The woman in the mirror had short black hair.
Masami hated it. She hated the bad dye job. She hated the bowl cut bangs. She hated the blunt bob that she had done herself with a pair of kitchen scissors. She hated it. She hated it and she wanted to shave it all off and wait until her hair grew back. It was her hair and she should have been able to do whatever she wanted with it. She shouldn't have had to ruin her hair just so she could live her life. She ruined it and now she looked…
She looked like a stranger.
"Hello. My name is Masaoka Masami. It's very nice to meet you." Said the woman in the mirror. She spoke. The woman in the mirror could speak. The woman in the mirror spoke Japanese. The woman in the mirror spoke fluent Japanese. The woman in the mirror was Masaoka Masami.
The woman in the mirror was Suzuki Masami.
The woman in the mirror was, had been years before, Hayes Masami. She had been called Hayes Masami back before she had been Suzuki Masami…and before now…before she became Masaoka Masami. She kept her same given name. It was a common given name. She couldn't pass for a foreigner, not with her hair black like that, so Masaoka it was. Like the poet. Like probably other people, famous and not famous, because it was a common name…and that was what she needed….a common name….
The woman in the mirror was just another face in the crowd.
Well right now she was just another face, the only face, in this bathroom. This tiny, smelly, train bathroom. She was the only woman there but when she left, when she opened the little folding door, she would be back out there and she would be a ace in a sea of faces She looked like her mother, and she thanked God that she looked like her mother, because she had no idea what she would have done if she looked like her father. She wasn't a foreigner and she couldn't pass for one…not with her hair dyed black and straightened so it hung as long and thick and lifelessly as Shigeko's…and that was…it was good….
She was finally getting everything that she had ever wanted.
She was finally going to blend in….God. She had spent so long trying to…wanting to…wanting to blend on. Mom had never let her color her hair back when she'd been a child…mom had never let her do much of anything…and dad had always done what mom said…and that was that. That was what it had been like and she…she had no idea what she was even…why she was even thinking about them. Maybe because she could finally blend in. Maybe because she had been right and mom had been wrong. Mom had always said that changing her hair wouldn't do anything to change who she was. Changing her hair wouldn't change the fact that she was only half and everyone would still be able to tell…and then it would be worse to try and hide it….
Mom had been wrong.
Sometimes mothers could be wrong. She was a mother and she knew full well that she could be wrong sometimes…all of the times…like now. She was wrong…she had the feeling…since leaving Fukuda's apartment that morning, in the wee hours of the morning, there had been this feeling settled in the back of her mind that she had been wrong to do this. That she should have gone back…but no. She couldn't go back. There was no way that she could go back to Touichirou…not after she had already left. She knew that if she went back now she would never have this chance again. Touichirou would have her under watch twenty four hours a day seven days a week. She would never get this chance again and…and this was the best chance that she had….
This was the best chance that she was going to get.
She was going back to Sapporo, back home, back to the closest thing that she had ever had to a home. The word was army brat, what she had been when she had been small. She had been born on an army base, dad had been in the army when he'd met mom and then nine months and a hell of a lot of red tape later she'd been born, and he hadn't left until she had been a teenager. They'd settled in Sapporo when she'd been about twelve…or maybe eleven….a while ago. They'd settled here and now…now she was coming back…not that mom and dad still lived there. No, they had left years ago…and they'd left her their new address…and she had it. She had it in her purse and…and she wanted…she wanted to….
That would be the first place that Touichirou would have looked.
She wouldn't be looking them up, her parents, she would be settling back in teaching English in Sapporo…not that she wanted to teach English but the only way to make quicker money was either prostitution or robbing banks and she would be doing neither….she would be settling in and teaching English under the new name that Fukuda had managed to get her…and she'd find a home….an apartment…one with two bedrooms…because her children would be joining her…
Her son would be joining her.
