Here are a bunch of one shots from my Slytherin series that aren't seen from Hermione's point of view, so will not be written in the main series. If you have not read the Slytherin series, some of these will not make sense.

This particular scene was requested by Alix33 - "please, with the still delectable after all these years Oliver Wood on top, could us readers eavesdrop as the first teacher loses it?"

Well, I hope you enjoy two professors losing it!

Valentine Vengeance

Professor McGonagall stalked down the halls of Hogwarts, terrified students diving out of her path as she approached. Professor McGonagall wasn't the scariest professor at Hogwarts, no, that honor went to Professor Snape, the potions professor. But when angry, the Transfiguration teacher was scary enough.

Professor McGonagall threw open the door to the Teacher's Lounge with a bang and glared at all the teachers present. "Where is he?" she hissed.

"I would like to know that as well," Professor Snape's drawling voice said, the man himself appearing behind Professor McGonagall a moment later.

Normally, the two professors could never agree on anything, but it seems that for this day, they had decided to put their petty arguments aside and focus on their common enemy. The duo stalked through the room, McGonagall on the left and Snape on the right.

"Ahh, Severus, Minerva!" Gilderoy Lockhart beamed, standing up and opening his arms wide. He took a step closer to the two professors, seemingly ignoring their glaring faces. "Happy Valentine's Day!"

"I don't think 'happy' is quite the right word," Professor Sprout said dryly, looking up from where she was grading essays.

"What," Professor McGonagall hissed, "exactly do you think you have been doing today?"

Lockhart blinked once, then twice. "Why, celebrating Valentine's Day of course! You haven't enjoyed my valentines and dwarves?"

Professor Snape crossed his arms and glared down at the blonde professor, wincing slightly when his eyes met the lurid pink robes. "Yes, we've certainly enjoyed the constant interruptions to our classes and embarrassment of children when they receive a singing telegram," he drawled. "That's exactly our goal as teachers. Congratulations, Gilderoy."

Professor Lockhart looked uncertainly from one professor to the other, unsure if he was being insulted or not. "So that's good?"

McGonagall huffed and threw her arms in the air, before going to sit down next to Professor Sprout. "He's hopeless. Is he hopeless? Please tell me he's hopeless, because I can't deal with this any longer."

"He's either hopeless or an idiot," the Herbology teacher offered, brushing away some of the dirt on her robes. She turned around to glance back to where Snape was still glaring at the defense teacher. "Actually, I think he's both."

Professor McGonagall snorted, drawing the attention of both Lockhart and Snape. The latter only paid attention for a second before resuming his glaring, terrifying his fellow professor.

"So you think it's okay to embarrass children in front of their peers?" Professor Snape spat out. "Harry Potter was mortified by a singing dwarf in between classes. His peers mocked him all day, even though he did not send it and did not want it."

"I thought you hated Harry Potter?" Lockhart said meekly.

"Ginny Weasley was teased for sending that valentine," Professor Snape continued, as if Lockhart had never spoken. "My personal feelings, Gilderoy, have nothing to do with this situation. Would you like it if a poem - and a terribly written and embarrassing one at that - was sent to you while you were surrounded by all your classmates?"

Lockhart chuckled nervously. "Well, every young man secretly wants a valentine from a pretty girl. Come on, Severus, don't you remember when you were in school?"

"Well my potions professor certainly didn't teach me how to make a love potion," Professor Snape said icily. "Nor did my Charms teacher teach me enchantments that while they might be legal, are very much frowned upon."

"Well, um," Lockhart stammered, and Professor Snape let out a groan of frustration.

"When will they be gone?"

"Pardon?" Lockhart asked timidly.

"When will the damned dwarfs be gone?" Professor Snape repeated. "In case you really have lost your mind, in which case we will all be saved, I will endeavor to explain in simple English. The dwarves are creatures that bring cards and presents to people," he said slowly and deliberately, enunciating each word. "Is that simple enough for you?"

"I know what a dwarf is," Lockhart muttered, his face flushed. "I hired them, after all."

"And yet, I wonder," Professor Snape drawled, before sweeping away to sit next to Professors McGonagall and Sprout. "Ladies. How are you doing on this...unprecedented day?"

"Could be better," Professor Sprout said cheerfully. "But the mandrakes are growing nicely and I just had some quality entertainment. Will there be more?"

Professor McGonagall glanced over at Lockhart, before exchanging a look with Professor Snape. "You know," she said loudly. "I don't think the dwarves really are all that bad. Perhaps I will send a valentine or two myself."

Professor Lockhart stared at her for a second, before a slow grin spread over his face. "See, there you go, Minerva! Seeing the Valentines' Day spirit! Severus, you should really take a note out of Minerva's book. Send a Valentine or two, maybe there's a girl you have your eye on that you haven't had the courage to ask out," he exclaimed, even having the audacity to wink at Professor Snape as he spoke.

The potions professor looked at him incredulously, before getting up. "Very well, Gilderoy. In fact, I must profess my feelings so urgently and so determinedly, that if I'm doing this, I really should go all in. Minerva?"

Professor McGonagall stood up as well. "Perhaps we should go see Molly Weasley," she suggested. "She's got some lovely paper that I'm sure she wouldn't mind letting us use."

"Now that's the spirit!" Lockhart beamed. "Pomona, will you be sending Valentines as well?"

"Actually, Filius and I will be heading into the muggle world shortly," she answered. "They have this delicious treat called 'popcorn', which would be perfect for tonight's events."

"Oh?" Lockhart asked, his smile frozen on his face. "Is there something happening today? A staff meeting? Student event? I didn't get a memo."

"You wouldn't," Professor McGonagall muttered under her breath. "How long did you say those dwarfs of yours were staying again?"

"Oh, I have them until midnight," Lockhart beamed. "Plenty of time for you to send your poems and cards."

Professor McGonagall waved her hand dismissively as she turned towards the door. "Pomona, you're welcome to join me in my quarters. They've got a perfectly applied silencing spell, courtesy of Albus."

"I'll get Filius and the snacks," Professor Sprout nodded, gathering up her papers.

"I'll be heading out as well," Professor Snape added, sneering at the defense professor. "I have some...letters...to write."

"I can't wait to hear about what happens!" Professor Lockhart beamed.

"I don't think you'll have to wait very long," Professor McGonagall mumbled as she left the room. "Tell me, Severus. You've always been more eloquent with writing the parents. What rhymes with stupid?"

"Hmm," Professor Snape mused. "Not many things. I assume you'll be looking for a rhyme for 'Gilderoy' as well?"

"No need. I've already got one in mind."

~ Slytherin ~

From where he was staring into his mirror, Gilderoy Lockhart heard a knock on his door. "Coming!" he called joyfully, brushing an imaginary piece of dirt off his robes. "Oh, hello, dwarf. Are you here to collect your payment?" he asked.

"Got a singing Valentine for a Gilderoy Lockhart," the dwarf grunted.

"Oh, let's hear it!" Lockhart beamed.

The dwarf shrugged, cleared his throat and opened his mouth to sing.

"There's a man signed to teach defense

Oh, we wish he had some sense

He talks about his name and fame

But teaching he can't claim

His ideas are quite stupid

Like the one with the dressed up cupid

His name is Gilderoy

The idiot Albus decided to employ."