We are Finally All Right

Christmas at Downton was different in 1919.

In some ways, it was better than it had been in the past few years, as the Great War had finally ended, and Cora, Robert, and all of their family were moving on with their lives. Everyone eagerly sang Christmas carols on Christmas Eve, and on Christmas Day they all attended church. Mary and Edith loved the diamond hairpins that Cora and Robert had given them.

Best of all, Cora's relationship with Robert had improved considerably. Last year, she'd been so focused on losing her convalescent home that she hadn't realized she was also losing her husband. They'd both handed each other random gifts absentmindedly. This year, Robert's blue eyes met hers warmly as he opened his new cigars, filling Cora's heart. And when Cora saw the dangling diamond earrings he'd given her, she'd gasped. "Oh, darling."

"I'm glad you like them. I thought they'd look beautiful on you," he said softly.

Cora nodded, her smiled widening as she gazed back at him.

Yet for all the holiday cheer, Cora was acutely aware that Sybil wasn't here, especially as Cora had missed the wedding. She sensed her absence as they sang carols, as they sat in the pews in church, and as they opened gifts in front of the Christmas tree. Cora had sent her youngest daughter a shawl, but it didn't replace the joy of seeing her open the gift in person.

The shadow of Bates' trial also hung over everyone, especially the servants, but Robert spent a considerable time dwelling on it as well. For months, Cora thought her husband spent more time focused on the fate of his valet than his own family, especially Sybil, but as the trial grew closer, it began to weigh heavy on her. This was a valuable servant on trial for his life. Despite herself, she felt for the man. Cora particularly knew Bates' wife, one of their housemaid's who was close to her daughters, was suffering profusely.

Now it was New Year's Eve, and Cora had disappeared from the festivities to the quietness of the library. Normally, she loved parties, especially the holiday celebrations. But this year, Sybil's absence, and the tension of Bates' fate sometimes became too much. Even if she were wearing the new earrings Robert had given her. Withering Heights was far more tolerable.

It didn't surprise her in the least that Robert wandered into the library shortly after her. He wasn't always as social as she. In fact, a warm feeling swelled inside her as she heard his voice in the room. It was wonderful that she could predict his behavior again. Perhaps they truly were "all right," just as she'd desperately hoped for months.

But what he said was even better. "This came for you," Robert said, dropping a letter from Sybil on her lap. Cora immediately abandoned Withering Heights for something far more interesting.

Robert continued chatting about his sister, Rosamund while she opened Sybil's letter.

Dear Mama,

I hope you and everyone at Downton had a happy Christmas. I am pleased to say we had a great one here in Ireland. Dublin is really becoming my home. Once again, mixed feelings washed over Cora as she read that statement. She was glad that Sybil was happy with the life she'd chosen, but it still hurt that Sybil would rather have a different life away from her family.

I know you sent the shawl because you love me, Mama, and I appreciate that you did not send jewelry or perfume. But I am afraid I already have a shawl for the cold weather, and cashmere is far too fancy material for me to wear here. Cora read those sentences again, partly in surprise and partly in disappointment. Sybil had told Cora she didn't wish to have jewelry, perfume, or make - up anymore, but she'd thought her daughter could at least appreciate a shawl to ward off the cold and wind during winter. It seemed no matter how Cora tried to understand Sybil's new life and what she wanted, she still failed. But Cora couldn't believe how… plainly said she couldn't use the shawl. Out of all her daughters, Sybil was the least reserved, but she had still been schooled by governesses, Mama, and even Cora on how to be polite and subtle.

Had Ireland truly changed Sybil that much? She was almost as blunt as Mother.

And then Cora read the next part of the letter, and her mood transformed.

Tom and I have decided to sell the shawl to buy items for the baby. Yes, Mama, I am with child. The baby should be born this summer, around the time of our wedding anniversary and your birthday. Cora gasped out loud, as Robert still spoke of his sister's new gentleman friend. A baby! Sybil might even give birth near Cora's birthday. What a wonderful birthday present, to have her first grandchild!

