Simply put, Erza liked it when she was in control.
She could truly relax, exhale the breath she wasn't aware she was holding, truly unwind when every single detail and nuisance was a known certainty inside her head.
It made the desired peace and quiet so much easier to attain.
Erza wanted, no, needed to be cognizant of any and all on-goings that took place in the guild.
Who was taking what job?
Who had started the brawl this time?
Was it safe to enjoy her strawberry cake?
All those questions could not be left as unanswered possibilities that swam around in the forefront of her consciousness.
By exerting this much control, Erza preferred to believe she was a very perceptive individual, with a keen eye for the smallest of oddities in behaviors and routines.
So after Zeref and Acnologia were no more, the redheaded woman was beyond elated at how quick everyone seemed to adjust. Everything was back to normal.
Except Natsu.
Why? Well, because he wasn't here.
Now the majority of his time spent away from the guild was to either take the toughest job he could find, or to seclude mind and body to undergo gruesome intense training sessions, for the sole, yet laughably unrealistic purpose of surpassing her and the other S-class mages.
But after Natsu had defeated Zeref and Acnologia, nobody had heard much from him. Well, she hadn't, perhaps someone else had.
Erza had no one to put into their place or punish, Mirajane didn't have anyone to force them help her with chores, Laxus didn't have anyone to lash out at, Master didn't have anyone to scold or reprimand.
No one else but her was able to comprehend the appearance of this extended period of tranquility, no one else went about their days any differently.
And Erza would get to the bottom of it, because not only was she bored out of her wits, but her prized pedestaled control was being threatened.
Finding any modicum of information about his whereabouts was much more difficult than she had first thought. Nearly everyone who was actively involved with his private life was as a whole, not available for questioning.
His partner Lucy and best friend Happy were out with his rival Gray and Juvia on a quick mission that was taken with the intent purpose of paying off the celestial mage's monthly rent.
His oh so precious baby sister Wendy was off with his childhood sweetheart Lisanna and Elfman on an escort quest protecting a duke of some sort.
Gajeel was the only one still at the guild, currently preparing for Levy's coming pregnancy, that was likely to have an answer to her question.
Gajeel had only offered her a frustratingly vague response.
"The Salamander is tired. Let him rest."
What did that even mean?
Tired? Natsu?
The word 'tired' didn't seem to apply to Natsu, who would constantly pull from tomorrow's strength day after day, who had an infinite reserve of energy and determination at his disposal at all times.
If Gajeel had been referring to the fact the world was still fresh off a victory over Zeref and Acnologia, then that wouldn't make much sense either.
Everyone had already settled back into normalcy, but the ever adaptable unfazeable Natsu hadn't?
That notion seemed absolutely ridiculous.
No one had seen Natsu take a job, so that must mean he had to be at a place where she could still find him.
After a search of Lucy's apartment beared no fruit, the only reasonable option left was his own place of residence.
His secluded cabin tucked away within the confines of the vast woodland forests surrounding the city of Magnolia.
One admittedly pleasant hike later, she stopped right in front of the gravel path that led up to the cabin's front door.
What immediately caught her attention was how well kept the usually rugged exterior of the residence seemed.
Flaky moss no longer clung to the faded time worn wooden walls, no lacework of intricate cobwebs adorning the window ceil's corners, the brick chimney not chipped and crumbling with resilient vegetation forcing its way out of the cracks.
Dense green thickets and bramble that once formed woven walls of foliage, sprouting up beneath previously decomposed fences, were now neatly trimmed.
Inspecting the fresh coat of paint and tight bricklaying work, Erza hesitated to knock on the door, resorting to call out his name aloud.
Her voice echoed out across the boundless valleys and groves, soon to be replaced with the chaotic yet serene song of wildlife.
No response.
Finally mustering up the courage needed, she walked up the gravel path and rapped her knuckles against the wooden door.
Yet again, no response.
Shuffling around the perimeter of the cabin, Erza nearly stumbled over the small garden nestled against the side of the building.
Noticing the construction tools scattered about next to a pile of chopped firewood, she at least now vaguely understood what Natsu had been doing all this time he had been absent.
