"The sky's turning red," Mickey declared grimly.
True enough, a scarlet glow was rising on the horizon and began to fill the laboratory with its threatening light turning technology around the room red. Meanwhile numerous video screens began to crackle grey with lack of feeds before turning completely black. Bits of salvaged alien technology sat abandoned around the room.
The Torchwood members were moving towards the giant windows giving them a bird's eye view of London and the growing crimson menace approaching it. The windows did nothing to muffle the mass screams from the streets near them. Car horns blared, people swore at each other or cried for help. Every so often, a screamed prayer could be heard. Fights were breaking out and the sound of crying carried up just as strongly.
"There's nothing we can do for them," Rose whispered behind her clasped hands. "There's nothing we can do for anyone." Her insides seemed to curl into themselves.
"We didn't see this coming," Jake growled next to her. "We couldn't have seen this coming. It came out of nowhere."
"Nothing comes out of nowhere," Pete murmured. He sat perched on a lab bench, looking away from the window and down at his phone screen instead.
"Oh god," Jackie's voice wailed over the call. "We're all going to die." Her sobs echoed the cries of the people down in the street.
"Try not to think of it, Jacks," Pete said consolingly. "From the looks of things, it's going to be over quick."
"France is gone, sir," one of the female technicians still at her screen, spoke up. Rose felt a surge of nausea. France gone… just like the rest of the world,
"All those people, all those children…" Jackie trailed off. "Everyone's so scared."
They're not the only ones, Rose thought. Her shaking hands kept clenching and unclenching. Waiting for death like this, it was like being back on that rocket and being pulled into the black hole. Knowing no matter how much they tried, they would eventually lose fuel and get sucked into the black hole. They would cease to be.
"It'll be over quickly," Mickey tried to sound brave. "We'll all be in a better place."
We hope. Rose shoved her hands against her mouth.
"You'll be able to see your Pete again," Pete told Jackie.
"You'll be able to see your Jackie again." Jackie suddenly groaned. "Oh my god!" she suddenly wailed again. "I never thought of that. How complicated is this? Wait, what if this is a parallel heaven? Isn't there just one place for everyone to go?" she asked. "How does it work with different universes?"
Pete smiled a little despite the situation and Rose couldn't help a tearful, quiet chuckle as well. Typical Mum, she mused.
"Can't say I've thought about it," Pete said. He looked to Mickey and Jake who were also starting to smile.
"Don't you laugh at me, Pete Tyler." Jackie protested with an indignant expression. "It's not funny."
"It might be our last chance to laugh," Jake said.
"That's cheerful," Mickey remarked.
"Well excuse me for not doing a river dance when we're probably minutes away from-" Jake's words were cut off by Mickey elbowing him in the ribs. Outside the screams were getting worse. Smashing sounds and more yelling rose up from the crowds. "Starting to wish I was out there too, smashing stuff up."
Pete sighed. "Smash something in here if you think it'll help."
"Nah," Jake smiled. "It wouldn't feel right."
Rose closed her eyes. I'll never see him again. She realised as she thought about the same person she'd been missing for three years. She was never going to get back to him now. Finally, something else was seeing to that. She felt like something was clawing at her insides, digging into the worst feelings. She could see him, the Doctor, in her mind with his goofy smile and his brown coat. The eyes that looked so old and had seen so much. She would never see those eyes again, she thought.
But at the same time, Rose thought of all the people she'd seen die. The people she hadn't been able to save. I'll see them again. I'll see Dad again. Grandad Prentice too. All those people I already said goodbye to. She would be with them again. Maybe in heaven she could see the Doctor from afar. Despite everything Jackie had said, Rose believed they would all find their loved ones waiting for them. Tears trailed down her cheeks and she didn't bother to hide them. Her stomach was flipping over itself, sending jolting ways of panic flying up into her throat. It was all going to be over.
"Let me see Rose," Jackie insisted. "I want to see both of my children," she said.
Pete turned the screen towards Rose who tried to force a smile. Her mother was already in her peach nightie and dressing gown. In her arms and dressed in his Batman pyjamas, Rose's little brother Tony c;lung to her with huge, confused brown eyes and very wobbly lips.
