugged. "I don't know." He said, being honest. "Maybe. Did she ever tell you where she went when she ran away the other times?"
Another hesitation. "She tried to go to het nan's once only she barely made it off of the estate."
He nodded again; he knew that. "I heard." He said.
The boy nodded emphatically. "They said she's a problem case at school but she's not bad, Cara. Is that why no one's looking for her?"
And John didn't know how to tell him. He barely understood himself. "No, I think they just haven't noticed yet." He said, thinking of how untroubled everyone seemed.
A little girl went missing and no one batted an eye. No one even blinked.
The boy glared down at his feet angrily. "It's cause she's from the estate." He said. "They all say we're bad kids, even if we haven't done anything." He looked up quickly. "You're gonna find her, right?"
John swallowed. "I'm trying." He said.
The boy shoved his hands into his pockets, balling them up. "If I see anything, I'll let you know. Yeah?"
What a fucking kid. "Yeah." John said. "What's your name, lad?"
"Brian. My dad named me after his favorite Rolling Stone and then he split."
Another single mum, another mouth to feed. A kid named after a dead rock star.
"Well, Brian I think you and I might be the only people looking for Cara."
Something strange passed over Brian's face. "How come you care?" He asked, sounding suspicious.
John touched the picture in his pocket. "Someone's got to, don't they?"
Brian just looked down again and nodded. "Thanks." He muttered, sounding probably more vulnerable than the had kid ever meant to. "No one else ever cares when she runs off. She keeps thinking someone will, but they never do."
He reached out gingerly and patted the kid's head. "It's different this time." He said.
Brian nodded again, looked back at the swings and sighed. "I should go in." He said. "Its supper time." But he didnt go in and when John looked back he was on the swings again. One of the ones uncalled.
He shook his head and went to find a motel to put up in for the night.