A/N: Disclaimer I don't own Genshin Impact.
- Hi, it's been a few years since I've uploaded anything.
- This is based off/inspired by ddarker dreams (with permission) (tumblr or ao3)The first contract series or compilation. Take a look at her work; it's interesting to read about darker versions of the characters. It's interesting to think about how demoralizing it is if someone is stuck in a contract for many millennia.
- So, I thought it would be interesting to write something sort of dark, or at least something to get back into writing again.
- I apologize if there are a lot of grammar errors or other mistakes. It's been a long time since I have written anything. Also, apologies if I messed up on the lore. It sometimes gets confusing for me.
-There's both a FemReader insert and an OC
It takes a long, long time to die
For me to die
I walk towards tomorrow step by step
I sleep night after night
I finish speaking the words one by one
Yesterday has been lost forever
One day it will all turn into smoke
No more land of the living
Look at the moon with wide eyes
So much suffering, so much weariness
Still hanging high in the clouds
So many inexplicable tears
Floating on the water
I want to fly so badly
To escape from this crazy world
Floating on the water
If you find me
Don't bring me back
- Xie Tianxiao – Cold blooded animal
If only
It's funny how one can be in the middle of something, and a completely random memory will just push itself out.
The late afternoon sun bathed the Liyue buildings in its warm light. Seated in the secluded upstairs part of Xinyue Kiosk, a well known restaurant, and difficult to get a reservation due to the price and long waitlist. The top area was secluded from the bustle of tourists, diners, and shoppers; it was perfect for those who'd like a breather from all the chaos of the busy area. The corner offers a stunning view of the harbor. Below, the area was swarmed with hawkers banging and calling out for the sale of their wares or dishes, laborers carrying their large loads on bamboo poles, or exaggerated stories from Tea Master Liu Su of the Heyu Tea House.
[F/N] often wondered what it would be like to be on the inside looking out instead of always being on the outside looking in. Are those people even aware of how well their lives are? Do they rejoice in the fact that everything in life comes easy for them? Would they understand how it came to be that way? But then again, they are only humans. She pressed her lips together. They only know as much as the information that has been passed around for centuries. There was peace before the Archon wars, Gods were able to coexist peacefully, yet for various reasons, the war began. The belief that utopia is perfection, when perfection is a contradiction in itself. Sure, there can be a better society, but it will eventually fall to destruction. It's always violence being the only way because it's against one side's interests against another.
It was a lovely sunny day as [F/N] watched the boats enter and exit the harbor. It was full of little puffs of white clouds scattered across the vast amounts of blue. A tightening of her throat and a short intake of breath, an old image that would always remain in [F/N] memory, pushes itself out. A burst of opaque-yellow light rains violently down. An azure sky tinted with claws of gray and black passed by undisturbed by the scattered remains of humans, smaller deities, and gods. The heavy air mixed with blood and soot.
Beads of sweat rolling down her temples as she stayed lost in thought, [F/N] exhaled, releasing some of the tension that had built up in her shoulders. If we go... If I had made different decisions back then. She squirmed in mindless suffering. Then Shōuchéng wouldn't…If only…I-
Next thing she knew, the sound of a chair scrapping against the floor next to her. Turning to see the familiar pair of amber eyes that haunted her. Zhongli, as he has come to be known to the humans in Liyue, gets no shortage of admirers. His appearance would be considered an attention grabber, if only he would focus attention on the admirers instead. The dragon form that humans see once a year is majestic in their eyes. No matter what form he takes, the sharp teeth that look as if they will tear flesh from the bones, scales, the large yellow eyes, and demonic horns on his head. Or in a more human form, standing on the battlefield with death all around, enveloped in blood, and the putrid stench of corpses that emanated from it. Those eyes that once shined from the lust for blood and violence. He would always be Morax, Rex Lapis, the God of Contracts, the Warrior God in [F/N]'s eyes, a manipulative being to the core, murderer, conqueror, and…captor.
"You are ever observant." He placed a hand gently on the side of [F/N]'s face.
Edging away, she had felt his touch over a thousand times over thousands of years, and even now she still couldn't stand it.
"What were you thinking about, hm?"
She didn't answer, wishing that he was just a bad memory and that she was just lost in thought. [F/N] could feel those haunting eyes still staring at her. Shifting her eyes to meet his gaze, her eyes were serious, as was her tone. "I know how this is going to end."
"Oh? What do you mean?" Zhongli asks, leaning in with his right hand on his chin, and intently waiting for [F/N]'s answer.
A sigh slipped through her lips. "You know it's true," she said, sitting straight up. "I know that you know."
"I'm afraid I don't quite understand." The corners of his mouth slid upwards, nodding his head for them to continue. Ready for whatever is in [F/N]'s mind racing with endless answers to be thrown at him. "Explain it to me."
"That nothing is eternal, whether it's God or human beings," she said, crossing her arms, shrugging her shoulders, and looking the other way. "Things will come to an end eventually."
"I see." He questioned with his brow raised. "Why do you say that?"
"Unresolved matters that festered for too long will spill over. …," [F/N] groaned inwardly while trying to keep a level gaze at him. "Even if Liyue or…I.."