Rose couldn't stand the idea that he was about to die at all let alone die scared. "Hey Tony, hey," Rose stepped forward and smiled more at the camera. If there was nothing else she could do for him as his big sister, she could at least distract him. "What's the time Mr Wolf?"
Tony's face brightened. "Dinner time!" he giggled and reached out for the camera.
Rose poked her tongue out at him. "Can't reach me!" she sang back at him. She loved the way his cheeks turned pink. His eyes were bright and happy. For the moment, she seemed to have chased away the tension he undoubtedly felt coming from Jackie. His laughter rang out beautifully.
Even so, Rose was glad when Jackie, who was forcing a laugh, turned the camera back towards her.
"I wish we were all together," she lamented. "No, scratch that, I wish Torchwood could do something about this." She sighed. "All these years, I was afraid you'd find a way home and leave us and now… I'd give anything for you to have that option."
"Mum…" Rose protested. "There's no point in what ifs now. It's too late."
Mickey suddenly straightened up. "Maybe now is exactly the time for what ifs," he declared. He climbed off the desk he was perched on and raced across the vast laboratory until he reached a technological archway at the back of the room. "Maybe there's just a little bit of hope," he added.
Pete frowned. "What do you mean? Look Mickey, that machine doesn't have the capacity to save all of us-" he began.
"It's too late for most of us, yeah," Mickey said. "But you said there's one more trip already set up in this thing and enough capacity for one person." He pointed to the arch. "You were going to send Rose on her own before we all found out about this." He gestured to the horizon which was becoming more and more red. A terrible streak of fire was making its way across the horizon now. Rose looked over it. It was slowly devouring everything in its path. The screams outside worsened.
Pete slowly rose up. "Yeah, to another universe. Likely another one without the doctor," he said.
Jackie's gasped. "Or maybe not! Maybe the right one!" she declared. "You never know! And-and even if it's not the right one, she'd be safe. One of us would be safe."
Rose hesitated, her hands clasped in front of her mouth again. "But that's not fair." She said around them. "I can't just abandon you all."
"No offence but there's nothing to abandon," Jake answered. "We're all going to die. You're not missing out on anything. None of this is fair," He looked to Pete. "But I think Mickey's right. It's worth a try even if it just ends up saving one life."
"There might be another version of the doctor out there," Mickey added. "Someone who can help make sure none of this happens again. That another universe doesn't burn like this one. You know what to look for, where they might go."
"Please Pete," Jackie pleaded, "please save my daughter. Send her away from this hellhole."
Pete stared around them for a moment and then stood up fully. "You're right," he said. He passed his phone to Rose. "Say your goodbyes," he told her as he crossed the room to where Mickey was working on the machine. Jake soon joined him. "We've not got long," Pete warned.
"Mum…" Rose whispered.
"Darling, I know," Jackie said, "but Mickey, bless him, is looking out for you again and you're the only one who can try and find the Doctor. Save our universe from ending up like this one. I love you so much Rose and I'm so so proud of you."
"I love you, and Pete, and Tony," Rose's voice shook as the tears flowed down her face. "I wish I could take you with me."
"You will do. The way you've taken your dad with you all your life." Jackie insisted. "Where it matters." She smiled up at Rose. "Now get ready. It won't be long."
Rose didn't know how she managed to get across the room but in seconds she was there and Mickey was pulling her into a hug. Rose clung to him.
"Another goodbye," she sighed.
"Hey," Mickey took hold of her shoulders and pulled her back, "if there's a way to come back and haunt you, I'll find it."
Rose half-laughed, half-sobbed. "Yeah… that sounds about right."
"You'll never get rid of me," Mickey promised, squeezing her shoulders. "But don't worry about all of us. You just find the Doctor and- and-" he seemed to stumble around trying to find the words. Finally, he sighed and smiled. "Just live your best life, Rose. For all of us."
"You hate that phrase."
"Yeah but this really is an over-my-dead-body zone," Mickey joked weakly. "And anyway, it's what we want for you. And you can't ignore everybody's dying wish can you?" he managed a smile but it didn't reach his eyes. He hugged her close again.