"What is it?" Robert's deep voice asked, in response to her gasp.

"Sybil's pregnant!" Cora said, still bursting with joy and excitement.

Robert wandered around the room for a moment, without answering, before he said, "So that's it, then. No return. She's crossed the Rubicon."

When Robert entered the library after her, Cora had thought they were finally all right again. They'd both worked hard over the last several months to recommit to each other, even telling each other they loved each other again. But his response to Sybil's wonderful news showed Cora that they weren't all right, after all.

"She crossed it when she married him, Robert," Cora said, frustrated with how unreasonable he was still being. Didn't Robert realize that Sybil would become pregnant eventually after she married?

Robert wandered around the library again, still not looking at Cora. "I wondered why she didn't ask to come for Christmas."

Despite her continued frustration with him, Cora's heart leaped at that comment. Could that have been the only reason why Sybil didn't want to return? Could she have come if it weren't for her baby? "Would you have allowed it?" she asked, unable to stop herself.

Robert didn't say anything for several moments. When he finally did, he looked at her and said, "Well… well… We are to have a Fenian grandchild." His bit of stuttering showed just how uncomfortable he was with that idea, although Cora was relieved that he was past the point of throwing another tantrum.

Still, she was disappointed with how narrow – minded he remained. Cora had promised herself she would forgive Robert's behavior towards Sybil and help them reconcile eventually, but it was proving more difficult than she'd expected.

But Cora needed to try. And the way he looked at her now, almost as if he were asking for answers that he was afraid to admit to, showed just how much Robert wished her to attempt it. "Cheer up," she said, in her calm voice that had been proven to soothing him in the past and urged him to consider a different perspective. "Come the revolution, it may be useful to have a contact on the other side."

I do hope you and Papa will be part of the baby's life. I adore you all, even though I live in Dublin now.

Love,

Sybil

Cora nodded as she finished Sybil's letter, determined that she would be part of grandchild's life, and so would Robert. The next year would be much better.

OOOOOOOOOO

Later that night, their whole family toasted the New Year with a glass of champagne. Robert gave Cora a warm kiss on the cheek and put his hands on her hips. Things were already looking better this year.

When she retired to bed, she removed her new earrings with a smile, and did her best to untangle her hair without O'Brien's assistance, as New Year's was the one night all the servants had free. She also managed to unbuckle her shoes but would need assistance with her gown and corset.

Patiently, Cora sat on her vanity and waited for Robert to enter. As he had no valet tonight either, it may take him longer to do so. But soon, Robert's door opened, and he came in, wearing his blue dressing gown. "Could you help me?" she asked calmly. "I can't reach the buttons on the back of this gown."

Robert didn't answer but nodded. Slowly, he undid the tiny white buttons on her silver gown, and she stepped out of it. "I suppose you need help with the corset as well," Robert said, grumbling. He hated her corsets; he always had. The fastenings were more complicated than any buttons on a gown or a night dress, and Robert lacked the practice to handle a corset.

"Yes, please," Cora said calmly.

He spent the next several moments attempting to unfasten the first one, his hands fumbling all the while. He may have even murmured a curse word.

Ordinarily, Cora didn't mind. She knew her Robert became easily frustrated with things he didn't understand, and the champagne they'd indulged in for New Year's may not have helped. His warm hands next to her body was a fair trade for his irritation with her corset.

But Cora was still a bit sore about his reaction to Sybil's pregnancy. As his hands still fumbled, and he murmured more insults and curse words, she said, "Robert that's enough!"

Robert's hands stopped moving against her back.

"Oh, it is, is it?" he said, a bit too loudly for this time of night, even if it was New Year's. "Well then you can take your darn corset off yourself!" With that, her husband marched away from her and threw his dressing gown on the corner chair.

Reaching behind her, Cora tried desperately to unfasten it herself. But it was no use. She simply couldn't reach her hands that far behind her, much less see what she was doing to do so. Several times her long fingers brushed the laces and hooks, but that was it.

