Even before Roselia practice, Yukina had been worried. Earlier that week she'd called Lisa to talk about a song idea, with lyrics themed around chords. They were for a tune Rinko was working on.
Lisa had answered her phone, but from the first word Yukina could tell something was wrong. Her voice was scratchy, perhaps a sign of a cold. She spoke slightly slower than usual, but still with a cheery tone. Yukina asked if she was feeling alright, concerned that she might've had a cold. Lisa replied that she was just a little under the weather and was already starting to feel better, before moving the conversation along.
Yukina had allowed herself to believe Lisa's tale, but at Roselia practice it became clear that it wasn't true.
Though Lisa played fine at rehearsal, she was obviously still not feeling well. Her posture was strained, with a smile so fake even Ako probably saw through it. There were distinct bags beneath her eyes, still visible despite being covered with makeup, and a hit of roughness to her voice.
When Sayo asked, Lisa insisted that she just needed some rest.
Yukina didn't believe her; there seemed to be something deeper going on. In fact, she only worried more. Whatever the problem was, Lisa was trying to hide it from her and the band.
Yukina considered texting her after rehearsal, to ask if she was okay, but she hesitated. Lisa had clearly drawn a boundary both via text and at rehearsal when she dismissed their concerns. Yukina would just be bothering her, asking the same question again.
That was what she told herself that night, as she watched Lisa's light flick off next door.
Instead, Yukina received a text from Sayo.
"What was going on with Imai-san today?"
Yukina frowned at her phone. "I don't know." She admitted, unhappy with the fact.
After a minute, Sayo started typing back. "I'm surprised, I thought you would." Those words filled a whole line on the screen. In her mind, Yukina could hear the way Sayo would say them, the cutting tone they would carry. The message stung.
She carried that thought with her to the weekend, along with her worry for Lisa. She knew that Lisa was scheduled to bake with Sayo on Saturday for the band, which she hadn't cancelled. That was a good sign. Or maybe it wasn't, since Lisa often pushed herself too hard. Yukina wasn't sure.
On that same day, Yukina had arranged to meet with Rinko about their next song. She'd been hard at work on the lyrics, while Rinko had started formulating a new melody. They decided to meet at Rinko's house, since she had a piano there.
Yukina was on the subway, about halfway there, when her phone buzzed in her pocket. It was probably a text, hopefully not Rinko needing to move their meeting.
Luckily, that wasn't the case. Instead, the text was from Sayo. She must've just finished baking with Lisa, based on what time it was. The text visible on the screen read, "I talked with Imai-san." Yukina lifted her phone, unlocking it as the next message arrived. "Her girlfriend broke up with her."
Yukina processed the text, reading it again to make sure she had it right. As it sunk in, she felt a wave of conflicting emotions. Sadness was the first, at how upset Lisa must've been. The second was hurt, that she hadn't told her.
A little bit of happiness snuck in, just barely, that Lisa was no longer with that person. Despite having never met, Yukina had never liked her. Yukina ignored that last feeling; it was petty and unproductive. Even if Lisa was single again, that didn't change that she wasn't interested in Yukina.
That left the other two emotions, which swirled together as Yukina went through the motions of thanking Sayo for the update. It wasn't even that Lisa was sicker than she admitted, she had actually gone through something awful0. Yukina hadn't really dealt with breakups, but she did have experience with rejection. Even worse, Lisa had handled it without her bandmates, without her friends.
Perhaps she should've pushed harder for an answer, Yukina thought as the city flashed by through the window. But no, that would've been rude. Lisa would've just pushed her away; she probably only told Sayo now because of how long had passed since the event.
As the sadness faded, all that was left was the pain. A thrum in her heart that pulsed with each beat.
Yukina thought they had made progress, especially after the training camp. She'd been stubbornly hiding her fears about the band, which Lisa saw right through. When Lisa told her they'd always be friends, Yukina believed her.
They'd connected more often since then, talking on the phone and working on music together. Yukina still harbored deeper feelings within her, but she was able to suppress them. She told herself she was satisfied like this, even as she still caught herself mesmerized often.