"I hate this," Rose said. "I hate it so much."
"Me too."
"Come on now," Pete urged them gently. "The fire's almost here." He swiftly pulled Rose into his arms. "You… you were the best sort of daughter I could have had," he said, "and I know your dad would be just as proud of you as your mum and I are."
Rose hugged him back. "I've loved getting to know you too."
Pete stepped away. "You need to take what you can." He looked around the nearby cupboards. "Someone grab me a bag." Across the room, Rose heard cupboards and drawers being opened. Finally someone tossed a backpack over to Pete who caught it. He took out his wallet and put it in there. Mickey did the same, as did Jake. To Rose's astonishment, other members of the Torchwood team started doing the same: Kelly the medic, Erik and Sadie the field agents, Terence and Kaiden, the scientists, as well as Laurel the linguistic expert. Rose ran to her own bag and grabbed it, checking that her phone, purse, passport and flat keys were inside.
Pete took out all the bottled water from the fridge and added them to the backpack.
He then looked at his phone and then at Rose.
"Jackie, I'm giving Rose my phone now. All our pictures… our memories, they shouldn't burn with us."
"Too right," Jackie agreed.
"Goodbye my love," he said.
"I think we both know we'll see each other soon," Jackie said, her voice surprisingly unwavering. She looked at Rose and her eyes shone with tears. "Keep the call connected as long as you can," she said.
"I will," Rose promised.
Mickey grabbed some food from a drawer in his desk.
"Your stash," Rose protested.
"Good chocolate shouldn't melt," he said with a weak smile as he added it to her bag along with his phone. "Nor should our memories."
"I'm gonna treasure them all," Rose promised.
The noise from the street had reached an all time high now. Some of them were being swallowed up by a roaring cracking noise.
"It's here," Pete said, "get in the machine now."
He and Mickey both pushed her gently under the archway with Mickey passing her a small circular device. The machine crackled with energy and a thin blue light appeared in the middle of the archway.
Rose turned around to look at them, all the people who were giving her a second chance and about to lose their lives.
"Go, Rose!" Pete shouted.
Behind him, she saw the windows smash and a surge of crimson fire rushed through the room. She stepped backwards into the light.
Night rushed to greet Rose and she stumbled to a stop, hands catching herself against a stone pillar, taking in deep gulps of cold air.
As she caught her breath, everything around her seemed so still. A welcome chill after the heat that had been chasing her. For a moment, relief took a complete hold over her. Rose turned and leaned back against the welcome anchor, the sturdy against the unstable. One careful breath and then another and Rose looked around.
A city twinkled around her, vast and familiar. She could smell sea air and even in the darkness, she recognised the water tower with its imposing height. The Roald Dahl Plass was completely empty around her and Rose exhaled, bringing the back of her hand to her mouth as she took in the enormous space. Cardiff. This was Cardiff.
Almost by instinct, her eyes moved to the middle of the plass where the TARDIS had made a pit stop while its passengers had a dangerous reunion with Margaret the Slitheen. Well, more specifically Raxacoricofallapatorian. At any rate, Rose had faced plenty of danger tonight. There was none of the usual adrenaline rush. None of the certainty of the Doctor being there and being able to save everyone. No, this had been raw danger with no safety net.
Rose remembered Pete's phone and immediately scrambled to grab it. Maybe there was time to speak to her mum.
The call had disconnected. It was too late. Her Mum was gone. Tony was gone. Mickey was gone. Pete was gone. Jake was gone. Everyone was gone.
Rose felt like she did on her first day of nursery - when her mum had dropped her off and later walked away. That feeling of intense confusion and abandonment only it was amplified now. They're all dead now, All those lives over. The sobs began to take over her. She closed her eyes, shutting out the bright lights of the world. How could the world ever be bright again when all of her loved ones were dead? Her knees began to shake and Rose slid down against the pillar, hugging her bag close.
An entire world had been snuffed out tonight. Her world had been snuffed out. Because it had been her world for these last three years. Something so horrific had happened and no one here would ever knew. She had probably ended up in a completely different parallel universe. Stranded forever. Just like she thought she had been on that planet above the black hole. Back when she thought the Doctor had died. Well, there would be no saving her now.
