Imbalance
By Karen Hart
Disclaimer: The Xenosaga series is the property of Monolith Software Inc. and Namco Bandai. I write these fanfictions for love of the game(s) and make no profit off of them.
Allen Ridgeley had always felt that there was something eerie about a ship during its night cycle.
He'd noticed it on the Woglinde, when he'd felt the need to work overnight in the lab. The ship's corridors had been vacant and security had been left to automated systems. He'd trusted there'd been someone on the bridge during those times, and once or twice he thought he saw Lt. Caspase on his own way to a late-night Realian maintenance session, but for the most part the ship had seemed abandoned.
It was worse on the Elsa. Unlike the Woglinde's large crew complement, the little passenger freighter only had a crew of four people, so everything was left to automation for several hours at a stretch.
It was Allen's second voyage on the Elsa, but he was just as uneasy this trip as the first time aboard. He found himself staring into the fuzzy darkness of the men's cabin, trying not to wake the others.
He tried to tell himself that there was nothing to worry about, that the crew knew their ship and that they'd never allow essential systems to degrade. Then again, there was a chance Captain Matthews might cut a few corners here and there, shave off a few expenses and maybe make a dent in that massive debt he owed—
—but surely not. Captain Matthews loved his ship. He'd never compromise it. Allen forced himself to believe it.
Oh hell. He wasn't getting any sleep tonight. He shut off the bed's heater and sat up, trying to be quiet. There were a few tell-tales lit, providing him some semblance of orientation.
He made it to the door without incident and into the ship's main corridor. A dim ribbon of light shone along the base of the walls.
If there'd been anyone with him, Allen might have admitted that he felt a bit of a fool. He hadn't had any plans beyond "just be awake." He looked around.
To his right was the Elsa's diner. To his left were the bridge, the central elevator, the hangar access elevator and one of the ship's UMN terminals.
The bridge was locked off to non-crew, and Allen had no desire to visit the ship's lower decks. Professor Haksheen White was down there. The eccentric roboticist was probably asleep, but with Allen's luck he'd be wide awake and would drag Allen into one of his mad projects.
Allen doubted there was anything in the hangar that couldn't wait until morning.
The network terminal was a possibility. Allen could spend hours chasing his way through pop-sci articles and first-level videos. The terminal would have a better connection than his aging, handheld connection gear. The only downside was that the ship's public terminals required payments on a half-hourly basis. It'd be an efficient way to burn through his bank account.
The diner, then. He'd have a cup of herbal tea and take in the view through the windows by the VIP table in the rear of the diner. He always did enjoy seeing the swirling patterns of the hyperspace tube as the ship traversed between star systems.
The diner's interior was a little brighter than the corridor. Adonis, the bartending droid, was idling behind the bar. The cheerful orange booths were empty, and the VIP table was occupied.
The VIP table was occupied.
Allen had no trouble recognizing the silhouette. He ought not to. He'd been hopelessly in love with Shion Uzuki for, what, a year and a half, closer to two years, now?
She was sitting with her back to him, brown hair mussed by the seatback. There was a listlessness to her posture that concerned Allen. He didn't see a plate or a beverage on the table in front of her. There was no lit connection gear screen. Just Shion.
He circled around her left side. "Chief? What're you doing up?" Like he was one to talk.
Shion didn't turn her head so much as let it roll to one side. She stared at him for an uncomfortably long time. "Allen." Her voice was hoarse. She coughed to clear her throat. "I thought I should do a quick eval on KOS-MOS and the ES Dinah's flight capabilities." This, with no device in evidence.
Allen sat across from her. "Yeah?" He thought she looked too vulnerable. "How'd they look?"
Shion lifted one shoulder and spoke to the air in front of her. "Nothing unusual, except KOS-MOS seems to be running without a power source. Dinah's functioning as expected. The run-in we had with that black craft didn't cause any irreparable damage."
"That's good." Allen wasn't sure what to say. "Chief. You're not still evaluating KOS-MOS or ES Dinah, are you?" He hadn't seen her like this since their disastrous Encephalon dive into KOS-MOS's memory a few months ago.
