Dial H for Hordak
The New Mer-Mysteries, Book 1
A She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Fan Fiction
By Starlight Wanderer
It was a rainy night in Fright City, the kind of night when trouble crept up from the dregs. The alleyways and side streets were alive, while downtown sat cold and empty. Even the streetlamps lining the desolate streets flickered, the very light itself trying to escape.
The offices of Hordak & Hordak, Detective Agency would only be open for another few minutes. Hordak sat in his leather executive chair, leaning back with his slick black shoes up on the mahogany desk that dominated his office. His coal fedora had fallen over his face, blocking out the lights of the office as he dozed. The downpour outside was only interrupted by the occasional clap of thunder.
That was when she walked in.
The creak of the heavy oak door and the sudden increase in volume of the rain startled Hordak; he sat up in his chair and straightened his black suspenders over his white dress shirt and red tie. Who could possibly be coming in this late at night?
She was quite the specimen: petite and full figured, with a set of lavender pigtails the size of battleships. A soaking magenta umbrella kept her similarly colored dress dry and spotless.
Hordak cleared his throat. "Welcome to Hordak & Hordak, where we always crack the case, what may I assist y—"
"Have you seen Emily?" the woman screeched, her voice defying the laws of sound. "I turned my back for one moment and she vanished! She's too young to be on her own!"
"Who is Emily?" Hordak asked, impatiently. "As a matter of fact, who are you?"
"Oh, I'm Entrapta!" the woman beamed. "Are you Hordak or Hordak? How do you tell each other apart?"
Entrapta; a divine name for an angel such as she. "Do you remember where you last saw Emily?" Hordak pressed on with his questioning, bringing out a pad of note paper to scribble on. "The more details you can provide, the quicker my investigation can begin."
"I last saw her…" Entrapta plopped down in one of the wooden chairs in front of Hordak's desk, thinking rather intensively. "Hmm… It was about three months ago."
"I thought you said you turned your back for one moment?"
"It was a long moment."
"What could you possibly have been doing for three months away from Emily?"
"I binged all thirty-eight seasons of As Etheria Turns. I couldn't let Emily watch because of all the S-E-X. It's not appropriate for someone her age!"
Hordak buried his face in his hands. A three month missing persons case was going to be ice cold, and this woman, alluring as she was, did not seem to have any helpful information.
"Miss Entrapta," he began, "do you have any information that may help me in finding your child?"
"Child?" Entrapta seemed taken aback. "Emily's a robot! I built her myself. Wait… that does kinda make her my child. I'm a mother!"
"Focus!" Hordak slammed his hands down on his desk, snapping the woman to attention. "How does a robot go missing?"
"The same way a person does?"
Hordak stood from his desk and walked over to the nearby office window. The rain outside hadn't ceased, and yet he felt that this woman was the true storm.
"This case is sounding more difficult by the minute," he spoke honestly. "I'm afraid my fees may be too expensive for—"
"Money is not an option!" Entrapta interrupted. "I just want my Emily back." Her head sunk low. Hordak knew this face all too well, the face of a woman in desperate need. She was infuriatingly insufferable, but something inside Hordak's cold heart understood her pain.
He walked over to Entrapta's chair and knelt down beside her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Miss Entrapta, I promise I will do everything in my power to find your… Emily. I don't know how long it may take, but I've never given up on a case."
"Oh, thank you, Hordak!" she cheered, leaping from the chair and throwing her arms around him. The sensation of her body against his was sudden, but warm. She gave him a small peck on the cheek, and he felt his face become white hot.
"Erm.. " Hordak stood, shaking off the clingy woman. "I will require your contact details… for my investigation." He handed her a business card and a pen.
"Of course!" Entrapta began scrawling her information down. "I'm so glad you'll take my case!"
"Obviously you have good taste to seek out Hordak & Hordak."
"No, actually every other detective agency was closed. I tried over twenty of them!" She presented the card back to Hordak with that emotional blow.
"... very well." Hordak grumbled. "I will begin my investigation tomorrow, and will contact you if anything comes up."