She released a sudden sigh, tried opening her mouth to speak. However, no words flowed out. Her stomach seemed to rise to her throat. Then with a little more strength she said it, but it came out dry and hoarse, barely audible. Zhongli's gaze bore into [F/N]. This always led to this unwanted scrutiny, especially when the topic was about Liyue or about [F/N]. Those times she'd felt this way had ended in... Well, she didn't want to think about that, or at least she tried not to think about it. It always ended up with her grievances being torn down and disregarded, since the beginning. Arguments are lost more often than they are won. The Archon war may be long over, but another war between him and [F/N] has not been resolved. It was safe to assume it was going into the familiar pattern, as it had many times before...
"How long do you think this country could last?" [F/N] inquired. "With everyone shuffling along, following orders and not questioning the right and wrong of it all."
"What the other gods and deities do not understand..." Morax explained as simply as he could. "Each of them with their own domain acting as hegemony rulers, ruling over the respective regions, that orthodoxy which is an inferior, short-term solution."
An annoyed expression was constantly painted on her face as she glared at the Prime of Adepti in front of her. "The many Gods and humans had coexisted peacefully before this war. What makes you think it wouldn't continue so? "
"As I have stated already, it would not last for very long," he said dismissively. "This land would be fragmented, splitting into five or more different smaller nations."
[F/N]'s stomach churned over and felt sick for that brief moment. "You look down on that kind of arrangement that much?" She said quietly, breaking eye contact with him.
He lifted his shoulder in a shrug, his lips curling into a deep frown. "Do you really think a country could last long by virtuous example alone?" His tone was mocking and even though his eyes had the color of warmth, they were like two chips of ice. "I will have order and the rule of law set."
He sat back, searching her face for a hidden sign, before answering. "Our behavior should reflect our position, and through it, we find true peace."
"In other words, if one is defeated, then they have to suffer the pain of being defeated," she said, letting out a humorless laugh. "If one wins, then they get the spoils of being the victor."
"You make it sound so crass," he said, pausing for a moment before speaking, making sure his words were in order. "Just enjoy and cherish life now."
With such a casual response, [F/N] furrowed her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. "Of course you don't believe me."
Letting out an exasperated sigh, he responded. Such negativity... a centralized committee has been established, a finely detailed code of laws has been set, there is a maritime trade emporium, and there is peace. Liyue lacks for nothing." Pressing his fingers under his chin, he continued. "And you have all you could ask for."
[F/N] pursued her lips, with a slight furrow between her brows as she stared pointedly at Zhongli. All that I could ask for, huh?
"We both know that's not true. There are quite a few things that would never be granted even if I did ask." [F/N] continued on, sighing heavily and narrowing her eyes. "Tell me dearest, what more could you ask for? You already have more than enough."
His laugh was light and tinged with amusement at the situation. "Not at all." With a gleam in his eyes, he continued. "There is still something."
"And what would that be, dear?"
"I wished that you would return the affection that I hold for you," he answered without hesitation.
The sheer gall of what he had just said left [F/N] almost breathless. Still, after all these centuries, he is still waiting and expecting her to return those affections. "Well, I wished you didn't hold or give me any of your affection." Her eyes flashed angrily. "I guess that means none of us are going to get what we want today."
What came next left [F/N] even more irritated. She did not know whether to be angry or surprised. After all this time, he still has not gotten tired of [F/N]. Why did it have to be her? Why her?
"Well, that," said Zhongli, "was not the answer I was hoping for."
[F/N] closed her eyes for a second. Normally she would be calmer, but recently it has been a struggle to remain somewhat civil. The pain rising in her chest, she opened her eyes and looked at him. "I hate you," she said in a scathing tone. "It hurts how much I hate you."
Zhongli stood from the table slamming a bag of Mora down onto the table so hard the dishes jumped. With an unreadable expression on his face, he cleared his throat. "Shall we head home?"
"I'm not ready to leave yet," [F/N] replied. "There's still plenty of light out."
He slowly walked away, stopped, turning his head, the corners of his mouth curled up into a crooked grin. "There isn't room for negotiations, Dearest."
When contracts are involved, one should always negotiate the terms, especially with the God of Contracts. Usually, the contracts he makes are ambiguous on his end, but he is bound to deceive or entrap the unfortunate soul who agrees to the binding agreement, and make sure they fulfill the contract. However, there is always a way out, but one must always prepare for the worst, and only settle for the better outcome. If one fails to escape, they will be forced to face the wrath of God and receive no compassion.
There was a time years ago when [F/N] felt alive, but those days were long gone. There were only a few things that could have been a relief to it. It was when [F/N] could fall into a dream, a dream of walking for a long, long moment in triumph of escape, far away from her prison. For one moment, [F/N] could feel the sun on her skin and hear the soft rustling of trees as they swayed in the breeze. For an instant, [F/N]'s mind was blissfully empty, and things were perfect. Only for the sudden inevitable dread of opening her eyes as the sun gleamed through the window, splashing a warm line of gold across the bed, and to the face of her tormentor. Using her sleeve to wipe the sweat from her face, [F/N] would get ready for the never ending feeling of falling into emptiness, being plagued by an everlasting nightmare. Everyday is the same, she thought. Stuck in a nightmare that keeps playing over and over again.
The tea was enjoyable for the most part. [F/N] cradled the cup in both hands and leaned her head over the rising steam. Slowly breathing in the warm clouded surface and allowing her eyelids to close. Her shoulders rose slightly as she breathed in, trying to enjoy the brief calm of the moment. She opened her eyes, and looked at the other pair of eyes across the table. He is angry. Sitting across from [F/N], his jaw tightened. [F/N] thought he took out all his frustrations on her yesterday; his eyes would not be still flashing heat waves at her.