Allen froze, and cursed himself.
The dive.
It had been an attempt to make a record of the Gnosis attack that had capsized the Woglinde. Instead, they'd found themselves on Old Miltia, in a city-turned-battlefield that still left scars on the universe, fourteen years later. Rather than a virtual world of recorded data, they'd found themselves in a hell constructed from some of Shion's worst memories.
Shion's parents had died there, luckless casualties in a damaged hospital. Allen had seen the blood on the walls . . .
Allen had wept to see Shion so broken, but it was her nightmare, not his.
Old Miltia was still a source of contention. The planet had been off limits for a decade and a half. Then someone had published the route code needed to get there.
The Elsa was headed there now.
The Galaxy Federation government had stumbled over itself to send battleships into Old Miltian space, while the more methodical heads of various planets and agencies had sent independent vessels—like the Elsa—in the hopes they'd get there first. There was a prize waiting on Miltia: the device known as the Original Zohar, that could, in theory, provide limitless energy.
There were people on board the Elsa who had every intention of securing the Zohar themselves. Allen considered them friends. He hoped he'd be able to continue doing so.
Their own reasons for going were different. Well, they were Shion's reasons. But he trusted Shion's impulses, and where she went, he followed. If he could.
It occurred to him that Shion was taking a long time to answer. Other than that first empty stare, she hadn't really looked at him since he'd come in. He tried to catch her eye. "Chief? Is everything all right?"
It was like he'd pressed a button. Shion's eyes focused and she turned a dazzling smile on him. Allen fought the urge to wince.
"Of course everything's fine. I just needed to do a little work to help tire my brain out a bit." She pulled herself upright. "It must have worked, too. I'm almost falling asleep where I sit."
For a moment Allen saw into a future where Shion got up and returned to the women's cabin. Tomorrow she'd pretend he hadn't found her in a dark room, staring at empty space. It was another version of "It's nothing." Allen was getting sick of "It's nothing."
He took a chance, and grabbed her wrist when she started to rise. As soon as she reacted he let go. "Chief. Is the reason we're going to Old Miltia . . . because your parents are still there?"
Shion took her time answering. "It's not." Then: "I saw Feb again. And Nephilim. They said I had to go. Feb's sisters need to be freed. I don't know what they mean."
Allen remembered the two phantoms from the Encephalon dive. Shion had seemed to trust them, and Allen had decided to follow her lead.
"Allen?" There was a strange hitch to her voice.
"Yeah, Chief?"
Shion drew in a lungful of air. Allen kept his eyes on her face.
"Allen, will you take a walk with me? Around the ship? I don't want to sleep yet."
"Sure, Chief."
Neither of them said much as they wandered through the ship. Once in a while one or the other would comment on how different the Elsa's interior appeared since they'd last seen it. The ship's layout seemed to sprawl less than it had before.
Shion lingered near a status display. She rested her fingertips on the small screen. His vantage point wasn't the best, but from where he stood, it looked to Allen like the ship's systems were running fine. That was reassuring.
He mulled that over for a bit. If he'd thought to check one of these displays, he might not have decided on that visit to the diner. He wouldn't have found Shion there, and they wouldn't be taking a nighttime stroll through the ship together.
He wouldn't have found Shion sitting in the dark, staring at nothing. Would someone else have? Or would she have remained there until the Elsa's day cycle started up?
"It looks like there are no problems with the electrical systems."
Shion's voice yanked Allen from his thoughts. "What was that, Chief?"
She gestured to the screen. "The electrical system. Last time we were aboard. You remember: when there was an anomaly and the Captain asked me to check it out?"
Allen nodded. "That was right before we met Ziggy and MOMO, wasn't it? I remember Captain Matthews saying something about it."
Shion laughed. "I was so embarrassed. I didn't like feeling like just a passenger and I wanted to prove how useful I could be. Then I—Shion Uzuki, a Vector Industries Chief Engineer!—completely botch the task and it puts the ship in danger." She sighed. "I think about it now and again."
