"I'll spare you the rest, it's hokey anyway". Carisi put his folded handkerchief in a jacket pocket, along with the speech he'd written as he leaned his back against the boat railing.
"It's a"...he trailed off, smiling, not sure what to say.
Amanda Rollins gazed at him. Those words, they felt like he'd written them just for her, not for Finn & Phoebe. Being partners with him was the strongest bond she'd ever had with any human, other than her girls. Even after Dominick Carisi left the SVU squad for the DAs office, he was still the most significant relationship she had.
In the past few years she knew his feelings had grown into something more for her. It was unspoken, but she knew it. Knew it even before that drunken night in West Virginia when she'd almost let go and allowed him to get closer.
Almost. But back then she knew he was too good for her. She thought she would be his undoing. Sweet perfect Sonny Carisi would drown if he got any further involved in her messy life. He deserved a woman who would fit in with his family, a woman without baggage who would be worthy of him, and that was not her.
She knew they couldn't be casual sex buddies like she'd been with Amaro. If she'd let Carisi in her motel room that night she would've just wound up breaking his heart.
That was then. In the past couple years therapy had begun to convince Amanda that she was a good person. She wasn't trash, she was worth more than the one night stands and loser boyfriends of her past.
All this ran through her mind as she gazed at Sonny now. Under the twinkling lights, overlooking the water, she gathered the courage.
"Carisi" she spoke.
"What". He looked back at Amanda, her hand was on his chest as she moved closer. He was silent as she moved to grip his tie. She tried to tell him what she was feeling. At a loss for words, she brought her hand to the side of his face, and stretched up tentatively kissing him ever so lightly on the lips then pulling back to gauge his reaction. She was giving him the opportunity to pull away if her revelations and actions were too late.
They locked eyes, then he looked down at her lips, lowering his head just a little to meet her halfway and she kissed him again. She brought her other hand up, running it through his hair, as he cupped her cheek this time, kissing her back.
Carisi brought his other hand around to the small of her back pressing her against him. He let her take the lead here, but made sure she knew he wanted this too. He couldn't bear allowing these feelings to rise again if she were going to squash them. As Amanda ran her other hand down his side to his waist, her lips parted. She let her tongue just graze his bottom lip and she shifted her hips ever so slightly. Sonnys knees bent as he reached his other arm behind her, dipping his hands just below the small of her back lifting her against him.
Amanda let out a small moan as their kiss deepened, tongues hungrily exploring and she could feel the effect this was having on him pressing against her hip. All she wanted was to get him in a dark hallway inside this boat and let him take her, up against a wall.
There were so many people just on the other side of the boat they were on. Amanda knew they needed to stop before Olivia, or worse, the chief saw them. 10 more seconds she thought to herself. She decided to make those seconds count and she ground herself against him, moaning again into the kiss making him even harder. He actually broke away first. Breathless and panting they just locked eyes for a moment trying to compose themselves.
Sonny Carisi broke out into the biggest grin, caressing her cheek.
"I've wanted to do that for such a long time". He said.
Amanda Rollins beamed. "Me too" she admitted.
This revelation was too much, he pulled her back kissing her again, he needed this to be real. Immediately she kissed him back, nothing tentative about it their tongues touched again sparking that heat. Amanda reached up into his hair, holding him to her as they kissed. Finally she brought one hand down to his chest, breaking the kiss and gently pushing against his chest until he focused. For a second she saw the disappointment, and knew his fear. She smiled and turned his head so he could see she wasn't backing out, but that all their coworkers and friends needed to go was turn in their direction and they'd be seen.
Sonny quickly straightened up, he'd been so caught up in the bliss that was Amanda Rollins kissing him that he'd forgotten where they were. He straightened his tie, and she fixed his hair, she'd made a mess of it.
They locked eyes again, and Amanda could read his thoughts again. They'd come close to starting something before but she was always the one to shut it down.
She reached up to cup his cheek with her hand, and he leaned into it, closing his eyes. She got close and said "This is real". Sonny's eyes opened and this time it was his turn for tears to well up.
"I just don't really want the Chief of Police seeing us make out at Finn's non wedding" Amanda chuckled as she said this.
"Uh no, definitely not." Sonny agreed.
The music had changed from Earth Wind and Fire's September to Crazy He Calls Me by Billie Holiday. Sonny reached behind Amanda for her wrap and purse, turned, and offered her his arm.
Grinning she took his arm with both of hers, leaning against him as he led her back through the trellis to the dance floor.
He took one hand and held it to his chest, the other hand rested on the small of her back. Amanda had her free arm tucked inside his jacket around his waist and her head on his shoulder as they swayed to the song. Sonny looked up to see Kat grinning with her phone aimed at them. She looked up from the phone and mouthed the word 'Finally' at him raising her hands in triumph.
Sonny rolled his eyes at her but grinned back. He tried to memorize everything about this moment. The music, the way the little string lights swayed in the cool breeze off the water. He held her a little tighter, closed his eyes and felt her take a deep breath.
For Amanda Rollins she felt as if a giant weight lifted from her heart. This IS real. She loved her girls of course, and her job. But something was always missing. Finally, she thought, finally she figured out what it was, and she was completely happy.