Finally, Robert sighed resumed unfastening it himself. His fumbling hands and murmured curse words continued while Cora said nothing. A part of her understood that his assistance on a task he disliked was an expression of love. Especially as she was still sore at him.

But his response to Sybil's letter and his inappropriate language rang in her ear, and Cora couldn't appreciate it. Even when Robert eventually removed her corset and she'd put her night dress on, she wouldn't speak to him.

The bedroom felt cold, and she hurried to surround herself with blankets.

As they climbed into bed, Cora said in uncharacteristically cold voice, "I think I'll stay in for the shoot tomorrow. Rosamund is here, so you can go with her," before turning her back to her husband.

"Fine with me," Robert's voice said in the same voice.

Cora pulled the blankets more firmly around herself. Despite being in bed, she was still cold.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

Robert got up to host the shoot the next morning, while Cora still nestled under the blankets. Later she ate her breakfast and even rose for luncheon with the others. She felt warmer as the day continued, both in her body and in her heart. In fact, she felt rather guilty for her behavior last night. How could she hold his frustration with her corset against him?

Even though she whispered an apology to Robert in the afternoon, they were both so busy with guests, it was difficult to give him the attention he deserved. When Carson

Robert tried to belittle his anxiety about his valet in front of the guests, but she knew it weighed on him. It was in his eyes and in the tone of Robert's voice when he responded to Carson's message.

"I'll finish my tea upstairs in my sitting room," she announced to everyone still in the drawing room after Robert had left. After all, Mary and Sir Richard had already gone up, so there was no need for a chaperone. Mathew, Edith, Mama, and Isobel all nodded as they continued their bridge game.

"I'll be in my sitting room," Cora said to Robert, carefully balancing her tea as she met him on the stairs. "Please tell me what Murray has to say when you are done."

Robert's eyes stared into hers in surprise for a moment. Cora supposed that would be unexpected, especially as his dedication to his valet opposed to his family, particularly Sybil, still frustrated her. But she also felt sorry for Bates. Most of all, she needed to atone for her behavior last night.

As she began to enjoy Robert showing his emotions to her, his face looked away. "If that is what you wish," he said neutrally.

"It is," Cora said as she reached the top of the stairs.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Finishing her tea quietly, she appreciated the peacefulness after the busy day. The fire burned and crackled, providing a comfortable atmosphere in the room.

Eventually, Robert entered, his body language showing the same anxiety she'd seen earlier. "He is coming here tomorrow," he said, explaining why Murray had rung, just as she'd asked him. "He wants to brief me and some of the servants right before Bates trial."

"Will Mr. Murray be staying?" she asked first, wondering if they needed to host another guest.

"No, he wants to get to York," Robert said with a sigh, still showing the same anxiety.

"Oh, my dear," Cora said, finally voicing what she needed to since she'd decided to come up after him. "I hope you can be strong if it goes against him."

Looking directly at her, Robert said firmly, "It won't."

Cora smiled in response. Perhaps she was worrying needlessly.

For a moment, she thought of ringing for O'Brien to prepare her for bed, but then he said, "There was an awkward moment between Mary and Carlisle after dinner. Did you notice it?"

Cora wished he could accept Mary and her fiancé. She would admit Sir Richard wasn't as much of a gentleman as she'd originally thought, but he was still Mary's best option. And Mary wasn't as weak as Robert wished to believe. "I'm sure Mary has it under control."

"Does she?" Robert said in a doubtful voice. He wandered around the room, a typical habit of him when he was bothered about something, and eventually leaned against the mantlepiece. "I look at her, and all I can see is a tiresome woman with a tiresome husband, not on the brink of heaven. I wish I could understand why she goes on with it. Do you think there is some element I might have overlooked?"

His direct question about the matter made her pause. For years, she'd believed it was best for everyone to keep Robert in the dark about Mary's mistake. But now she sighed. "Yes."

"Cora," Robert said, "if there is something, and you know what it is; tell me." His voice sounded a combination of desperation to know and hurt that she'd kept something from him.