Zhongli set down the cup, straightened himself up, and the words dripped from his mouth, "We need to talk." The final hiss in his voice was obvious and warned [F/N] about his feelings.
"Without a doubt," she answered, even though a talk with Zhongli was the last thing she wanted. If she could just have as much distance away from him, that would be wonderful, a relief. But that is not going to happen, no matter how much she wishes for it. "It's always the same thing. Why don't we just skip to the familiar parts?"
Zhongli exhaled, to calm down his temper. "I understand that disagreements are inevitable between couples," he began. "However, I take offense to that remark made yesterday."
"Huh?" He's upset about that? [F/N] could think of many things that she had directed at him that were a bit more insulting throughout the centuries. Even though her minor acts of defiance had already expressed her contempt towards him, that never dissuaded him one bit.
"[F/N]? " Drumming his fingers on the table, his jaw tightened. "This requires the participants to speak."
[F/N]'s mouth had gone hard. "What is there to say?" she replied curtly, the irritation rapidly rising up inside her. "I already said what was on my mind, it doesn't change anything. It's the same thing that is going to happen again as it did before."
"All parties that are involved share the same basic understanding of what is supposed to happen and support the desired exchange," he flatly stated. "That was the outcome you chose."
"There was no other choice…" But that was a lie. There had always been a choice; if only [F/N] saw it then that she clearly had something he wanted to bargain with, she would not be trapped as she is now. If she had not fallen into shock in the beginning….if only…
"You agreed to the terms," he said, unmoving. "Accept the arrangement and just be happy."
"Of course, especially after what you did to my followers, my people." [F/N]'s hand, laid on the table between the two of them, tightened into a fist. "…All over a shallow reason," she said as her pulse began to speed up. "No need to question why you still cannot figure out your dear friend Guizhong's puzzle through the many centuries."
"You're in no position to speak on that matter."
"Then what is my position?" [F/N] asked, raising her nose in the air and snorting. "A weak willed maiden and damsel that needed to be rescued and protected during the Archon war? Eyes shifted directly towards Zhongli. "Whoever started and spread that lie should be criticized for sacrilege."
"Naturally, things are lost due to long history." Breathing out a sigh, Zhongli paused and his face became darker. "It is not surprising for things to end up with different renditions after being passed down a couple thousand years."
"A whore, perhaps? The safety of what was left of my followers, my people, in the questionable exchange for my loyalty and utter devotion. " She spat out the last words. "That sums up the entirety of the contract."
''[F/N]…Do not speak ill of it." A look of great irritation swept across his face. His eyes had burned brightly in the already haunting amber. "Need I remind you that you are still bound by the obligations of the contract and the consequences of breaking it?"
"A dog could describe it as well," she said, ignoring the response. The corners of his mouth curled into a deeper scowl. "[F/N]," he said, as his tone became even harsher. [F/N] was on a roll, watching him become a bit off was too much to pass off. "Kept on a tight leash, I am forbidden from leaving Liyue, even if I did get anywhere near the border-"
"Enough," Zhongli's cold, quiet voice filled the air, bouncing off the surfaces and resonating throughout the room. His eyes were looking directly into [F/N]'s.
In his eyes, it was something that [F/N] had not seen in the last few centuries. She remembered it vividly the first time when the contract was forced upon her; she saw it during the Archon wars, and some of the times after. It always unsettled her when his face would be calm and serene, but in his eyes, there was no hesitation. Whenever it happened, in his eyes, it promised violence and calmness of the earth.
[F/N]'s body tightened as her pulse pounded painfully in her ears, raising the fine hairs on the back of her neck. "So be it, Zhongli," [F/N] challenged. "Demonstrate the ferocity of the Earth. The very cold firmness of stone. Prove to me that Morax, Rex Lapis, is still there, that he cares neither about morality nor justice. Only that the contracts are not violated and the ones who violate them will face the very wrath of the Geo archon."
Zhongli's face was a mixture of surprise and sneering disproval as he looked at her with cold eyes. As the silence went on for a long minute, he closed his eyes for a moment, deep in thought. When he opened them again, they were back to their usual glow. They were still cold, but thawed a little. He dragged in the air slowly before returning his gaze to [F/N]."So stubborn…You are the most precious to me. I cherish each day with you in this life's journey."
"Why don't you just set forth the wrath of the rock," she muttered in a low voice as she started to pull her hand back. "After all, I just expressed the desire to violate said contract."
Before [F/N] could fully pull her hand back, Zhongli's hand snaked around her wrist. "You cannot kill the love I hold for you."
Her first reaction would have been to wretch her wrist out of his hand, but she did not move. Breathing deep and even, a gentle sniffling of air through her nose, she wasn't totally unaffected by it as she willed herself not to weep. She had long resigned herself to the pitiful, tragic past and the inevitability of it being lost and buried. She tried to live life. However, she could never let go of the memories of what he had done. He did not understand how her hatred of him ran as deep and far as the ocean. It would be an insult to her and those who had their lives cut short because of their association with her. "Your love is something I cannot accept nor bear."
"No matter what you say, what I feel towards you will not change."
"You better get going or else you'll be late." Finally, pulling her wrist from his grip, [F/N] eased to her feet, gathering away the cups and teapot to clean and put away. "Or else Hu Tao won't let you hear the end of it."
Before turning to leave, he came up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'll never be far," he whispered into her ear, and then kissed it. [F/N] shook his hands off her shoulders." Of course, because you would have left no stone unturned."
