"Please Mike… you have to accept it... I don't love you anymore."

"I'm sorry El… I lost your love… and I don't know how to get it back."

"Mike… please, this is painful enough as it is… we can… we can still be friends."

El couldn't cry. If she did she would lose her resolve… but she knew Mike was hurting. The tears fell directly from his eyes to hit his knees, the knees of his jeans soaking through with the large soulful tears. His crying was tearing her apart… finally she couldn't stand it.

She stood up… "I'm sorry Miss Itku, I can't do this any more, Mike… Mike is hurting…

The drama teacher nodded. "You pass anyway… that was brilliant, I'll leave you two to collect yourselves."

Mike was still crying… "I'm sorry sweetie... " she went over to hug him… "Are you ok?"

She could feel his head shake on his shoulder. "...not really El."

XXXXX

Three months ago at the start of our first class, our drama teacher asked us to keep an Acting Journal. She said it would help us be better actors. So this is my first entry.

We are supposed to write down our thoughts about scenes we did, how we could have improved. Writing down preparations we do before auditions. I realized that I was having so much fun writing down my day to day experiences that I wanted to make it a more generic journal. If nothing else it would help my writing and speaking skills which have always been… lacking.

So. I'm El Hopper, aspiring actress.

I've wanted to act since I was three years old. Yes, even in the lab (but that's all over and thankfully old news now) I've always been "out there". Very Type A. I found that singing and acting came naturally to me. That had always helped be get through the tough times. My dad said I should just go for it. I would get the life experience I never had when I was younger. That's a double edged sword, yes you get some life experience… but some of that is painful.

By the time you get to your second or third year of drama class, everyone's face is familiar, the people who are really serious about acting are still there… those who decided it wasn't for them, or couldn't hack the emotional scenes, they had long since switched their elective to some other course.

In the third year a new guy had joined the class. I thought he probably shouldn't be in the third year of a drama class if it was his first time taking it. That's like taking the second year or third year of a typing course where you worked on speed, but you were expected to be able to type.

Last year he was in most of my classes and we'd ended up as partners on a few project nice guy… kind of cute… he didn't pay me much attention and we both hung out with different crowds. Anyway, I don't know how he managed to convince Miss Itku that he should be in our class but here he was, so he must have been able to act.

In the previous years, the teacher would switch us around so we had a chance to play off other personalities and styles… this year though, she wanted us to pick a partner and all of our scenes would be done with that one person. Mike… his name is Mike Wheeler. He looked a little out of sorts, I think I was the only person he even recognized, so the Type A came out and asked if he wanted to be stuck acting scenes with me.

He agreed. I was looking forward to this because, while the other people in the class were ok, it was getting… I don't know… stale. This was someone fresh I could emote in front of. I had never seen him act so I'd have to react to his style and talent… if he had any.

Ok. Ok. I know how I'm coming across pretentious. I think I have to work on that. I used to have my hair long and I was constantly posing with it. Drove my dad crazy. I had an actual audition where they wanted a girl with buzzed hair, so I did that to show I was serious.

I didn't get the part, but I liked the short hair. I let it grow to a short pixie style. It stopped me from flinging my hair around. I noticed everyone's attitude toward me warmed up quite a bit.

Note to self: Stop being a pretentious wanker.

I think the drama teacher liked my acting, but she just tolerated it because I was good. And modest :) . At least that's what my best friend Max says. Miss Itku was happy that I'd been given an audition and said that the short hair worked for me. She was one of the first people who stopped being so cold when they talked to me.

It was quite a revelation. I must have really been annoying to people. So the teacher and I actually get along quite well now. I'm happy for that, I'm sure that's why my marks improved.

The very first class the teacher said, "Ok, first scene… I'm going to throw you into the deep end. El, Mike you're first up. You two are fifteen year olds and have been having a sexual relationship for a few weeks. El, you have tell Mike you are pregnant. Use your own names."

And that was it. There was no prep work, we had to jump right into it. We had to make and act the rest up ourselves. Mike smiled at me. My heart skipped a beat… for some reason he was looking really good today.

We sat across from each other, I started. "Mike. I'm pregnant."

Mike nodded slowly, "We've been so careful, but that one time… we were both so horny we just went for it. El… we are having sex because we love each other. The baby will be a product of our love…"

I don't know what happened to me. I started to cry. I was fully prepared for him to act as a mouthbreather and tell me to get rid of it. Giving me stupid guy excuses, but he went in the exact opposite direction. I'll admit, he sounded so sincere that it threw me off completely. I had to scramble to keep in character.

"You want me to keep it?" I continued my crying, that part was real.

"It's a part of you… a part of us… everything else is just details El. If you're with me, if we are together, we can work through anything."

I burst into tears. That was one thing I was able to do really well on cue if needed. I wasn't acting. I was so convinced at what had said... I couldn't help it. We both stood up and put our arms around each other. "I love you Mike."

"I love you to El. You'll see, this is the best thing that could ever happen to us."

Actors know when scene is done. And we were done. We both turned to the rest of the class and the teacher. Mike gave a gentlemanly bow, and I did a little curtsey.

The who class clapped. Including the teacher, she loved when I was able to cry when it was needed.

XXXXX

"It's all over school." Max said.

"What is?" El asked. She had no idea what Max was talking about.

"Your little breakup drama scene."

"Mike was really good… maybe a little too into it… he could be a method actor or something…" El said. She felt like she should go find him and ask him how he was.

"...or something." Max said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Even though Max was her best friend she has a way of getting under her skin.

"Seriously El? The other thing that's all over school is how obsessed Mike is with you. You know he loves you right?"

El hmphed in disbelief, "Go on. He's just a good actor. We have great scenes together. I'm not sure he really wants to be an actor, but he's making me a much better one. We aren't even friends. We have fewer classes together this year than we did last year or the year before."

"He sure doesn't want to be an actor, he just wants to get into your pants."

"Is that all you can think of? Mike isn't like that." Nobody would convince El that Mike was a mouthbreather.

"Really? All guys are like that El. You are pretty, you have big tits… well big enough anyway. I've seen guys look at your ass. You are going to get some rich actor in the sack and you will never have to work again."

El ignored Max. She went looking for Mike.

She ran into his best friend Lucas, who said that Mike went home because he wasn't feeling all that well. Lucas said that Mike looked drained and defeated. Like he'd just lost his best friend.

Or a girlfriend that he'd loved very much.