Fukuda had given his word that he would do everything that he could to get Sho back to her. Touichirou…he didn't like Sho. He had never cared for their son, not even on the day that he'd been born. Masami…she had tricked herself into thinking that…that he would grow out of it. That one day he'd man up and realize that they had made a human being together and that he wasn't going anywhere. That one day he would become an actual father to their son…but that day…it was never going to come. He was never going to be a father to Sho or a husband to her…but he was a father to Shigeko and…and he would never let her go. Fukuda said that once something came up, some kind of metaphorical fire that he would set, Touichirou would call of the search for her…and he would get bored of searching for Sho too since he didn't like him…but Shigeko…well he had chosen her. She was more his daughter, had always been more his daughter, and there was no way in hell that he would ever let her go…
And it hurt.
Her daughter….Shigeko…Shigeko maybe have been adopted but Masami had…had still raised her. Masami had been there for five years' worth of scraped knees, tangled braids, princess movies, storybooks, schooldays, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and baths….and everything else that came with raising a child. Shigeko was her daughter. Some other woman had given birth to her seven years ago but…but that little girl was Masami's daughter…
And also Touichirou's.
That was Touichirou's daughter…and if Masami hadn't seen the court papers with her own two eyes she would have sworn that she had been Touichirou's secret love child or something. They were so alike…demeanor….expressions…powers…all of it. Whatever had given Touichirou his powers, whatever had made him the way he was, seemed to be some sort of genetic…disorder? Whatever had given him his powers had given him some sort of personality disorder, thankfully it had skipped Sho, and also Shigeko had it and…and it was just…Touichirou would never let her go. Maybe because they were the same, maybe because he could see himself in her, or maybe because she was so powerful…he would never let her go…and if Fukuda tried to get her out of there…the manhunt would never stop….
And sometimes you had to make hard choices.
She stared at herself in the mirror. The woman in the mirror had black hair. The woman in the mirror had a short black bob that had been straightened to the point that she had fried parts of her hair. The woman in the mirror wore her makeup like she was fifty. She wore nudes…plain colors…and her fingernails were bare…and her eyebrows were plucked to hell…her lips were a pale pink…she wore no jewelry…she wore a grey shapeless dress….more like a laundry sack…the woman in the mirror…she was unrecognizable.
Not because of how she looked.
Her children…her child…her daughter. She would get her son back…but she was leaving her daughter to be raised by…by her husband. By the man that she had chosen. She had chosen him because…because he had been tall. He had been tall and his hair had been red and his eyes had been enough to stop her in her tracks and…and the next thing she knew she was pregnant and getting married….and she hadn't even had any idea what it was that he DID. She had been so…so stupid. She had been sucked in by…by the way he looked…the way he worshipped the ground she walked on…the expensive dates….the extravagant gifts….the way he had just…the way he swept her off her feet…literally. He could pick her up with his powers and…and that hadn't scared her…she had felt like she had been some sort of princess or something from one of Shigeko's books…and he had been sent there to sweep her off her feet…and then Sho had come along and then marriage and the house and…and Shigeko had been adopted…and then that should have been her perfect happy ending.
But there weren't perfect happy endings.
This was life and in life things did not wrap up nicely like that. In life things….well things ended in you being separated from your children and standing in some filthy bathroom on a train destined for your childhood home. If mom had still been there then it would have been a big fat 'I told you so'. She had been told not to marry a man she had only known for a month and a half. She had been told not to uproot her life for him. She had been told that she didn't have to have a child, that she had options, and that those options wouldn't tie her to a man who…who she knew nothing about. Touichirou's parents hadn't come to the wedding…she had never met them…and she wasn't even sure if they were alive. The only people on his side had been Fukuda and some of his business associates…and she had no idea who those people were…or what their business was…and she hadn't even thought to ask Touichirou, seriously ask, what his business was….
He had been in the business of making the world a better place.
He was the President of an organization that made the world a better place for people like him. That had been…one of the few times that he had properly opened up to her. He had told her that, as a child, he had thought that he was the only one in the world. The only esper. That until he met Fukuda he had thought that he was the only person in the world like himself…and how he hadn't known any better than to feel isolated and alone…but then he met Fukuda and he never had to feel alone again…and that he was too old to care…and he said that he was going to make a better world for their son….for all espers…
And she had believed him.