"Never took you for doing housework." she mumbled to herself, admiring the compact yet ritzy garden. A small wooden sign was planted next to modest nursery, reading 'Natsu & Wendy's Garden, Co-founder: Happy'.
After Tenrou, most of the women barely had enough savings to pay for seven years of rent, Wendy unfortunately had no such privilege. Erza vaguely remembered Natsu taking her in for the first few months until everyone either chimed in with what they could, or Wendy had taken enough jobs to reclaim her dorm at Fairy Hills.
From what she could remember, Wendy had quite enjoyed staying with her older brother.
Erza hummed softly, "Not bad Natsu. For such a hothead, you do know how to clean a place up."
The faint sounds of splashing water caught her attention next, making Erza turn. The magnificent view beyond her gave her pause.
A sizable lake stretched out before her, it's reflective waters meeting the sun's shine with such grace that Erza almost didn't spot the majesty of the distant mountain ranges populating the horizon.
Within the void of gleaming blue was a moving head of pink hair, leaving a trail of ripples in its wake as it approached the shore.
The familiar muscular form of Natsu rose from the water with the same presence of a kaiju making landfall, excess droplets raining from his broad devastated frame as stood tall in the waist deep shoreline.
Fierce almost animalistic onyx orbs met startled soft brown eyes.
Dead silence fell once more as Erza took in his appearance with visible surprise. His larger impossibly toned figure was plastered with dozens of gruesome scars and gnarly burns.
Both his arms should've been disfigured if the horrific damage to the skin was anything to go by.
While the presence of thick muscle had bulged the limbs back into shape, the tanned skin was revoltingly marred and rough, telling of times where the damage was so severe skin and tendon were seared together.
The harsh pang of sorrow and disgust that shot through Erza's stomach took her breath away.
Averting her gaze, she awkwardly cleared her throat, squirming under Natsu's stare.
It felt odd, knowing their roles were usually reversed in the sense Erza was the one doing the intimidating, although she did it intentionally.
"Erza? What are ya doing in my neck of the woods?" he gruffed softly, tone and eyes warm with fond recognition.
Words struggled to take flight from her lips, the scarlet knight offering lamely, "I-i uh… just w-wanted to know…. w-what you are….. doing?"
"I was taking a bath when I heard you call."
"I-i meant where have you been." Erza clarified uncomfortably, backing away when Natsu trudged his way out of the water, brushing past her.
She could feel heat pulsate from his body as the dragon slayer's internal body temperature flared to dry himself off.
Natsu bent over to grab the clothes he had discarded near the shore side, "Here, workin' on things."
"I've gathered. But why? No one has seen you in weeks."
"Is it that big of a deal?"
"Well when you disappear without telling anyone where you are and if you're okay, then yes, yes it is."
Natsu didn't bother buttoning up his duster as he wrapped his signature scarf back around his neck, scarred digits shaking faintly, "I told Lisanna. She probably shared it with some others."
Erza frowned tightly, "Congratulations Natsu, you got one of the seventy some people in the guild." she said, "We're getting off topic, what is going on with you? Beyond the running away part, you've never done anything like this."
"Like what?" he prompted quietly as he finished dressing himself.
"Do basic housework, be productive."
At the mention of his garden, Natsu hobbled over to it, stiffly lowering to his haunches to admire his handy work, "What's actually bothering you?"
Irritated that he continued to brush her off whilst acting as if she was the unreasonable one, she repeated herself, "I just told you dolt, you up and disappeared out of nowhere. Again."
Natsu's shoulders slumped as his unusually blank eyes glazed over with pain, his mangled hand retracting to ball up into a fist, as if remembering what events had led up to its current state.
Erza never seeing such emptiness in him before, was bothered by the fact there was sorrow in his heart that she couldn't even begin to understand.
"I just... j-just needed time to think, didn't mean to make you think I was going to leave again." he apologized softly, massaging his palm with his other hand.
The scarlet knight couldn't help but levy the most prominent question in her mind, "Why didn't you come ask for a spar? You've always done that to cope."
"We ain't sparred in years Erza, ain't sure whatcha' talking about." Natsu answered gently as he reached down to pluck a budding weed from the soil, a small smile spreading across his face as Ladybug landed upon his knuckles, "Besides, I have nothing to prove anymore."
