They'd been at the bar for a while now, the two of them. Everyone else had left a while ago. Why Barba hadn't left... Well, it was because Olivia hadn't. Besides, he didn't get to do this very often anymore. Hell, he didn't get to see her very often anymore.

"So how've you been?" he asked as if they hadn't been sitting there, close enough for her perfume to tempt him, for almost two hours. When she just looked at him, his head tilted to the side. "I mean, really," he said significantly.

Her eyes darted away. "You've heard then."

"Hard not to have."

She let out a deep sigh. "I've been dealing," she said before a slight, wry smile crossed her face, "Distracting myself at bars with old friends."

His lips twitched into a smile of his own despite himself before fading, becoming more serious, "Speaking of old friends... Do you want to talk about it?"

"About the elephant in the room?" Olivia asked before rolling her eyes, "Emphasis on 'El,' I guess. Yeah. Not really."

"Okay," Rafael said simply.

The sounds of the bar seemed to swell as they fell silent, Rafael taking a sip of his scotch, Olivia staring into her glass of wine as if the answers to her problems may suddenly bob up like an apple in a tub of water until—

"I want to hate him." It came out in a rush. "I want to hate him so badly."

Unsurprised, Rafael set down his glass. "Oh?"

"It's almost easy to hate him," she said, her eyebrows knit together with frustration, "But..."

"But?"

"But I can't." Olivia's eyes snapped to his, wide. "Am I crazy, Raf? For not hating him?"

Rafael's eyes searched hers. "I don't know, Liv. I still don't know much about him."

"You know how he left," she argued.

"I do," he agreed, "But still. It's not like you go out of your way to talk about him. I didn't even know he was in New York until Carisi told me your ex-partner—"

"That's the thing," Olivia interrupted heatedly, "I didn't know he was in New York! Twelve years we worked together, protected each other and he couldn't pick up the damn phone once! Not even to tell me he was coming to my award ceremony." Her cheeks were pink as the resentment spilled out of her. "I should hate him," she muttered.

"But you don't." It wasn't a question. His expression, which had darkened significantly upon hearing her anger, was now decidedly calm.

"But I don't," she agreed softly.

The soft chatter and clinks of glass washed over them again.

"...Why do you want to hate him?"

Olivia let out a sigh. "It'd be a hell of a lot easier now wouldn't it?"

He grinned a little at that. "I suppose." After a second he spoke, "What're you gonna do?"

She sighed again. "I don't know. All I know is Kathy's—his wife's—funeral is tomorrow. The family... They've asked me to go." A pause. "I'm going to go." Rafael nodded as Olivia seemed to grapple with her words before shaking her head. "After that though..." Her voice trailed off.

"You don't owe him anything," he said, his voice suddenly firm.

"I know."

"He hurt you."

"...I know." Breath escaped her lips, shaky and long. "I know he did. But I also know he cares. That a part of me still cares."

Rafael said nothing, his expression oddly blank.

When she saw his face, really saw it, she winced. "Sorry," she said, shaking her head as if emerging from underwater. "Sorry I shouldn't have—"

"No, it's okay," he rushed to assure her. "It's okay, really. Go on."

"No, I should... I should go."

When she went to stand his hand reached out to grab hers. "Please don't." She froze. "I'm sorry, I didn't—Please don't."

She stared at him for a moment before shaking her head. "I'm sorry Rafael. It's late."

"Oh." His hand dropped. "Okay."

"But I'll see you soon?" she said hopefully.

The disappointment in his chest washed away with relief. "Yeah. Yes."

Olivia took out a twenty and left it next to her glass as she stood. Before she turned to leave, however, Barba spoke.

"Olivia."

"Yeah?"

"There's nothing wrong with caring about him," he said after a pause, "even though you want to hate him."

"Yeah," she said simply, unable to meet his eyes.

"And tomorrow, after the funeral... Just call and I'll be there. If you need me," he said gruffly.

At that, Olivia's expression softened. "Thank you."

"Drive safe. Say hello to Noah for me."

"I will."