Darkness. Encroaching Darkness. Darkness so numerous that if you opened a dictionary and looked up the word "Darkness", this darkness would be it.
Within said darkness and despair however, a single ball of light flickered into existence.
This ball of light was small and perfectly round, but it was also once human. A human who had been accidentally killed abord the ship he served on. Slowly it stirred into consciousness.
Their first thought was where were they. Second was who were they. You know, the typical philosophical ponderings when a lifeform blinks into existence.
And then they began to remember their previous life. Their terrible upbringing. Their terrible parents. Their absolute failure of a career (which they decided was entirely caused by said terrible parents), Their absolute failure to pass exams. Everything.
And then they remembered their name and gender identity.
Rimmer. His name is Rimmer. And he was dead. Dead due to his own hands.
Rimmer tilted his head to look at the landscape of this place. Well, he thought he turned his head. He wasn't entirely sure he was human anymore. In fact, that he thought of it, he felt more like a ball of light. He felt a sense of disappointment. He had expected to be reincarnated onwards, perhaps to that of a distinguished general, or even a military dictator. He also wondered where the other members of the ship had gone. Probably to get reincarnated as slugs or something, he thought.
Suddenly, there was a flash and the landscape burst into light, a bright of rainbow hues and colours dancing around the place. Rimmer would have found it pretty, if it wasn't for the fact that he was brooding over his death at that moment.
It was then that a vaguely feminine voice called out to him.
"Welcome! This is the portal that leads to the world of Pokemon!"
Rimmer was confused. Pokemon?. The term sounded gibberish, like one of those made-up words he would use to beat Scrabble.
"Excuse me? Before you go blabbering on, could you answer the two simple questions of where the smeg am I and what is a Pokemon?". He asked. To his relief, he could hear his own voice, although it came out as somewhat distorted and echo-ey.
".. You don't know what a Pokemon is?" inquiried the voice, sounding legitimately surprised at the notion that someone could not know about Pokemon. "Well, since you ask, Pokemon are creatures which live alongside humans. People use them to battle, help each other out, keep them as pets, and even own them as pets."
Rimmer just stared blankly, something which he was able to do despite being a non-descript ball of light at this point. The voice audibly groaned. Great. A human from a non-Pokemon dimension. This is going to be one of those interviews.
"Well, I know that you have the knowledge of an idiot when it comes to Pokemon but since you are here, I am going to have you answer a few questions and then take you into the world of Pokemon. Now, I want you to answer these sincerely or there will be consequences."
"What consequences?" replied Rimmer.
"Well, the fact that you've been brought to me suggests that your Earthly Actions have not been pleasant, so you will probably be sent to Hell. I hear that they personalize it for everyone who comes there. " the voice responded.
Rimmer reluctantly sighed. If there was a way to get out of getting his limbs ripped off by his family 24/7, he would definitely take it.
"Anyway, let the Questions begin! Question One: How quickly do you respond to an e-mail?"
Rimmer thought about it. In life, he would always reply immediately as he felt thatit would speed up a promotion. Of course, he never got any emails and it was not like he was ever promoted, but he felt that was because he didn't know what Gazpacho Soup had to be served cold. Of course, not that anyone was going to learn about that…
"Er.. Reply right away."
"…Fair enough. Next Question. Can you go into a Haunted House?"
Oh certainly not. Rimmer had gone to one once when he was a child and he had ended up on the floor sniveling and crying whilst his brothers mocked him for not being mature enough.
"Oh, no! Not since that last time!"
"Next Question. A test is coming up. How do you study for it?"
Rimmer gulped. He was sure he studied hard. For sure. Well, once he had stopped panicking. And coloring in his timetables. And rewriting them when he realized that he was losing time.
"Er…Study Hard.."
"Incorrect. The sincere answer is that you panic so much that you don't actually study until the last second. The truth is Arnold that I can read your mind to an extent and know when you are lying."
"What's the point of asking me these questions when you know what I'm going to answer."
Responded Rimmer, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"I ask these questions because sometimes, the souls who come to me come from a dimension where the world you are about to enter was made as a video game.