It was quiet after Zhongli left. She was not sure how she should feel—ecstatic or relieved—but she had wanted him to quickly leave, so that there would be time for her to enjoy the quiet. The room was so peaceful and quiet, yet she did not feel any happier. The spat with Zhongli, as usual, left resentment within [F/N]. Love? Bah! What he felt for her was nothing but an obsession. A sickness.
At this time, more than anything right now, she wished there was someone she could talk to. She could go and speak with the locals selling their wares or have lunch at the Wanmin restaurant and chat with Xiangling. But that was only a temporary relief; it did not even begin to address the problem. The little group of those scholars and book enthusiasts, along with Xingqiu, would be close.
For many centuries, she thought she had lost her capacity for faith and, at the same time, hope. In a way, she was mistaken. That day, a few months ago, what she had witnessed went far beyond her expectations. Recalling how she and some of the other scholars and book enthusiasts had sat around a table not too far from the Wanwen Bookhouse waiting for Xingqiu, the mention of the legends already had [F/N] rolling her eyes. She glanced at the spot on her hanfu where it led to a small pocket that could hide a pouch. Raking her fingers over the area, the words of the little group suddenly sounded in her mind.
"Hey, [F/N] you know about the mythical stories about the Gods during the Archon war, especially the ones about the battle between Morax and another God? Or the most well-known love story in the Liyue literary tradition? "
"Of course, there are plenty of stories about Morax against other Gods. There is always some play being performed." [F/N] looked at them deadpanned. "You mean the most cliché themed story that passes for literary tradition.
"Yes, there are details that are always left out. But do you know about another version that's hardly known at all? When you hear about that one, it makes you rethink some of those over played stories. "
"I see," [F/N] said, eyes fully on them, especially the young scholar who appeared to be in her late teens or early twenties. "Tell me quickly before the sky falls!"
"Okay, I'll tell you the more interesting part, I'll recite it word for word according to the source, or else it would take the whole day to finish or even more!" The young scholar cleared her throat. "These are some of our favorite parts, even though they are... tragic, but they sure describe an epic battle."
"During the Archon war, there would be several battles and many Gods slain for the chance to claim a divine seat. According to the source, 'The battle of Morax vs. Shōuchéng was one of many fierce battles in the Teyvat's history. Shōuchéng had been able to drive other opposing Gods back miles away from areas under his authority or smaller allying Gods in other opposing Gods charged towards Shōuchéng and the allying Gods, Shōuchéng swung his blade sideways to generate a column of spiraling force, blasting back rows of the opposing side, causing craters, and some of the opposing side falling into it. Many of them died immediately, while others lay in agony on the ground. The opposing side continued to march and charge, attempting to annihilate the obstacle in their way to the divine seat. "
In the few rounds that continued, the participants fought until one in particular demonstrated his dominance. Screams, wails, trembles in the ground... The corpses of gods, deities, and humans (who either joined or were caught in the middle) littered the battle field. A spear suddenly flew past Shōuchéng. A deity that had taken arms in the battle managed to procure armor, and in a quick breath was pierced through the chest. The deity's blood had splattered on to Shōuchéng's face. From behind, a forlorn cry was let out. The clatter of weapons and helmets could be heard as some tossed them to scatter in different directions.
In the distance, a towering figure stood holding a pole arm, its blade covered in blood. His robes fluttered in the wind, with gold markings that traveled up his arms. He licked the blood from his lip, then his eyes scanned towards the lone figure still on the battlefield. The ground shook and thumped loudly with every step he took.
When he reached closer, he looked at Shōuchéng and then behind him. "The ones who swore allegiance to you have either fled or switched their loyalties."
Shōuchéng's head shifted in his direction and he flashed him a grin. "I only ever agreed to ally with them." He would be lying if he didn't feel almost disappointed by those who chose those options. Even though he felt a lump in his throat, he chose to ignore it. "It's not as if I am forcing them to stay in the agreement."
A gleam shone in Morax's fierce amber eyes as he stared Shōuchéng down, ready to attack. "You know of it, yet you still have not laid down your blade?"
His sweaty hands tightened around the hilt of his sword. Shōuchéng quickly scanned the side of him before looking straight at Morax, tension in his grin. "Those gods and deities, as well as some humans, had fought alongside me. Just as I had fought alongside them. Why would I dishonor them by escaping from battle?"
Soon, both weapons were raised. The metal from both weapons clashed as if it were thunder in the dark, gloomy sky. Their feet moved rapidly across the battlefield, and it looked as if it were an elegant dance as they lunged forward again. The harshness of the weapons clanging and clashing under the churning sky. Morax's polearm glinted wickedly as he surged forward. Shōuchéng managed to leap back from Morax's onslaught, but took a hit to his left forearm. Gritting from the pain, fighting through the pierced wound, he aimed to cleave at his head.
Ember red blood splattered from a gaping wound. Stabbing his weapon into the ground, Shōuchéng dropped onto one knee without uttering a sound. The bitter taste of blood in his mouth. His eyes soon lingered on the blood spilt from the wound. He turned his attention towards Morax. His bloodied polearm glittered and shone under the burning sunlight.
"In the end, it was all for nothing," Morax said flatly. "The only outcome is that death has come for you."
"You may have defe…, killed me…" Brushing off the remark, Shōuchéng spoke calmly. "But my will shall live on within my people."
"So, testing fate? That would be interesting to see," Morax said, raising his weapon for the final blow. "Is that all you wish to say?"