"Okay, bye!" Entrapta wasted no time in slinking out the door into the deluge outside. As the door shut behind her, Hordak dug his fingers into his eyes, trying to decipher if the prior events had happened at all, or if he had been hitting the whiskey too hard.
"She seemed awfully nice!" A cheerful voice interrupted Hordak's thoughts. From the back of the office peeked the pale face of his partner, Junior Detective Wrong Hordak.
"It is none of your concern," Hordak replied. Returning to his desk to clean up.
"If I'm not mistaken," Wrong Hordak continued, "I distinctly felt a level of attraction between you both."
"You are mistaken. Mind your own business, junior detective."
"Very well," Wrong Hordak sighed. "She did have very lovely green eyes."
"Her eyes were purple, you uncultured swine!" Hordak shouted, before realizing he had played right into Wrong Hordak's childish stunt. He needed to get some sleep; this was going to be the hardest case of his career.
The morning brought an end to the rain, but thick clouds still hung over Fright City, an omen of things to come, or simply terrible weather. Hordak wasn't a superstitious man, but experience had taught him to prepare for the worst.
WIth no leads in the case of the missing robot, Emily, he had only one option. One ace up his sleeve that he only played if needed.
Several years ago, while investigating a string of serial murders, he had come to know of a powerful and connected agent of information deep within the underground of the city. A contact of a contact had provided him the details, to be used in extreme cases only.
"So, where are we going, brother?" Wrong Hordak broke the silence from the backseat of their shared vehicle.
"You'll know when we get there," Hordak grunted. He didn't trust the Fright City underground, no smart man ever did. Wrong Hordak was a bit slow up top, but he could provide backup if things went south.
They had driven out of the downtown area, into the industrial district; a metal jungle of churning factories and thick smog. Hidden deep within these oft abandoned structures lay the best kept secrets of Fright City, the kinds of places most people only heard about in passing rumors.
Parking the car, Hordak and his lesser partner exited the vehicle and made their way along the side of a nondescript three story building. The windows had been shattered, colorful and jagged graffiti decorated the concrete exterior.
Hordak didn't want to draw attention, he wore his fedora along with a long matching trenchcoat. No badges, no identification, but a pair of loaded six-shooters hidden in a chest holster. Wrong Hordak wore a similar getup, choosing a brown look instead of black.
Near the back of the building, up an accessibility ramp, was a plain looking door where someone had sprayed "2X" in black spray paint. Hordak gave his partner a cautious nod, and then headed through the door. Inside was a small hallway, lit by a noisy fluorescent strip overhead. At the end of the hallway sat an elevator with a single button.
Hordak pressed the button, and a shrill buzzer sounded. Gears began creaking behind the walls and in seconds the elevator doors folded open to a small lift. Stepping inside, Hordak saw there was only one button on the inside as well. This one also bore the symbol "2X." He pressed it and the lift grumbled, before beginning its descent.
"Let me do the talking," Hordak spoke softly to his partner. Wrong Hordak gave a very deliberate thumbs up as the lift doors opened once more.
The derelict atmosphere on the outside of the building had completely vanished, and Hordak now stepped into a posh club. Three crystal chandeliers hung above a square dance floor; all around the outskirts were tables and multiple bars stocked with bottles of all shapes and colors. At the head of the building was an elegant stage with curtains drawn.
"Club's closed!" A woman's voice scolded them, followed by the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being cocked. The titan of a woman had short white hair and two giant pincers for arms; she came out of the shadows of the dining area with her weapon pointed squarely at Hordak. "Just, please leave, because I cannot fire this thing," she fumbled the shotgun with her pincers, struggling to hold it straight.
"I'm here to speak to the owner," Hordak said, calmly. No need for a shootout just yet.
"Boss ain't here," the woman replied. "Seriously, I really don't know how I'm supposed to use this thing."
"I need information," Hordak continued, "and I'm told your boss knows more than most. Bring me to them, and once I have what I want I will be on my way."
"Ugh, they're gonna kill me. You're such a terrible bouncer Scorpia!"