"Video game. How does that even work?" An incredulous Rimmer responded.
"Beats me. Apparently, all fictional narratives eventually becomes different dimensions at some point or another and once it's made as a game, even more dimensions pop up as a result of fanworks being made of said game."
It still did not make much sense to Rimmer but he decided to not question it any further. Alternative dimensions made his head spin.
"Anyways, they will come here, quickly understand that the personality quiz is similar to that of here and try to cheat the system as a result to get what they want, usually an Eevee. Let me tell you, I won't get past me. Besides, they also find out very quickly that the quiz they're used to has some slight variations with the one used here. For instance, there's more options here. Besides, I also want to see how honest you are being with yourself. Some of the souls that come here are quite secluded and don't know their true feelings, so I like to pick out a form for them to allow them to confront these feelings."
An audible moan. The voice ignored it.
"Next Question. Do you consider yourself to have a cheerful personality."
Of course I am! Rimmer pondered. He was a joy to hang out with. He used to have the best jokes with Lister for starters.
"Umm…cheer-"
"Wrong Answer. The sincere response was No. Next Question, You receive a gift! But you don't know what's in it. You're curious, so what do you do?"
Rimmer couldn't remember the last time he got a present. Wait, now he remembered. It was on his 13th Birthday. It turned out to be an old sock with a message inside it stating that his parent sdidn't love him. Now that he thought about it, that might have been the event that broke the camel's back and led to him emancipating from his parents.
"Get someone else to open it and have them bear the full brunt of it." He replied.
"Fair enough, if somewhat selfish. Next question. Do others often call you childish?"
He was definitely not childish. Rimmer saw himself as the mature one, the one who certainly didn't hold a grudge for the teddy bear that his brothers flushed down the drain.
"No."
"To be fair, you definitely strike me as a bit of a manchild but I will let it slide for now. Next question. Your friend is being bullied! What do you do?"
Rimmer did not recall having any true friends, although he always thought he was getting on well with the rest of the rest of the ship. Still, if that did happen, he would run. No way was he going to deal with a bully.
"Run! Run as fast as I could." Replied Rimmer.
"Final question. Do you identify as a boy, girl, or any other forms of gender?"
"Male. Definitely male."
"I have evaluated you and I can conclude that you are of the cowardly type. You do not like confrontation and will run away at the drop of a hat. You are mean to people and can be an obnoxious prick at times. At the same time however, I see that there is a kernel of heroics within you, something that needs to grow. I can also see that you are lonely and want companionship but push people away because you don't have any concept of a healthy relationship. With this in mind, you shall soon become a Duskull."
The ball of light hung for a second, somehow staring dumbly at where he thought the voice was located.
"Look, I'll show you what a Duskull looks like." There was a brief glow and then the form of a Duskull converged. It resembled a giant skull covered in a cloth, with a single glowing eye placed in a way which made it appear as if the Pokemon had two eyes. When the Duskull spoke, its mouth opened like that of a loose skull.
"How is it. Wait, I can already tell, you don't like it do you?"
"Don't like it…Of Course I DON'T LIKE IT YOU GIMBOID! I'M GOING TO LOOK RIDICULOUS!" proclaimed Rimmer, his voice booming through the darkness. "I'M GOING TO BECOME A SCARY SKELETON REJECT!"
"Listen, Arnold. This is what the test I gave you decided you're going to be so you're going to have to deal with it. If you complain anymore, I'm going to turn you into a Magikarp and throw you into there, and let me tell you this, you do not want to be a Magikarp."
Rimmer shut up pronto. Whatever a Magikarp was, it did not sound pretty.
"Right, now that that's out of the way, it was … okay knowing you. See ya." Said the Duskull and with a cheerful wave, Rimmer was flung at high velocities out of her plane of existence.
After a minute to ensure the spirit had gone, the Duskull sighed and pulled out a bottle of alcohol. Being the voice to call down human spirits to save dimensions as a character-building exercise was not an easy job, especially with a personality as unpleasant as Rimmer.