It was dark, I felt nothing, neither cold nor hot.
I couldn't remember anything, I didn't even know where I was.
There I just floated in the midst of darkness and silence,
They were my only companions...
"Don't you get it yet?! You really are a useless brat!"
A hoarse, familiar voice coming from behind me.
I turned to look, but my vision was blurred.
Ah...
It's true... I fought alongside everyone else against the last demons and sacrificed my light of my eyes for the sake of victory. Shinobu-neesan, Kanae-neesan, I did it... Did I do well? Did I do my best? But I think I'll meet you two soon... I felt practically nothing. Maybe it was a passage to the other side.
That blurred image awakened my first sense, touch. It gripped my arm tightly. Up close I could see, it was my father. That worn-out and angry face. But strangely I had no fear, no dread. Looking at that face I felt pity, I felt sadness and with my other hand I touched my father's hand that was gripping my arm.
"Why so much anger? Why so much hatred?"
But it seemed that my look and sad words angered him even more leading him to strike me a blow on the cheek. Despite the pain, I had no time to react, soon I felt a strong and painful squeeze on my shoulder and when I saw it, it was from my mother. Ah, how much bitterness and heartbreak on that face. If only I could make them feel better... What could I say...?
I remembered all the experiences I had since the day I met Shinobu-neesan and Kanae-neesan. Everything they taught me, from reading and writing, to training as a swordsman... About love... They even told me about their parents, they were happy until a demon destroyed their happiness. Kanae-neesan, she had the right to hate demons, but looked at them with mercy, she felt sorry for them. There was a time I had overheard a small argument between her and Shinobu-neesan who did not accept that behaviour. But Kanae-neesan was firm, because the demons were originally human like us, humans also sin, they are not perfect.
Seeing my parents now, I could see that that was true... I have no reason to hate them...
"... Dad, Mom." So I called them for the first time in my life and touched each one's cheeks.
"It's all right. You don't have to carry so much bitterness and anger anymore. I feel only gratitude for you. Thanks to you I came into this world and was able to meet my sisters and have wonderful experiences and even the painful ones, I learned a lot from them.
Saying those words I felt my chest warm up. I remembered the time I had felt this before. It was that time he had smiled at me. It was like a warmth of sunbeams. It melted the walls of ice that had been fined around my heart.
Tanjirou... I wanted to see him again... I didn't want to go to the other side yet... Kanae-neesan, Shinobu-neesan... Would you accept my selfishness and wait a little longer?
"I don't hate you two. You must have had an extremely difficult and painful life and knew no other way to raise children, because people can only give what they have, that's what Kanae-neesan had taught me. You can reassure themselves and rest in peace at last."
As I said this, their expressions softened, they slowly let go of me and stepped away into the darkness in silence. I closed my eyes and placed my hands in a prayer position, I hoped that my feelings had reached them and they could finally rest in peace and if possible, to be reborn and have a new happy life where they could learn to love, a privilege I had and they did not.
I opened my eyes and hold out my hands, but there was only darkness. I didn't want to give up. I wanted to go back, I wanted to see him again.
"Tanjirou!"
I saw a small golden light in the distance, but I couldn't reach it. I was about to despair when two different hands gently held each of my hands and pulled me to the warm light. I couldn't see who they were, but I already knew. They want me to come back too. It's not my time yet, is it, my sisters?
...
Everything became clearer and clearer and I began to smell a fragrance of flowers mixed with the smell of antiseptics. I felt pain all over my body, I couldn't move properly. I looked around and saw someone. I couldn't see so well. My right eye was blind, my left eye couldn't see well. Wide blue eyes fixed on me approached shouting my name. From the voice I could tell it was Aoi. In tears of happiness, said after the battle against Kibutsuji Muzan I was in a coma for more than a month.
Soon I heard footsteps. It was him. He ran towards me. He also had after-effects... According to Aoi, he also slept for a month, but he had woken up a week earlier than me and was recovering well.
His look and cold sweat showed his great relief at my awakening. Since he could walk again, he had come to see me every day.
I could not hold back my tears.
"I am happy...! Tanjirou! I could see you again!"
He shed his tears too and held my hand.
"Me too, Kanao!"
Over the next few days, Aoi and the girls took care of my recovery. My right eye would not come back to the light, but they managed to regain my vision in my left eye which had not been completely lost. For the first few days, my chest wound was quite painful, but it was totally gone as I recovered. The scar remained. Aoi said she would do her best to heal it, but I said it wasn't necessary. Both my blind eye and that scar meant a lot to me.
I know Tanjirou feels guilty about my eyes and injury, but I wanted to reassure him. I want to see him smile more, but that was just selfish of me. It was his smile that changed me, that I could listen to my heart. Such a comfortable and warm feeling I wanted to feel it forever. Then I came to realise, I didn't want only that. I wanted his touches on my eyes, on my scar, all over my body. As I imagined the sun rays touching me so closely my blood circulation accelerated and my body heated up as if I had a fever. I tried hard not to show it to Aoi and the girls, let alone him... he could tell everything by the smell. I wonder if he noticed...? He kept acting like he always did...
I wish I could tell him how I feel. But I didn't think it was time yet. He just got back to living the life he had before he joined the squadron. And I have one more mission, too. I wanted to follow the Shinobu-neesan legacy and continue saving lives in another way. And also... I wanted Tanjirou to live. I won't give up. I couldn't hold on any longer. I love him, I love him so much.
Kanae-neesan, Shinobu-neesan, watch me. I will make it, and when that moment comes, I will tell him my feelings, no matter what his response is, no matter how guilty he feels about my injuries.
"Kaburamaru, it's morning, let's have our breakfast. After that, would you accompany me once again in my studies?"
The snake gave its affirmation. My fresh start had begun, as long as those rays of sun shine, I will always move on.