"Chief . . ." Allen wished he had something better to say.
They started walking again, the hangar access elevator now a clear destination. Allen hoped Shion wasn't planning on a bit of after-hours engineering to drown her problems.
When the elevator stopped and the doors opened they saw a poorly lit tunnel with huge shapes looming on either side. To the right were ES Zebulun and ES Asher. Zebulun's pale pink frame seemed to glow, while Asher's blue exterior blended in with the gloom. To the left was ES Dinah. Like ES Zebulun, the white craft stood out.
There was a platform about two meters high in front of each craft. Shion turned to the Dinah and hurried up the short, rattling metal staircase.
Allen was right. Shion meant to work through the night. "Isn't it a little late for this, Chief?"
"It's fine, Allen." She had her back turned to him. ES Dinah's service bay lit as soon as Shion switched the maintenance terminal on. They were both temporarily blinded.
Shion's hands flew over the screen. Allen wondered what she'd turn her attention to. The interface with KOS-MOS? Maybe its combat mobility? Hadn't she said something about checking out ES Dinah's flight capability?
The platform rattled and Allen grabbed the railing to keep from falling. "Chief?!"
The platform rose until it reached ES Dinah's cockpit. The noise of the platform's ascent echoed throughout the hangar.
Shion still wasn't looking at Allen. He tried to reason with her. "Chief, what are you doing? You'll set off an alarm. If the Captain finds out—"
Now Shion turned to look at him. There was something dreadful about how blank her face seemed. "I shut off the alarm. And it's not the Captain's concern. ES Dinah is our craft, not his." She sagged against the far railing. "Let's just go, Allen. Please?"
"What about KOS-MOS? You can't just leave her here."
"It's fine. She'll be able to follow us if she wants." ES Dinah's hatch slid open.
Not for the first time Allen wished he was better at seeing events coming. "What if we get attacked again?"
"We'll deal with that if it happens." Shion climbed into the pilot's seat. "Get in, Allen. We're not going to Miltia." ES Dinah began powering up.
Allen couldn't have heard that right. "Chief, we risked so much trying to get to Miltia. Now you're saying you don't want to go?"
"I didn't want to go there. I don't want to go there. I was told to go, do you get it?" Shion was shouting by this point. "I'm not going for me. I don't know if I'll be able to free Febronia's sisters but I'm pretty sure there won't be a detour to pick up my parents' remains!"
Allen felt no joy at being proved correct. He just stood there, looking at her. Her brown hair was coming loose from its clip and her hands were shaking over the controls. Her eyes were becoming red-rimmed, and when she realized that he was looking, she dropped her head. Shion hated for anyone to see her cry.
Allen gave one slow nod. "All right. We'll go, Chief. We don't have to go, not if you don't want to. You don't have to go, just because Febronia asked you to. It was a request. You don't owe it to her." He started climbing into the navigator's seat.
". . . Run."
Allen twisted around to look up at Shion. "What?"
"Run. She said 'run.' Allen, I do owe her." Shion's hands moved. ES Dinah powered down.
It would be a long time before Allen knew what she meant.
They exited the cockpit and lowered the platform. The silence was less companionable than it had been before. Allen was feeling like a heel. He should have kept his mouth shut and just got aboard Dinah. Now he'd put a burden on Shion's shoulders that she'd almost avoided.
Shion sat on the edge of the platform, letting her legs dangle. Allen sat beside her.
"I almost did it."
Allen didn't know if she was talking to him or not. "Listen, Chief, I'm sorry. I should have kept my big mouth shut."
Shion let some time pass before answering. "It's all right. I would have regretted it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." She didn't sound entirely convinced. "The guilt would've caught up with me. We should head back to the upper level."
They didn't talk at all until they were in front of the women's cabin.
Shion paused with one hand raised near the door switch. "Allen?"
"Yeah?"
She looked at him with one of the most forced smiles he'd ever seen on her. "Thanks Allen—I can always count on you to have better sense than me."
"Sure thing, Chief."