She believed him and now…now here she was. On a train barreling down the tracks taking her to the rest of her life. This was what her life would be. She wasn't ever going to…to be able to see…she wanted….she loved Shigeko and Sho. She loved her children and…and she would see her Son again but Shigeko…she didn't know. Probably never. She would leave her alone and…and there were so many things that she hadn't taught her daughter. Shigeko…she had no idea how to cut her own hair…or how to make dinner…or how to buy a new pair of shoes…or how to study for an entrance exam…and other things, too, things that she would need to know. Things that…in a few short years…there would be nobody to guide her through. What to do about her inevitable first crush…how to buy a bra…what to do about her period…how to avoid getting pregnant….Masami could have used a refresher course on that seven years ago…Shigeko would be getting older and…and one day she'd have her own children and…and she needed someone to tell her what to do then…and the thought of her daughter with a baby of her own….
Masami doesn't want to think about this.
The woman in the mirror doesn't want to think about this. The woman in the mirror wants to think about…about how she's going to survive. She has to work…she has to teach English…she has other skills but the quickest way to make money is to teach English. English to the Japanese and Japanese to the English…or whatever country the foreigners just so happen to be from. The bets skill she has is English. She knows how to take care of animals, and children, and also she spent a few summers working at a café but…well English is how she's going to make money. The money she took with her, and the jewelry she hocked, won't keep her afloat forever. She's gotten used to a certain standard of living…and now she would have to get used to this one. Every single penny she was going to make would have to go to her child…to Sho…to making a home for him. Fukuda was a man of his word. He would bring her Sho the first chance he got…and then…
And then she would at least have her son back.
He would be back and…and he would need his own room. He would be a bigger boy when he came back and…and he wouldn't want to share a room with his mother. He would want his own room with a bed, he was used to beds not futons, and a yard with plenty of room for him to run around in, and also there would be…he would need toys…and he went through art supplies like nobody's business…and clothes since he grew so quickly…and school fees….she would send him to good schools like he was used to and…and for so many years money had just been…around. There. She had taken it for granted. It had been free as the air. Money for whatever she needed. Things for the kids…things for the house…things for herself…and now she would have to make her own money and…and she could do that. Even if she had to work her fingers to the bone she could do that…and she would do that…she would have to do that. She would teach English until she was blue in the face…even though she had always hated giving English lessons back in school…because it was the quickest way to make money. It was either teach English, rob a bank, or prostitute herself….so teaching English…that was what she would do.
The woman in the mirror had a plan.
The woman in the mirror had a plan and she would stick to it. She would make a home for her son and…and she would…she would do her best to raise him. She had Fukuda's email and he had hers. She had no idea when he would be bringing her Sho. It could have been next month or next year or even ten years from now….but she would see him again. She would see her son again…and she would see Fukuda again…not that she had any fantasies about…about what could have been. He could never leave Touichirou and…and she wasn't sure if she wanted him to. He had put his life on the line for her and she would always be grateful but if he ran and got caught…and killed…then she would never be able to live with herself…and she could barely live with herself now…
She didn't have to live with herself. She had to live with the woman in the mirror.
The woman in the mirror was not Suzuki Masami. The woman in the mirror was Masaoka Masami. The woman in the mirror…she had a plan. She had a plan and she was going to do what she had to do. She was going to get her son back and she was going to make a good life for him…and she wasn't going to think about what she did. She wasn't going to think about how she had left her daughter behind…or about how she had cheated on her husband…or how she could have married a man who was planning on taking over the world….or how she could have fallen in love with Fukuda…with a man she didn't even know the given name of…she didn't want to think of all of that. Those were the things that Masami….that Suzuki Masami would have thought about…worried about…
The woman in the mirror was not Suzuki Masami. The woman in the mirror was Masaoka Masami.
The woman in the mirror…had to get out of the bathroom now. The woman in the mirror was holding up the line…and other people needed to use the one bathroom on this economy line train. The woman in the mirror would go back to her seat sandwiched between an old man who smelled like natto and a woman who watched Korean dramas on her phone with the volume all the way up. The woman in the mirror would finish out her trip and then she would get to Sapporo…and then she would find a place to live….and then she would get on with the rest of her life….because she had no other choice. The woman in the mirror had made her choices and now she had to live with them…with her actions….and her inactions…and the consequences thereof….and she didn't want to…part of her wanted to get on another train and head back home…but that was not an option.
The woman in the mirror had a new home now.