Okay, so, this story is VERY dark and graphic. I legitimately upset myself by writing it at certain points. Please read the warnings, and if you think you might be triggered by the content of this story, please do NOT read this. The beginning part might not seem very serious, but the story very quickly gets into detailed descriptions of suicide attempts.
1.
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Janus had been reading a book in the living room when the topic came up, so he wasn't quite sure why or how it did. But regardless of the circumstances that led to it being asked, the question still sat before them, weighty in terms of what the answer could mean, but detached enough from the others' world that the idea seemed almost abstract:
Assuming Thomas was still alive, could a side die?
And even though Janus wasn't part of the conversation and hadn't really been paying attention, he had the answer. And for some reason he couldn't fathom, he opened his mouth to give it to the others.
"No, sides can't die," he spoke. "At least, not through ordinary means. Thomas could probably make us disappear if he wanted us to, though."
The room fell silent, and everyone froze before slowly turning their gaze toward Janus.
"... How... do you know that?" Patton asked slowly.
Janus blinked.
Then he shrugged.
"...I live with Remus," he replied simply. "Though, I'm a bit surprised that you all didn't already know we couldn't really die. I mean, Roman, haven't you ever died during one of your 'princely adventures'?"
"What?!" Roman exclaimed. "Of course not! That's… It's all make-believe! If I'm ever in too much danger, I can just make it stop."
Janus blinked again.
"Oh. Hm," Janus hummed. "I take it that none of you have ever 'died', then?"
"... No, Jan, we haven't," Virgil answered. "Like, seriously, what the fuck?"
"... Um, Kiddo…," spoke Patton. "You're making it sound like you have…"
Janus sighed, finally closing his book as he realized he probably wasn't going to get back to it.
"Well, I'm alive and well, so," Janus pointed out, gesturing at himself.
"But you have died before?" Logan questioned.
"More-or-less."
Four pairs of eyes continued to stare at him.
"How… How did you die, Jan?" Virgil asked, face paler than usual.
"Oh, details, details," Deceit waved the question off. "It hardly matters, and I'd rather not revisit the story at the moment."
Virgil looked like he wanted to protest, to get the answers he wanted, but then Patton spoke up in a small voice.
"... Did it hurt?"
Janus considered the fatherly side for a moment, taking in the other man's expression, before sighing. He would tell the truth.
"Yes."
"Are you comfortable with providing a bit more detail, Janus?" Logan requested, his eyes calculating.
At this, Janus huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I mean, if you die, then something must have killed you, correct?" He began to explain. "So, it would be more accurate to say that whatever led up to you dying is actually what hurts. I suppose it wouldn't hurt if it was something painless."
He paused.
"But dying… the actual dying part, the last few moments before you're gone… they're actually… rather peaceful. Almost a relief, actually, because it ends whatever pain you were in," Janus continued wistfully. "And then there's just nothingness for a while, and since we're sides, we just… come back. Good as new… Mostly. Sometimes you aren't completely healed when you wake up."
Janus knew he was probably giving them too much information, but the words just kept tumbling out of his mouth, as if something had let the valve holding his thoughts in creak the smallest bit open.
"How long does it take to come back?" Logan inquired further.
"It depends on what killed you," Janus responded. "Easy fixes might only take a few hours, while more complicated ones can take a few weeks."
And then Anxiety covered his mouth, looking as if Janus had silenced him, but he had done no such thing. As such, his hand fell away after a moment.
"How many times have you died, Jan?"
Janus raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not just describing my own experiences, Virgil," he dodged. "Remus has died quite a few times at this point."
Virgil let out a low growl, knowing what Deceit was doing.
"I didn't ask about Remus. We can talk to him later," he hissed. "I asked how many times you have died."
Janus rolled his eyes.
"There's no need to be so dramatic, Stormcloud," Janus said dismissively. "It's not like I stayed dead."
Still, Virgil wasn't going to back down.
"Answer. Me."
Deceit sighed.
"Oh, just once or twice. No big deal."
"HOW IN THE FUCK IS YOU DYING NOT A BIG DEAL?!" Virgil yelled, his voice layering on top of itself.
"Because I didn't stay dead, Virgil," Janus replied, his own voice getting lower.
"Wait, wait. What do you mean 'once or twice'?" Roman asked. "How are you not sure how many times you've died?"
And that was enough of that.
"Right, well, I think I'll be going," Janus announced, standing from the couch. "Roman, be a dear, and don't use this information as an excuse to be a reckless idiot."
"Wait, Jan-"
And then he sunk out, leaving the others to think over what he said.
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