Tite Kubo owns Bleach all the characters mentioned. I do not.
"WAAAHHHHHHHH!" This was all that could be heard currently in the barracks of Squad 11, and the men were losing their shit.
The angelic face of the little red-haired baby was currently scrunched up in frustration and her violet eyes were tightly closed and drowning in fresh hot tears as she little baby emptied her lungs throughout the barracks./p
Renji sat there in the squad 11 office, patting his baby girls back and trying his hardest to make his princess feel better. Yumichika and Ikkaku were not as concerned about the babies feelings, but their own sanities.
"God damn it Renji, what the hell is wrong with her?!" Ikkaku yelled, his hands slammed up against his tender ears that he could swear were about to bleed. If he weren't so ticked off he would be impressed with the little lady's tenacity.
"For real, she is not happy… What did you do?" Yumichika chimed in, holding his composure a little better than the bald man next to him as he fanned himself with the paperwork Renji had delivered moments ago.
Renji sighed, continuing to try and soothe his daughters cries that had gone up a few octaves.
"She's upset that Rukia had to go to that damn Captains meeting" Renji grumbled, bouncing the child up and down slightly.
"UWAHHHHHHHHH" Ichika continued to wail, making her father's heart drop at seeing his adorable little girl so upset over being with him rather than her mother. He tried not to take it to heart seeing as at this stage of her life, her mother = the food and that's all she cared about right now.
"C'mon Ichika, she'll be back before you know it. Don't cry" Renji soothed, rubbing circles on the child's back. She did not quiet down, and this pissed Ikkaku off more.
"Oh, FOR THE LOVE OF G_" Ikkaku was cut off quickly by an elegant slap to the head from the feathered man next to him.
"Don't yell infront of it you idiot! It'll just make it louder" Yumichika scolded, glaring at the baby in the red pineapples arms.
"Uh… Her Yumichika, not 'it'" Renji corrected, somewhat used to this common mistake since Ichika had only been born for a month or so.
"I'm not so sure anymore…" Yumichika mumbled, earning a deathly glare from the new father which chilled Yumichika to the bone. And also excited him a little.
"S-sorry" He apologised quickly, Renji just returned to his efforts to comfort the baby by bouncing a little stronger and returning to patting her back instead of rubbing. Still, nothing worked.
"Damn it, kid. You're more annoying than your idiot dad you know that brat?" Ikkaku said, giving the infant an irritated look that resulted in the child crying louder, seemingly startled by the look.
SMACK. Another hit to the shiny head.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Another smack echoed throughout the room.
"YUMICHIKA, STOP FU_" Another smack.
"I'LL KILL YO_" Another one. This time from Renji.
"WHY ARE YOU HITTIN' ME?!" Ikkaku yelled, but then stopped when he realised the crying had turned into something else.
The men's eyes were fixed on the baby, who was now making a sound that was completely opposite to the absolutely grating sound she was making earlier.
"w-what?!" Ikkaku sputtered, eyes wide at the adorable sight of the baby girl laughing in her father's arms.
"Well… That's adorable" Yumichika commented. The men nodded in agreement, all of them just taking in the adorable guttural giggles coming from the little girl. Renji's face lit up as he watched his daughter laugh, her first laugh.
"What's so funny Ichika-chan? Huh? Is it this?" Yumichika said whilst pulling a funny face, the baby responded with a bored look and an abrupt end to her laughing.
"You bastard Yumichika, it's my bald head she finds so funny, right kid?" Ikkaku said, presenting her with his head. The girl did not respond. Until she started to get fussy once more.
"u-uuuuh" She began, making the men panic more than they did in the war.
"N-no, Ichika-chan don't cry again, please don't cry for Daddy" Renji said, rapidly going back to bouncing, patting, rubbing etc.
"If you start with the waterworks again brat, I'll kic_" Another smack.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Ikkaku yelped, looking at the offender.
"Don't 'what the hell' me, don't you threaten my baby gir_"
"haaahaa~" Ichika's laughs rang throughout the room like a clear bell. Then, the penny dropped for the poor men in the room.
