Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY or it's characters. Please support the official release.
The Meta Room
In what could only be described as a void, there was one lone building. Inside that building was a theatre with a number on the walls saying one million, nine hundred thousand, sixty-nine thousand, thirty-four. But enough about arbitrary numbers.
"About fucking time, you long winded piece of shit." An annoying little brat screeched out like a dying banshee. "Sure whatever you tell yourself. At least I am fit as fuck. But get to the fucking point about this place and this fanfic." Ruby muttered while taking out a bottle of vodka.
There was a dinging noise, as paper printed out of a seat. Ruby sighed in annoyance. Downing some vodka to get through the annoyance of the day, she then yanked out the paper. "Blah blah, to celebrate February and Valentine's day as a whole for said month. And also not keep fans starving of your foul mouth, and to also try to master writing this particular version. Stenv proudly presents Ship Reviews by NFG Characters." More loud gulping could be heard as Ruby then looked at the camera directly with a deadpan stare. "You are aware that they will hate your guts even if my own fucking opinions aren't yours right? Plus me doing the reviews? That's practically begging for hate since I will more than likely see every ship as trash." She scoffed.
"I think that's why Stenv called me in." A cheerful voice made Ruby cringe at how pure and wholesome it was. She wanted to vomit it was sickeningly sweet. She turned around to see another Ruby, this one was about the same height as her. But she wore a red hoodie, blue jeans, and wore glasses?
"Who the fuck are you?" Ruby asked.
"Well, I am an alternate universe version of Ruby as well. Modern AU to be exact. You know, none of the whole faunus, or Grimm, or magic, or sci-fi elements." Modern Ruby said with a shrug.
"So boring and vanilla as fuck. Got it. I am guessing you're the unbiased one that will give every ship a chance huh?" Ruby stated with an eye roll and then plopped down in one of the chairs.
"Sounds about right, though honestly from what I heard. I honestly expected you to punch me in the face." Modern Ruby sat next to Ruby in a seat nearby.
"I am in a good mood. We will see how long it lasts. So isn't there usually a third person for these review things?" Ruby asked with a grumble.
"Stenv told me that for each ship, there will be a guest appearance from a multitude of alternate universe versions. Also, we won't be reviewing any ruby rose ships. That will be left to the other members of team rwby." Modern Ruby said while leaning back into her chair, pulling the handle, causing it to recline back.
"Heh, finally something that makes a lick of fucking sense. However… WHERE ARE THE COOKIES?!" A plate of cookies materialized in her lap, and when raising her hand. Modern Ruby also got a plate of cookies. "Thank fucking god. Now then what's the first ship we have to sift through?" Ruby asked, barely being able to be heard through the number of cookies being thrown into her mouth.
"I think we should let the readers decide which ships we review. So long as it's not a ruby rose ship. Those won't come until after we review all nonruby rose ships." Modern Ruby said. She then nibbled on a cookie. "I think this could be fun."
"Right fun. If by fun you mean a lot of screaming, booze, cringe and hate. Then it will be one of those fancy schmancy balls Weiss goes on about all the time." Ruby said in between gulps of cookies and vodka.
"Aww would it make you feel better if we had Zweis brought in?" Modern Ruby suggested.
"... Maybe." Ruby said recomposing herself. She still had shit to do.
"So are you from the actual story in the future or something else?" Modern Ruby asked.
"Nope. I am a meta fourth wall breaking version of the story me. I just have to wonder who the fuck the first guest will be for the first ship we review. Knowing the author, he will pick out a random word out of a random hat." Ruby scoffed as the theatre screen finally came to life.
A/N: And the show begins. Keep in mind none of the character's views on ships will be my own. That would be boring for me to use my opinions on them. As for why I am not letting Ruby review any of her own ships? She would hate any ships involved with the cinnamon roll that is canon Ruby. She thinks Canon Ruby is a good bean, a bit naive, but a good egg doing her best. Doesn't hate her. If anything she would probably be like an overprotective sister of her, since she is two years older than her canon self at the beginning of the story at least. Until next time, Stenv signing off.
PS: I am still working on the blake chapter, have rewritten it a few times, but I am making progress.
Also don't expect thousands of words for these ship reviews. Since they won't be going into narrative analysis or anything, it will just be straight up opinion on their part.
Also if for some reason I can't cover all the ships in February. Then I can always do this next year.