Shōuchéng narrowed his eyes. "Remember this, Morax. You may have forced upon a contract, "he said, with finality in his tone. What he was about to say surprised him because it was something he felt certain of. "She will never give her heart to you."
The young scholar then sipped her tea, after her narration. "I think that should be enough for now." She looked around nervously, cautious of possible prying ears and eyes. "Anyways, it aligns closely to some of the other accounts, especially the one of that poor God who traded her livelihood for her people after many were killed …"
"Ever so loyal and resolute," [F/N] said in a low voice, her hands clasped and trembling under the table. A solemn tear fell down her cheek; her body looked calm compared to how tangled she felt inside.
The young scholar trailed off when she looked at [F/N] with concern. "Are you okay?" She looked at her with worry for a moment before wrapping her arms around [F/N].
"Ah, it's nothing, I was just moved by the story," [F/N] said. "How did you hear of that version of the events?"
The young scholar leaned in closer to [F/N]. "It's because the five of us are descendants of the followers of Shōuchéng's people or the people of the tragic God who was forced into a contract," she whispered. "Our ancestors kept records on bamboo and wooden slips. It's been carefully hidden and passed down to each generation."
"So, what do you think of the founding of Liyue and its history, since you have read another view?"
"Well, we are still proud to be part of Liyue. There are quite a number of us descendants. We all learned about that version from the elders, and behind closed doors. " Another scholar chimed in and whispered. "You could say that the personal life of the founder and what he did does not matter, all that matters is the nation. However, we do sympathize with that poor God who sacrificed her life for her followers. We hoped that she found some inner peace or found a way to escape in her lifetime."
"There are more of their descendants scattered across other nations in Teyvat, but from what I recall, no one's published those accounts," the young scholar continued. "... I think there could be something in their libraries, Sumeru Academia is a prestigious institute that includes a lead in historical records. Mondstrat has a distinguished mage who is a graduate of the Sumeru Academia and works in the city's library."
As the young scholar spoke, [F/N] began to have thoughts that made her feel uneasy. It was the feeling of false hope. She would not have been surprised if the descendants of her people had long since faded from existence after merging into Liyue. But sitting there among the descendants of her and Shōuchéng's followers, gaining knowledge of their building small communities all over Teyvat, Maybe there could be a chance. If she just reaches out for it, maybe there is hope.
Placing a hand on the young scholar's shoulder, [F/N] leaned in closer, to keep away from prying ears. "Go to Mondstrat," she whispered. "Why not make an exhibit? Think of it as a cultural exchange of some sort."
"Take these and display them along with those lost historical pieces." As [F/N] pulled back, she pulled out a small leather pouch that she had hidden in a small pocket within her hanfu. Spilling out of the pouch was intricately carved glassware that [F/N] had made at the start of her Hell and a broken ring. She had always carried it with her, painstakingly hiding it. She placed them into the young scholar's hands. "Can you believe that these were made by the Gods themselves? So much history and stories it contains."
The glassware and the ring that she had always carried felt as heavy as lead, containing the thoughts and secrets that she kept close. From a glance, they were nothing special, just carved glass figurines of Shōuchéng and Havria, and a handcrafted wooden ring with entwined bamboo around it with a smooth finish. That ring was something that Shōuchéng had worn and given to someone from [F/N] people's village that did not have anything to give as a proposal to someone, tying it with a red thread, telling them to take it and present it as a blessing from God. She was still amazed she was able to find it in the rubble from the destruction. Those things for [F/N] served as reminders to keep her grounded and to never forget. After a lifetime of holding in tears and pushing false pleasantries, of living in someone else's shadows, and without anything to her name. The effort it took to say the words that were bottled up inside of [F/N]. "It has gone on for too long. This can no longer continue. "
She turned, grabbed her beizi off the chair, and put it on. She looked around at the place that she dreaded always having to come back to at the end of the day. The nightmare that had plagued her through the centuries, the life that she lived on this earth, the pain of loss. Her fingers trembled. She pushed the door open.
Leaves crunched beneath [F/N]'s feet as she hurried towards the northern end of Liyue Harbor. She pulled her beizi more closely around herself, despite the sound of birds' faint chirping in the distance, and the warm rays that cascaded down. It did nothing to lessen the chill inside [F/N]. Looking at the sky, the way the hues were, it almost looked like how it was that day...
The glittering sunrays spread various hues of bright orange and gold. It was deserted, a quiet morning at the beach. The water was calm; the birds are always up chattering away. [F/N] saw a lone figure in the distance. [F/N] watched the lone figure approach her, coming steadily. With his long dark hair flying with the wind, it was a stark contrast to it normally being set neatly atop his head.
It was Shōuchéng.
Lifting a hand to wave, [F/N] called out his name. Several long strides brought him to her side. "You actually took the time away to come by to visit?" [F/N] asked teasingly. "Or have you decided to take up my offer of forging a sword for you?"
"I was looking for you," Shōuchéng said simply. He looked at [F/N] with a somber expression. "Will you come with me? You and your followers. Seek safety within my realm."
"We've discussed this before," she started. "My stance has remained unchanged. I have no desire to go anywhere near the war nor to one of the divine seats. As long as I stay neutral, there is nothing to fear."
"I beg you to reconsider." The lines of sorrow on his face were etched so deeply. "I could have offered Havria and her people safety…If only I wasn't so far away." Raising his hands to [F/N]'s face. "I don't want to lose another friend."
