AN: Major spoilers for the Seabound finale! Hope you guys enjoy this angsty aftermath.
The theme for today is: Rumors of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated (I had plenty of canon events to chose from lol)
Kai's whole body felt numb.
For the last three days, he had felt absolutely nothing. He had watched as Jay had broken down in tears, as Cole had rarely left the lightning ninja's side and had hardly spoken a word to anyone. Lloyd had locked himself in his room and had to be coaxed to eat and take care of himself, Pixal had buried herself deep into her work on their vehicles, and Zane had preoccupied himself by caring for the others so much so that he didn't have to confront his own feelings.
But Kai… Kai felt nothing. Ironic, how he was the closest to Nya, and yet was the only one undisturbed by her leaving.
It made him feel a bit like a monster.
But he couldn't control his own feelings. And at least he was practical- unlike the others, his own burdens weren't getting in the way. He had been able to get a remarkable amount done on city reconstruction and chores.
And, of course- helping organize the memorial.
Kai felt a lump in his throat as he gazed out the window. So many people were here- Vania, Bentho, Ronin, Skylor and the other Elemental Masters, even a few Serpentine- the lines stretching out of the Monastery and down the steps.
Would they expect him to speak? Probably. Nya was his sister, after all. He owed it to his parents, at least, to say a few words.
Why am I nervous? Kai had never had a problem with public speaking before. He had millions of followers on Chirp and had given speeches to far bigger crowds than this. What was the big deal?
I don't know what to say; he realized. I don't want anyone to find out I'm not upset about my own sister's death. What kind of person does that make me?
Kai shook his head. No one would find out. The others were going to be there too. He should just get this over with.
He headed over to the table where the china bowls, filled with water, were laid out. Most had already been taken by the others, but a few remained. Kai grabbed one and began to turn down the hallway.
He froze immediately; the water rippling from his movements. Kai stared into it, watching his own face reflect back at him. It surprised him to see how weathered he looked, and see the dark bags under his eyes. He had felt fine since Nya had left.
It certainly explained the looks he had been getting from the others, though.
Kai turned back into the hallway, but his steps felt funny. He braced himself against a wall, breathing heavily. What was wrong with him?
Perhaps it was the sight of the water in his hands. Or the looming thought of Nya's memorial right around the corner. Or maybe all the carefully suppressed emotions he hadn't even known he had been holding back over the past few days had finally gotten put up and were coming crashing down. Whatever it was, Kai certainly didn't have a problem with not feeling anything anymore.
The bowl dropped to the ground, shattering loudly, but Kai hardly heard it. Blood was roaring in his ears. Everything, all at once, seemed to be processing-
Nya. Nya had turned into the ocean, oh heavens above, Nya was dead-
A nauseating wave of fury hit him- about three days too late. Kalmaar and Wojira were both long dead. There was no one else to hit, but he had to, so he shoved out suddenly and sent one of Wu's favorite vases smashing to the floor, the hall table it was sitting on following soon after.
Kai screamed, sliding to the floor and not even caring as shards of porcelain split his fingers. The stinging from the cuts was nothing compared to the agony in his chest. He was faintly aware of the smell of burning, but just buried his face deeper into his knees. It wasn't like he would be any help at putting it out. He would only make the flames worse.
Nya was the one who normally had to clean up after his messes.
And she was gone.
The anger snapped like a bone, giving Kai hardly a breath of reprieve before tears came flooding out. Gasping and choking, he tried to steady himself, but he had walled off the tears for three days, and they weren't letting up now.
Nya. She's gone. She's gone forever, and I just stood there and watched, did nothing. I am such a terrible brother, how did she ever get stuck with me-
There was a gentle hand on his shoulder, and Kai winced, expecting Zane, or Master Wu, or even Cole. But the hand was gentle, feminine. Kai looked up at it and caught sight of the rich, olive skin that mirrored his own, and he inhaled sharply, jerking away.
No, no way can she be here, she's gone-
He locked gazes with a sad pair of brown eyes.
Brown, not gray.
Kai breathed out slowly. It was Maya. Not Nya.
"Kai." Her voice seemed to break so much just on that one word. "Honey, are you okay?"
"No," he sniffed. "It didn't… it didn't feel real. None of it felt real until now. But the memorial, and…" he stopped, choking on a sob. "Mommy, she's not really gone, is she?"
"Kai, honey, I'm so, so sorry. It was never meant to be like this." Maya hesitantly reached towards him, and, with barely a beat of hesitation, Kai leaned straight into her arms.
He didn't care anymore about them leaving. He didn't care about being forced to raise his sister on his own since he was five. For a moment, every angry thought- every doubt, every fear, every trepidation he had about his parents faded, and he just let himself be held by his mother. She rocked him gently, and Kai cried harder. He had never felt this before. He had never had a mom to tuck him into bed, or to make him cookies when he was sad, or just to be there for him when he needed her.
He was getting it now- far too late, but at least he wasn't alone anymore.
Nya, though- she had missed out on this forever.
Oh, Nya. I hope I was enough for you.
Because right now, I feel like I couldn't have failed you more.