"Oh… Oh, this is great pfft_" Yumichika started, trying hard to supress his own laughs, tears in his eyes as he doubled over in laughter, Renji following suit as he bounced his baby girl who was still laughing whilst Ikkaku stayed still in his spot, a vein popping out of his temples.
"Are you kiddin' me?" Ikkaku glowered, rubbing his now tender bald head.
"S-she… She likes it when you get hit!" Renji laughed, sending Yumichika into another fit of roaring laughter, Ichika joining in on the fun.
"C-c'mon Ikkaku, you don't want her to start crying again riiiight?~" Yumichika sang, wiping his tears away as he started to stalk his way over to the bald man. Ikkaku glared at his friend, but then looked back to the baby who was now reaching out to him, oddly enough her little chubby hand making a swatting motion towards his head. He sighed, defeated.
"Go on then, have at it" He said, as he leaned forward and allowed Ichika to softly smack his head, copying her father and Uncle, followed by her pearls of laughter echoing though the room joined by her father and uncle, a small grumble from the bald accosted uncle, and a confused Rukia.
"Huh? What's going on here?" Renji turned to the doorway to be greeted with his confused wife, and bored looking Kenpachi. At the sight of her mother, Ichika began to wriggle and reach her hands out, Renji following his princesses' silent orders and passing her over to her mothers waiting arms.
"Hello Ichi-chan, how's my girl? Were you good for daddy?" Rukia babbled, smothering her baby with kisses and hugs, the child cooing contently in her mother's arms.
"Oi, Rukia… Watch this" Renji smirked as he got the attention of his daughter again.
"Hey, hey Ichika! Ichika, look at daddy! Yep, that's right, watch!" Renji cooed as he delivered a good smack to his friend's head, Ikkaku just taking it as he had resigned himself long ago to this fate.
Rukia stood confused but then shock spread across her face when the baby began to laugh at the sorry sight. Renji stood there beaming proudly at the success of his fatherly action at making his daughter laugh, along with Yumichika who was stifling laughs at Ikkaku's pathetic predicament.
"Ichika! You're laughing!" Rukia said with glee, rubbing her cheeks against her daughter's soft chubby ones, thrilled at her daughter arriving at this milestone. That was until she realised the depressing truth.
"W-wait… I-I missed her first laugh?!" Rukia said, turning her sad gaze to her husband whose smile was now falling off his face, his panic once again rising, as Rukia's violet eyes began to shine with tears.
"U-uh… W-wait a sec, don't cry! She only just did it before you guys came in, I swear! R-right guys?!" Renji stumbled over his words as he moved to embrace his sniffling wife and babbling daughter, rubbing Rukia's back soothingly like he had done for his daughter earlier. Rukia stifled a sob and turned to face Ikkaku and Yumichika who were nodding profusely.
"Y-yeah, we only figured it out, she was miserable before you showed up" Yumichika said quickly, not necessarily lying but not telling the whole truth either as he looked at the downtrodden new mother looking at him with tearful eyes.
"R-really?" Rukia asked with a watery smile, trying her best to get a hold of herself, but the hormones mixed with missing one of the first milestones in her baby's life meant the flood gates were refusing to shut. Yumichika kicked Ikkaku discreetly.
"O-oh, yeah you shoulda heard her before Rukia. She was wailing the house down, got a set of lungs on her alright. Then we realised Renji's kid was a sadist who found my pain funny as hell" he grumbled, gaining a dark chuckle from his Captain who, until now, he had forgotten was in the room as well.
"So the kids got good taste huh? Here, Kuchiki! Aim that kid towards me, I'll make her laugh so hard her lungs will ache" Kenpachi chuckled menacingly as he advanced towards his lieutenant.
Lets just say Ikkaku did not have a good rest of the day
Hope you enjoyed it! I had fun writing this one, I could see it in an episode in my mind, honestly, I would love a mini-series of Ikkaku and Yumichika trying to be uncles. Will be doing a Kurosaki version soon about his first laugh – just trying to come up with ideas. Will either involve Isshin Ichigo shenanigans or Ichigo Kon. Let me know if you have any requests of scenarios you wanna see the kiddos in! God, don't you just wish they would do a spin-off involving the kids, a bit like what they did with Naturto/Boruto.