"Do we have guests already?" a smooth and sultry voice came from the backstage area. The curtains parted briefly and a tall figure emerged, making their way over to the group. They had emerald skin, long dirty blonde hair and a black form fitting suit. This was his contact; Hordak was sure of it.
"DT, I presume?" Hordak addressed them.
"Who wants to know?" the owner asked inquisitively.
"Detective Hordak, a contract of mine gave me your details, said if I ever needed information that you could provide."
"Oh jeez," Scorpia began to panic. "Cops! They're cops, oh I am so sorry boss, I didn't know. They had such nice outfits."
"We're not affiliated with the buffoons at the Fright City PD," Hordak explained, "I'm independent, working a missing persons case."
"Ooh, missing people are the worst people," DT grinned. "And the most expensive, as well."
Hordak had come prepared, reaching into his trenchcoat and withdrawing a thick stack of cash. He ran his finger across the note ends, fanning them out. "Ten thousand, unmarked, untraceable."
"My, my," DT's eyes glistened, "A man after my own heart. And who, exactly, are you looking for?"
"A robot," Hordak said. "Her name is Emily. Her creator lost track of her some months ago."
"Emily?" DT paused to think, "It sounds familiar, but my memory is fuzzy."
Hordak growled in frustration; he had also prepared for this, but his patient was running thin. He pulled another stack of bills from his coat and threw them at DT. "How's your memory now?"
"It's right there, on the tip of my tongue… "
"Do not toy with me, mister… missus?"
"Yes." DT grinned.
The sound of the elevator being recalled caught everyone's attention. "See," Scorpia said, "this is why I keep saying we should post our hours."
"You were followed!" DT snarled, taking their money and backing away towards the stage.
"What now?" Wrong Hordak asked.
Hordak reached for his pistols. "Be prepared for a fight." He didn't know who else would be coming to the club at this hour, but his gut feeling was souring by the moment.
The lift reached the floor and the doors opened, revealing two women dressed sharply from head to toe; one blonde and the other with cat ears. Both of them were wielding submachine guns, pointed and ready to fire.
The cat-eared woman grinned widely. "Afternoon, bitches."
Fright City had no shortage of petty criminals, but every once in a while one would gain enough infamy to make a name for themselves. In the case of Blondie and Clytra, it took two to tango. Former officers of the FCPD that were dismissed from duty after their work partnership turned romantic, they were the perfect criminal masterminds. These deadly women knew the ins and outs of the system, and with the power of girl-love, plus stockpiles of stolen weapons, they would terrorize the FCPD with no end in sight.
Hordak had run afoul of them several times in his long career, placing a target on his back as well. However, as long as he stayed out of their way, Blondie and Clytra usually didn't interfere.
The sound of gunfire erupted as both women began spraying bullets all over the club. Hordak dove for cover behind one of the bars, removing his pistols from their holsters. He peeked his head out over the bar counter to survey the situation.
DT had disappeared, of course. Twenty grand down the drain. Scorpia was crouched behind an overturned table, fumbling with her shotgun in vain. Wrong Hordak had nearly made it to the bar where Hordak was, but had seemingly fallen and was simply trying to avoid the hail of lead.
Blondie and Clytra were firing aimlessly, laying waste to the entire club in the process. Their assault didn't last for long, however, as both ran out of ammo.
"Where'd ya go Hordak?" Clytra called out, taunting him. "We're not done playing yet."
"There's only one way out of here," Blondie added. "And it's through us!"
"Very well," Hordak acknowledged, firing off two shots from his pistols. One managed to strike Clytra in the shoulder, causing her to drop her weapon.
"Son of a bitch!" she cursed, falling to the ground.
"I'm not here to quarrel with you," Hordak explained. "Let us leave and nobody else has to get hurt."
"Oh but we're here to quarrel with you, Hordak!" Blondie replied angrily. "Why do you think we had Entrapta lie to you about her missing robot?"
"Damnit, Blondie," Clytra hissed. "Why do you always have to give away the plan?"
"Oops… I'm sorry babe." Blondie knelt down and cuddled her injured lover.