Today felt like a huge step back, like a floodgate letting through everything Yukina had so desperately tried not to think about. Why hadn't Lisa told her?
That question weighed heavily on Yukina's mind as she stepped off the train and walked the rest of the way to Rinko's home. Her shoulders felt heavy, despite carrying only a light bag.
When she arrived, Rinko greeted her warmly and showed her to her room. It was an impressive space, with a fancy computer setup and piano. Rinko had set up an extra chair so Yukina could sit near her at the piano.
They started by swapping their work so far, to see where they were starting from. Yukina tried to focus as she received the initial sheet music, making note of the F major key signature and 4/4 time signature. The tempo was a bit slower than usual for a Roselia song, but not too slow.
"I-I've been working on it for a while." Rinko commented as Yukina's eyes moved down the page. She had set the lyrics down. Despite the tempo, the song still felt fast paced. It was still incomplete, with gaps for the verses and bridge.
How would the bass line fit into this chorus? Yukina tried to imagine it as she looked through the notes, picturing Lisa playing it in her mind. That was a mistake, a lapse of judgement. Lisa had lied at practice too, while holding her bass. That was what Yukina saw.
"Do you not like it?" Rinko's voice snapped Yukina out of her thoughts, jolting her back to reality. Rinko looked concerned, but without the nervousness she used to carry. Yukina must've seemed upset for her to ask that; indeed, her jaw felt tight.
"It's a good start." Yukina tried to relax as she replied and handed the page back. "Can you play it for me?"
"O-of course."
Rinko set the music onto the music desk, then began to play. She played below tempo, working her way through the melody.
It sounded as Yukina had imagined it, with some variance to the style. She again tried to hear the bass line, how the plucks would fit in with the rest. Again, her mind wandered.
What would Lisa say if Yukina asked her again. Would she still refuse to answer truthfully, even after she told Sayo? It didn't make even one ounce of sense.
At her piano, Rinko finished playing the song. She looked over, at Yukina's glazed eyes. Yukina didn't react; she hadn't noticed.
"Yukina-san?" Rinko said her name softly, causing the same reaction as before.
Yukina blinked a few times as she gathered her bearings. "Oh, yes sorry, the melody will work well." She sighed, frowning as she internally scolding herself for zoning out twice. She couldn't focus like this. "We should reschedule, I'll keep working on the lyrics."
"W-what's bothering you?" Though she stuttered on the first word, Rinko's gaze was steady. She made direct eye contact with Yukina, refusing to take a deflection for an answer.
Yukina thought about what to say for a moment. "Ai and Lisa broke up." Rinko's eyes widened minutely, before returning to their normal size. She said nothing, waiting for Yukina to continue. "Sayo told me earlier." Yukina practically spat those words out, the bitter fact that had hovered over her ever since.
"Have you spoken with Imai-san about it?"
"No, I… I don't know what to do." Yukina bit her lower lip, searching for the words. "She didn't tell me." Her hands were clenched together in her lap. "Why didn't she tell me?" Her voice felt strained, like she could cry at any moment.
"I-I think, Imai-san didn't want you to worry." Rinko offered with a quiet voice.
Yukina had trouble believing that. "I've been worried about her all week." She was worried since their phone call, and especially so after Roselia practice.
Rinko shifted slightly closer on the piano bench, drawing Yukina's eyes back to her. She spoke clearly, without a stutter. "Yukina-san, have you considered telling her how you feel?"
Telling her how she felt? That was something Yukina desperately wanted but was too afraid to do. She held herself back every time.
If she looked deep, examined the feelings within, what Yukina really wanted to ask Lisa wasn't about her breakup. No, it was about something else. How did Lisa feel about her, truly? If Yukina were to confess, would Lisa accept?
If Lisa did return her feelings, if she liked Yukina after all, it would explain her behavior this week. Yukina could understand not wanting to share that pain with someone she was interested in; she would do anything to keep Lisa from feeling that way.