That rubbed Erza in all the wrong places, hot surges of exasperated aggrieve rocketed up from her heels to her spine. Everything else in that moment didn't matter.
Pale hands clenched into fists as she couldn't help but growl challengingly, her signature glare surfacing in the pools of her pupils, "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"
Natsu spared her a calm glance before answering bluntly, "I am stronger than you Erza. Ridiculously so."
"Excuse me!?"
"I ain't boasting, just stating fact."
Erza seethed, cracking her knuckles threateningly as she hissed, "Is that so? Care to test the authenticity of your drivel?"
"No. I just told y-" Natsu cut himself off when he noticed a pair of sparrows land themselves atop his roof, their beaks stuffed with bedding and leaves,
"Hey, this ain't part of the deal! I built you that birdhouse, now scram! The paint up there is still dryin'!" he voiced his frustrations with an ounce of his usual loudness, causing the two birds to immediately scatter.
Natsu muttered in annoyance to himself before glancing at Erza, "Sorry, what we're we talkin' about?"
"You were in the middle of backing up your ridiculous claims." she hissed, any and all sense of concern for her friend burnt to dust in the rabid fires of her challenged pride.
Natsu guided the fluttering ladybug still clinging to his hand back onto the petal of a flower, "Oh yeah, that. I already, I don't care if I'm taken seriously anymore. What I do care about it not having to repaint my roof-" he turned in the direction the sparrows had flown, "-for the third time!"
"What are you babbling on about?" Erza asked, internally unnerved by how casual his was regarding her.
"For all these years, your lust for battle has caused us countless headaches. But now when I finally give your childish dreams the time of day, you back down?" she told him sternly, "And to think I came up here because I was worried about you."
The temperature in the air suddenly dropped several degrees as Natsu's masculine features firmed, "Wanna know why I am so much stronger?"
Suddenly feeling as if she no longer wanted to have this conversation, the scarlet knight shot back weakly, "E-enlighten me."
"Your complacent Erza." he finally rose to his full height, a good few inches taller than herself, "Not sure yer aware, but gettin' new armor ain't actual training."
Natsu, and Gray, had been growing broader and taller as the years went on, out of both intense training and natural growth spurts.
Erza felt a trill run along her spine and wiggle her knee sockets at the stern look she was given. When Natsu stalked forward, it took every ounce of willpower she could hobble together to not stumble in the opposite direction.
Erza had never know Natsu's presence to be so... overwhelming.
"Do you have the slightest clue what its like to tear yourself apart over and over again trying to reach that next level? Do you how it feels to spend your entire life training, refining each technique, mastering each new style?"
Brown eyes were wide in stunned awe as her voice seized in her throat, breath hitching. The dragon slayer's shadow engulfed her, depriving her of any reassuring sun bound rays.
"And after all that work and effort, all that pain and suffering, you're still treated like a joke. You know what that feels like?" he prompted roughly, onyx voids boiling with power and pain boring through Erza expectantly.
His fists clenched for a second before continuing, Natsu's timbre patient yet flinty, "Do you know what it feels like to wake up each and every day feeling like you're not enough? That you'll never be enough? That you will never be strong enough to protect the ones that love you?"
"Do you know how humiliating it is Erza, for the ones you're trying to protect constantly put you down and remind you you're not strong enough to keep them safe?
A sneer almost reared its head upon his face, "Do you understand what that does to a man?"
He received no answer.
"You asked me to show you I could surpass you, well I did, in spades."
Erza's lip quivered, bowing her head in shame as tears tickled one eye socket. The red headed woman's mind worked overtime in order to comprehend this realization, abashed derision flooding every pour of her body.
"Each and every day I walked through those guild doors, I was taught one thing. Natsu Dragneel isn't enough. He ain't mature enough. He ain't smart enough. He ain't strong enough."
Did Natsu really feel like that? And more importantly, how long had he been bottling it up?
How long had herself and the guild been contributing to that toxic notion, intentionally or unintentionally?
Was she supposed to apologize, beg for forgiveness? Explain herself? Tell him that everything she did was out of love? Or was she really that horrible of a person?
The pink haired man's lungs swelled as he inhaled and exhaled, the process ragged, as if instead of it providing relief, it was merely to readjust its grip on the tension within.