So she sat there and she sobbed, letting her cries be swallowed up by the night and drowned out by the sounds of occasional traffic.
Seconds turned into minutes then into hours.
The sky began to lighten and the air filled with more traffic and voices of people starting their day, carrying on with their lives. They began to walk across the Plass, some chatting, some running and none of them paying attention to the huddled blonde girl holding her backpack close to her. Her tears had dried off and stopped. She felt numb all over. She didn't feel the cold nor the wind on her face that she could hear in the air. Everything inside her felt like it had switched off.
The longer Rose sat there, the more she began to think about how noisy people were. The air was filling with chatter, with complaints and nagging and challenges and arguments. How much of their lives did people spend arguing or bearing grudges? If a tsunami raged on Cardiff tomorrow, people would pull together and support each other yet when there wasn't a natural disaster in sight, people just turned on each other. It didn't make sense. It wasn't right.
Rose wanted to stand up and order them all to hold their friends and families close, to close those distances between people and just hug each other. To make every day count because tomorrow wasn't guaranteed. That strange fire could be here tomorrow and it would be another waste.
For one thing, she knew people wouldn't listen. She'd be written off as someone in need of psychiatric help. At the same time, she realised that she didn't want to take this away from them. That ignorance. The feeling of normality, that everything would be in the end. Hope. If nothing else, that's what people had here. Who was she to take that away from them? That wasn't her right.
As the sun climbed higher, Rose felt stiffness settling into her body. She couldn't stay here. She had to move. She had to go… somewhere, anywhere.
Where was she supposed to go? Where did this unexpected chance begin? How did she find out if she was in the right universe or not? Her mind felt foggy, like it had been submerged in a marsh and now everything felt vague and uncertain. So many paths and directions lay before her and they all looked the same.
She forced herself to her feet and closed the bag over. She slid one strap over her shoulder and looked out towards the bay, the rush of sea air washing over her face. She wiped at her eyes and looked around at people. So far none of them had earpods or identical bracelets or anything like that. It looked like home should look like. So did many of the others, Rose reminded herself as she walked through the middle of the plass and back towards the middle of the city.
Rose wasn't sure where she was going but she had to go somewhere. Maybe walking around would help her work out where she was supposed to be. She walked along street after street, taking random turns and sometimes double backing on herself. She could hear the voices of everyone she'd left echoing in her mind: Pete's orders, her mum's pleas, Tony's laughter, Mickey's assurance, Jake's remarks and the terrible sound of the fire ripping through everything. It seemed like seconds ago.
As she walked past the shops, she got a glimpse of herself. In the morning light, she looked pale. The green backpack looked at odds with her blue leather jacket, black jeans and fuchsia t-shirt. Her hair hung limply around her face and she could see some mascara streaks down the sides of her face. She wiped at them.
She slowed to a stop outside a newsagents. Something about the sight of the newspapers stirred an old memory.
"You're dead. Officially, back home. So many people went missing that day. You're listed among the dead."
Something connected in Rose's mind. It was just a small connection and it may make her sound bonkers but she had to try.
She walked into the newsagents. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her that it had been many hours since she'd last eaten anything so she grabbed a sandwich and a newspaper, taking both up to the desk where a portly latino man was reorganizing the special offer products which were apprently tictacs and toxic waste sweets. "Hi," she greeted as she slid the items over to him and opened her bag to grab one of the purse. She lifted her own and handed the correct change to the man. "I don't suppose you've heard anything of the Battle of Canary Wharf have you?"
"Canary Wharf?" the man repeated. His great bushy eyebrows knitted together forming one furry caterpillar. Rose's heart began to sink as she bagged her items.
There was a long silence and Rose wondered if he was about to call her crazy.
"It's all right if-" she began to say. She could feel her cheeks heating up and there was a stinging behind her eyes. This was the wrong universe, wasn't it?
"That was the aliens over London thing," the newsagent said, snapping his fingers. He began gesturing in swirling motions by his head "Not the Christmas one with everyone on the roof, the other one with the metal soldiers and the flying pepper pots."
