It was late. The time spent at the station was long. The drive home was longer. The fight lasted an eternity.
There weren't many people I felt comfortable imposing on in the middle of the night except two. One of them lived right down my street. The other lived an hour across town by car.
Considering my options, I felt like I needed to get as far away from my mom as possible, so staying with Anna wasn't the favourable solution. I couldn't take the car since I didn't think to grab the keys, so my only option was to ride to Cass' place on my bike.
It wasn't ideal, but it could be worse.
I knew the route and since it was nighttime, the roads were pretty clear and I didn't have to worry about becoming a fatality in a horrific traffic accident.
As I rode, my mind raced. I knew I was being a little unreasonable. I got arrested. Any sane person would be angry at their child for doing so. But at the same time, I thought the circumstances would gain me at least a little more sympathy considering what I got arrested for. I had the right to be angry. I had the right to lose my temper. If these were my rebellious teenage years coming in late, at least I was getting into trouble for a good cause.
The bike ride was long and my mind was numb. I didn't want to think about anything anymore. I just wanted to get to my destination, fall asleep and forget about this whole nightmare. As I neared the city centre, I pulled my phone out. I felt guilty for springing everything on Cass like this, especially this late, but it beat sleeping at a bus stop until morning. That is until I realised she was probably asleep, and that calling Tadashi might have been a safer bet. He was more likely to be awake and less likely to ask unanswerable questions. Without hesitation, I dialled his number.
"Hello?" He picked up on the fourth ring.
"Hey, are you at home right now?"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"My mom and I got into a fight and I was wondering if I could crash in the spare room for tonight?" I was glad he couldn't see my face. It felt really bad saying that out loud for the first time.
"Oh! Yeah, of course. Where are you? I'll come and pick you up."
"Fifteen minutes away? I'm riding my bike."
"Seriously? That would have taken you more than two hours!"
"Hence why I'm calling so late," I puffed as I reached the top of a steep slope. "I'm really sorry to impose on you like this. I could have stayed at Anna's but—"
"Don't worry about it. You focus on getting here in one piece. We have a foster kid with us so the spare room is taken but I can set up the pull out couch for you if you're good with that."
"Honestly I'm so tired I could take a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor and be happy." I chuckled dryly.
"Just text me once you're here and I'll come get you."
As I rode up their street, the adrenaline I was feeling was finally overshadowed by fatigue. It was a long day and night, what with the march, getting arrested, the argument and the unnecessarily long bike ride. I took a moment to thank my lucky stars that Tadashi was actually awake and willing to let me crash there. In hindsight, if I called and received no answer, that would have been very bad.
I sent the text and the door opened immediately. Tadashi welcomed me with open arms.
"Careful, I'm—"
"Oh!"
"—sweaty."
He backed away, helping me park my bike by the cafe while I hauled my duffel bag upstairs.
"You can grab a shower in my bathroom if you want since the guest room is taken." He said this especially softly since the rest of the house must have been asleep. "I've just turned the hot water on. There's a spare towel and soaps and all that stuff."
"Thanks," I said gratefully. "You can go to bed first if you're tired. I don't want to keep you up late."
"Are you kidding?" he questioned, fluffing up one of the pillows on the pull out couch. "I'm a creature of the night, remember? I'll be here when you get out. Take all the time you need."
I smiled gratefully at him before stepping into the bathroom with the spare towel and my pyjamas. The water was hot and I just wanted to melt right under it, but I reminded myself I couldn't take too long if Tadashi was waiting for me.
He had a mug of hot chocolate waiting for me when I got out, sitting on the living room table. The couch was all set up with pillows and a blanket and the room was cool. I bundled myself into a nest, freeing my arms to take the mug in my hand. We sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke.
"Are you angry?"
I considered it for a moment, digging through my thoughts. "Yes," I finally answered.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"No." That was easier to answer.
"Okay." He fidgeted on the end of the couch as I brought the mug to my lips, the warm chocolate a sweet and much needed distraction from the events that unfolded over the last few hours. "I heard the march got broken up."
"Where did you hear that?" Would Cass have told him that I got arrested?
"People were talking about it on the blog. It's really blowing up. Some people got caught by the cops but most of them were wearing masks so people couldn't exactly tell." That was a question phrased like a statement. He wanted to know if I was part of that group. I didn't give him an answer.
"Who's the foster kid?" I asked, clearly changing the subject.
He definitely noticed me manoeuvring the conversation to avoid talking about whatever happened between Mom and me, but he didn't address it. "His name is Peter. He's been with us for a few days now. There's a family looking to adopt him soon. They stay somewhere near you actually. Cass met with them earlier today."
"What's he like?"