"You're lucky you're so cute," Clytra purred.
Hordak couldn't aim at them from behind his hiding place, and whispered to Wrong Hordak on the ground. "Take the shot!" he ordered.
"I can't," Wrong Hordak replied. "Their girl-love is too adorable! All they have is each other in this crazy world!"
Hordak grumbled as he leapt from behind the bar and out into the open, both pistols pointed at the downed women. "Entrapta wouldn't lie to me, she is a pure and whimsical soul."
"She's also a Princess," Clytra grinned smugly.
The Princesses were the most notorious gang in Fright City, even Hordak knew better than to tangle with their ranks. How could that sweet, innocent, and highly annoying woman he met last night be one of them?
"You're lying!" Hordak shouted.
"It's true," Blondie confirmed. "The Princesses wanted you taken out, so they fabricated the missing robot case knowing you'd come here, and hired us to take you out."
"Will you just shut up with the exposition!" Clytra snapped.
Hordak didn't want to believe it, Entrapta surely wasn't a Princess. And, even if she had been, perhaps she had left that life behind? Or had he been blinded all this time by something.
Blinded by love?
The blast of a shotgun startled everyone; Scorpia emerged from her hiding place blushing furiously. "Oh my goodness, I cannot believe I just did that," she apologized. "You guys were having a moment, and… oh wow, I hope I didn't break anything."
"Let's go," Hordak holstered his pistols. Their work was done here, there was no case anymore.
"Shouldn't we arrest them?" Wrong Hordak asked, as they both boarded the lift.
"It doesn't matter," Hordak sighed, pressing the lone button to close the doors and ascend. He was moving upwards, but his heart was sinking.
It was raining again, Hordak sat with his feet up on his desk once more. Deja vu? No, it was what he deserved. In twenty years of detective work he had always held one principle: do not get attached. Murdered kids, dead parents, it was all a blur to him.
But she was different, and it had cost him. The one time he had let his heart open, even just a tiny smidge, and the cruelty of Fright City had torn it to shreds with all its might. The pain would linger for a day or two more, and soon another case would walk through that door, erasing her name from his memory.
"Entrapta… "
The door to the office flew open with surprising force, causing Hordak to jump from his chair. Was it her? Was she back?
An enormous spherical robot rolled itself into the building, dripping profusely from the downpour. A single purple light on its upper half seemed to scan the room, before stopped on Hordak. It rolled forward and emitted several blips and bloops.
"Can… I help you?" Hordak wasn't sure how to react.
The robot's light grew brighter, and it began to emit sound. "Crime log, day five hundred and two… "
It was her voice, her ear-piercing voice was filling Hordak's ears once more.
"Hordak & Hordak agreed to take the case to find Emily… well to find you. Yes, I know you're not missing, it's all a lie!"
So it was a ruse, Hordak thought.
"I do feel kinda bad though… " Entrapta's voice on the recording softened. "He was so nice, I don't see why the Princesses want him dead. But if I don't do what they want, they'll come after me instead. Why are people so awful?"
The robot's light faded and the recording ended. "So, you must be Emily, then," Hordak deduced. The sphere jiggled about excitedly. "And if you're here, and the Princesses attempt on my life failed… "
"Entrapta's in danger!" Wrong Hordak shouted, apparently listening from just beyond the main room.
"Why are you listening in on my business?" Hordak shouted.
"I was going to offer you hot chocolate," Wrong Hordak furnished two steaming mugs. "It always cheers you up when you're upset."
"I am not upset!" Hordak replied. "We need to find Entrapta. If the Princesses know Blondie and Clytra failed, they'll have gone after her instead."
"Oh, can I drive?"
"You're already driving me insane… "
The Princesses headquarters was known to nearly everyone in Fright City. The Brightmoon, a luxurious five-star hotel located in the heart of downtown. Normal patrons never came into contact with the gang's inner workings, as the hotel was merely a front for their operation. If Entrapta was being held there, she would most likely be in a suite near the top of the building.