"My friend…" [F/N] took hold of Shoucheng's hand, pulling it slightly away from her face, and gave him a knowing look. "I mourn for Havria, but as I have already stated, I remain neutral and am staying far away from the war."
His hands dropped limply from [F/N]'s face and he reluctantly backed slightly away. [F/N] continued on before Shoucheng could voice more of his concerns. She tilted her head, questioning his motives. "You too had stated that you would remain neutral, but now it is ever more apparent that you are fighting for a divine seat just as Morax and the other Gods. How is it any different? What changed? "
"Speaking of Morax…"He looked at [F/N] again, and then shrugged. "Has he visited you lately? It always looks to be that he takes time out from the war to visit."
[F/N] flinched slightly at the bluntness. Even though it did not sound as if he was judging her, he was always civil towards Morax, and if someone saw it they would assume they were on good terms. However, [F/N] had detected a bit of tension in Shoucheng's voice whenever Morax was brought up in conversation.
"He has not made an appearance yet," she said, meeting his gaze. "However, I would not be surprised if he does show up sometime soon."
His eyes wandered over to the area behind [F/N]. "He's probably watching from afar as we speak," he murmured. "Sharpening his spear, getting ready to set an ambush…., when I leave here."
Even though [F/N] was weary at times when Morax would step into her domain, he had never done anything untoward to her while he was there, nor would he do something so…underhanded. She was sure of it. "He would do no such thing." It was even an enjoyable conversation with decent company. She would even consider him a friend.
"You are blinded by your friendship with him." Raising a hand, he scratched his chin and looked at her. "To him, you are not a mere friend."
"What do you mean?" [F/N] retorted, her arms folded and her lips squeezed.
"You have never noticed? Even after all that time, Morax has made his appearance. It covered the ill intent underneath. Morax's desire for one of the seven divine seats is more than mere ambition. That ambition and lust of power will lead to destruction. It won't just end there; whatever is movable from the opposition will be seized, " he said stiffly, quickly gazing around for signs of prying ears. "All that has opposed will be crushed.
"As I have asked earlier, how is it any different from what you are doing?"
"I have no intention of spreading or conquering other domains. Only what is already under my authority, neither more nor less. Nor would I ever entertain the idea of looting treasures or living beings."
"Intention is irrelevant," [F/N] said. "You are still taking part in the war."
He didn't have an answer right away but just hung his head before composing himself to answer [F/N]. "You're correct that my stance was to stay neutral, but it's a war, things always change, it's unpredictable. If trying to claim a divine seat can prevent our respective domains from being swallowed up…." Taking a deep breath, he sighed in frustration. "I'd rather go fight to defend my domain rather than wait for death to come to me."
She flashes a half-smile. "You think there is a difference? Isn't that what the other Gods are doing as well? "
"Of course there—," he began, but stopped, realizing anything he said would sound as if he was making excuses. "Do you think less of me?"
"No. You are not seeking to crush others down or try to expand, " [F/N] said. "Why did I even say that? Disregard what I said previously. Of course, the intentions matter and are different. "
"But then death would always loom closely over you." A puzzled look spread across [F/N]'s face. "Spreading yourself and your followers who are willing to defend the domain alongside you thin. You built a wall, a fortress to house your followers, all those humans from other domains and other gods. You're doing too much."
"Other gods and deities have come seeking to form an alliance," Shoucheng turned to face [F/N]. It was on his face, that he was determined to see it through. Turning away once more, he continued. "Others come seeking refuge from the war; I cannot just turn them away."
"Are you sure those that seek an alliance are not just smaller domains seeking to grow bigger?" [F/N] inquired. "What you are doing is unwise. It will lead to disaster."
His chest felt tight, giving a slight nod in acknowledgment that [F/N] was right, it was a lot. Nonetheless, he was going to go through with it. Shoucheng's domain was neither the largest nor the smallest, but he would defend the areas under his jurisdiction. It was obvious that he was not ready to back down. "The larger domains want to extend over the smaller ones. As for those seeking alliances… If it happens, it happens." A sigh slipped through his lips. "[F/N]… all I ask of you is just be cautious and stay safe."
"Do you doubt my capabilities?"
She raised her eyebrows before a smirk crossed her lips. "I assure you I have no intention of losing or being destroyed, whether it is from war or any reoccurring visits from a certain pesky blowfly. They would be dealt with swiftly."
"A…blowfly?" With how sure her conviction was, he nodded in her direction, a smile completely enveloping his face. "Alright, then there is nothing to worry about." Turning quickly, he moved closer and placed his hand on [F/N]'s shoulder, her eyes locked with his, and there were no words that could sum up the wave of understanding. "Don't ever change my friend," he laughed. "Don't ever change."
As he spoke, a breeze swayed in their direction. "I shall take my leave now," he said as he stood straighter. "I'll bring fresh crops the next time we meet. Let's prepare the dishes that dearest Havria was fond of as offerings." With those final words, he turned and slowly walked away.
As [F/N] watched him go farther away, she called after him, already knowing what the response would be. "My offer still stands!" After a few more steps, without turning around or stopping, he gave a wave. She was not sure if it was because of the wind that continued to entwine itself through his hanfu and hair, but that scene will always live long in her memory.
She would never have predicted that would have been the last time she saw him alive. She wondered if she had forged him a sword or taken her people to seek refuge in his domain, would things have turned out differently? Of course, she knew the answer and that it would only delay the inevitable outcome. As she passed by around the various stalls, quite a few kids were gathered around a fruit cart where a grandpa was recounting the deadly and tragic tale about the other Gods and deities that participated in the Archon war.