But, the thoughts paralyzed her. This was all theoretical, all made up. The opposite could be true, that not only did Lisa not return her feelings, but she also didn't trust Yukina with details about her life. Perhaps she wanted to pull away, to no longer be close friends. Yukina wasn't sure if she could stand that blow.
Rinko was waiting patiently while she thought, a warm look in her eyes.
Yukina took a deep breath. "What if it doesn't work out?" That question didn't really apply to talking about Lisa's breakup, but she hoped Rinko would understand.
Rinko smiled gently as she replied. "I remember when I first met Ako, I was afraid of speaking to other people. I-I could hardly go out in public." Yukina watched her speak, with her attention completely focused. "With the support of my friends I've learned to stop letting my fears hold me back. We're here for you, to do the same."
Yukina knew that was good advice, and that the band would support her no matter how things turned out, but she still had things to think about. Going against her fears, against the way she'd hidden these feelings for so long, was incredibly difficult. "Thank you, Rinko. I appreciate your words." Yukina rose to her feet, taking her lyric sheet off the table. "I'll keep working on these for next time."
Rinko nodded, standing as well.
They exchanged a few more words of farewell as Rinko escorted Yukina out, setting her loose with only her thoughts for company.
These thoughts were quite different from earlier, as Yukina went back to the train station to head home. Now her thoughts were of action, and whether or not to take it.
Rinko's words, to stop letting fear hold her back, echoed through Yukina's mind.
Perhaps it was time. She needed to face her fears.
Yukina sat on her bed, staring down at her phone. Lisa's light was on next door, a sure sign that she was home. The sun was starting to set on the horizon.
All Yukina needed to do was call her, that was the first step. She had the number memorized and could type it with her eyes shut.
She punched it in slowly, making sure each digit was exactly right. When the whole number was in, her phone offered the fact that this was Lisa's number. Yukina knew that already. The sight was of little comfort.
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, betraying just how nervous she felt. She knew what she wanted to say, now she just had to follow through.
She took a steadying breath, thumb hovering over the send button, before pressing it. Her phone began to dial as Yukina lifted it to her ear.
It buzzed once while it dialed, identifying that she got a text. She'd check it after this phone call.
The phone rang twice before Lisa answered.
"Hello?" Lisa's voice was elevated, excited about something. Hearing her only solidified Yukina's decision.
"Lisa, can we meet outside? I have something to say." Yukina tried to speak calmly, to not let her nerves show. Her tone came out lower and more serious than expected.
Lisa paused for a moment, then spoke slowly. "You saw my text?" She sounded nervous, even though Yukina was the one whose heart was racing.
"What text?" Was she talking about the text Yukina just received? She hadn't read it yet. "One moment." She pulled the phone from her ear to look.
There was a single text marked as unread, which had come from Lisa just moments ago. It was long, filling a large part of the screen. The text read, "Hey Yukina! I should've told you sooner, Ai and I broke up last week. I'm doing fine, honest. In fact, I think I've learned something about myself. From this point forward I'm going to be honest. I want to talk with you, about us. I know you might not feel the same way I do, but I want to tell you how I feel."
The language of this text, could it be?
Yukina dared to hope as she brought the phone back to her ear. She could practically hear her pulse in her ear. "What about us?" She asked, in a much softer tone than before.
Lisa's breath hit heavy against the phone, into Yukina's ear. "Let's talk on the balcony."
"See you there." Yukina hung up the call, hastily rising to her feet and stepping over to the balcony door. It took her two tries to unlock it, but once she did, she slid the door open.
The night outside was cool, as the season transitioned to fall. On the balcony next door, Lisa had arrived first. She leaned against the shared wall, eyes glimmering in the moonlight. Yukina wished she could take a picture, so this image would last forever.
Yukina closed the distance between them, standing in a place she had so many times before.
"I'm sorry about your relationship." This was, admittedly, probably not the best opening line. It felt wrong not to say it though, after the strain it put Lisa under.
"It's alright." Lisa brushed a stray hair behind her ear. "I've come to terms with it. It's helped me think."