Rose's face lit up in an enormous smile. He knew about it, and the Sycorax as well. This was her universe and the Doctor somewhere out there. She was home. In that moment, the relief was so blinding, so all encompassing that she forgot about what had happened hours before. Just for a few seconds she was buoyed by the feeling.
"What about it?" the newsagent asked, brows still furrowed. "I wouldn't call that anything to smile about."
Rose's smile dimmed. "No of course. I-I was just checking that someone else remembered it too."
"How come?" the newsagent was sounding more and more guarded by the second. "No one's likely to forget that being in the news are they?"
"No… no I suppose not. I just heard a stupid rumour that it didn't really happen and we were just hallucinating." Rose lied.
The suspicion vanished from the man's face and he laughed suddenly, making Rose jump as he did. "Oh that shit. Yeah I heard that too. Utter nonsense. That would have to be a hell of a scale effort," he said, "and it doesn't explain why people lost people they loved that day."
Just like that, Rose's mind was cast back to the inferno that was replaying over and over in her memories. "No it doesn't," she agreed. "Well," she paused, "thank you," she told him as she fastened her bag and turned towards the door.
"Bye," the man called after her as she left.
An hour later, Rose was sat on a train bound for London. She'd taken up a seat at the very back of the train with few people around her. Those that were in the same carriage were hidden behind books or newspapers or looking out the window sipping their coffees.
Making a quiet show of rummaging in her bag, she quickly moved all the money into her purse along with the cards. She ate half of her sandwich and washed it down with half a bottle of water too. She wondered if these cards would work over here or how long her supplies would last. She turned the phones off and realised that she would need to get a new charger for them at some point. Along with a new place to live and a job until she could find the Doctor again. It was surreal to think that she was finally back home after three years. But she'd paid the heaviest of prices for it. That knowledge sat on her chest like a dagger, always driving that point home.
Rose leaned her head against the glass.
She thought of Tony whose favourite thing in life was to travel by train. He used to climb over everyone's knees to look out the window. He loved counting chimneys and trees. He also counted animals too and green cars. Always the green ones. But he would take no more journeys anymore. He wouldn't go on holiday. He wouldn't be going to school and he wouldn't be able to see all the things she had been able to see. He hadn't even made it to adulthood.
Rose let out a quiet sob. Wherever you are, Tony, I hope you can count all the green cars. I hope you know how much you're loved. She thought silently.
As the train rumbled on, Rose shifted so she was leaning against her backpack. The sun was climbing higher, flooding the carriage and the world with daylight. Warmth flowed with it but Rose made no motion to take off her jacket. The motion of the train was soothing, kind of hypnotic and she felt her eyes closing.
Tiredness embraced her and pulled her away from the conscious world for a while.
Hours later, she was woken by noise and lots of it: people chattering and calling to each other from train to platform, the rolling and clunking of luggage and distant whistles and platform announcements. For a moment, it all hit her at once and Rose felt disorientated. There was movement all around her and voices chattering as people disembarked from the train. As the train began to clear, Rose felt herself wake up more.
Looking out the window, she saw the platform name - London Euston. She was home.
Checking her bag to see if everything was there, she stood up and followed everyone else off the train.
She moved on autopilot, weaving through the crowds naturally, the way she had always handled London traffic. She darted easily in whatever gaps she could find and kept her bag pressed against her chest. Up escalator after escalator and finally through the main doors.
Bright sunlight welcomed her and nostalgia assaulted her as soon as she stepped outside. Things weren't that different in the other world. It had been only the a few days before yesterday that she'd disembarked at Euston from the Eurostar after lending her services to the French Torchwood. Now it just felt strange to be back here in her original universe. She felt like a foreigner as she walked towards the line of black cubs waiting nearby. She checked her bag and her purse before approaching one.
"The Powell Estate please," she told a female driver with blue hair and a bored expression. The woman broke into a smile. So she should, it was a decent fare.
"Travelling light?" she asked, eyeing Rose's back.
"Yeah," Rose answered as she climbed into the back.