As [F/N] approached the bridge, [F/N]'s ears perked up as the grandpa waved a fan. "Today's story is about Tides Turned, a tragedy of many fallen Gods who fought for a divine seat during the Archon war…"
He wet his lips and then slowly started talking. "It was said that many gods and deities coexisted with each other and humans. Until the Archon war began, many sought one of the seven divine seats, while there were others who wanted to maintain the existing state of affairs. "
Before the grandpa finished, he was interrupted by some of the heckling kids. "I heard of this one already, probably a hundred times. The story is boring; they were losers in the war anyway, especially that Shoucheng one... "
The grandpa's facial expression grew long as he mentally brushed off the kids' comments. Before moving on, the grandpa offered another suggestion. "What about the story of the God of salt?"
"Nah, I've heard that story a hundred times before too!" Another kid chirped, rocking back and forth on his feet. "She got killed by Morax anyways."
"Now, now, that is one interpretation-"
"Still a loser of the war."
The grandpa was not swayed; he continued to wave his fan. "It's still good to have knowledge of these stories. It's always better to understand the failures of those fallen beings, especially the well known failure of... "
He was anything but a failure. [F/N] could only clench at the fabric of her hanfu, what else could she do? That is what has been passed for many generations. All one could do about it was to pitifully lambast the stories as a gross distortion of the truth….
"Was that all really necessary?" She murmured with a deep agonized frown. "You already emerged victorious."
"It serves as a warning, [F/N]."
He said it so matter-of-fact, so... coldly, as if it were the most sensible thing to do, after she expressed her open disgust at the gruesome brutality and his plan to display it. She was paralyzed on the spot, the menacing aura holding her painfully in a tightening grip.
"I am sure those scattered bodies pinned down by those spears and heads or rocks protruding from the ground are explicit enough."
"It's to make it clear that a feudalist type of confederacy system will never again be set," he replied in a booming voice that made her more unsettled. "As I have explained before, as long as those kinds of hegemony remain, there will never be peace. It must be eliminated and be under unification. "
"Do you truly feel at peace carrying out these actions?"
He pondered for a moment. "Some things are necessary and must be done." Without breaking his stride, his long legs carried him across the stoned ground. "It doesn't mean there is joy to be found in it."
She squinted her eyes, to keep her from collapsing into a sobbing heap, and looked up at the sky, as if appealing to any higher power. Shifting her eyes back to what was in Morax's hand, dangling it by the hair, the face coated with grime, smeared with the red liquid dripping down the from the corners of the mouth, and severed end of the neck. Leaking onto the stone floor. There was nothing that she could do but watch him walk away until he faded from her sight.
It was already the end of the Archon war and the beginnings of [F/N]'s prison, her Hell. The contract binds her eternally to Morax, with such unequal terms.
He claimed it was necessary, but she believed that Morax wanted to do it. Just as he impaled many under the rain of spears, he could have just done that, no need for that kind of spectacle. To demonstrate his victory, he struck those who dared to stand in his way of one of the seats, especially when the being opposing him did not think highly of him or trust him.
He knew that would wound [F/N]'s heart, destroying what she held dear.
What more will she have to suffer through? Witness the murder of her people, her followers. She would do anything for the safety of her people, but was it not enough that she had endured humiliation? Is it inevitable that constant degradation will never end? To bear witness to such disrespect to the remains of her friend, Shoucheng. All of this at the hands of Morax.
Her pulse raced and she breathed heavily. Clenching her fists so hard that the nails cut into her skin. Her jaw tightened and through clenched teeth, she let out a low mutter. "Damn you, Morax. Damn you. I will never forget this, " [F/N]'s head was spinning and threatening to explode. From the devastating destruction of the bulk of her followers, and now the desecration of her friend's corpse, burned into her memory. "Never."
Of course, that was just the start of what she had to witness. The followers of both [F/N] and her friend had scattered across the land, and would be hunted down by Morax or that group of Yakshas. It served as a warning to others and to… [F/N]. Just for knowing the simple truth and because the most rebellious men, adepti, or Gods, would be purged. Thinking about it made a shudder from [F/N]'s feet to her head.
[F/N] was on the edge of that painful memory. She winced from it, the very last thing that carried that information. The missing link to that terrible truth. From what she feared earlier about false hope, she wanted to have faith in her people's descendants, the ones that carried those bamboo and wooden slips after all those centuries. That they had traveled safely away to Mondstadt, those young descendants had hired Xinyan to accompany them after all, and they had set up an exhibition with the help of a librarian who is said to be a distinguished intellectual. At least according to the letter they sent to Xingqiu.
Muttering to herself, "It'll go well. As long as some truth is out there….of what I truly am exists. People can have a choice to believe whichever truth they want…"
She stood up straighter as a hand gently laid itself on her shoulder and realized people were staring. [F/N]'s hands were clenched to the rails of the bridge and she was hunched over the side. Turning to see the familiar face of Linlang from the Xigu Antiques shop.
"Hey, are you okay?" Brushing a hand across [F/N]'s cheek and then to her forehead with worry etched on her face. "You've been staring off for a while."
It's perplexing and nice how a small touch could be. How much warmth and trust. It brought out that tenderness that [F/N] felt for the humans of Liyue. She cleared her throat. "I've been better; excuse me for making a scene." It almost made her turn back, choosing to stay until what she heard next.