Briefly, she wondered if this secret had anything to do with their marriage struggles in the past year. Even if it didn't, would Robert ever understand why Mary was engaged to Sir Richard without this knowledge? She looked directly into his eyes and received her answer. "Perhaps it is time."

Wandering around the room again for a moment, Robert finally sat on the settee next to her. "I was hoping you would tell me I was wrong," he said with a resigned sigh.

"You're not wrong," Cora said. "But if I do tell you, swear not to fly off the handle." She'd lived in fear for years that if Robert finally found out about Mary's mistake, he would throw the worst of all his tantrums. And then it would break him completely. "And try not to be too hurt." She reached for his arm, trying to soothe him in some way as she spoke.

Robert's mouth dropped open in shock of just that information. "Now you must tell me because nothing could be worse than my imaginings. "

Squeezing his arm again, Cora took a deep breathe and looked directly into his blue eyes. Then she said in her most calm voice, "Do you recall a Turkish diplomat who stayed here before the war?"

"I think I can be relied on to remember any guest who is found dead in his bead the next morning," Robert said, sounding a bit confused.

Cora paused and took another deep breath, trying to prepare herself. The fire crackled in the background. "That's the thing. He didn't die in his bed." She stared into Robert's eyes for several moments, hoping he might understand. He preferred subtly, especially when the subject was as sensitive as this.

Unfortunately, her husband often couldn't comprehend the subtly he preferred, which was shown by his confused expression right now. "He didn't?"

"No," she said, squeezing his arm again. "I'm afraid he died in Mary's." She revealed the secret slowly, in her calmest voice, hoping to soothe his evitable irritation. "Anna, Mary, and I carried returned his body to his room before morning."

"He what?" Robert said, ignoring the last bit of information to focus on the first. He spoke louder than he should have, with his eyes flashing. "How could he? Did he come here just to seduce my little girl? I should have listened to Mama when she warned me not to trust foreigners! I almost wish he wasn't dead. He deserves a good beating for taking advantage of Mary like that!" He paused, then added, "And Mary herself! She should have known better – "

He started to stand up, no doubt to continue to rant, but Cora put both of her hands on his shoulders. "Believe me Robert, I understand, but you promised not to fly off the handle, remember?" she said gently. "As the Turk is dead, he is no longer the issue. The issue is that Mary has found someone willing to wed her despite her unfortunate situation, and that man is Sir Richard."

Robert sighed and stared into her eyes, looking for answers. "So, Carlisle knows?"

"Yes," Cora said with a nod and a small smile. Despite her frustrations with Mary, Cora was rather proud of her eldest daughter's ability to end her threat of scandal and find a match all at once. "I don't know all the details, but someone threatened to sell her story to the papers, so Mary bought Sir Richard's silence with an engagement. She's much stronger than you realize, Robert."

Shaking his head, Robert said, "she certainly reminds me more of Mama every day. But you Cora, are much stronger than anyone gives you credit. Didn't you say earlier that you carried the Turk's body back to his room?"

Involuntarily, she shuddered a bit as she remembered that horrible night. How Mary pleaded for her assistance, and they'd all carried that cold, heavy body across the house. "Yes," she sighed. "With Mary and Anna's help."

Robert's hand stroked her cheek in away that made Cora's heart sing. Especially with those terrible memories fresh in her head, and their problems the night before. "There aren't many mothers, no there aren't many people capable of such a thing, Cora." His eyes shinned with awe.

"Thank you darling," Cora said softly. "But now we should probably go to bed. You must be ready for your meeting with Mr. Murray tomorrow," she said, reminding both of the reason why they had met in this room in the first place.

Robert nodded.

"I'll ring O'Brien and meet you in my room," she said as she stood. Despite herself, she couldn't help but feel a bit relieved that her lady's maid would be removing her corset tonight.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Two days later, O'Brien was in York with Robert, Mary, Anna, and Mrs. Hughes for the valet's trial, and despite herself, Cora wondered about the outcome. She'd even worn a black mourning dress for some reason.