"My answer is the same, Rapunzel, every time you ask. No matter how many foster kids come through these doors, you'll always be my favourite." I smiled at that. "He's a good kid. Just your typical twelve year old. He's a little hyperactive and thinks farts are the funniest thing in the world. He has an obsession with pirates so Hiro talks to him about pirate ships and boats sometimes."
"I guess I'll see him in the morning then."
"Yeah, probably." Tadashi paused to consider something else. "You should never go to bed angry."
I'd heard that phrase before, of course, because if something awful happened to whatever or whoever you were angry with while you were asleep, you'd never be able to forgive yourself when you wake up. "That's far easier said than done."
"No one ever said it was easy." He let out a heavy sigh. "Fights with those you love never are."
"Then why tell me that?"
"Wishful thinking I guess. You and your mom are close. It must have taken a lot for you to run off like this. Does she even know you're here?"
"She doesn't know I'm with you, but she knows I left. She practically encouraged it."
He turned to me in surprise. "So you got kicked out?"
"...well when you say it like that, I guess I did." I recalled what happened earlier, the memory already feeling ages away. "I was pretty much given the choice of being unjustly grounded or getting out from under her roof. This one was… preferable."
Tadashi chewed on his bottom lip before he spoke again. "You should get some rest. It's been a long day for you. You can talk about it more in the morning."
"I don't want to talk about it at all," I huffed, my anger flaring up again.
"Trust me, you will," he said with a sympathetic look. "Whatever you're angry about, it might feel like the biggest thing in the world right now. But by tomorrow morning, it won't be as huge and we can get to the root of the problem."
I groaned. "I hate it when you sound right."
Tadashi laughed, moving aside so I could put my mug down and stretch out while he walked towards the lamp in the corner of the room. "I'm heading to bed. See you tomorrow morning, okay?"
"Okay. 'Night."
He flicked the switch and everything was plunged into darkness.
XXX
I could sense something moving in the room and immediately went into high alert. Please don't be a rat please don't be a rat please don't be a rat. The hot chocolate mug from the night before was still on the table, unwashed. Damn it, it's probably a rat.
Everything was still dark but I sensed movement by the hallway which led to the bedrooms. I propped myself up on my elbows but before I could speak, the person flipped on the lights and I squinted as my eyes struggled to adjust. When they laid eyes on me, they screamed.
"Ah!"
Which made me scream.
"Ah!"
"Burglar! Burglar alert!"
"No no no no no I'm not a burglar!" I said quickly, waving my hands in the air to re-emphasise the fact that I wasn't some armed robber.
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm Peter!"
"I'm Rapunzel!"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hiro's room door open.
"Peter, what's all the yelling about— ah!"
"Hiro, you know me, why are you yelling?"
"Why am I yelling? Why are you on our couch? Were you on the couch last night or did I just black out?"
Cass' room door opened next.
"Why is everyone screaming— ah!"
"Who is this lady?" Peter questioned, looking expectantly at Cass.
"She's a friend, she— Rapunzel, what are you doing here?"
"Tadashi let me in last night. Did he not tell you?"
Cass turned around to see Tadashi emerging from his room, his hair slightly dishevelled. "Tadashi, did you just forget to mention to me that we had a house guest?" she chided, hands firmly on her hips.
He scanned the room, his brain suddenly catching up with him. "Oops."
Once the initial shock had worn off, everyone fell into their usual routines. It was almost like what it was like when I was living there, with a few minor differences. Everyone had breakfast in their pyjamas before school and work. Abigail's croissants were almost always an option, along with pain au chocolat and orange juice. Cass and Hiro played it pretty cool considering I pretty much showed up unannounced. Peter was also fairly normal I guess given the circumstances, but he was like Tadashi said. A good kid, who was just a little bit hyperactive.
"Do you like pirates?" he asked me, fidgeting in his chair while he drank his juice from a crazy straw.
"I guess so. I saw a YouTube video about pirates once, but I don't know much about them. Other than the fact that they tend to get scurvy."
"Did you know they get scurvy because there aren't any fruits at sea? That's why I like orange juice, so that I don't get scurvy." He brandished his cup proudly, the pulpy liquid sloshing around inside.
"Fruits are very important." I couldn't hold back a smile as he questioned me. He was a pretty sweet kid.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No," I laughed. "I have a girlfriend." Had, I corrected myself in my head. I'd gotten so used to saying that. After the fight the night before, would I have to stop?
"Is she a pirate?"
"Nope."
"Bummer." He slumped over in his seat, clearly disappointed with my answer.
"I keep telling you, Peter, not many pirates are just gonna be hanging out in the middle of the city," Hiro pointed out. "They're all probably out at sea or exploring massive, never before seen islands."