En route to her former home, Rose was glad that her driver made no attempt to chat to her beyond the occasional reassurance about traffic. It gave Rose the chance to watch London pass by her window, eyeing up some of her favourite haunts and remembering others. Lunch with Mickey in Trafalgar Square, shopping in Oxford Street, occasionally wandering down to St James' Park for a laugh with Shareen and Mickey.
It occurred to Rose that she was going to have to tell people what happened, that Mickey and her mum were now both dead. She was going to have to lie about their funerals and where she's been for the past three years. At least I'm alive, Rose thought, so it's the least I can do to give people the story they need to hear.
Before long, the taxi was pulling onto the Powell Estate.
Rose inhaled sharply. Images of vague ghost shapes and the Doctor in his TARDIS and the estate full of ghosts came back to her. She clutched her bag closer to her, her pulse racing as she thought about that awful, awful day. She could hear the sea of Bad Wolf Bay roaring in her ears and the sound of her own sobs. Her heart hammered so hard in her chest that she thought it might actually be about to literally break.
"Are you all right?" the taxi driver asked in a softer voice. "Do you need to go to the hospital?"
Rose shook her head as the cries of the Daleks and Cybermen rang out in her head. "I-I'm fine."
More memories tore through her mind: her last conversation with the Doctor, leaving her mum behind the first time and facing the Cult of Skaro with Mickey. The argument with the Doctor about her future also rang out and she could feel tears spilling down her face as she remembered it.
Long seconds passed before Rose heard another voice.
"Breathe," the woman spoke carefully, louder, her voice cutting through the memories in Rose's head. "Breathe in…. 2….3, and out….2…3…"
Automatically, Rose began following the woman's advice and as she took deep breaths, the memories began to subside and her pulse began to slow. She relaxed a little more and closed her eyes as the panicked feeling ebbed away. When she opened them again, she saw the driver looking at her with some concern.
"Feeling better?" she asked Rose.
Rose nodded. "Y-yeah, thank you." She reached into her purse and pulled out the fare plus an extra fiver. "Here, thank you," she said before climbing out of the cab with her bag. She looked up at the blocks of flats.
"Thanks for this. Although… are you sure you want to stay here? It's a rough neighbourhood," the driver asked, leaning her arm along her open window.
Rose smiled a little. "I'll be fine. This is… was… home for me."
"Okay then. See you," With that, the cab reversed and turned away. Rose listened to it join the rest of the traffic before walking forwards, back onto the estate.
Back in the other universe, she had looked up the Powell Estate and the people she and her mum used to know. Shareen didn't live there. She'd become a lawyer and her dad had actually stayed around to bring her up. Some of her other friends hadn't even been born though their parents weren't known. Rose had even looked up Jimmy Stone only to discover he was a happily married primary school teacher here. Now that had weirded her and Mickey out.
It looked pretty much the same as it had always been except for the presence of more graffiti. A gang of teenagers was currently crowded around a stairwell with one of them, a sleek girl, spray painting a mural of what looked like roses with skateboards tangled between the stems and the thorns.
The stepped away and spoke to the group. One of the girls nodded, laughing and tossing flame-coloured hair over her shoulders. Rose suppressed a shudder at the reminder and focused on the girl who had been doing the graffiti. Dark hair fell in beautiful waves around a narrow face lighting up with satisfaction. She was gesturing a lot, her brown hands making expansive gestures and complicated movements in the air. Brown eyes scanned the handiwork and small lips curved into a smile that reminded Rose of her friend Shareen. She looked about fifteen or sixteen and Rose realised, looking at her with recognition, how much she had grown up since she'd last seen the girl. She'd been about twelve when Rose had last spent any real time at Shareen's home. "Nyala?" Rose called out to her.
Nyala turned at once and her grip on the can loosened. It began to slip but her fingers caught it by their fingertips. Two boys gripped their cans harder, their postures defensive. They looked between Nyala who was gaping at Rose to Rose herself. "Are you guys seeing her too?" Nyala asked them, her voice shaking a little.
"The blonde?" one of the boys asked.
"Yeah," another said. "What's up? You okay?"