When Mrs. Hughes arrived back at Downton, Cora summoned her to the drawing room. "Would you tell me the verdict," she said calmly, but her heartbeat faster anyway.

Mrs. Hughes sighed. "I'm afraid he was declared guilty, milady," she said as she shook her head. "They've taken Anna to a pub for a breather."

Cora's heart may have stopped beating at that statement. Her poor Robert. He spent months dedicating himself to freeing his valet, and now it was all for nothing. How would her husband cope? Nevertheless, she tried to appear calm, thanking years of training from her mother – in – law. "His Lordship will be very cut up," she said out loud." Perhaps she should have gone to the trial as well. Mary had gone, even though she wasn't needed, just to support Anna. Her comfort could have helped him when he heard such terrible news.

"We're all upset downstairs, milady," Mrs. Hughes said.

Cora thought for a moment, trying to think of a way to help now. "His Lordship and Lady Mary won't want to change, so we won't either. Please ask Mrs. Patmore to serve dinner twenty minutes after they arrive," she said firmly." She could see Robert grumbling and fighting that a normal dinner was in bad taste today, especially without his valet to help him dress.

Mrs. Hughes nodded. "This is a time of grief for us. Of grief and heartbreak."

With that, the housekeeper disappeared, and Cora sighed, sitting down on the settee, as guilt swelled inside her. She's listened to Robert's words the other night, that that things wouldn't go badly for Bates, despite her lingering doubts, and look where that had gotten her. With a brokenhearted husband.

Had she dismissed Bates situation too quickly because she was still sore that Robert gave him so much attention in the last few months? There was a time when comforting her husband was an instinct to Cora. She'd known exactly what he needed to feel better. How could she have not realized until it was too late that he would have needed her comfort at that trial?

Their relationship may have improved over the last few months, but they were not all right yet. Not at all. And despite being in the drawing room, Cora buried her head in her hands at the thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OOOOOOOOO

After arriving home, Robert didn't change for dinner, just as Cora had suggested, but he still barely paid attention to the food and the chatter was irritating to him.

Instead, he dwelled on Bates' trial. Robert heard the word "guilty" over and over again. Sometimes the word was shouted at him other times whispered in his ear. But it always punched Robert in the stomach, especially when he recalled the conversation, he was forced to reveal that sealed his friend's fate. Instead of helping Bates, Robert had broken him.

Desperate to help someone in his family, Robert finally spoke to Mary, encouraging her to sack that jerk, Carlisle, and let the family face the scandal anyway. If she didn't wish to face it, she could spend a few months in America with Cora's mother and possibly find a suitable gentleman there.

The expression of love and relief on Mary's face, as well as her hug, was worth everything.

OOOOOOOOOO

Robert entered Cora's room with a sigh, still wishing Bates was here to ready him for bed instead of Carson. But he clung to Mary's expression from earlier like a lifeline.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Bates, Robert," Cora's voice said softly, as he removed his dressing gown. "I know I said that when you arrived home, but I mean it. Truly. And I wish I had gone with you today, even just for support."

Robert stopped, just before he deposited his dressing gown on the chair. He would have never expected Cora to think of such a thing, not when she'd dismissed his effort to assist Bates for the last several months. "We already had plenty of support for Bates today, and look where it got us," he said, shaking his head. He finally dropped the dressing gown on the chair.

He heard her sigh from the other side of the room. "You don't know that it will be final, Robert. Didn't Mary say that Mr. Murray and Cousin Mathew are going to try to argue against the hanging?"

Robert nodded. "Yes." But it was difficult to focus on that when it was Robert's testimony that had declared him guilty.

Suddenly he felt Cora's hands massaging is arms and shoulders. "Then focus on that." Robert managed a smile despite everything. It was typical for her to be so optimistic, but it meant more when it concerned Bates. "I still wish I had gone today, though Robert. You may have had several people there, but I know you could've used my support. Especially when they declared the verdict."