"Maybe one day you can learn how to be a sea captain," Cass suggested, gathering some of the dirty dishes to load the dishwasher. I didn't want to just be a freeloader, so I got up to help. She didn't ask me anything directly, but she did shoot me a questioning look, clearly trying to work out in her head how and why I ended up on her couch that morning. I just shrugged, not sure how much I could say in that short span of time.
"Can Hiro drop me off at school on his hoverboard today?" Peter asked with a desperation that made it seem like his very life depended on that hoverboard ride. "Please please please please please?"
"Okay," Cass laughed, smiling at how Peter whooped and cheered, running around the kitchen bursting with excitement. "Go get ready and Hiro will take you. Rapunzel, can I see you in my room for a bit? You can get ready there too if you have to go to work."
Tadashi and I exchanged a glance while Hiro looked on curiously. Peter was none the wiser, somehow procuring a set of panpipes and playing a little tune as he wandered back to the guest room.
I followed Cass into her room and she shut the door behind us. I'm pretty sure she had half a mind to lock it but ultimately decided against it.
"Peter seems nice," I said.
"Don't change the subject," she warned. She sat me down on the edge of her bed and positioned herself opposite me. "What happened?"
"Can we not talk about it now?" I asked hopefully.
"Rapunzel, you showed up at my house in the middle of the night completely unannounced. As much as I love your company, I'm sure we both can agree that this isn't normal. At the very least, I deserve an explanation."
She did have a point and I couldn't argue with that, so taking a deep breath, I explained.
"I got into a fight with my mom because she was angry that I lied about not taking the job and not going to the march. And then I got arrested and she was angry that she had to find out from you instead of me, but to be fair I couldn't really text her because of the circumstances. And then I got angry because it seemed to me like she didn't care about the blog or the law at all. It was as if I was doing all the heavy lifting in our relationship and she just liked having—" I couldn't bring myself to say 'having sex with me', but I'm pretty sure Cass caught what I meant.
"Then she tried to ground me and ban me from doing everything I enjoy, including art which makes zero sense since I work at a graphic design company. I told her she was being ridiculous and that she can't dish out these kinds of punishments since I'm already nineteen. She gave me the choice of staying under her roof and living by her rules or getting out, so I did. I packed my things and when I went out the door, she didn't even say anything, she just… let me leave."
She sighed, her expression softening. "Oh honey…"
"And I couldn't stay with Anna because she stays right down the street and I wanted to get as far away from Mom as possible. Plus I already used her as my alibi so I could go to the march and I don't know if she'll get in trouble for that. I didn't want to add more of a load onto her. You were probably asleep and the ride here on my bike took more than two hours, so I called Tadashi and he let me in and made up the couch for me."
"Does Arianna know you're here?" she asked gently. I shook my head silently. "Has she called you or texted you to ask where you are?"
"I haven't checked," I admitted. "My phone's been off the entire time except to call Tadashi. I didn't want to know whether she did or not. I'm still not sure if I do."
"I'm guessing that last night you both must have been really angry right?" I nodded in agreement. "Well, how are you feeling now?"
"Numb? I don't know. I just don't wanna think about it."
"Rapunzel, sweetie, not talking about a problem doesn't make it magically go away."
"I know that, I just… wish the problem had never happened in the first place."
Cass paused for thought, her nose scrunching up like it did whenever she pondered something. "If you had the powers of a god, and you were in complete control of everything that happened last night, how would you have wanted it to play out?"
I thought about it for a second, remembering how much I wanted my mom to react the way Hiccup's mom reacted when she arrived. "If Mom didn't want to go to the march, I would have been fine with that," I answered honestly. "I would have had her support me in going. Maybe drop me off, help me make my sign, all that stuff."
"Go on," she encouraged.
"If I got arrested, I would have wanted her to show concern for me. To look relieved when she saw me and maybe even defend me because we didn't really do anything wrong. Instead, last night, she couldn't even look at me. She could be angry with me, but I didn't want anger to be the only thing she felt."
Cass listened intently, nodding along as I spoke. "Anger is a secondary emotion, you know? If you don't feel as angry anymore, we can get to what you're really feeling."
"What do you mean?"
"Anger is usually a defence mechanism when we're feeling other things like grief or sadness or fear. You were angry at Arianna because she didn't take your side or defend you. First with the blog. You felt like she was neglecting something you really cared about. Then with what happened last night, those feelings of neglect and abandonment built up and clashed with whatever Arianna was going through."
I chewed on my bottom lip, letting her words sink in. I guess I had been feeling neglected from how hands-off Mom was being.
"If you think about it, Arianna must be going through the same thing."
"I don't want to think about it," I half heartedly protested.
"Why?" she questioned. "What are you afraid of?"