"About us," Yukina said as both a response and the start of her sentence, then paused to gather her thoughts. "We've been friends for a long time."
"Since we were kids." Lisa almost looked wistful.
Yukina steeled herself, bracing emotionally as best she could, finding her words. "I'm ready to go beyond friendship." Lisa's eyes began to water at the corners, though her smile only grew as Yukina spoke. "You are my closest companion and my greatest inspiration. I always want to be together with you, no matter the trials. Will you stand by my side, as my girlfriend?" The last word carried a force to it, the entire weight of Yukina's feelings. All the words she wanted to say over the years, the months spent longing, were piled into that word.
A few tears escaped Lisa's eyes, dripping down her cheeks. She wiped them roughly away. "Yukina, I…" She sniffled once. "All I've ever wanted is to stay with you. I'm so happy, of course I will!" She leaned forward as if to try and reach over, but the balconies were too far apart.
Yukina felt as if the world had been lifted from her shoulders. Lisa said yes, that was what she heard at least. "I'm happy too." She too felt the start of tears in her eyes, from her overflowing emotions. She understood Lisa's desire to reach over, and the frustration of not being able to. "Being with you makes me happy."
"Me too." Lisa wiped her eyes once again. "Shall we go for a walk?" She proposed, gesturing down at the sidewalk.
Yukina nodded. "That's a great idea."
Even though they'd be able to talk better downstairs, perhaps even hug or touch, it was tough to pull away from the balcony. To say goodbye to Lisa, if only for a few minutes, was a challenge Yukina didn't ever want to face again.
Despite the difficulty, she made it out onto the sidewalk. She was the first there, so she waited by Lisa's gate. Her girlfriend's gate. The word made her giddy with excitement, which wasn't a familiar feeling for Yukina.
A minute later, Lisa appeared. She called back into the house that she'd be back soon, before stepping out past the gate to be with Yukina.
For a moment, the two walked in silence. They glanced over at each other, Yikina wondering if the conversation had been real or if she'd imagined it. There was a way to test that. Yukina offered a hand to Lisa, to hold as they walked. Lisa accepted.
They made it a couple streets away, to the park, where they stopped to look at each other. A streetlamp was on the corner, casting the pair in a dim light.
"Sayo told you, didn't she?" Lisa said out of nowhere, releasing Yukina's hand and chuckling.
Yukina smiled back. "She was trying to help." Rinko too had been a good friend today.
"After her scolding, I'll have to thank her." Lisa glanced down, and back up into Yukina's eyes. "I've liked you for a long time, you know."
"I wish I did." Yukina replied sincerely.
Lisa smiled at that. "Your voice has always drawn me in, your perseverance and spirit, I can't resist you."
Then, slowly, Lisa reached forward with one hand. She brushed it slowly against Yukina's cheek, incredibly soft and gentle. A shudder ran down Yukina's spine as she leaned into the touch.
"I've wanted to do that for so long." Lisa muttered, her voice low.
Yukina wasn't going to stop her. "What else did you want to do?"
Lisa inhaled, Yukina was aware of her every movement, as she leaned down. Her face was getting closer to Yukina's, casting a shadow in the half light. Lisa paused for a moment, with just an inch between them. It was a silent question, a chance to withdraw. Yukina tilted her head slightly, so their noses wouldn't collide. Her eyes flitted shut as Lisa closed the distance, kissing her softly.
Yukina's heart felt ready to beat out of her chest. She had only ever dreamed of this moment, yet now here she was. Lisa, her beloved Lisa, wanted to be with her, wanted to kiss her. That thought surged through Yukina as she returned the kiss.
It only lasted a few moments, before Lisa pulled back. Yukina's eyes fluttered open, head full of only thoughts of Lisa.
Lisa brought her hand down from Yukina's cheek, reclaiming the hand she'd held before. She tugged her gently, towards the swing set.
They still had a lot more to talk about, far more than could fill one walk or even a lifetime, and their whole futures ahead of them.
They'd stand together through it all, side by side.