A part of Robert wanted to say that he was an earl, and he didn't need his wife to hold his hand. But he couldn't say that to Cora. Not when her soft hands were still soothing his tension. Not when they'd both been trying to be close again. And certainly not when an image of Cora sitting right next to him at the courthouse appeared, just as the verdict was announced.

Instead, Robert paused and then said, "I spoke to Mary tonight," his mind returning to the expression on Mary's face earlier. "I told her to sack Carlisle, and we'd deal with the scandal anyway."

Cora's hands stopped moving up and down his shoulders. "You did?"

Robert nodded. "I did. It was harder than I expected to get her to agree, considering how much she dislikes the man, but Mary was worried about how the rest of the family would handle the scandal." Despite the horrid situation, Robert could help but feel a bit of pride in Mary, who normally struggled to think of people besides herself, to be so concerned about the rest of the family. "I told her Bates' trial will give us a scandal, and we've already had another with Sybil and the chauffeur. We can handle one more."

Cora's beautiful blue eyes met his, with a look of admiration and confusion. "It's wonderful that Mary's happiness means more to you than the threat of scandal, but how will she find a match if she doesn't wed Carlisle? She won't be happy if she remains alone for the rest of her life, either Robert. Couldn't she learn to like Sir Richard eventually? I know he's more difficult than I thought, but…"

Shaking his head, Robert said, "'Difficult' doesn't begin to describe that man, Cora, and Mary is never going to be comfortable with a man who is blackmailing her." Both his hands cupped her face, and his right one stroked her cheek. "Not everyone is as forgiving as you are, Cora, and it seems obvious that Carlisle will never forgive Mary for hers." He still wasn't going to address his mistake with Jane openly, but sometimes it seemed Cora might understand when it was discussed indirectly. And perhaps Mary's mistake a few years ago had helped Cora to understand Robert's huge mistake. He didn't want to know, but…

Cora nodded, leaning into his touch, proving how much, she had forgiven him. "But I don't wish Mary to be alone, and she has no other options, Robert." She said that as if Robert were still hoping Mathew would finally propose to Mary again.

Of course, that had occurred to Robert, but Mary assured him that Mathew wasn't an option when they spoke earlier tonight. Something to do with Lavinia. "I am aware of that, Cora. So, I suggested she spend a few months with your mother. She could avoid the scandal if she wished and bring home a suitor from America."

Cora's eyes stared at him in shock. "I know; I don't usually consider Americans acceptable, present company excepted, but I want a good man for Mary." He chuckled. "It seems she must go abroad for that."

Cora chuckled in return. "I know Mother would be more than happy to host Mary, and she may well find a good man there." Then she shook her head, saying more seriously, "I am sorry, Robert; it appears I have severely miscalculated just how uncomfortable Mary is with Sir Richard."

Kissing her fingers repeatedly, Robert smiled at her. "Only because you always see the best in people, darling." It was also what allowed her to forgive him for all his horrid behavior over the course of their marriage.

After climbing into bed, Robert gave his Cora another kiss, loving that they were finally on the same page about Bates and Mary. In fact, he wondered if they might be truly "all right" again. The guilt over his mistake with Jane still hung in his subconscious, but everything else between him and Cora felt normal again.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

The next day was full of different anxieties; Mama fretted about Rosamund's new suitor, and then Isis disappeared, causing the entire family and staff to spend the evening searching for her. Naturally, Bates' fate also weighed on Robert's mind. But through it all, Cora soothed him and remained optimistic about everything.

They were "all right" again; Robert knew it in his heart.

Things at Downton improved a little when Isis was returned and even more when Mary finally sacked Carlisle. The man shouted as he left, threatening to publish her scandal as soon as possible. At least Robert now understood why that jerk had always seemed to believe he had power over his family. Carlisle either didn't know or didn't care how ungentlemanly he was proving to be.

It was almost understandable that Mathew had punched Carlisle under those circumstances. Still having not seen it, Robert needed more details. Because while Carlisle was certainly not a gentleman, Mathew had always been a perfect one. "What happened between you and him before I arrived?" Robert asked quietly after Mary had left the library.