Before I could speak again, Hiro called out from outside. "Aunt Cass, we're going!"
"Bye boys! Be safe!" she replied, never taking her eyes off me.
"I guess I don't want to have been the one in the wrong," I confessed.
Cass sighed, squeezing my hand again. "There's never one person who's completely in the wrong or in the right. It's always a frustrating mix of both. But if you're not feeling angry anymore, and we got to the root of your emotions, that's gotta tell you that Arianna probably isn't angry anymore either."
"You do have a point…"
"And a minor in psychology so it's safe to say I know my stuff," she joked. "Where's your phone? You should at least let her know where you are."
"It's by the couch."
"I'll go grab it."
While Cass was gone, I felt the guilt creep in again. Just like when I ran away in Northuldra. I didn't want to feel bad. If anything, I wanted to feel like if Mom was worried, she got what she deserved. I just… couldn't.
When she got back, she passed me my phone which I hesitantly turned on again. As soon as I did, I felt it vibrate in my hands. Lots of missed calls. Lots of texts. All from Mom.
I groaned. "Can you see what she said?" I asked Cass, showing her the screen without looking at it.
She raised an eyebrow at me. "Don't you wanna see for yourself?"
"Not if it's bad."
"Ah. Gotcha. Okay." She took the phone from me, squinting at the screen. "None of it seems bad."
"Really?" I asked, not totally believing her.
"Well, she doesn't seem to be scolding you." Cass handed me my phone which I begrudgingly took from her, the screen unlocking as soon as it scanned my face. The messages immediately opened up.
Mom: Rapunzel, where are you?
M: Are you with Anna?
M: Please answer my calls.
M: When are you coming home?
M: Just text me so that I know you're safe.
M: I know you're not with Anna. Iduna says Anna hasn't seen you since yesterday and I know she's not covering for you this time. Where are you?
I frowned. On the one hand, I made her worry again for nothing, just because of my own emotions causing me to do stupid things, and i did genuonely feel bad about that. But on the other hand, she didn't even apologise.
I decided to type a curt response.
Rapunzel: Safe.
The second my message went through, my phone started ringing. Her name flashed on the screen menacingly, the object vibrating in my hands.
"Answer it," Cass said softly, giving me an encouraging smile.
"I can't," I whispered, my body suddenly stiff.
She gently took my hand in hers, coaxing the phone to my ear. "I'm gonna help you along, okay?"
"Okay…"
"I'm picking up the call." By then, she'd managed to manoeuvre me until the phone was against my ear. I nodded, and the ringing suddenly stopped.
"Rapunzel?" I winced at the tired sound of my mom's voice.
"I'll be right outside," Cass whispered, stepping out to give me some privacy.
I took a deep, shuddering breath. "Hi Mom."
"Oh my God, Rapunzel, where did you go? I've been so worried." Her voice came out in a panicked, rambling rush. "After you left I thought you'd just gone to Anna's so I tried to sleep but I just kept tossing and turning and you weren't answering any of my calls or texts and then in the morning when Anna said she hadn't heard from you I panicked because I didn't know where you'd gone or when you were coming home and then I saw your bike was gone so I didn't even know how far away you were—"
"I'm okay, Mom. I stayed in the city—"
"Where in the city?" she interrupted, her voice cracking. "Please don't tell me you slept at a bus stop."
"No, nothing like that," I assured her. "Cass put me up for the night."
"Okay," she breathed, clearly feeling a little more calm. "Okay. Okay, good. Stay put, I'll drive and get you and—"
"I have to go to work," I said flatly.
"Well, I'll come get you once you clock off and then we can go home and…" Mom seemed to notice my silence. "Rapunzel, you're coming home, right?"
Her words from last night played in my head.
You fucked up so now you have to deal with the consequences. You live under my roof so you'll abide by my rules. If you find me so suffocating and unsupportive you can very well just leave!
"Do you want me home?" I finally asked.
"What kind of question is that? Of course I want you home! If I didn't, I wouldn't have been up all night trying to reach you." I winced at her desperate tone.
"Am I still grounded if I come home?"
To my surprise, Mom laughed. It was a quick burst, a sound of disbelief. "No. No, if you come home, you're not grounded. We just need to talk about everything. We haven't… I feel like I haven't talked to you about anything."
I sighed heavily, leaning back onto Cass' mattress. "I… we can try."
Mom let out a relieved sigh which I could pick up over the call. "I can pick you up from work today, alright? I'll bring the rack for your bike too."
"Okay," I replied flatly.
"Okay," she repeated. "I'll see you at five." A beat of silence. "I love you."
"I,.." My voice trailed off. "I'll see you at five," I finally said before quickly hanging up, unable to bring myself to say anything more.