Nyala didn't answer them but continued to advance on Rose."Rose?" she asked. Her purple jacket had many tears that had been messily patched up and her blue hoodie underneath it was several sizes too big for her. It fell down all the way to the knees of her ripped jeans. It was oddly reassuring. Rose could remember how often she'd tried on her sister's clothes and how they teased her for being too small for them.
"It's me," Rose confirmed as Nyala reached her. "I'm back."
Nyala blinked at her rapidly and then suddenly she was wrapping herself around Rose's waist. Rose caught her, hands holding her head and her back to steady her. In the next second she was returning the hug fiercely, burying her face in Nyala's raven hair and breathing in the smell of spray paint.
"You're really here," Nyala mumbled into Rose's shoulder. "You're not dead."
Rose rubbed the younger girl's back. "No, no I'm fine."
"Shareen and I went to see Canary Wharf and we saw the list of the dead," Nyala explained. "Shareen couldn't believe it. She wouldn't sleep for weeks. Even the others-" she pulled back from the hug and nodded towards her friends, "-we couldn't believe it. What were you doing in Canary Wharf? Why did they think you'd been killed? What happened? Shareen was a mess after that… She-she- she-" Nyala broke off, shaking her head. Her expression sharpened and she frowned at Rose. "How can you be alive after all this time? Why didn't you come back home?" Her whole body had gone still and her hands curled into fists, dangling at her side.
Rose bowed her head. She had accepted she would have to tell people something to explain her absence. Admittedly, she had expected to have more time for it. But looking into Nyala's angry, confused eyes, Rose realised she couldn't fob her off after all this time. The problem was, Rose didn't know where to start or how much of the truth to use. Whatever story she told now, she would need to stick to. Also there was the matter of which one of Nyala's many questions to answer first. Not to mention the inevitable fallout with Shareen once she reunited with her. Rose's head was already beginning to ache at the thought of that conversation.
She decided to keep it simple. "I was caught up in the battle," Rose admitted. If she could stick to as many truths as possible, it would be easier. "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time," she explained. "At the end of it all, I was in a really bad place and so me and mum just went away. We didn't want anyone to know how bad things got and as time went by, it just go easier to keep lying. We went away to heal and a few weeks turned into a few years."
She watched the suspicion easing out of Nyala. "We would have understood. Besides, why didn't you just text?"
"My phone was destroyed in the battle so I lost my contacts." Rose lied. "I know you would have got why we left but things were just mental back then. We needed to get our heads together and things just… got away from us, you know?" Rose assured her.
She could feel her heartbeat quickening again as she approached the answer to Nyala's unspoken next questions. She felt like dread was cementing her where she stood unable to run away and dodge the rest of this conversation. Force her to endure every agonizing second of it.
"So you went missing. Won't you get in trouble for hiding away like that?" Nyala asked.
"I dunno. Maybe not."
Nyala wrapped her arms around herself. "I just can't believe you're okay," she said, her voice growing smaller. "I really thought you were gone."
"I'm sorry," Rose said. She could feel her eyes misting over. Only now was she realising what her disappearance might have put Shareen and Nyala through. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe that's why I ran into Nyala. Maybe this is my punishment. "C'mere," she said and pulled Nyala into another hug. "I'm so sorry."
I sound like him.
Nyala clung to her once more. "Are you back for good now? You and your mum?"
Rose stiffened involuntarily. And there it is. She kept hold of Nyala as she tried to form the words. "I don't know. I mean… the thing is, my mum- ,my mum died." There, the words were spoken and yet Rose felt more weighed down than ever. She could see her mother's face on the screen again and hear her voice.
"She's dead?!" Nyala jerked back horrified. "What happened- was it- how?"
Rose realised a few tears had escaped her eyes. When she reached up to brush them away, she realised the floodgates had opened again. Streams of tears moved down her cheeks, against her will. "There was a fire," she told her, the words tumbling out of her. "A lot of people died in it. I was the only one they saved."
"A-a-a fire?" Nyala took another step back. Rose saw that she was trembling. "Oh god."
"Nyala?" Rose asked.
The teenager's eyes were streaming tears now. "T-that's what happened to her, to-to-to Shareen."
