Fandom: Avengers
Character(s): Black Widow/Natasha R. | Winter Soldier/Bucky B. | Spider-Man/Peter P.
Pairing(s): Tony/Pepper, Clint/Laura, Natasha/Bucky, mentions of past Natasha/Bruce
Warning(s): AU, mature themes, violence, dark imagery, brief references to abortion, spoilers through Captain America: Civil War, possible mild spoilers for Black Widow
It was supposed to be impossible (the Graduation Ceremony should have made it impossible), yet all the signs were coming together and Natalia could deny it no longer.
The tightening uniform.
The dizzy spells.
The near-constant swirl of nausea in her gut.
None of them symptoms that a Black Widow could ever plan to experience – yet unmistakable, nevertheless.
Pregnant.
Sitting on her bed in the Widows' dormitory, Natalia blew her bangs off of her forehead with a moody sigh and did some serious thinking.
She knew that she should tell her handlers about this...complication. Anything that could potentially compromise or distract an asset was to be reported immeidately; the Red Room expected it, and Natalia's training demanded that she comply. It would be the wise thing; the expedient thing; the correct thing to do. Sergei would take care of everything for her. Just two little words from her lips and this would all go away.
...so why was she still sitting, motionless and silent?
She should go.
She should already be there.
It would be the right thing to do.
Besides, surely she couldn't be the only Black Widow in all the history of the program to be failed by graduation! Surely there were protocols in place for this sort of thing…
Best-case scenario, Natalia thought, her immediate future would consist of a termination followed by rigorous re-education...the latter not unusual in the Red Room ranks (not even to Natalia herself) and, while undoubtedly unpleasant, something that would be ultimately manageable. She would survive. However invasive, however painful, she would survive. And perhaps even retain her status at the end of it all.
(She needed to retain her status. It was value...and, in the Red Room, value would always constitute safety.)
Natalia shivered at the very thought.
She must tell.
She must tell everything.
And sooner rather than later; before another second went by; before her hesitation could accuse her of insubordination.
Yes.
With a jerk, Natalia found herself on her feet, moving towards the door to seek out Sergei and tell the agent everything.
But! Her heart screamed.
But...but…
...but what if her value didn't prove to be enough? She was at the top of her game, one of the few graduates recruited for the WinterWidow program, acclaimed for her skill and ruthlessness. She was The Black Widow.
But this transgression might be beyond forgiveness.
Natalia sucked in a trembling breath. Valuable as she undeniably was, she wasn't so foolish as to presume that she was indispensable.
What if the balance tipped away from safety to loose end?
What if the Red Room decided that she was a flawed asset?
(What if they decided that she was a failed experiment...a liability to their program?!)
However much Natalia might hope that Sergei would take care of everything, nice and clean and quick, somewhere in the depths of her brain the realization that her value might not be enough burned like a cold lance of fire.
Because the Red Room might very well make her go through with it. They might consider the father (because they would find out, no matter what she did) and force her to bear the child to full term, straining her body and ruining her usefulness in the field, and all only to rip it from her womb and snatch it from her arms at the end of the ordeal. After all, the offspring of two enhanced individuals would be a gold mine for any organization's science division…
The child would be a lab rat; hooked up to wires, dissected and x-rayed and injected before it was even old enough to hold up its own head.
Barely, Natalia resisted the urge to curl both hands protectively around her middle.
She had done far worse things in her short lifetime…
...why was this making her soul shrivel at the mere thought?
No.
NO.
They will not sideline and use her in such a way.
(They will not touch her child.)
Natalia swallowed a mouthful of bile – hot, acrid, and sour. A tingly prickle of cold sweat crept over her flesh as her mind clawed against the bars of its training like a savage animal. Slowly, shakily, she sank back down onto her cot, suddenly very conscious of the surveillance camera in the corner of her cell.
She should go tell.
At once.
Right away.
She must be insane.
Natalia gasped, curling slightly into a ball.
She was insane. There could be no other explanation. Because the thoughts running through her mind were nothing short of treasonous...because, for the first time in her life, she didn't want to comply.
TBC...
A/N: Just a quick FYI for all my readers: This fic was conceived and plotted out long before the Black Widow movie was ever confirmed or released. Therefore, while it will incorporate some elements from that film, it is to be considered very much an AU and will not necessarily follow canon as regards to Dreykov's fate, Budapest, Natasha's recruitment into SHIELD, or anything in the MCU after Civil War.