"I gave the guild, I gave you, my everything." Natsu admitted quietly, shattering Erza's heart at the defeated melancholy that oozed from his every syllable, "I gave you all I had. Guess what? Never enough."
Breath stuttering, Erza lowered her head even further, murmuring shamefully, "H-hit me if you wish-"
"-Don't insult me Erza." the dragon slayer practically spat, drawing a flinch from the smaller woman.
"You know good goddamn well I would never hurt you. So quit with the guilt, I ain't trying to shame or belittle you."
Natsu took in a breath and softened his eyes, chest clenching at the pitiful sight of her. Protective instincts began brewing.
Nudging her delicate chin up with a finger, he tenderly brushed away a falling droplet with the pad of his thumb, "I don't blame anyone. I ain't the only one suffering, everybody got dealt a bad deck. That's kinda Fairy Tail's thing, remember?"
"Bu-"
Cutting her off gently, Natsu reiterated, "No buts. I know what yer gonna say, not in the mood to hear it. Your not a horrible person, no one is for not living their lives perfectly. I make myself clear?"
The blushing Erza obediently nodded in understanding, sniffling before composing herself quick, aware how much Natsu despised it when females cried in front of him.
This wasn't something she could take in stride, despite the reality of it being so obvious beforehand. There were so many brightly flashing signs alluding to Natsu surpassing her.
With Acnologia he had help, but nearly every other fight was won with his own strength. Those opponents that she had great trouble with, or flat out refused to fight, would soon be effortlessly defeated, subdued handily, or overpowered after extreme effort, by Natsu.
The horribly mangled hands that had endured hundreds if not thousands of grueling fights in their lifetime, the hands capable of vaporizing several continents down to their very last atom, was gently stroking her pale cheek and pulling her in for a reassuring embrace.
Even before this debacle, it was hard to realize what unimaginable things Natsu was capable of.
She had seen it for herself, how the most powerful man in the country would treat his friends with such warmth, how he would scoop up his precious Wendy in a protective embrace and to shower her with all sorts of brotherly affection.
Even that in of itself flew over the Erza's radar. Natsu, someone who embodied what it meant to be a warrior, a boisterous, determined, and excitable personality, was in fact a compassionate and tender soul.
Allowing herself to be encompassed by the dragon slayer's hug, Erza winced as her cheek brushed up against a particularly gnarly patch of jagged divots scattered about his shoulder.
After indulging herself in the copious amounts of warm safety encouraging aura he exuded for a few prolonged moments, Erza nuzzled the bend of Natsu's neck and hid there.
"There's more bothering you, isn't there?" she murmured.
His broad chest rumbled like a tectonic plate trembling under a light earthquake, "Course there is, been that way for a long time. But there's no need to get into that, I just wanna hold you."
"Natsu…" she moaned softly in grief, stepping back reluctantly, "We've already established that we don't treat you as well as we should, but you know we still love you. If there is something wrong then tell us so we can help."
Natsu gave her head a pat as he brushed past her, "This time around, I'm the only one who can make peace with it."
Following after him like a worried dog would trail its exhausted owner, she kept prying, "Can you at least just tell me something Natsu?"
"Erza-"
"Natsu, please, let me do something to make up for what I have done. I don't have your pure heart, I can't just forgive and forget the mistakes I made." Erza practically begged, grabbing onto his wrist with desperate pale fingers.
Natsu's soft gaze hardened, "What did I tell you about the demeaning self talk?"
Letting go of him, the scarlet knight withered under his stare, akin to a child shrinking submissively under their parent's disapproving leer.
"N-not to do it."
"That's right. You are one of the most pure people I know, so I ain't gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs while you spew that garbage, got it?"
Erza nodded in subservient understanding, to which the dragon slayer frowned and peeled away his scowl, gently apologizing for snapping before glancing towards his cabin.
"Just because I'm not airing my dirty laundry don't mean I don't wanna talk with my best friend." devastated digits curled around the redheaded woman's smaller hand as Natsu led her towards his front door. "Come, I'll make ya some tea."
For just a second, the old bright and eager grin stretched across Natsu's face as he sheepishly informed his friend,
"Just a heads up, the inside might not be as clean as the outside."