"Shareen was in a fire?" Rose felt her stomach become hard and an icy feeling invaded her chest. "Did she get out okay? Was she hurt?" she asked. Her eyes drifted towards the mural near Nyala's friends. The roses and the skateboards. Shareen was one of the skateboarding champs around here and up until now Nyala had thought Rose was dead. The horrible truth began to sink in and Rose gasped, covering her mouth with her free hand. "No- no- come on, tell me she's not."
Nyala lowered her gaze. "It happened last year," she admitted.
Rose let out a sob and closed her eyes. Her best friend Shareen, her partner-in-crime over the years, her childhood friend was suddenly gone as well as everyone else. Her brain conjured some very unwanted images of Shareen lying lifelessly, burning away. She tried to blink them away but they returned in technicolour.
"She was in a bad way in hospital." Nyala confirmed. "I was with her when she died. She said at least she knew she was going to see you again."
Rose felt physically ill, like someone had punched her with ice.. Her stomach felt like a heavy weight was sitting inside it. Guilt was clawing at her chest again and there was a slight tremor in her hands. She looked down at her shaking fingers and tried to still them. She took deep breath after deep breath. You should have found a way back sooner, she cursed herself. You should have tried harder earlier. You might have saved her. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there."
For a moment, Nyala fixed her with a hard gaze but then she shook her head. "My sister is in a better world than this one. We'll both see her again." She wiped away her own tears. "So we both lost someone, huh? I'm sorry about your Mum."
Rose nodded. For a couple of minutes neither of them said anything. Finally Rose sighed. "God, what a mess this is."
"Tell me about it," Nyala said. She looked around at Rose's bag. "So where are you going to stay?" she asked after she took a moment to regain her composure. Her voice sounded stronger when she spoke again. "Are you going to try and get a flat around here?"
Rose wiped at her face again with both hands as she remembered her living situation. "I'm gonna see if our old flat is available," she said. "I guess I'll just figure things out after that." Although she had to hope that she could use the money on these cards in her purse to pay for the first month's rent. Or else she'll have to talk to the council. "I still have a lot to sort out."
Nyala looked dismayed. "Your old flat now has a family living there."
"Oh. Right. Well that's that then."
"You can ask the council if they have any others? People move out all the time."
It was true enough, Rose remembered but she didn't relish the idea of living in a different flat after spending all of her life in her previous one. But she couldn't very well ask a family to leave, could she? Exhaling, Rose slid both hands into her hair and looked around the estate, trying to stem the flow of tears. Seriously, was everything just going to hell today? First her family and friends in the parallel world now Shareen was gone too. It made her hesitant to ask about any more from her past.
"Rose?" Nyala sounded uneasy.
Rose stepped away, holding a hand up at Nyala. "Look I-I gotta figure this all out. I-" the words fell out of her mouth before her brain could approve them. Sadly her mind was too awash with the events of the day.
"Rose!" Nyala moved towards her. "We can go back to my place. I'll talk to Mum about you staying with us or something."
Shaking her head, Rose wrapped her arms around each other. "Don't worry about me. I'll sort something out. I just- I just need to be on my own for a bit."
Without giving Nyala much time to respond, she walked away from the blocks of flats and over toward the playground.
Once more, she was overwhelmed by memories of that day. In her mind's eye she could see the Doctor goofing around about ghostbusters, yammering about uncovering mysteries and arguing with her mother. She remembered him accidentally taking Jackie with him instead of Rose and then Rose sneaking around Torchwood.
Only now those memories were mixed with ones about Shareen: hanging around the shops together, skiving school and staring at boys, trying cider at 14 and sneaking into pubs at 16. She could see Shareen laughing as she told Rose all the rudest jokes. She could feel her arms around her after all the Jimmy Stone shit.
Grabbing onto the blue painted railing, Rose let the sobs pour out of her as everything collapsed on her at once. Why had everything been taken from her? What had she done that was so awful to deserve all of this? Where could she possibly go from here when everything was just so different?
Turning around, she slid to the floor and drew her knees to her chest, cradling her backpack.
This did not feel like her world anymore. Could three years change things that much? Apparently they could.