Mathew sighed, staring uncharacteristically at his feet instead of looking at the person he was speaking. "I apologize, Robert; I should not have behaved that way, no matter who was on the receiving end. Especially not in your home."

"Ordinarily, I would agree with you," Robert said with a nod. "There are more gentlemanly ways to handle disagreements. But I know you, Mathew, my boy, and you would not have done such a thing without being rather provoked." To his disappointment, the boy still didn't look at Robert, even after that assurance.

But there was more at stake than simply encouraging Mathew here. Robert could still hear the screams and the broken glass coming from the library a short while ago. How far was Carlisle willing to go against Mary? Against their family? "Which is why I need to know what he said." Robert tried to keep his voice neutral, but his entire body tensed, and his heartbeat fasted at the prospect.

Mathew sighed, still looking at his feet. "He said… that Lavinia had known before she was ill that… that I still had strong feelings for Mary."

Despite how guilt – ridden the boy obviously was about that, Robert's heartbeat faster for a completely different reason. If Mathew was willing to admit he still had feelings for Mary, perhaps a match between them was still a possiblity, after all? "I see," Robert said out loud.

"I know I treated Lavinia dishonorably," Mathew said, still sounding guilty. "I've known it ever since she died. But the prospect that she'd known even before that." He sighed. "I'm afraid it was too much for me to handle, Robert. I'm sorry."

Robert understood the guilt of dishonorable behavior extremely well. In fact, Robert's behavior in the past year was even worse, as he'd developed feelings for another woman while he was married, and even acted on those feelings more than once. It seemed all Mathew had done was harbor feelings for one girl while being engaged to another.

Sighing, Robert wished he didn't have to speak of such uncomfortable topics, but Mathew was obviously in need of guidance. Glancing around his library for a moment, he took comfort in the normalcy of deep reds and shelves of books.

"Guilt can be…ah…difficult to overcome," Robert said slowly, thinking of weight of guilt that often hung around him like a cloud. "But the best way to do so is to atone for your mistakes." How many times had Robert wronged Cora and spent months if not years attempting to fix it? First there was his horrid reasons for marrying her, then there was his behavior after the war, and most recently there was his was his almost betrayal of their vows while she was still in the house.

Mathew nodded, still staring at his feet. "But there is no way to atone for my behavior with Lavinia if she's dead, Robert."

Sighing Robert nodded. "That does make things more difficult, but if she's dead, than she is no longer bothered by our problems. Perhaps it would be better if you atoned your behavior to Mary, instead."

Mathew didn't answer, but he finally raised his blue eyes to look at Robert. Things at Downton were improving all the time; perhaps Cora's optimism was rubbing off on Robert.

OOOOOOOOOO

The next day, the optimism was beneficial, as the home secretary declared Bates would not be hanged.

To celebrate, Robert and Cora decided to host the servant's ball, after all. Musicians were hired and brought to the Abbey, and everyone dressed for the occasion.

Mathew arrived as well, dressed in his tails. He appeared content enough as he entered the ballroom, but as a person well acquainted with guilt, Robert knew better. After consoling him about Lavinia's father, who died recently, Robert said, "You were ready to marry Lavinia, Mathew. You cannot be blamed for feelings you cannot control." Mathew had far less reasons to feel guilty than Robert did.

Mathew didn't look as certain, but he still looked at Robert and nodded.

The music began and Cora danced with Carson, looking striking in her red gown. Then danced with Mrs. Hughes. After that was Mathew and O'Brien, and Robert's temporary valet, Thomas Barrow danced with Mama.

Eventually everyone joined in and seemed to enjoy themselves.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Much later that night, Mama, Edith, Cousin Isobel, and many of the servants had gone upstairs. Meanwhile, Cora disappeared again into the library, just as she had on New Year's Eve. It was somewhat surprising, as his wife normally loved hosting parties and celebrations. But he supposed Cora may have been a bit down this year, as their Sybil was absent.