Hordak thrust open the main doors to the hotel, his trenchcoat dripping and his shoes sloshing with each step. The stories of lavish decor had not been exaggerated: the lobby was filled to the brim with gold and crimson; magical lamps floated in the air while a giant fountain shot several stories high.
"Sir, do you have a reservation?" the bellhop behind the reception counter asked. Hordak simply ignored the man and went straight for the main elevator. "Sir… ?"
Hordak turned to the bellhop before getting on the lift. "Tell your boss that Hordak has come for a surprise visit." As the doors of the elevator closed, he could hear the man on the phone.
" ...he's here!"
The elevator slowed as it reached the upper limits of the hotel, lurching to a stop before the doors opened. A group of roughly twenty dapper henchmen were at the ready to greet Hordak. The only problem was, they had all brought batons and clubs, while he had taken a page from Blondie and Clytra's playbook.
Hordak pulled the triggers on his dual submachine guns, spraying the crowd. Some tried to dive out of the way, others tried to hide behind their fellows, but in a matter of moments the entire lot had fallen. Hordak stepped through the pile of bodies, making his way down the velvet hallway, guns at the ready for any surprise attackers.
"Ugh, seriously? Did you just murder all of my goons?"
It was Mermista, one of the top Princesses. She was joined by another, slimmer figure, with a wreath of flowers in her hair. Hordak recognized Perfuma of the Princesses as well. They both stood blocking the stairway leading up to the top penthouse.
"I'm here for Entrapta, I know you have her."
"What makes you think we'll just give her to you?" Perfuma shot back.
Hordak raised his weapons, "I've got plenty of reasons right here."
"You know what," Mermista said, "I'm out. This is stupid."
"Mermista!" Perfuma shouted. "You can't just leave me here with him! We were gonna do a cool double team thing!"
"Yeah… I've got stuff to do later, and I don't wanna die. Later… " The Princess chasséd past Hordak and let out several disgusted remarks as she crept over the piles of henchmen.
"Your friend is smart," Hordak chuckled, "Give Entrapta to me and no one else needs to die."
"I was hoping I could try peace," Perfuma said.
Hordak lowered his guns, "I'm listening."
The flowery Princess reached behind her. "Peace is the name of my rocket launcher!" she cackled, hoisting the immense weapon onto her shoulder and firing.
Hordak dove out of the way, but the blast impact sent him flying into the wall. He dropped his guns as he fell to the floor; smoke and dust began to fill the hallway.
"Just stay put!" Perfuma ordered, "It takes a moment to reload this thing."
Hordak had no intention of sitting still. He leapt up and charged the Princess, delivering a punch to her face that knocked the wreath right off her head. He prepared for another strike, but the Princess began sobbing, holding her cheek.
"You jerk! Who hits a girl?"
"You shot a missile at me!" Hordak replied.
"That's completely different!" Perfuma shouted, running off while sobbing.
Hordak didn't have time to comprehend the strange Princesses, Enptrapta was waiting for him. He reclaimed his guns and hustled up the stairs to the penthouse. It was the topmost room in the entire hotel, with an engraved solid gold door. Hordak took a running start and kicked the door inwards, bursting into the room with his weapons drawn.
The penthouse was impossibly opulent, with solid marble flooring and ice sculptures all about. The roof consisted of a series of windows looking out onto the night sky. In the center of the room, he saw her.
"Entrapta!" Hordak shouted. She had been tied up to a thick pillar, but otherwise seemed unharmed.
"Hordak!" she beamed as she saw him, but her expression quickly changed to concern. "You shouldn't have come!"
"I'm getting you out of here," Hordak insisted, making his way to her.
"You're going nowhere!" another voice sounded from behind the pillar. Out walked a small black haired girl in deep blue garb. Her hands were encased in solid blocks of ice.
"Princess Frosta, I presume?" Hordak said.
"Ice to meet you," Frosta laughed. "I wish we could chill, but I'm short on freeze time!"
"That last one didn't really work," Entrapta commented.
"Your pun game needs work, child," Hordak agreed.
"Hey!" Frosta snapped, "I'm working with what I got, okay? Let's fight!"