"Oh! That's good to hear. I was worried," Linlang said, clasping her hands together. "I'm sure your husband would be worried too if you were feeling ill."
Her entire body jerked to a standstill, her heart pounding. For several moments, [F/N] stood unmoving, letting out a haggard breath before muttering. "I'd best be on my way now."
After bidding a quick wave to Linlang, [F/N] quickly crossed the rest of the bridge.
The crabs scurried away as [F/N] walked along the sand, her feet sinking into it with every step. The clear water would lapse and the sea foam flopped wildly at [F/N]'s feet before retreating back into the endless expanse. It was a small pocket beach just outside the harbor, but it will do. The sun still shone through the soft clouds, and it felt as if the world seemed to stand still.
[F/N] bent down to pick up what she thought was a half-buried noctilucous jade, but upon pulling it out of the sand, it was a fully intact starsconch. Holding it in different angles, it was shiny, cold, and opalescent under the light. [F/N] recalled walking along the beach with Shoucheng and Havria, hearing the waves crash against all of their ankles. They would eventually try to outdo each other by finding the largest intact seashell, Shoucheng won that little contest. Soon they would look for smooth round rocks and dried branches to start a fire. Catching whatever fish or crabs they could get their hands on, along with the crops that Shoucheng brought with him, and the salt that Havria had with her. "If only, this moment, this quiet could last…." Havria sighed.
The memories were all that was left of [F/N]'s friends, but even though recalling the past could bring happiness, it also made one even lonelier. It was not too long after that time on the beach, the war would creep closer and closer. Havria had fled with her people further away to avoid the war. It was then later on that she met her demise, not by other gods, but by her own people, because she was too weak to protect them. Shoucheng, too, had gone back to protect his domain and people, even allowing refuge for other gods and deities. He too met a violent end at the hands of Morax. Only to be remembered not for his unwavering determination or loyalty, but as a mockery and lesson for children, that of a brave but weaker and foolish God. She was no better, despite her martial skill she was not exceptional she had given up without so much of a fight, and lived in humiliation.
It was almost fitting, the price that all three of them paid for being on the wrong side of the Archon war; having their names dragged through the mud, faults inflated, words and actions completely twisted, and whatever achievements and sacrifices they had made reduced to hushed whispers that faded away rather than being uttered out in the open. Though in Havria's case, the truth was distorted by Havira's people trying to hide their transgression by turning it into a tale of a powerful God who was murdered by Morax.
[F/N] sat down in the water, relishing the solitude for the time being. The wind blows gently, the sun is about to set, casting many rays on Liyue. So, so beautiful…all the things, the sights, the landmarks [F/N] will never see again. She had to begrudgingly admit and accept that Zhongli was right all those centuries before. Liyue would not be the way it is today if those orders and laws had not been set up and put down any opposition. The Archon war and its aftermath taught [F/N] the importance of being ruthless. Havria and [F/N] did not have the guts for it, and Shoucheng could be brutal on the battlefield, but he was not ruthless. Because the rise of great nations is built on the blood, sweat and tears of the enemy and innocent. "In the end, this world... Teyvat has no place for us," [F/N] sighs sadly and knowingly.
Staring at the ripples, the whole world reflects back at [F/N] and it just doesn't care. "It's about time to conclude the slow and agonizing battle between the both of us. I may have lost many battles, but I'll win this war, " letting out a strangled breath and shaking her head. "I will still have my heart."
"Humans and gods both cling desperately to life," [F/N] mused. "There are things worse than death, such as loneliness or boredom..."
Looking back at her long life, how much she had to endure it. Always, reminding herself that it was all for her people and descendants, to keep at bay wondering what the point of it all was. "The agony and fear of death, that is more terrifying than death itself. In the very absence of respect towards my name, I am an adepti, a God. All that's left of my very being, reduced to a possession, just nothing. "
[F/N] smiles sadly, "I am just so tired. I have labored quietly in the background for centuries without much recognition, all for my followers, the descendants of my followers and…Liyue. They have truly grown. Just like a parent, it's hard to let go of your children. " She sat up in the water with her back against the base of the mountain, pulling her hair and turning a zānzi in her hand that she had made a long time ago. Its simple design, carved from glass and metal, was inlaid with a simple jade, and the decorative end would shine brightly under the light. Soon it would be soiled as [F/N] turned the sharper end and dragged it across the soft flesh of her wrists. Carving into her wrist, opening a crimson river of regret and despair, it soon spurted out as quickly as a geyser. "From the mistakes I have made, the most grave is that because I cared too much. Since he refuses to release me from the contract, then I will just seek my own exit. Tell me, my dearest friends, what is there left? "
"Do you think less of me?"
When [F/N] felt the first sharp sting of the pain in her chest, she knew that it was over; her eyes were fluttering, her hands had become clumsy, and her strength was slowly fading away. Soon it was numb, there was no pain. As the world began to turn dark, there was still something that she wanted and needed to say, to declare something, the last grievances to be sent out into the world, to the one who caused her misery. There was a light tremor around her surroundings and someone was... calling her name from behind [F/N], but it didn't matter because she could finally fall into a long overdue rest. She parted her cold lips. "The contract has finally come to an end."
A/N: Thank you for reading!
- I hope it was not too difficult to read. It has not been beta read.
- Don't forget to check out ddarker dreams (tumblr or ao3).
- The format is still kind of weird on this site.
- I want to write some more stories for this fandom.