"Do you think we can go to bed?" she asked, sitting on the library settee as he entered the room.

Robert nodded, meeting her soft blue eyes in the dim light. "I think we've done our duty. Mama has gone upstairs, and so has Cousin Isobel."

"And the girls?" she asked, and Robert smiled at how obvious her concern was for her daughters.

"Edith is upstairs, and the last I looked, Mary was dancing with Mathew," Robert said, assuring her of their safety and happiness.

Cora's blue eyes danced with amusement and hope at that last part. "Don't interfere with that." He couldn't help but smile wider that he and Cora were finally in agreement about Mary, and a possible future with Mathew.

But naturally, Cora ruined their easy conversation with, "I've written to Sybil. I sent her your love."

Robert didn't answer, not wishing to discuss that again. But he poured himself a drink, wondering if it might be inevitable. "I won't be kept from my first grandchild, Robert," she said as he swallowed a gulp of thick brandy.

"I don't know what you mean," he said, putting the drink down for a moment. "I didn't quarrel with her. I gave her my permission. I didn't fight it." It was no small feat for a man in his position to allow one of his daughters to marry an Irish chauffer, but Robert gave Sybil his blessing. He'd tried to explain this to Cora before, but she hadn't listened. He hoped she would finally do so this time.

"But you didn't go to the wedding," Cora said, as if that were ever a possiblity.

"No," Robert said firmly, hoping to end this disagreement once and for all. He took another drink.

Cora's blue eyes stared straight into his. "It isn't what I wanted for her. None of it is." Robert paused to reflect on that for a moment, wondering if Cora was aware how much Sybil's rejection of him and everything, he wanted to give her hurt. Could she feel a bit of that rejection, too, but just handled it better than he did? Probably, as Robert had always marveled at her ability to process things.

"But this is what's happened," Cora's voice said, interrupting his thoughts. "And we must accept it. I want to go over there, and I want Sybil to come here."

"And the chauffeur?" Robert asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Him, too."

Sighing, Robert didn't know what to say. He was tired of having this same argument with her. Instead, he just took another drink. Besides, as dangerous as Ireland still was, it could no longer be blamed for Bates' lack of freedom.

Cora smiled, apparently taking his non – answer as a yes. "It's been a happy day, Robert." She held out her arms, inviting him to come closer, and showing how becoming that red gown was on her. "Let's end this day on a happy note."

And perhaps she was right after all. As uncomfortable as Sybil's decision sometimes still made him, did he truly wish to never see his youngest daughter again?

Right now, all that mattered were Cora's kisses. Warm, soft, and with the hint of what they'd been missing for the past several months. Before he knew it, Robert was kissing her just as deeply in the middle of the library and pulling her body closer to his.

"Take me upstairs, darling," she said, her eyes sparkling with joy and love as they withdrew from another kiss.

Robert stared into her eyes for a moment. Did she mean what it sounded like? His heartbeat faster and faster at the possiblity. They'd kissed like this a couple of times in the last couple of months, but there was something different tonight.

But the memory of Jane, always lingering in the background, still worried him. "Cora…" he said, unable to ask what he really wished, especially in the library. He'd been certain they were all right again for the past few days, but now, he couldn't see how it was possible.

Not when he'd betrayed her a few months ago.

"Yes, Robert," Cora said with a nod, as if she understood exactly what was on his mind. "I'm ready; . Please." It was odd that she'd chosen this night; it was almost as if Sybils situation meant more to Cora than Robert's betrayal. Although it was easier for him to understand Cora than any other woman, sometimes she proved it was impossible for any man to comprehend one.

Shrugging, Robert followed her upstairs, deciding not to focus on his guilt for now.

This story will have an epilogue, which will take place during Mary and Mathew's reception, and just after the wedding.

But before I post that, I want to post an M – rated outtake of this story, about what happens after Cobert go upstairs. I think I'll call it "A Happy Note." I will warn you, though, that my definition of "M – rated" is significantly tamer than most.