(See author's note at the end of this chapter for a lil more info about this story!)

tw / COVID-19, talk of death

She used to love being in the hospital at night.

Maybe it was the hush, the golden rule of keeping quiet after a certain hour. The gentle whispers floating down the halls, and the muffled footsteps of a nurse returning to their station. It gave her comfort, provided her with peace. Except for the occasional code or emergency, evenings at Grey-Sloan Memorial typically ran at a more comfortable pace for Dr. Meredith Grey. She loved it. She could even argue, perhaps, that it was her favorite time of day to work. The serenity ended when the sun rose each morning, and was replaced by the cacophony and frenzy of the daytime procedures and consults. So she relished it, enjoyed the company of her coworkers and her own mind. The nights were good.

Now, though, everything was different. Nights at the hospital had a much different feel, especially in the COVID-19 unit. The business never ended. You didn't need to see much to understand the morale of those working in the unit - emotions were audible now. Sympathetic phone calls and frustrated ranting could be heard throughout the ward. The harsh beeping of monitors, the rushing of oxygen through tubes and cannulas, and the panic of a code team racing towards an emergency pierced the silence of the night.

Meredith knew it well. She could hear it all happening as she lay in her bed, trying to rest during her 4th night as a COVID patient. She had tested positive after collapsing in the parking lot and admitting to a little difficulty breathing upon regaining consciousness.

This night was no different. In fact, to her, the sounds were louder than ever. Groaning, she rolled over and clutched her pillow over her ears. How is it possible to be exhausted, but to have so much trouble falling asleep? She wondered. She couldn't seem to find rest tonight; maybe there was too much on her mind.

After a few more minutes of this, the general surgery chief gave up and turned on her tablet. Maybe I can read for a bit or something, and it'll help me get more tired. The blue light of the screen bore into her eyes until she couldn't stand it anymore. Returning to her former position, Meredith thought of blissful silence and tried not to cry.

There was a sudden, unexpected knock at the door. Who could that be at this time of night? She had no idea. Ignoring the urge to jolt up and see who was there, she kept her eyes closed.

The door slowly creaked open. She heard shuffling footsteps as someone entered and closed the door softly behind them. "Hello there."

She recognized the voice immediately.

"I wasn't sure if I should come in… I was rounding on a couple of patients and thought I'd check in, see how you were doing."

Meredith pulled the pillow off of her head and sat up. She readjusted her position so that she was upright comfortably, and shook her head at her guest. "What are you doing here? You should be resting."

"I should be saying that to you," Hayes responded with a small smile.

"I am resting. Or at least I was, before you walked in here."

"It didn't look like you were having a lot of luck with that one." He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. "Besides, I know it's been a couple of days since you came in here. It seems a little lonely."

"Yeah. I take comfort in knowing you guys are all close by, sometimes even on the same floor when you're working in the unit." Meredith wheezed for a moment and stopped to catch her breath.

"True. It's nice that we're nearby so often." He paused, and his eyes lit up. "I got to see my sons today."

"Did you really?! That's great!" Now it was Meredith's eyes that glowed a bit, despite her sickness. "Did you get to be close to them?"

"No. I talked with them from my backyard." He chuckled a bit. "It was weird, but it was refreshing just to see their faces in person."

"How are they doing, handling this?"

"Oh, they've been great. Things are pretty tough, but they make me so proud with their patience and responsibility. Liam's been making great grades, and Austin as well. They ride their bikes together every afternoon, and get ice cream curbside once in a while."

"Oh, that's great." Meredith smiled and leaned her head back on her pillow. "I miss my kids more than I thought was possible. I talked to my youngest daughter on video chat today, and she's gotten so big already. It's like she's getting all grown up right in front of my eyes, except I'm not there to see it."

Hayes nodded, listening.

"I don't know. I just hope I can get out of this place." She coughed once, twice, and ran a hand through her tangled hair.

"I hope so too." He glanced out the window to the hallway. "It's strange not having you out there. I keep expecting you in surgery but it's always Bailey instead."

Meredith chuckled. "How's she been treating you?"

"Pretty well. I only had one incident where I decided on an approach that she didn't agree with. We argued 'till she was blue in the face, and then some."

Meredith laughed outright at this. "I can imagine that!" She took a deep breath. "Thanks. I needed that."

He smiled gently. "Anytime, Grey." He opened the door and headed back out into the hustle and bustle, the noise of the unit.

She sighed, coughed a little, and lay back upon her pillow. I want to go back to the beach, she thought as she drifted off to sleep, finally escaping the noises of the night.

—
November 23, 2020

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! This is my first story; I actually wasn't going to write anything at all, but the last few episodes of Grey's Anatomy have got me struggling to wait patiently for the next one. I'm not sure how long this will go or what direction it will go quite yet, but there will be more (I already have the 2nd chapter written, so I plan to update again soon). Feel free to let me know what you think in the reviews. Once again, thanks for reading and have a great day :)