The small Princess was fast, leaping towards Hordak with surprising speed. He dodged her initial strike, but failed to turn in time for another blow to his stomach. Hordak tried to fire his weapons, but Frosta was too close to aim effectively.
Another blow from Frosta sent Hordak to the floor, where the child began to pummel him with her ice fists. He tried to fight back, but the pain was mounting. He could see Entrapta struggling against her restraints, but with each punch from Frosta his vision began to blur.
"Hordak!" he heard Entrapta calling for him. He couldn't give up here.
Without warning, the glass around the penthouse began to shatter; a rain of bullets crashing through and painting a trail along the walls and floor.
"What the heck?" Frosta's attention was pulled away for just long enough. Hordak summoned up all his strength and pushed the child off him, springing to his feet. He looked out of the shattered windows to none other than Wrong Hordak behind the controls of a black helicopter, armed with a minigun that was smoking.
"Took you long enough," Hordak muttered, before turning his attention to Frosta.
"That's no fair!" she cried. "Nobody said anything about helicopters!"
"Consider it a surp-ice!" Hordak delivered a swift kick to the Princess, sending her reeling across the room. He wasted no time in heading to Entrapta and undoing her restraints, but as he freed her he could hear rumblings from the hallway leading to the penthouse.
"You're gonna pay now!" Perfuma raged.
"Seriously, who hits a girl?" Mermista was with her.
"We can't take them all!" Entrapta said, staring in horror at the growing threat.
"I wasn't planning on it." Hordak replied. He grabbed Entrapta and hoisted her up onto his shoulder, then began sprinting for the window.
"Ugh… are you really doing this right now?" Mermista groaned.
"Don't let him get away!" Frosta shouted.
Hordak reached the edge of the penthouse, and with all his might leapt from the hotel and out into the night. Just outside, Wrong Hordak had positioned his helicopter to catch them both, and as they hit the floor of the cabin he sped away from the hotel.
"That was amazing!" Entrapta screamed. "Can we do it again? Oh! Can I carry you next time?"
The offices of Hordak & Hordak were slightly more lively than usual, as the detectives played host to Entrapta and an ecstatic Emily after their daring escape.
"I'm sorry I lied to you," Entrapta said to Hordak in between bites of the tiny cupcakes Wrong Hordak had baked up.
"Getting involved with the Princesses is dangerous business," Hordak explained. "I trust you are no longer a member of their gang?"
"Nah," Entrapta replied. "I never really fit in with them anyway. I usually just do things alone."
"You know," Hordak said, placing his hand on Entrapta's shoulder, "you don't have to be alone."
"What… do you mean?" she asked, a look of confusion creeping onto her face.
Hordak felt his face flush as he realized his words had outpaced his mind. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I meant." He turned away but felt the warmth of Entrapta's body against his once more. He turned to find her face dangerously close to his, her lavender eyes staring back into his. For once in his life, Hordak let his heart lead the way, leaning forward and kissing Entrapta. Her embrace tightened as her lips returned the gesture.
It only lasted a moment before she pulled away. "Love is hard," Entrapta said, "I don't really understand it."
"Neither do I," Hordak smiled, "but, perhaps we could do our own… research?"
"Research!" Entrapta nearly knocked Hordak off his seat. "Why didn't you say that sooner? Come on, we're going back to my place!"
A few robotic noises emitted from Emily as she rolled her way to the door, ready to leave.
"Oh, um… " Entrapta hesitated. "Wrong Hordak, would you mind babysitting Emily for me tonight?"
"She's coming with you?" Hordak asked, confused.
"I mean… " Entrapta blushed. "You and I… there's gonna be… lots of research to do… "
"I would love to!" Wrong Hordak grinned. "We can play board games, and watch movies, and I'll make ants on a log!"
"You be a good girl, Emily!" Entrapta ordered. "Mommy will be back sometime!"
Hordak felt his heart skip a beat as Entrapta took his hand and led him towards the door. Perhaps, this time, getting attached was the right choice. After all, Hordak & Hordak always cracked the case.
And this time, he had gained a little extra.
END